


She Chose Well

by kikoulol340



Series: spiritbenders should have taught Aang how to steal Ozai's firebending [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Light Angst, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Reader-Insert, Self-Indulgent, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 113,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26564698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikoulol340/pseuds/kikoulol340
Summary: In times of war, fear runs wild and panic is quick to grip the hearts of individuals that let it. These are times when mothers turn against daughters, neighbors against neighbors, and entire nations are not privy to collapsing at the hands of terror.And what better distraction to have than a dancer and her pet monkey?
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang (Avatar) & Original Character(s), Zuko (Avatar) & Reader, Zuko (Avatar)/Reader
Series: spiritbenders should have taught Aang how to steal Ozai's firebending [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028988
Comments: 81
Kudos: 200
Collections: All-time ATLA Favourites





	1. prologue - i will love your tears

### prologue - i will love your tears

The cries could be heard through the walls of her room. Huddled under her covers, the smell of sweat and blood leaving a permanent mark in her space, a young girl lay with her eyes squeezed shut and tears staining her cheeks. With her hair matted on her head and sticking against her neck, her body trembling as she pressed her clay hands hard enough against her ears that her temples would bruise, no amount of quilts and pillows could ease her discomfort.

At her feet, her companion sat, staring worriedly at the lump that was her under the covers and doing his best to block out both people crying: the first outside, away from their eyes but not their ears, and the second in front of him, her pain and misery a silent one.

A small lullaby rang softly through the bedroom as the young girl sang quietly to herself, trying, in vain, to ignore the crying of the babe in the other room. It was a weak child, a sick one, and its fate had been decided the minute that witch had branded it a distraction. She had never gotten sick before, but what else could this feeling in her throat have been, suffocating, and growing with every second she had to listen to the child cry. She had squeezed her eyes shut, hands clamped over her ears and singing growing louder, all futile attempts to muffle the shrieks that only sounded more and more pained. But she was helpless to do anything for it.

The crying suddenly stopped, and the girl’s tears fell harder. She didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl.


	2. the dancer and the teamaster

### i - the dancer and the teamster

The cheers of the crowd rung loud in the town square, almost drowning out the percussions playing behind Y/N. Their cries for more and their gazes wore heavy on the girl, but she smiled, ever the performer as she pushed through despite the pressure and sent them a glance that was sure to earn her extra tips. Her feet were light as she moved across the square, barely touching the ground and falling into one graceful pose after the next, never faltering in her flow or her movements.

She was perfect. And the crowd knew it too.

Her skirt brushed against the tops of her thighs as she danced, and it was in the tiny movements of her clothes and jewels at people learned of the importance of details. With every swing of her arms or legs, she imitated a paintbrush, smooth and precise, and she painted a picture so perfect in her spectators' minds that they would pay a fortune to preserve it. The notion made her grin, her companion at the percussions grinning just as wide as he watched the crowd flounder to throw their gold pieces at her feet, the tips a silent plea for her to never stop. And alas, all good things must come to an end.

Landing sturdily, toes pointed and expression soft, Y/N gave a bow, eyes shining as brightly as the coins at her feet. The cheers only grew in volume and Y/N had half the mind to give them more, though she knew doing so would give them little reason to come back again. So she stood and smiled, turning to the drum manned by her pet chimp who was chattering excitedly. She extended her arm to him and he quickly crawled up to her shoulder, plopping his drum in her bag and pulling her coin pouch out instead.

They did their rounds around the crowd together, thanking and bowing their heads with every tip that the crowd placed in the pouch. They would get to the coins on the floor once everyone else dispersed.

"C'mon, Y/N, give us one more dance!" the baker's son pleaded, practically foaming at the mouth as he dropped his day's earnings in her pouch.

Y/N only snorted, moving past him without so much as a second glance, "Can you afford it?"

His lack of response was the only answer she needed. A small giggle left her as she finished her rounds and turned back to the baker's boy, patting him on the head despite the scowl on his face. He reached up to swat her hands, but Y/N pulled away before her could, a small pout on her lips.

"Come back next time."

She bowed to the crowd once more before collecting the coins on the floor, with Maurice crawling off her shoulder to gather as many as he could in his paws. She could feel the few stragglers' gaze on her as she did so, and they remained as she left, but she ignored them, rolling her eyes at the desolate sighs that would leave them when she failed to give them her attention. And while it was never unusual for some of them to follow her as she left, some even going as far as trying to break into her apartment, Y/N never got used to the sound of footsteps echoing behind her.

Chancing a glance at the old man, she frowned at the self-assured smile on his face. He wasn't a normal follower, she could tell in the way he held himself, and that made him dangerous. Her frown deepened and she quickened her pace, swearing slightly when she heard him follow suite.

Perhaps she could lose him in the alleys of the town... She'd been here long enough to know the back ways and winding roads well enough, but she couldn't assume that the man wouldn't have that same knowledge. Then again, she was younger, likely faster and lither than him. That could be an advantage for her, but there was no way of guaranteeing he wouldn't be able to keep up.

Y/N could feel her heart race as her mind ran amok with every case scenario, before she finally turned into one of the back alleys. If she wasn't mistaken, this one would eventually lead her to the main market. It was a detour, but if she was fast enough, she could lose him. The last thing she wanted was for some old creep to follow her back to her apartment and break in again in hopes of getting a quick fuck out of her. Her landlord probably wouldn't appreciate having to replace her door. Again.

Maurice, who had found a perch on her shoulder once more, tightened his hold on her as Y/N pick up the pace. She was determined to lose this old man, only wincing slightly as the chimp's nails dug into her shoulders. He'd feel bad about it later, Y/N knew Maurice well enough to come to that conclusion, but there were more pressing matters for now. She didn't slow her pace until her follower's footsteps completely faded away, a breath of relief leaving her. Glancing behind her once more, a relaxed smile grew on her face to find no one there. And with a few more turns, she be in the crowded market, only a few blocks from her place and in an area packed with enough people it would give the old man a hard time to find her.

At least, that's the conclusion she had come to.

"If I'm not mistaken, I'd say you were trying to lose me!"

The chirpy voice had Y/N jumping three feat high, whirling around with wide eyes to find her stalker. He wore that same self-assured smile, held himself in that confident way, and Y/N felt wary as she watched him. He must have known that the turn she took would lead her back here, dammit.

"I apologize if I gave you a scare," the old man mused, walking up to her. Y/N took the same number of steps back, "I realize that following and sneaking up on you like this could seem quite suspicious."

"You don't say," Y/N muttered, still tense despite his friendly demeanor.

"A pretty girl like you probably has a lot of people with far worse intentions doing the same," the old man teased, and Y/N felt a small shiver of disgust run through her at the reminder, "But no worries, I only wanted to compliment you on your dancing."

Raising an eyebrow, Y/N looked the man up and down before replying, "You should have done so when I was collecting tips."

"Well, it's a little hard when you're at the front and I'm in the back," the old man mused, "But I can see you're still wary of me..."

"Like you said, it's not the first time I've been followed."

"Well, clearly the men who have followed you have no class," the old man scoffed, and Y/N felt her face twitch into a small smile. He wasn't wrong, per se, "I'm not interested in anything more than an interesting conversation with an interesting girl. I don't think I've ever seen someone dance like that before. And your monkey plays beautifully too!"

"Thank you," Y/N said sincerely, bowing her head slightly, "And I apologize for assuming you wanted more from me."

"No apologies needed," the man grinned, "You're more my nephews type anyway."

That got a laugh out of Y/N, and she shook her head slightly. She'd definitely been introduced to a fair amount of nephews and sons in her time in the town; hell, it was how the baker's son knew her by name. But unlike the others, the old man before her wasn't pushy, bowing slightly before making his leave. Y/N bowed back, out of respect for the elderly, before setting off on her own, heart a little warmer from the pleasant interaction with a kind stranger. Even Maurice seemed a little more preppy now, and Y/N reached up to scratch behind his ear, pulling a happy rumble out of his chest.

With coins to spare in her pocket and in a considerably good mood, Y/N changed her trajectory to head for her favorite teashop, ignoring how Maurice tugged at her hair in complaint. He could wait to reunite with his bed: Y/N was in the mood for good tea all of a sudden.

"Is one stalker not enough for you?" Maurice grumbled out, and Y/N rolled her eyes.

Grabbing him the scruff, Y/N brought the chimp to cradle him in her arms, scratching his stomach despite the scowl on his face, "Please, I just want some tea."

"You're half naked."

"When am I not?" Y/N retorted, shrugging as she continued heading for the teashop, "The owners are used to it by now."

The teashop in question was small and quaint, tucked away in a corner of the market place and easily overlooked. But the inside was nothing short of cozy, with plush seating and a fireplace warming up the entire space. Smiling as she walked in, Y/N bowed her head in greeting to the owner's daughter who was already beaming at her, taking a seat in her usual spot. It was the closest to the fireplace and had the softest pillows, in her opinion, and more than once had Y/N fallen asleep there after a long day.

She was patient as she waited for one of the owners to come and greet her, sinking into the cushions and closing her eyes. Despite his complaints, Maurice was quick to climb out of her arms and find his own usual seat, in one of the armchairs across the table where he could easily glare at Y/N from. Even with her eyes closed, she could feel the heat of his gaze on her, a small smirk pulling at her lips amusement as she refused to give him the time of day and indulge in his grumpiness. He could stay mad about it as long as he wanted, though she doubted that would last long when the familiar sound of a cup and saucer was put down, followed by what Y/N could only assume was a plate of snacks.

Peaking one eye open, she smiled at one of the owners, the elderly lady smiling back at her, "Welcome back Y/N."

"I'm flattered you remember my order," Y/N chuckled, grabbing the teacup once her favorite had been poured in, inhaling the familiar scent of her favorite green tea, "It's good to know you're still willing to treat me well."

"You're our most frequent customer, how could we not?" the owner scoffed, bowing as she made her exit, "Don't hesitate to call me or my husband if you need us."

It was a sweet sentiment, and the book she left behind was an even sweeter gesture. Y/N had gotten into the habit of fingering through the book display above the fireplace during her visits at the teashop, and the owners hadn't failed to notice. It was like routine, at this point, for the wife or husband to leave behind one of their favorites with their tea, usually short stories or anthologies of poems. It warmed Y/N's heart to know they picked up on the small things, and she grabbed the book with a smile. An anthology this time.

She had been thumbing through the book for an hour at most when the bell rang, a telltale sign that a new customer had entered. The shop wasn't particularly popular (which was truly blasphemous, if you asked Y/N) and she turned with a curious gaze to see who had entered. Her tea was close to gone at this point, and she had been ready to order a new pot, but her expression brightened up at the familiar old man.

With an enthusiastic wave, Y/N got the man's attention, and he walked over to her with surprise written across his face, "I didn't expect to find a girl like you in a place like this."

"I can't resist good tea," Y/N shrugged, raising an eyebrow at him, "But if I didn't know any better, I'd say you followed me here."

The man laughed, shaking his head, "Like you said: can't resist good tea."

"Good to know you have good taste then," Y/N chuckled, setting the book down and motioning to the only armchair at her table not occupied, "Would you like to join me? I was just about to order a new pot."

"Oh, I'd hate to intrude," he shook his head, bashful at her invitation.

"Nonsense. It's not like my company is very entertaining," Y/N insisted, motioning to Maurice who had fast fallen asleep in his armchair, face covered in crumbs. Y/N's nose scrunched at the sight, not looking forward to bathing him later tonight, "Please, I insist."

"Well, I suppose it'd be rude to decline if you insist," he relented, taking a seat as Y/N flagged the owner who nodded understandingly, "My name is Mushi, by the way."

"Y/N," she introduced, smiling in thanks as a new pot and second cup were set down, "Pleasure to meet you. The sleeping one is Maurice."

And unlike the sleeping monkey, Mushi provided good conversation and good company. He didn't divulge much about himself, which Y/N supposed was understandable; she was still a stranger, after all, and in times like these, it was hard to trust anyone. But there was something about the man that set her off. Not in a bad way, per se, but Y/N's intuition told her he was hiding something, was holding himself back.

Perhaps it was the way he held his cup, a fashion that wasn't quite from the Earth Kingdom, or how he had winced when the tea got cold and seemed to hold himself back. Or perhaps it was just how warm his presence felt, comforting and soothing like the fireplace that still glowed brightly beside them. People from the Earth Kingdom didn't feel _warm_ : they were solid and stubborn, like a pillar you could lean on for support and rely on in the worst of times. And Y/N had kept her eyes on Mushi the hours they spent together, watching how his hands twitched every now and then. At some point, Y/N could have sworn they'd started glowing a red, but had chalked it up to her being exhausted. Hands didn't _glow_ , after all, bender or not.

Nonetheless, however, Y/N had her suspicions as she spoke with Mushi, none setting her on edge despite the seriousness of them. And the opportunity arose on their third hour, when they'd been halfway through their third pot of tea and it had gone cold.

"Ah, I wish I could warm this up," Mushi had complained quietly, and Y/N grinned.

"Warm it up then," she'd told him only half teasingly, any suspicions she'd had when his guard suddenly shot up, his body tensing and his eyes widening. Of course, most wouldn't have noticed the shift in his attitude, but Y/N wasn't most as she smiled reassuringly at him, "Don't worry, I won't rat you out."

Mushi been skeptical at first, but his need for hot tea seemed to trump his suspicion as he warmed it up, and Y/N was surprised to find that his hands _did_ start glowing a deep red. It had been surprising, and Y/N had travelled long and far enough to know that it wasn't exactly normal. And with her eyes trained on the hands as the glow diminished, she missed the pursed lips and furrowed brows Mushi was looking at her with.

"How did you know?"

At that, Y/N's gaze snapped from his hands to his face, smiling sheepishly, "I wasn't sure, but I had my suspicions. And I'm awfully curious. I couldn't not leave the teahouse without knowing."

"And here I thought I was being discreet," Mushi sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Oh you were, don't worry," Y/N chuckled, handing over her own cup for him to heat up with a reassuring smile, "You're just not like anyone I'd ever met. For one, the way you hold your cup isn't very common in the Earth Kingdom. And you didn't really feel like a local? Your presence was more... warm than sturdy, if that makes sense."

"You can feel that?" Mushi prodded with a raised eyebrow, and Y/N wondered if he thought she was crazy. No, that wasn't it: he was intrigued.

"I'm a good judge of character," Y/N shrugged, smiling bashfully, "If you're worried about me going to the authorities-"

"I'm not," Mushi cut off, "You don't seem like the type."

And she wasn't. Not without knowing the full story, at least. Who knows, perhaps some Fire Nation locals were running from the government too. It wouldn't be surprising to find that some didn't agree with the ways of their Fire Lord and sought out refuge in the Earth Kingdom. And Y/N was the last person to rat someone out and send them back to the country they had fled from. She smiled at Mushi, opening her mouth to respond when a squawk interrupted her.

Both hers and Mushi's gazes turned to Maurice who was gaping at the older man, yelling out curses that had Y/N's eyes hardening and lips pursing. Mushi, ever confused, looked between the two of them as though Y/N would be able to offer some kid of explanation. No doubt, Maurice was causing a scene, and she shushed him a stern glare that had the chimp practically shaking in his seat.

"He likes you," Y/N informed Mushi, raising a hand in silence before Maurice could protest, "He doesn't get excited like that often."

Much to Y/N's amusement, Mushi cooed, waving sweetly at the unhappy chimp, "I'm flattered Maurice. You don't seem like a bad lad yourself."

The glare Maurice had sent Y/N was withering, though he had calmed down considerably when he had come to the same conclusion Y/N had come to hours ago: Mushi was no threat to them, fire bender or not. And he relaxed at that, though he didn't stop pouting as Y/N promised Mushi to finish the pot of tea before making her leave. And that last hour with the man was far more revealing of his character as he told her of him fleeing from the nation with his nephew, who had disappeared some time ago. He told her the Fire Nation's barbaric and tyrannical ways, and Y/N listened, mind and heart open as he laid his worries on the table.

"Well, it was lovely meeting you Mushi," Y/N sighed as they exited the teahouse, both leaving behind a hefty tip for the owners, "I wish you the best of luck with everything. And I hope you find your nephew soon."

"Thank you," Mushi bowed his head, smile grateful, "And I wish you the best in your travels. There's so much for a young girl like you to discover."

Y/N smiled brightly at that, bowing once more to the man before heading in the opposite direction. The sun had already started setting, casting a warm glow on the rooftops of the buildings and giving the town a mild green tint. It was oddly relaxing, and Y/N longed for her bed in her one room apartment. In contrast, Maurice was latched onto her back and chewing her out, reprimanding her for being too trusting and putting herself at risk. Nothing new, in all honesty. Y/N doesn't know why he still bothered.

But she ignored him and his words, having heard them many times before, her mind solely on how warm and welcoming her bed would feel. It was enough to push her through the walk home, and she all but collapsed and drifted away as soon as she had walked into the one room apartment. Maurice could lock the door: sleep was calling to her.

* * *

When Y/N opened her eyes, she was no longer in her room, but in a clearing. A beautiful one, at that. The sun filtered through the trees and shone on a small pond, its rays bouncing off the water and lighting up the trees. A golden hue seemed to encase the clearing and a layer of warmth blanketed over Y/N and every other being in the area. She smiled, admiring the flowers that glittered like stars as she sat down in the grass, the blades tickling her toes and fingers.

Laughter echoed around her, and she whirled around, confused. And yet, despite the confusion and evident lack of source, there was a sense of peace and joy that settled over her and let her forget any worries she may have. She sighed happily as the laughter continued, letting her eyes fall shut as she enjoyed the sun on her form.

She could have stayed there for the rest of her life if given the opportunity. But that childlike laughter quickly turned distorted, grotesque even, until it muffled into screams and pleas, begging for mercy. Her eyes snapped open once more, and around her, the clearing was melting. Not burning, but quite literally melting, like metal over a hot flame. Her eyes widened, and she stood to her feet, heart pounding in her chest as the screaming continued around her. Y/N's head whipped around, frightened and disoriented, her hands shaking as she did nothing but watch the clearing melt around her.

 _You're dreaming, darling,_ a voice echoed, louder than the screams and startling Y/N half to death, _Wake up._

"Who's there?!" Y/N demanded, hating the desperation that leaked into her voice, "What have you done to my forest?!"

 _The forest is long gone, my love,_ the voice continued, its tone soothing despite its ominous words, _There is no point in you reliving this pain once more. Remember where you are._

"Where am I?" Y/N echoed, shaking her head and staring down at her hands.

A small yelp left her lips to find they were glowing and see-through. 'You're dreaming,' the voice had said. That probably explained the weird hands. Another scream cut through the slowly disappearing clearing, making way for a black, endless void, and Y/N felt this scream in her stomach, piercing her cut like a well-polished sword. She gasped, clenching her stomach and shutting her eyes as she willed herself to wake.

She was just dreaming. She was just dreaming. And yet, the pain she felt was so real. You can't feel pain in dreams, right?

Her eyes stayed clenched closed as the screams only increased in volume and in agony, and with every cry, the pain in her gut increased tenfold. Y/N huddled into a ball, refusing to open her eyes until the air around her stilled.

When she opened her eyes for the third time, she stared up at her ceiling, tears in her eyes.


	3. unlikely companions I

### ii - unlikely companions (pt.1)

As much as she had hoped to, Y/N didn't run into Mushi again after their little bonding session over tea. No doubt, he'd probably skipped town by now, likely still looking for his nephew. Of course, she had expected him to leave soon, but it still left an ounce of disappointment in her. The man had been nice, with a calming presence. With the dreams she'd been having lately, someone like Mushi would have been able to brighten up her day and quell her worries in no time, she was sure.

Maurice disagreed, unsurprisingly, sure that he was able to comfort Y/N just as well as Mushi could. He still wasn't happy that she had been so trusting of a fire bender, even after learning the fact, huffing and puffing his discontent as Y/N insisted he was no threat to them. Bothersome as it was, his jealousy was cute.

"Now, you have a lovely day Y/N," the local baker said as he handed her her bag of treats, sending his brooding son skeptical glances out of the corner of his eyes, "And don't let my son bother you too much, alright?"

"Will do," Y/N laughed, waving dubiously at the man before leaving his stand.

"Must you flirt with everyone you meet?" Maurice sighed, peering into the bad of goodies from his spot on her shoulder, "It ought to get you in trouble one of these days..."

"It's called being friendly," Y/N drawled, smacking his lingering hand away, "And don't touch. Those are for desert."

Maurice grunted, crossing his arms in a pout, "There is such as thing as being _too_ friendly, you know."

"Wouldn't hurt for you to suffer from it."

The chimp flicked her ear at the quip, rolling his eyes as she snickered quietly. Truly, Maurice had a raging jealousy streak, and Y/N wasn't going to indulge it by turning into a raging bitch. He'd just have to learn to share her.

Adjusting the bag in her arms, Y/N continued to make her rounds around the marketplace, smiling and greeting people as she picked up food for the next few days. Her performances in town had made her popular enough in the couple of months she'd lived here, and people left and right recognized her and greeted her with enthusiasm. A few more persistent ones tried to strike a conversation, but Y/N's curt responses and Maurice's snarling deterred them fast enough.

So maybe the jealousy did come in handy once in a while, but Y/N would never admit that aloud. Especially not to the jealous one himself.

Y/N had reached her last stop for the day when the baker's son caught her gaze in her peripheral, and she had to keep from rolling her eyes as she paid the butcher. He had always been the most persistent of her suitors, not to mention he was terrible at hiding the fact he'd been following her while she ran errands. Hell, Y/N wouldn't be surprised if he wanted her to see her.

"Y/N, face seeing you here," he tried, trailing behind her as she walked out of the marketplace and into a more secluded area of town, "Some would call it fate."

"Don't flatter yourself," she said cheerily, masking her distaste, "It's a small town. We're bound to run into one another every once in a while."

"No matter how much we avoid him," Maurice muttered in her ear, and Y/N smirked.

"I still think it's fate," the boy shrugged, refusing to take the hint and continuing to follow her, "I saw a fortune teller, you know. Said my future wife would be a dancer."

"How nice."

Her lack of enthusiasm was not well received, apparently. The boy suddenly grabbed her arm and before Y/N could respond, she was pushed into an alley and trapped between his arms, back pressed to stone walls. She felt herself swallow at his close proximity, heart racing for a number of reasons, none of which were good. She had to force herself to stay grounded, to stay present and not drift off into her memories, holding onto Maurice's tail to do so. And to keep him from biting the boy's nose off.

"You could be the lucky girl, you know."

"I don't believe in such thing," Y/N said bitterly, the mere idea of fortune tellers sending an icky feeling through her, "Now, would you kindly release me? I'd like to get home."

"Let me walk you," he insisted, his gaze challenging as he refused to budge.

"I can take care of myself."

He leaned close to her at that, and Y/N was this close to letting Maurice go apeshit on the dimwit, "I could take care of you better though."

Any control Y/N had was quickly squashed at those words, and she felt her hand go limp around Maurice's tail. Her eyes glazed over as the statement echoed through her head and the ghost of past touches lingering on her body, the pain that followed causing her to shift on her legs and squeeze them together, as though it could keep the hands away. It never did and never had, and she felt her breath start to shorten as she tried to push the baker's boy away from her.

"Please go away," she whispered, her pushes barely strong enough to get him to budge.

"Aww, you scared all of a sudden," he cooed down at her, leaning in close enough that Y/N could feel his breath on her cheek as she turned away from him, "You act so cocky and like you're better than all of us. And for what? Because you shake your ass for everyone to see?"

"Please," she begged meekly, bile forming in her throat. She wasn't sure if she was more disgusted by him and the onslaught of memories he'd brought, or at herself for being so _weak_.

"Whore," he hissed, his hands wrapping around hers and pining her against the wall.

Y/N felt a shiver run through her as another whimper left her, and it was that that had Maurice snapping. He snarled as he lunged for the boy, hopping onto his face and clawing at everything he could reach, causing him to scramble back and finally release Y/N. She grabbed the areas he had touched her, curling in on herself as she listened to Maurice swear and scream, uttering insults only Y/N could understand.

She felt so pathetic in that moment, helpless with only a monkey to protect her. What the hell was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just stand up for herself, why did a single sentence send her into a downwards spiral? Doubt ran through her as she turned her head to look up at the baker's boy, gaze hardening as she sensed the ill intent oozing off him. They only had so long before he hurt Maurice, and Y/N would be dammed if she let that happen, calling the chimp off him.

Maurice, albeit reluctantly, released him, retreating back to Y/N with his teeth bared and murderous intent still evident in his eyes.

"You have to keep your damn monster in check!"

With a growl, Y/N stood up and socked him in the jaw, the strength behind her hit shocking herself and the baker's son, "He's not a monster you asshole. You are. And if you ever come near me again, I won't hesitate to let him do as he pleases."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" the boy growled back, clutching his nose which Y/N was pleased to see started bleeding.

"It means," she started, sauntering close to him despite how much her body screamed at her to run, "That while I may have qualms with killing you, Maurice doesn't."

Before he could retaliate, Y/N grabbed her fallen goods and spun on her heel, practically racing down the alley he had pulled her in with Maurice hot on her heels. The chimp was still grumbling and swearing under his breath as he hopped onto Y/N's back, patting her head reassuringly when it was clear she was still shaken up.

"We're never going back to that bakery again," he informed her, his tone leaving no room for argument, "That weasel has officially confirmed any distaste I had for that shithole."

Y/N frowned slightly, looking down at the bag of baked goods, which were still warm and smelled delicious despite how long it had been since she purchased them, "What a pity."

"I'm surprised your hand isn't broken," was the first thing she heard when exiting the alley, and Y/N yelped.

Startled, her bags went flying and she swore as failed to catch them all. However, she was surprised to find the source of the voice had caught what she had missed, barely breaking a sweat as he handed them back to her. At the very least, he had the decency to look sheepish for scaring her half to death.

"Thanks," she muttered, peering around to make sure she hadn't missed anything, "And I don't need advice on my punches. But thanks for the concern."

"Not concern," the boy shrugged, looking behind her to glare into the alley, "I would have gone in to help, but your monkey seemed like he had everything under control."

Maurice grumbled at that, and Y/N rose an eyebrow at the stranger, "Sounds an awful lot like concern to me."

"It's not," the kid insisted, and Y/N rolled her eyes, "I am impressed though. For someone who's clearly had no real training, you broke his nose clean without hurting yourself much. You're either really stupid, or really luck."

Pursing her lips, Y/N glared at the kid, "I don't know if I should punch or thank you."

"You don't have to do either," the stranger shrugged, rubbing his neck and avoiding her eyes.

"No offense, but what exactly is the point of you telling me all this?"

The boy shrugged, the rubbing of his neck growing more aggressive, "I don't know either. I don't really know why I came up to you, honestly."

'Wonderful,' Y/N thought, pinching the bridge of her nose and fighting off an oncoming headache. Clearly, the kid had no idea how to talk to people, and Y/N wondered if this was all a ploy to get her in his bed. She looked up to glare at him, but her gaze softened the minute she looked at him. _Really_ looked at him, that is.

Despite the fact that he towered over her and exuded a power Y/N should have been intimidated by, he looked... frail. And tired. Exhausted even. You'd think the bags under his eyes were pulling his lids down with how large they were, and Y/N pursed her lips. His cheeks were almost as sunken as his eyes, a clear sign of malnourishment, and his skin was pale, so much so Y/N wondered when the last time he got a good night's rest was. He looked like he would collapse at any moment. For some reason, that suspicion pulled at her heartstrings and she felt a pull in her, one that urged her to reach out to him and caress the scarred side of his face. She refrained from doing so, however, schooling her expression and offering him a gentle smile.

"Why don't you train me then, if it bothers you so much? You're clearly an expert," she suggested. Though her tone was teasing, there was an underlying seriousness to it, one she was sure he picked up on when he tensed.

"And what's in it for me?"

"A warm meal and a bed," she bargained, grinning when his eyes widened and his stomach grumbled, "You clearly need it, so don't think I'm taking 'no' for an answer."

He seemed to hesitate, though the hesitation was short lived when his stomach made its presence known once again. He flushed and Y/N laughed, nodding he follow her instead of forcing him to answer. And he did, much to her delight; it would save her a lot of effort, as she was in no mood to drag him to her place by his ear.

"I'm Y/N, by the way," she said once he matched her pace, pointing to an unhappy looking chimp, "This is Maurice."

"Strange name for a monkey," the stranger pointed out, to which Y/N shrugged, unable to argue with that, "I'm... Lee."

'Liar,' was the first thing that came to mind, but she smiled instead, echoing the name and keeping from gagging at the bitter taste it left on her tongue, "Nice to meet you."

And at his request, she handed some of her bags to him, ignoring Maurice's chattering complaints and the warmth that radiated off him. What tonight had in store for her, Y/N didn't know, but she found herself excited to pick this kid apart and figure out who he was exactly. Because lord knew that 'Lee,' whoever the hell that was, was not the boy walking beside her.

* * *

Somehow, Y/N convinced Lee he needed to eat before he could train her, or 'earn his keep,' as he liked to put it. The first time he'd said that, Y/N couldn't help but burst into giggles, shaking her head at the ridiculousness of it. Ridiculous or not, she had to admit it was precious.

Lee wasn't the only one who wasn't happy as Y/N cooked away in the corner that was utilized as a kitchen, as all Maurice could do was yap away and complain about how she was too trusting. Y/N ignored him, of course, seeing no reason to let Lee think she was crazy for talking to her animal, but it didn't stop the boy from commenting on how loud her pet was. A single snarl from said pet had him shutting up fast enough, and again, Y/N giggled.

The small apartment was quiet for most of the time Y/N was cooking, with Lee wanting to allow the girl to concentrate and Y/N unsure how to start a conversation exactly. The boy in her apartment didn't seem to be the opening up type, and she'd hate to poke her head where it wasn't wanted.

"So," she started once their food was ready and set at the table, putting aside a smaller bowl for Maurice who had fallen asleep. Poor thing had probably exhausted himself with all the complaining he does.

"I won't answer any personal questions," he snapped, flinching at his own tone, "Sorry."

"Don't be," Y/N waved off, smiling understandingly, "I was actually going to ask you what your favorite color is. Or is that too personal for you?"

He stared at her for a few seconds, rolling his eyes and huffing as he dug into his food, "I don't have a favorite color."

"Sure you do!" Y/N exclaimed, trying to keep from gawking at him, "Everyone has one."

"Babies have favorite colors," Lee grumbled, still refusing to meet her eyes, "There's no time or place to act like a child with the war out there."

Y/N scoffed, setting down her chopsticks and shooting him a glare, "Times like these are _exactly_ the kind of times we need to be a little childish. Keeps one from getting overwhelmed by the amount of pain in the world."

"You sound like my uncle."

"Then I'm going to assume your uncle is a smart and beautiful man," Y/N chirped, brightening up as she grabbed her chopsticks once more.

The small breath that left Lee almost sounded like a laugh, and Y/N only smiled wider at the sound, "You might think otherwise if you ever met him."

"Nope, he's definitely divine," Y/N argued, stubborn in the picture she'd already formed in her mind, "But we have more important, more _immediate_ issues that need to be dealt with." Again, Lee tensed, staring at her warily as she fixed him with a hard gaze, "We need to decide your favorite color."

The tension in Lee's shoulders faded and he sent Y/N a look, one that had her sheepish suddenly, "You sounded so serious. I thought you might punch me for a minute."

"Why would I want to punch you?" Y/N frowned, blinking confusedly at him.

Again, he was silent, ignoring the question as he continued to eat his food, "So, how do you suggest I find my favorite color? It's not like _I_ know what it should be."

Y/N hummed, brows furrowed as she reached over to hand him some pickled radish, "Maybe think about your childhood? What colors did you like back then?"

Her hands brushed his as he took the offered side dish, and Y/N gasped as images flashed across her eyes. A flash of pain burst in her left eye and she clutched it, dropping the chopsticks that had been in her other hand and swallowing down a scream. Sweat started forming on her temples and neck, her fingers bloating from the heat that had started to consume her. It only got worse when Lee was suddenly by her side, one hand on her and the other grabbing a napkin to pat at her neck, and she flinched away from the touch.

 _Red_ , something told her, and she squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled. A ringing had started in her ear and she pulled away from Lee's touch, the heat that had surrounded her ebbing away when she did. The concern written across his face was comforting, but any suspicions she had about the warmth he radiated were confirmed by whatever the hell that was.

"I'm okay," she rasped, waving him off and motioning for him to sit back down, "I'm fine. Just eat your food."

"What was that?"

And wasn't that the million gold pieces question.

Y/N had no idea what the hell just happened, and the uncertainty sent the tiniest tingle of fear down her spine, "It's nothing you need to worry about. However, maybe let's _not_ talk about colors anymore. Or your childhood."

Lee was surprised, to say the least, but he gave her gentle smile at her words, "How about you decide my favorite color?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not?" he shrugged, leaning his elbows on the table and fixing her with a teasing look, "What kind of guy do I strike you as?"

"Yellow," Y/N blurted without hesitation, confused by how quick she'd answered.

"Yellow? Really?" Lee repeated, nose scrunching in distaste, "Do you seriously think I'm a yellow kind of guy?"

Y/N shook her head, a small smile on her face, "You look like the kind of guy who needs a little bit of brightness in his life. So yes, yellow. It's now your favorite color."

Lee's face relaxed, the creases in his nose vanishing and replaced with a smile. It was the most genuine one Y/N had seen all night, "Yellow it is."

They finished the rest of their meal in silence, though it was far more comfortable than the silence she'd been cooking in. Her head was still heavy from whatever she had seen when she'd touched Lee, and the urge to get some air itched at her as she cleared the table. She made for the door once the dishes were in the sink, hesitating as she looked back to where Lee had started cleaning the dishes. Frowning, she looked over to Maurice who had finally stirred awake and was sleepily poking at his bowl of rice, looking up only when he felt his owner's eyes on him.

"Lee," Y/N called, heart stirring as he looked at her wide wide eyes, "I'm going to step outside for a moment. Don't... please don't rob me."

Lee smiled, nodding his head, "I don't really want any of your stinky socks anyway."

"I can still kick you out, you know," Y/N teased, smiling anyway before looking at Maurice, "Maurice, keep an eye on him."

The chimp saluted and Y/N chuckled, closing the door behind her and sitting under the window that peered into her apartment. Letting out a heavy breath, exhaling all her stress from the day, her mind reeled as it did a play-by-play of the day's events. Looking back it all felt so surreal, and she wondered what kind of person she let into her life exactly.

Lee intrigued her, and denying that fact would be foolish. He had intrigued her from the moment she'd taken note of the state of his body and had realized he radiated the same warmth Mushi had, and there was no way that was a coincidence. The implications had Y/N frowning, questioning her luck. There's no way she could run into two fire benders over the course of less than a week, right? And two refugees at that. There was no other explanation for it. And it would explain the power that seemed to constantly radiate off Lee, as well as the tension in him that had started to rub off her.

Maybe she was just tired and overthinking. She turned around to peek over into the window, a soft smile forming on her face as she watched Lee tentatively try to pet a snarling Maurice. He wasn't deterred, however, seemingly adamant in getting the chimp to like her, and it was endearing where Y/N would have found it annoying.

The moment was interrupted by yells and the telltale sound of ostrich-horses, and Y/N's eyes snapped to the source of the sound. She frowned as Fire Nation soldiers rounded the corner, still yelling and slapping posters up on the sides of the building. It was too dark for her to even try to make out what was written on the posters, but she found she didn't need to. One soldier caught sight of her and hopped off his steed, marching up to her and shoving one of the posters in her face.

"Have you seen this man?"

She stared at the poster, keeping her expression neutral as she read the words over and over. The soldier, clearly impatient, started tapping his feet as Y/N continued staring at the poster, scowling when she shook her head in response.

The poster was slapped onto the wall right beside her head before the soldiers left, their ostrich-horses and yells continuing to disturb the peace of the night. Y/N allowed herself to sigh, standing up and turning back to the poster, staring at it and the familiar scarred man on it. Pursing her lips, she headed back inside, pausing to find Maurice still awake and the boy on the floor, his backpack serving as a pillow. He looked so peaceful, and his hair now definitely suited him better than the godawful ponytail on the poster, and Y/N couldn't help the tug at her heart. Could this kid really be the monster so many had told her of?

She draped a spare blanket over him as Maurice came up to her, concern etched on his features, "You alright?"

"Prince Zuko, huh?" Y/N murmured instead of answering, unable to pull her eyes away from the runaway, "Just my luck."

And though her suspicions had been confirmed, never in her life did she think fate would take it this far. Housing not only a fire bender, but a fugitive prince too? She was in for one hell of a ride alright.


	4. unlikely companions II

### iii - unlikely companions (pt.2)

Y/N woke up the next day to the sweet smell of mangos. Sniffing, she lifted her head off the cot and hummed her hunger, eyes still closed as she let the smell waft around her and through her nostrils.

"Maurice, when did you learn to cook?" she murmured, eyes still closed.

"Not Maurice," a voice rasped, amusement evident in his tone. Suddenly, Y/N's eyes snapped open and she turned to the guest she'd forgotten about, a blush on her face. From the other side of the room, Maurice buried his head in his hands in hopes it would block out the second hand embarrassment.

"I'm so used to it just being me and Maurice, I suppose I kind of forgot you were here," Y/N admitted, her blush only increasing as Lee laughed. Or, Zuko, she supposed, "Sorry about that."

He shrugged, bringing over two plates of steamed mangoes and sitting across from her, and Y/N had to keep herself from salivating. It would make a terrible impression, after all, "No worries. I'd forget about myself too, if I were you."

"Oh, hush," Y/N scolded, picking up one of the mango slices and plopping it into her mouth, "None of that self-deprecation shit in my house, understood?"

"It's an apartment."

"Shut up."

Her comfort levels with the banished prince surprised even Y/N, but she didn't question it as they enjoyed their breakfast together. Even Maurice, who didn't seem fazed by the revelation that they were currently housing the Fire Lord's son, seemed to have warmed up to him fast enough, crawling into Zuko's lap and pawing at his hands. Perhaps he only wanted the mango, but Y/N knew the chimp wouldn't be too keen on getting close to anyone he didn't trust, or at least didn't see _some_ potential in.

"So, what are you up to today?" Zuko asked, surprising everyone in the room at his attempt at conversation. He seemed to register the strange looks both Y/N and Maurice were giving him, suddenly self-conscious as he focused on his now twiddling thumbs, "What?"

"It's just," Y/N started, then stopped, wondering how to phrase her thoughts without offending him, "I didn't really think you'd care.”

Zuko shrugged, busying himself with his mangoes as he continued, "Maybe I do. Just a little."

His nervousness, adorable as it was, had Y/N smiling, and she finished her mangoes before standing up, startling the guest, "I have to go out and make some money today. Maurice and I are planning on leaving soon."

"Oh?" Zuko inquired, curiosity piqued, "What do you do?"

"I'm a dancer."

His eyes widened at that and his ears flushed, and Y/N found amusement in the idea of him picturing her on stage, "Is that why that kid was so keen on you yesterday?”

"That, and my dashing charm, of course."

"Oh my god, you are so embarrassing," Maurice mumbled, rubbing his hands over his face with a heavy groan.

The movement and sound caught Zuko's attention, and he looked down at Maurice strangely before turning back to Y/N, "I agree with the chimp."

That earned him a face full of cloth, and the prince spluttered as he tried to regain his bearings and pull the cloth from his face. Only when he had it held in front of him did he realize it was a shirt, the shirt Y/N had been wearing specifically, and his face reddened considerably when he looked up to find her clad in nothing but her undergarment. He buried his face back in the shirt, ignoring the thoughts of how good it smelled and how said smell made him dizzy, an embarrassed squawk coming out of his mouth.

Y/N turned to him at the sound, lips curled in amusement, "Whatever just came out of you, I don't think it was human."

"Why are you naked?!"

"Oh, don't get so flustered," Y/N scoffed, picking out a new shirt and slipping into it, "I need to get ready for my performance later, and day old clothes are never fun to dance in. Or flattering, for that matter. They tend to stink up the place and stick to you. It's rather gross, honestly."

"You could have just asked me to turn around though!" Zuko cried, his blush reaching the tips of his ears and traveling the length of his neck, "Instead of, you know, throwing a shirt at me!"

Y/N giggled, changing her skirt too and running her hands over the fabric, smoothing it down, "Who'd have thought the big bad crown prince would be so scared of a naked girl."

"I'm not scared of-" he cut himself off, her words finally processing as he froze, his hands clenching around the shirt still pressed to his face, "What did you just say?"

Sighing Y/N turned to him, his fear setting off any confidence she had about revealing to him what she knew, "Sorry. I know you probably wanted to keep it from me, but.. I know who you are."

There was a moment of tense silence as Zuko kept his face buried in her shirt, and whether it was to stay respectful or to avoid her gaze, Y/N didn't know. Hesitantly, Y/N approached him with loud steps, letting him know she was approaching him, a frown forming on her face as his fear spiked and his body tensed further. Y/N didn't know anyone could be so tense. Despite her qualms with touching people with their consent, Y/N leaned down and wrapped her hands around his clothed wrists, slowly tugging them down and urging him to pull the shirt away from his face. She met his gaze, chest feeling restricted at the terrified expression he'd been hiding. And, where Zuko had expected there to be hatred in her eyes, they were soft. Kind even, and gentle. It eerily reminded him of his uncle, and he forced his gaze away from her, refusing to allow himself to hope.

"I expect you want me to leave now."

"Actually, I think you should stay," Y/N admitted, pursing her lips and chuckling at the incredulous look he gave her, "Fire Nation soldiers started patrolling the streets last night, and I doubt they've all left. They're looking for you. You're safe in here, for the most part. Unless they decide to break my door down, but my landlady is a vicious woman, and she won't hesitate to rip them a new one on your behalf."

"You... you want me to stay?" Zuko seemed hesitant, skeptical even, and Y/N could only imagine what kind of prejudice he's had to face because of who he was. Not that it was undeserved though, if she was being frank, but the idea still didn't sit well with her.

"Well, not permanently," she told him, watching him deflate slightly, "It probably isn't safe for you to travel alone right now. I figured you could leave the city with me and Maurice."

"But I'm a monster."

"What did I say about self-deprecation? You're not a monster, Zuko. You've done monstrous things, but I highly doubt you're a monster," she explained with a scoff and a roll of her eyes, though her words didn't seem to have the desired effect, "Plus, what kind of monster makes braised mangoes and serves them to someone for breakfast, in bed nonetheless?"

That got a small smile out of him. A pathetic one, she'll admit, but it was a smile nonetheless, "You don't know me."

"Perhaps not," Y/N agreed, shrugging as she sat on her heels in front of him, slowly releasing his wrists, “But you don’t know me either, and you trusted me, didn’t you? And you haven't given me any reason not to trust you yet."

There was another beat of silence where Zuko simply stared at Y/N, mouth opening and closing as he tried to argue. His mind would not cooperate, much to Y/N's relief, as he kept drawing blanks and found no solid excuse for her to not trust him; she'd made it clear already that his past would not sway her to treat him any different than she'd treat others.

"So what do you say? You want to travel with me and Maurice? We'll take you as far as you want to go."

"That- that would be nice," he relented, his small smile widening, "Thank you."

"For what? The food or the company?"

"For trusting me," he corrected with bright eyes, a shaky laugh living his lips, "I don't think anyone's trusted me in years, especially not a stranger."

Y/N smiled back, "Like I said: you haven't given me a reason not to. A word of advice? Don't give me one."

"What are you going to do? Attack me with your terrible form?”

A laugh burst out of Y/N, and she shot him a playful glare, "Don't make me. Fire bender or not, I won't hesitate to beat you into the ground. Now go gather your things. We're leaving soon."

Zuko nodded and rushed to his bags, the smile intact on his face. Y/N felt a strong sense of glee run through her at his expression, her own smile refusing to budge despite the ominous intent rolling off Maurice, who was slowly approaching her with a glare. She glared back through her smile, making for what she was sure was a confusing sight. Maurice sighed, shaking his head as he slowly realized she wouldn't budge on her decision.

"Your kindness is going to get us killed one of these days."

"Hush," Y/N whisper-yelled, still glaring at her companion, "I have a good feeling about him."

Maurice only sighed again, moving to grab his drums and start packing the few belongings he had. They were ready to go in under ten minutes, which wasn't unusual, and Y/N was finishing up writing an apology note to her landlady and counting out the month's rent when she felt Zuko's hesitance. The wide smile she had been prepared to greet him with slowly started dropping, and she turned to find him inspecting his reflection in the tiny mirror in her apartment, a frown on his face as he touched the scar over his left eye.

"You alright there big guy?"

"This stupid scar," he grumbled, glaring at his reflection like it had personally offended him, like he wanted to punch it. Y/N was scared he might, knowing from experience how much of a hassle it was to get glass shards out of your skin, "It's going to get me recognized in an instant."

"You're not wrong," Y/N agreed with her chin between her thumb and index, perking up as an idea came to her. She grinned, rifling through her bag and pulling out a lace cloth, "Here. Put this over your eyes."

Confused, Zuko took the cloth and did so, covering the scar up almost perfectly. The edges of it were still visible, but barely so, especially from afar. Unless someone was really looking for them or close enough to kiss him, which Y/N doubted would happen, no one would be able to see anything. She moved being Zuko and grabbed the ends of the cloth to tie them together, noting how soft his hair was as she did so. Coming back in front of him, waved her hands in front of his eyes, delighted to find he could still see her as he grabbed her wrist. But him blindfolded... it stirred something in Y/N that she was sure wouldn't be safe to dwell on.

"What is this thing?" Zuko asked, releasing her wrist and grabbing his bags as Y/N grabbed Maurice. The monkey didn't look the slightest bit impressed by how flustered she'd gotten.

"I use it in my performances sometimes. The lace does a good job of hiding my eyes and making it _look_ like I can't see, when I actually can. It impresses people, gets me a few extra tips if I'm lucky," Y/N explained, grinning to herself, "If anyone asks, just tell them you're blind."

"Lace isn't my thing, you know. I feel stupid. And girly."

"Well, better off stupid and girly than arrested," Y/N countered happily, motioning for Zuko to follow her through the busy streets, "Plus, like this you can watch me perform."

The three of them snaked through the crowds, with people waving and calling out to Y/N as she passed. She smiled politely at them and waved back, offering her hand for Zuko to take as she took note of how many people were there. He stared at it hesitantly, and she didn't push, but relief filled her when his hand slipped in hers; at least she no longer had to be scared of losing him in the throng of people. That was the last thing she wanted, especially when she noticed Fire Nation soldiers standing around, keeping their eyes peeled for Zuko. She breathed out her anxiety, pulling the fugitive a little closer as they passed the soldiers. Maurice even migrated from Y/N's shoulder to Zuko's, covering what little part of his face would be exposed to the soldiers.

In her hand, Y/N could feel how sweaty Zuko's palms were starting to get, and she squeezed his hand in reassurance. She felt him squeeze back, and smiled, bumping their elbows. In her peripheral, she saw him smile too, though it disappeared quickly when he tensed, and Y/N looked around to find one soldier staring pointedly at the two of them. Though panic was rising in her, she was sure not to let it show and waved at the soldier, startling him; he smiled nonetheless and waved back, before his gaze moved away from the duo and back to the crowd.

"You're not even trying to avoid them," Zuko hissed, far worse at hiding his panic than Y/N.

"We shouldn't," Y/N replied, before thinking over what she had just said with furrowed brows, "At least, we shouldn't _act_ like we are. If you look confident and like you know what you're doing, no one is going to question you."

"Is that why you're so confident in holding my hand?"

Y/N glared at him, though there was no real heat in her gaze, "I'm holding your hand because you're supposed to be blind, genius. Now stop complaining and walk."

Soon enough, they arrived in an area with no soldiers and Y/N let out a breath, surveying the area. It was crowded, but not bustling, and she figured the area was just as good as any other for her final performance. She motioned for Zuko to sit not too far away from where she'd be performing and grabbed Maurice and his drums, confusing the fire bender as he watched her settle the instrument in front of the monkey. Leaving Zuko alone, no matter how close to him she would be performing, had Y/N tense, and she had to force her body to relax as she beckoned people over with a welcoming smile, all while keeping an eye out for any soldiers.

People were already starting to gather before the music had even started, and Y/N felt the adrenaline course her at the sight of the lively crowd. Maurice started playing and Y/N took a deep breath before allowing her limbs to move to their own, freestyling her final dance. On such short notice, they hadn't had time to prepare anything, but Y/N was determined to make her last performance a memorable one as she let the music move her.

Her eyes closed as she swung her limbs around, flying through the air and letting herself be consumed by the pace Maurice had set. She didn't need to see the crowd to know they were in awe, their breaths bated as she floated over the floor, the epitome of perfection. She made no mistakes, despite having no set routine, with every move she made calculated and precise and intended to do nothing but captivate her crowd. The sound of coins landing in her pouch and on the floor around her were the only thing she registered over the drums, and the increasing amount of money she was collecting did nothing but spur her on; she refused to let the tension of the situation she was in affect her, refused to let it tarnish her performance. She could still feel Zuko's presence and his eyes on her, at the very least, and knowing he was still there brought some comfort, if only a little.

In his corner, Zuko watched, mouth agape as he found himself just as mystified by the girl as the rest of the crowd. His eyes followed every part of her, from her hands to her feet to her hips, and he wasn't sure he'd be able to look away even if he wanted to. While Y/N thought she was following the beat, Zuko couldn't help but think the flow of it was following her, every single one of her movements timed so perfectly one could be tricked into think she was _creating_ the music, that it existed solely for her and this performance.

She was no dancer, he realized: she was art.

And perhaps if he hadn't been so distracted, he would have noticed the soldiers pointing in his direction and making their way towards him. How they had even noticed him with Y/N performing, how they hadn't been bewitched by her like the rest of them, he didn't know. But he was soon snapped out of said trance, the perfect view of Y/N he had blocked by not one, not two, but three looming figures staring suspiciously at him. With Y/N's words about confidence fresh in his mind, he tried to smile, but it came out forced and terse, unable to gauge his reactions as he pointed his head towards the floor.

"What are you doing there, lad?" one of the soldiers asked, voice gruff and Zuko could hear the sneer his mouth was curled into.

"Enjoying the music," Zuko replied shortly, keeping in mind that he was supposed to be blind as he feigned innocence and confusion.

A different soldier scoffed, rolling his eyes and glaring down at him, "What's with the lace? You trying to make a fashion state or something."

"Or something," the prince murmured, rolling his own eyes under the blindfold, "I'm blind."

The soldiers didn't seem convinced, and Zuko couldn't particularly blame them; he'd never tell Y/N, but it was a questionable excuse, "We're going to have to ask you to take the lace off, kid. We're hunting down someone dangerous and we can't risk leaving any stone unturned. You understand, right?"

"Of course, sir," Zuko spat through gritted teeth, holding himself back from doing anything rash despite the flame that had lit inside him at being called dangerous. He knew this, of course, but hearing it didn't make him feel good, per se.

Y/N wouldn't notice him in the state she was, that much he could assume. He realized he was helplessly alone in this situation and he sighed, pushing himself up in a standing position. The soldiers back away, still wary of him, and he took their hesitance and ran with it. Literally. He ran out of the street, the soldiers’ indignant cries following him and ringing loud over Maurice's drums. It was a coward's move, he realized belatedly and would later mull over that fact, but he didn't want to risk causing a scene by fighting back, or worse: fire bending. Then they'd have no doubt of who he truly was, and a blind villager was certainly _not_ it.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," he muttered to himself, wishing his words would reach her.

And while they didn't, Y/N did feel her heart falter. That, and the commotion around her, had Y/N stumbling and she stopped her dancing just in time to see Fire Nation soldiers disappearing around the corner. Swearing, she grabbed Maurice and her pouch, pushing through the crowd to grab her bag and Zuko's backpack, both of which he'd left behind in his haste, before bolting after them. She'd left the crowd and the coins on the floor behind, yelling out a half-assed apology and barely giving herself time to be angry about making a mistake. The adrenaline from her routine still ran through her and she was quick realized she'd never be able to catch up to Zuko without drawing the guards' attention to her. So she made a detour, planning to cut him off elsewhere in town.

"I told you your kindness would get us in trouble one of these days," Maurice grumbled in her arms, holding on tightly to the front of her shirt, "Now _our_ pictures are going to be plastered all over the world, with a bounty on our heads!"

"Not helping Maurice," Y/N grumbled back, breathing heavy as she caught sight of Zuko zipping in front of the alley she was about to emerge from, "And don't worry, it'll be my face, not yours. You'll still be a free monkey."

"Gee, I feel so much better now," Maurice drawled, and Y/N ignored his sarcasm in favor of focusing on the task at hand.

She picked up her pace, quickly catching up to him despite the bags she was shouldering. In a street this crowded, she couldn't risk calling out his name, so she only pushed her legs harder, grabbing the back of his shirt when he was at arms length. Anticipating his next move, she ducked in time to miss the swing of his fist and only bounced back up with a grin, a grin that widened at the relief on his face.

"C'mon," he muttered, dragging her behind him and relieving her of his backpack, "They don't know the city as well as you do, I'm sure we can lose them."

"Or," Y/N started, pulling him into one of the busiest streets, "We could hide in plain sight."

"What-" Zuko demanded, squawking as she pressed herself against a wall and brought him close to her, his arms coming to balance himself against the wall behind her, caging her between them. The scene felt oddly familiar, the only difference being how safe Y/N felt.

"Sorry about this."

She grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him even closer without another word, pressing her lips to his. He argued against her and she pinched his neck, getting him to relax around her just as the soldiers came by, though the pounding in his chest didn't slow in the slightest. Keeping one eye cracked open, she tangled one hand into his hair and undid the blindfold, collecting it in her hand before fisting the sleeve of his shirt. The soldiers didn't even spare them a glance as they ran past them, frantic as they searched for a boy wearing a lace blindfold, yelling at and elbowing through the crowds.

It had been forever since Y/N kissed anyone, but strangely enough, it didn't stir her with the same anxiety she thought it would. Rather, it brought a sense of comfort, and Y/N found herself wanting to melt against Zuko despite her erratic heart. Which was confusing and surprising beyond anything. But his warmth and his presence felt safe, and she had no doubt that Zuko wouldn't take advantage of her despite their current predicament.

Funnily enough, Maurice was pressed between their two chests, and one glance at the monkey could tell you he was not happy about it. Y/N would have to compensate later on, of that she was sure, but for now, their survival was a more immediate task.

When the soldiers' yells were finally out of earshot, which took far longer than she'd anticipated, Y/N released her grip on Zuko, his eyes still closed when she pulled away. A grin grew on her face when he chased her lips, patting his face gently to get him to look at her again. His gaze was bleary as his eyes peeled open, confusion swirling in them as she continued to grin up at him.

"I'm not the kind of guy that usually does this," he muttered, still so close that she could feel his breath on her lips.

"Me neither, kid," Y/N snorted, pushing him away and pocketing the blindfold, "They didn't even look twice at us. Kissing makes people uncomfortable, you know?"

"Gee, I wonder why," Zuko laughed, staring at Y/N in wonder as she led him in the opposite direction the soldiers had gone, "You know, Y/N, you're really something else."

"I know," Y/N chuckled, ignoring Maurice as he gagged, "Try not to think too much of it."

Y/N continued to lead a now dazed Zuko out of town, keeping herself from laughing too loudly as he mindless followed her. She knew she was a good kisser, but she hadn't realized she was _that_ good. Maurice seemed to agree, huffing at the prince's state and rolling his eyes at Y/N from his spot still clutched to the front of her shirt.

"You seem to have broken him," he pointed out, frown deepening as Y/N giggled.

"It's cute."

"You sound like a school girl."

"And you sound like an overbearing mom," Y/N countered, patting Maurice's head happily before chancing another glance at Zuko, "Leave him alone. Clearly, even a prince can succumb to my charms."

Maurice gagged again, feigning sickness as he heaved over her shoulder dramatically, "I think I'm going hurl."

"You ruin my shirt, you'll be tonight's dinner."

Maurice only sighed, "Kids these days. They fall in love, and it's suddenly like they know better than you."

"I'm not in love!" Y/N whined out far louder than she had wanted to, earning her several strange looks from some of the villagers, as well as from Zuko.

"Y/N, are you okay?" he asked tentatively, brows furrowed, "No one said anything..."

"Maurice is just pissing me off," Y/N grumbled, sighing tiredly at the strange look Zuko sent her way. If they were going to be around one another for an indefinite amount of time, she supposed there was no point in hiding it anymore, "What? Don't look at me that way, there's no way me talking to a chimp is the strangest thing you've seen."

"Actually," Zuko chuckled staring at her incredulously, "It is."

"You're a teenage boy who can create fire out of his hands and can move it to his will, chasing after a _child_ who can move just about anything with his mind and has glowing tattoos," Y/N deadpanned, stopping in her walking to stare Zuko down, "And you think talking to animals is weird? Really?"

Zuko mulled the accusation over for a short minute, "Huh. Well, when you put it like that, I suppose it isn't so weird."

"My point exactly. Now come on. You can contemplate my weirdness after we get out of here. Or have you already forgotten that there's a citywide manhunt for _your_ head happening?"

That seemed to sober the boy up and he matched Y/N's pace. Zuko had to stifle the snicker at the image of her arguing with a monkey and said monkey _actually_ arguing back, clearing his throat and composing himself when she turned a glare on him. Right. Don't piss of the girl who's kindly offered her services and who just might be the only person in your life to trust you right now. And your best bet at making it to tomorrow morning.

Get out of the city first, away from the threat of the Fire Nation. And then you can piss her off all you want.


	5. unlikely companions III

### iv - unlikely companions (pt.3)

The three made it out of the city without anymore run-ins with the Fire Nation, and thank god for that. The stress from running from them earlier only now caught up to Y/N and she grumbled as they continued walking, leading them further into the forest that surrounded the town. Maurice, the lucky bitch, had fallen asleep in her arms some hours ago and was now happily dozing away, his snores speaking to his exhaustion and so loud they practically shook the trees covering them.

Zuko trailed not to far behind Y/N, lost in thought as his mind ran through the events of the last few days. Never did he think he’d find safety through a dancer and her pet monkey, much less be traveling with them, but he was in no position to be complaining. For the first time in years, Zuko felt safe, and he finally felt like he'd found somewhere he belonged. Strange as the small group they'd formed may have been, there was a charm to Y/N and Maurice he himself didn't understand, and he'd be a fool to wish for different friends.

“Hey,” Y/N called softly, slowing her steps to allow Zuko to catch up, “Don’t fall behind. We don’t want to lose you so soon after skipping down.”

“Maurice doesn’t seem too concerned,” Zuko pointed out, smiling at the sleeping chimp.

“Maurice is a lucky whore who can freeload whenever he wants,” Y/N huffed, glaring once more at her companion, “His concerns don’t matter right now.”

Zuko frowned, staring at the girl who’s limbs were moving sluggishly, “Are you tired? We can stop, if you want.”

She shook her head, “We aren’t far enough from the city yet. A few more hours, then it'll be safer for us to stop. Maybe”

The idea of her continuing on despite being overtired didn’t sit well with him, and it clearly didn't sit well will her if the crease between her brows told him anything. Zuko was no good at reading people, but he knew exhaustion when he saw. He watched her for a few moments, her feet dragging with every step and her current state a far cry from the grace and energy she had exhibited while dancing. The frown on Zuko’s face only deepened, and before he could process what he was doing, he reached out a grabbed the bag off her arm. Y/N blinked blearily at him, confused as he shouldered her bag before reaching out to her and hoisting her into his arms. She had barely any time to process what was going and when she did, he had already started walking again, his pace matching the determination in his eyes.

“Wha- What do you think you’re doing?!” she demanded, for more alert than she had been seconds ago, “Put me down! I will not be a freeloader like Maurice, dammit!”

“No,” he said curtly, adjusting Y/N in his arms and continuing forward.

“I am not some damsel, I don’t need you _carrying_ me to the next town!”

“You’re exhausted, Y/N,” Zuko scolded, sounding an awful lot like a mother and looking like one as he reprimanded her, “You can rest until we get somewhere a little safer. I don’t need you collapsing on me.”

Y/N blinked at him once more, a smirk forming on her face, “So you do care!”

“Shut up,” he grumbled.

She snickered, making herself comfortable in his arms before frowning, “If I get too heavy, wake me up and make me walk.”

“Y/N, you're literally half my size,” Zuko noted, rolling his eyes as she pouted, “I’ll be fine.”

"Zuko," she said sternly, and the boy felt a shiver run up his spine, "Please."

He paused, rolling his eyes at her insistence, "I'll think about it."

Realizing that was the best she was going to get, Y/N huffed and settled in his arms, shifting to face his chest and breathing him in. She hadn’t realized how tired she truly was until she no longer had to move her body, and her mouth opened in a loud yawn. An unattractive one, too, much to her dismay, even if she did try to hide it. Her cheeks warmed at the feeling of Zuko’s eyes on her and she made a point to not look at him, keeping her eyes on the front of his shirt.

“Thank you,” she muttered after a few beats of silence, her words slurred as she started to drift away, eyes slipping shut, “I owe you for this.”

“You saved my ass, fed me, and gave me somewhere to sleep,” Zuko chuckled, tightening his grip on her, “I think we can call it square.”

Y/N shook her head as best as she could with sleep consuming her, “No, no. I only did that because you promised to teach me proper form: we talked about this already. You carrying me? Completely different situation. I’ll pay you back for this, eventually.”

“You’re still stuck on me training you, huh?” Zuko remarked softly, his chest swelling.

“Must have proper form. And punches,” Y/N was the last thing she murmured, quickly drifting to sleep, small snores leaving her. Again, Zuko’s chest swelled as he watched her sleep, a gentle smile on his face. She looked so peaceful like this, curled into him with Maurice in her arms, so delicate, and it took every ounce of willpower in him to not do something stupid. Like brush her hair out of her face. Or kiss her. Again.

“We’ll start when you wake up,” he said to no one in particular, still staring at her despite his adamancy in ignoring the swirl of emotions blossoming within him.

* * *

Y/N let out a fed up groan as she realized where she was. The clearing, as different as it looked at night, was still recognizable. The flowers, which once shone under the morning sun, now glowed, their hue cold and blue as the full moon's light lit them up. Curious, Y/N tiptoed over to one, that same grass tickling her toes, and caressed one of the petals. A surge of energy ran from the flower through her fingertips and she gasped, a shiver following the energy down her spine.

It felt strange, touching something that was so small yet held so much power. But the petals were so soft, like velvet or silk, and a small smile bloomed across her face as she sat beside the flower to stare at it. Unlike in her last dream, she was smart enough this time to know _not_ to close her eyes.

The flower continued pulsing, its light glowing brighter with every minute that she kept her eyes on it. Y/N could feel the energy rolling off it in waves and rippling around her, and the comfort its energy provided moments ago quickly started to fade away, making way for unease. She watched it, warily, until the light was practically blinding her and she was forced to shield her easy, wincing at its magic.

When she brought her hand down, a pathetic whimper left her lips. The flower was gone. And so was the rest of the clearing. Instead, she was floating in a void, a chilling one, so still it made her want to curl up in a ball and hide. She whipped around, searching for something, anything or anyone, but found she was alone in the darkness. Fear gripped her as she did her best to run in the darkness, limbs quickly growing tired despite the fact that she wasn’t actually going anywhere. Her breath became heavy, whether it be from her fear or her exhaustion, but soon enough small tears gathered in her eyes as her frustration grew.

A deep laughter echoed around her and she halted to a stop, turning in circles as she looked for the source, “Help!”

The laughter didn’t answer but only grew, and she whimpered again, curling into a ball and staying rooted to her spot. And while the laughter wasn't mocking or anything of the sort, it set her off, like it found amusement in her confusion. She rocked back and forth as her whimpers grew, a headache coming on as the laughter seemed to surround her, much like the flower’s energy had mere moments ago.

 _Y/N,_ someone called, the raspy voice familiar.

Her head shot up, cheeks wet as she stared desperately into the void and murmured to herself, “Please. Someone, anyone... Please.”

 _Y/N!_ the voice called again, its desperation mirroring her own.

She could feel her body shaking, then hands on her shoulders, and she woke with a start, her eyes wide and cheeks wet as she sat up and took in her surroundings. The void was gone and replaced with a grassy field, and her face was Zuko with Maurice sat on his shoulder, their eyes filled with concern. She calmed her breath, swallowing heavily as she looked from Zuko to their surroundings, briefly noting how Zuko's hands slipped off her arms.

“Where...” she started, clearing her throat as she realized how meek she sounded, “Why’d we stop?”

“I got tired,” Zuko told her, wincing slightly when she glared at him, “I would have woken you up, really. But I didn't wanted to disturb you... You looked so peaceful.”

“Until you started crying,” Maurice added, Zuko turning to glance at him at the chirp.

Y/N glared at Maurice, biting at her thumb and playing with the grass with her other hand. It didn’t feel the same as in the clearing, wasn't as soft, and she found she didn't mourn the softness as much as she should, “Did I say anything? In my sleep?”

Zuko seemed to hesitate, biting his lip as he looked away from her, “You got a little fussy.”

A sigh left Y/N lips and she continued to bite at the skin surrounding her thumbnail, avoiding his eyes, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Zuko said immediately, sitting closer to the evidently distressed girl, “Everyone gets nightmares. You can’t help it. You shouldn’t apologize.”

"Thanks, Zuko," Y/N smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes.

"I get the feeling you don't want to talk about it, but let me know if you ever do," he told her sternly, standing back up and offering her a smile, "Until then, how about I finally teach you how to land a proper hit on someone?"

Y/N graciously took the hand he'd extended and pulled herself up, instantly lighting up at the mention of training. She nodded vigorously, barely containing her excitement as she ripped her skirt off to reveal leggings underneath. Zuko had all but screeched as she did so, only peeking through his eyes as Y/N and Maurice fell into peels of laughter. He blushed, evidently embarrassed by his own reaction and grumbling as he sauntered away to grab his dual swords.

"C'mon, Sifu Hothead," Y/N called, grabbing Maurice and running for the fields, "Something tells me your temper is going to need as much space as it can get."

"Sifu Hothead? Really?" Zuko deadpanned, trailing after her at a much slower pace.

Y/N shrugged, setting Maurice down amongst the flowers and making sure she and Zuko had room for her to train without hurting him, "It suits you. And your temper."

"I don't have a temper!"

The smoke coming out of his ears and the way they had started glowing red had Y/N snorting and rolling her eyes, taking a stance in front of him and motioning for Zuko to come at her. His lips pursed and he moved closer to her, adjusting her position with a few pointers before assuming the same stance in front of her. With a grin, Y/N swung first, and her training began.

They traveled and trained for three days, with Y/N improving each day and both Maurice and Zuko expressing their pride in her skill. Over the short amount of time they'd spent together, a strange kind of bond formed between them, one built on trust and respect for the other. Even Maurice seemed to have finally warmed up to the bender, cuddling up to him at night and picking through his hair for flees during their mealtimes. Not there were many to find in the first place, but the sight, as gross as it may have been when you _really_ thought about it, was endearing nonetheless.

The first time Y/N felt that swell of emotions that didn’t come from her she’d had to clutch her chest from the sheer rawness of it. Zuko had been talking about the Avatar and his mission to capture him, and Y/N found his ambition, though reckless, admirable. She hadn’t expected, however, the rush of frustration and the sudden need to scream and cry at the world that had overwhelmed her when she'd patted his hand in a pathetic attempt at comfort.

A furrow of her brow and she looked to her human companion, still stroking his hand, heart softening at the lines of exhaustion and desolation etched across his features. Where her sudden frustration had come from, she didn’t know; it’s not like she particularly cared for Zuko’s mission. And yet, she also had the urge to pull out a map and examine the ground for any tracks that could lead them to the Avatar.

“You really have no depth perception,” is what she told Zuko instead.

He glared at her, grumbling out a few curses Y/N didn't care to hear, and the frustration in her chest only grew: expect, it felt less heavy now. Zuko crossed his arms and stuck his nose up, and Y/N how he could have been a proud prince not so long ago, “I have ambition. I have something I’m fighting for, something I want to do for my life and for myself. What do you have?”

While his tone was (somewhat) teasing, the words had sent a pang through Y/N’s chest, one that traveled all the way down to her stomach. Her gaze cast downwards, her hand resting on her belly and the other clenching at her side. When she sniffled, fighting off the small tears that threatened to pool in her eyes, Zuko realized he may have said the wrong thing. But before he could reach out and apologize for insulting her, she was smiling at him, futilely praying he wouldn’t notice her shining eyes.

“I may not have much, but I know I want both of us to stay alive.”

The words hadn't been much to alleviate Zuko of the guilt flickering in his gut, but it was enough to disperse any tension that could have formed between them. Y/N smiled and continued on as though that small moment of vulnerability had never happened, pushing and prodding instead for information about the Fire Nation, specifically about the types of tea that were local to the lands. Her passion for the leaf juice had Zuko rolling his eyes in fondness, the light in her eyes eerily similar to his uncle.

And somehow, in the days they had travelled, they were lucky enough to avoid anymore run-ins with Fire Nation soldiers, much to their relief. However, that only meant that they grew more tense with every hour that passed and they were safe, the possibility of the soldiers finally catching up to them in the back of their minds. The most anyone could do was pray the hour would never come.

On the third night, they set camp by a lake not too far south of the next village. The sight of the glittering water was a welcomed one, and Maurice had all but flung himself into the cool depths, Y/N not far behind him as a gleeful laugh bubbled past her lips and she started stripping herself of her clothes. Zuko, raised in a palace rather than a barn, unlike some people, had a little more dignity in his undressing and made a point of not looking at Y/N when she swam closer to him, mischief in her eyes. They'd had a long journey and the boy could seriously use a break, and Y/N had been determined in getting him to finally loosen up.

Dinner that night was spent with a pouting fire bender, still grumpy that Y/N had bested him in the water and managed to leave him like a sputtering fool as she flung water at him, laughing smugly every time he'd emerge looking like a fussy cat.

"Don't be so pouty, Hothead," Y/N cooed, handing him a bowl of the soup made from the few ripe vegetables they had left, grateful she'd had the right mind to pack some food before they'd skipped town, "You're a fire bender. It's no surprise that you couldn't beat me out there. You just weren't in your element, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"You're not even a water bender, Y/N," Zuko drawled, though his lips quirked up slightly.

"What we just witnessed says otherwise," Y/N tutted, turning to Maurice who was slurping his soup up rather loudly and enthusiastically, "See? Maurice agrees."

Zuko stared at her, trying his best to conceal his amusement, "He didn't say anything."

"Oh, so now you can talk to animals too?"

Her teasing was apparently unappreciated, as Zuko grabbed the spoon from his empty bowl and flung it right at her. Though he wasn't exactly aiming for her face, that's the mark it hit, landing squarely on Y/N's nose and leaving behind a dull throb. She blinked at him as Maurice dissolved into screech-like cackles, watching as Zuko panicked, scared that she might get mad or, worse yet, demand that he leave their group immediately. He flinched, bracing himself for an earful.

Instead of yelling, however, Y/N started laughing. Loud, boisterous laughter, so unlike her usual giggles that it Zuko stunned for a moment, leaving him unable to do anything but admire her her. He stared at her as she rubbed at her nose, eyes falling shut as she hunched over in her laughter. A smile of his own grew as he watched her, ignoring the way his heart seemed to stutter at the pure, innocent joy written across her face.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh my god, you looked so scared!" she whimpered through her laughter, trying her hardest to quell it, yet failing miserably, "You have to teach me how you pulled a face like that. Oh, and how to _aim_ like that. That was impressive."

Zuko snorted, shaking his head at how ridiculous she could be, "What, you planning on attacking the Fire Nation with your aiming skills if I do?"

"Oh, you can bet your ass I will," Y/N swore breathlessly, smiling brightly at him, "I'm taking them down with a spoon, mark my words."

Her words brought a warmth to Zuko's chest that he was sure nothing to do to him being a fire bender, and Y/N was surprised when she too felt that warmth. Her smile turned less manic and softer as her heart filled with ease, and she looked to Zuko to find his smile matched her own. For the first time since they'd left that city, he was comfortable, and knowing she was the cause of it brought a sense of accomplishment to Y/N.

And when she finally calmed down, they started packing their belongings while making quiet, idle conversation, voices thick as they got ready to tuck in for the night. The ease Y/N had grown so accustomed was soon squashed, however, and Y/N frowned, looking to Zuko confused, only to notice he had started glaring at something in the distance. At what, she couldn't quite make out, squinting despite the darkness and the knowledge that even trying to look would be futile.

"Zuko?"

Just as she uttered his name, the ground started to rumble, and Y/N's eyes popped open, flickering between Zuko and whatever the hell had caught his attention. A huge tank soon came into view, headed in their direction, it's steam clouding up the night sky and covering up the moon and stars. Y/N started to panic, unsure what to do. But, thankfully for her, Zuko was quick to react and even quicker on his feet, tossing their belongings into a nearby tree. He grabbed Y/N by the waist and jumped onto the lowest branch of that same tree, and she had to cover her mouth to keep from squealing. Maurice followed soon enough, climbing the trunk and settling next to them on the branch, all eyes trained on the tank as it slowed to a stop a good distance away from them.

The top of it popped open and three girls came out, most of which Y/N couldn't make out the faces of. She again tried to squint through the darkness, but to no avail. She didn't need to see their faces, however, to be overwhelmed by the raw power that dripped off them, immediately tensing and on guard as she watched them convene and engage what looked like a heated discussion. Beside her, Zuko tensed and she felt the fear that struck his heart.

"Azula," he murmured, practically spitting the name out.

Y/N looked at him, faintly aware that his arm was still wrapped around her waist, holding her far closer than she thought was necessary, "Your sister?"

Zuko nodded solemnly, moving to lie against the tree trunk and pulling Y/N onto his lap in the process. She rose an eyebrow, not one to be fazed by what many could assume to be affectionate touches, and motioned to his hands.

"You planning on sleeping with me like this?" she teased him, but was surprised to find his expression remained serious.

"It's the safest way for us to sleep without you falling," he explained shortly, his grip tightening on her as he let out a tired sigh, "If any of them see you, I doubt they'll hesitate in killing you."

"Oh, like you aren't just as likely to fall out, princey," Y/N bit back, though she found no rational reason to argue with him, "And I haven't done anything? I'm not a threat to her."

"Azula is ruthless," Zuko deadpanned, glaring past Y/N and at the figure she assumed was his sister, "You don't need to be a threat for her to assume you are one."

Maurice crawled in Y/N's lap when she didn't give Zuko an answer, staring up at her with wide, imploring eyes. The girl waited for him to say something, but the chimp only shook his head, barely catching the disappointment and fear in his eyes as he curled up in her arms and worked on falling going to sleep. Y/N didn't need Maurice to voice his thoughts to know what he was thinking.

This is where they would part ways with Zuko.

* * *

At the ass-crack of dawn, Zuko had shook both Y/N and Maurice awake, much to both their dismay. Y/N was still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as he helped her out of the tree, apologizing for what must have been shitty sleep (his words, not hers), displease with the almost obnoxious yawn he'd gotten in response. He snickered as she echoed his apology back to him, though it was a forced laugh as his eyes kept drifting to where the tank was still sitting by the lake, it's stillness awfully deceptive of the danger that hid within.

"I guess this is where we say goodbye," Y/N said bitterly, offering him a thin smile. She didn't want to listen to Zuko utter out one apology after the next as he tried to explain himself, cutting straight to the chase rather than walking around the obvious. Her straightforwardness had never been an attractive straight, but it sure as hell came in handy now.

"I have to follow her," Zuko replied, his tone sad as he stared down at her with pursed lips and stress written on his forehead, "I can't- no, I don't want to risk you getting hurt because of her. Or because of me."

Y/N went to reach for him, but stopped herself, begging him with her eyes instead, "Zuko, she'll kill you."

"She's not even looking for me right now," he argued quietly, though there was no real fire to his voice as he spoke, "She's headed where we came from. I bet you she's looking for the Avatar."

"You still want to find him,” Y/N mumbled her realization after a beat of silence, trying to quell her disappointment, "You still want to regain your honor and father's love."

He was silent, contemplating whether it would be worth answering her question. Y/N could feel the inner conflict within him and bit her lip, guilt replacing her disappointment. She sighed before he could answer her question, opening her arms tentatively in an invitation for a hug. She waited, allowing him to come to her. Zuko's eyes widened, surprised, but he didn't hesitate to instantly wrap his arms around her, his eyes drifting shut at her warmth. Maurice watched them from the tree, jumping down to land on Zuko's back and wrap his arms around the fire bender's head.

"I understand," Y/N whispered in his ear, tightening her arms around him before releasing him, "Just... try not to die out there, okay?"

"I'll try my best," Zuko promised, reaching behind him to grab Maurice and smile at him. It was forced and tight, but it was better than the stoic expression he'd sported when they first took him in, "Take care of her Maurice."

The monkey purred at him sadly and nodded, patting Zuko's head once before slipping out of his grasp and climbing up into Y/N's arms. The weight of her chimp was a meager comfort, one that was close to useless in lightening the sadness that weighed her gut down. She watched bitterly as Zuko grabbed his belongings and started walking towards the tank, stealthily hiding behind it and latching onto the back once the three girls had climbed back inside, none the wiser of the intruder that had stuck to their vehicle.

Y/N slipped behind the tree they'd slept in to avoid being seen, her heart heavy as the tank roared to life and continued on its journey. She wasn't sure if the desolation in her heart was hers or an imitation of Zuko's, but she took a deep breath and started walking, refusing to turn around to see if he was watching her as she left.

She didn't want to be disheartened if she found he'd already forgotten about her.


	6. links

### v - links

Weeks passed where Y/N and Maurice only had one another as company. They’d passed through several towns in that time, performing for the sake of sustaining themselves and keeping them busy. At least, it was a means to keep Y/N's mind busy. As Maurice had put it bluntly, she'd dull. Uncharacteristically so. And where watching her dance used to light the chimp up with pride, it had only hurt him these past few weeks: Y/N's heart simply wasn't in her dances anymore, and anyone who knew her could see that. Of course, she was always perfect. No spectators would be any wiser of her damp mood, but Maurice had reproached her on her sullen attitude enough times now for her to know she needed to pull herself together. If not for the performances, then for their survival.

It didn't help that none of the towns they had passed through clicked with her, and thus they never stayed long. The constant moving had been the main source of Y/N's stress lately, frustrated with herself for being unable to settle down, and with the cities themselves for simply not being enough. They’d become nomads in the truest sense, and Maurice, who’d been so used to having a roof over his head, was not happy with it, despite how hard he tried to sympathize with the sudden shift in Y/N's mood.

“Y/N, please,” he begged her one night, a safe distance from the fire she’d started but close enough that he could poke it incessantly in his stress, “Let’s stay at least a few nights in the next town we come across. I’m tired of having to eat flees and bugs. I want food, _real_ food.”

Y/N stared at him, unimpressed, “You know, you’re probably the most spoiled monkey I know.”

“I better be the only monkey you know,” Maurice grumbled, “And you need a real bed too. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how tense your shoulders are.”

“That’s usually what happens when you sleep on the ground.”

“Exactly! So please, for both our sakes, let’s find a _real_ bed, even if it's just for a few nights,” Maurice beseeched, eyes filled with a pitiful desperation.

"Unless we decide to stay semi-permanently, it would just be a waste of time," Y/N tried to argue, though she couldn't deny the soreness in her bones or the way her heart had been yearning for fruit. The idea of fresh fruit was strangely appealing, and she could feel herself salivating at the thought of strawberries, apples, or... mangoes...

"Waste of time, my ass!" her argument had not been well received, apparently, as Maurice threw the stick into the fire in favor of pulling at his fur as he reprimanded her, "I won't pretend to understand what's going through your mind, because I don't even _know_ what's gotten into you lately. But I do know that you've been neglecting your health. Whatever it is that's bothering you, if you're not going to talk about it, for the love of god don't let it _kill_ you. You're so much better than that. When have you ever been the time to let anything best you, hm?"

And Y/N had thought hard on his words that night, kept awake as they rang through her head. She herself wasn't sure what had changed, if she were being honest. But she feared where her mind would go if she allowed herself to dwell on it, the mere prospect of her sulking like a prepubescent child because of some _boy_ , of all the godawful things, causing a scowl to form on her face.

Maurice was right, and of course he was: when was he not? And she'd never tell him as much, for he was confident in the fact enough as it was. But it was with a muttered grumble that she'd promised him next morning that they'd find an inn, barely able to contain the amused smirk that threatened to crack when Maurice had cheered loudly.

They didn’t stumble upon another town for a few more nights, but when they did, it was easy enough to secure a room at one of the local inns. Maurice had been insistent on simple paying for a few nights, but Y/N knew better than to waste their money on accommodations; in all the years they'd been traveling, she'd learn a thing or two from the _many_ mistakes she'd made, most of which had been related to being scammed over room prices. It had been easy enough to swipe the keys from the counter as she flirted with the young bellboy, and part of the little money they had left was used to buy Maurice and herself a bag of fruits, if only to appease the grumpy monkey.

The inn was comfortable enough, with spacious rooms and even more spacious beds. The one thing that truly irked Y/N, however, was the amount of noise the walls simply couldn't seem to keep out. The town they had stopped in was alight with excited chatter and the piercing screams of children, with almost every villager keen on catching some passing circus's final show.

Y/N personally had no interest in watching a squabbling band of sadists torture animals for the entertainment of others, only to be rewarded with a few pretty pennies, and she scoffed at the flyers hanging around the inn. Her heart ached for the animals held there, lips pursed as she wished there was something she could do for them, fighting back the almost animalistic urge to rip the flyers off the wall and reprimand the inn owner for advertising such a barbaric spectacle.

"We could break them out," Maurice suggested when he took note of her silent rage, quickly regretting his words and shaking his head with a frown, "Forget I suggested that. It's a horrible idea and all it will do is get you in trouble. Again."

And yet, despite the very rational warning, the idea stuck with Y/N. It lingered in her mind late into the evening as they settled in for bed and the loud villagers had found their way to the tent, and she wanted to laugh at how easy it would be. She looked over to Maurice, fists clenching as she imagined him in the place of any other circus animal there. Heart set, she grabbed her belongings and safely tucked Maurice away in one of her bags, thankful for once that he slept like a rock, and left the inn, leaving the keys on the front desk.

Unsurprisingly, the circus wasn't hard to find. She only needed to follow the cheering and bright lights before she was standing in front of the grandiose tent. The sheer lack of security was laughable, and she idly entertained the idea of someone else attempting a similar coup.

The crowd and circus master were distracted enough when she snuck in through the back entrance, bile rising in her throat when she saw the caged animals. The species housed varied, each one more frightening and dangerous than the next, but the same fear and misery was reflected in their eyes. Smiling gently at the first animal she approached, she made a shushing motion with her fingers and pulled out a few hair-clips stowed in the side pocket of her bag, wiggling her eyebrows at the confused animal.

Only slightly worried by the sheer amount of noise coming from the other side of the curtain, she made quick work of the locks; tents weren't exactly known for being soundproof, after all, and the last thing she needed was for Maurice to wake up and make a fuss out of her spontaneity. But the chimp slept soundly, barely even disturbed as she ran from one cage to the next.

With the locks all undone, Y/N ushered all the animals out from where she came with quiet orders, smiling as they thanked her on their way out. Only when all the cages were empty was she satisfied, and her chest puffed out with pride for what she'd just done. The circus could suffer, for all she cared. Call it karma.

The only problem nagging the back of her mind was the cage that had already been empty when she arrived. From the sounds coming from the crowd, ranging from awed gasps to pained roars, she could guess that whatever poor soul lived in that cage was currently entertaining the locals. Frowning, she exited the tent to make her way to the front entrance, determined to free the animal before the show ended.

However, Y/N quickly found that that wasn't necessary.

Just as she reached the ticket booth, grumbling as she readied to pay for a ticket, the excited cheering morphed into terrified screams, and she looked up just in time to see a bison emerge from the top of the tent. A grin broke out on her face as she watched it fly away, and the empathetic pain she'd felt was settled knowing the circus masters had slim to no chances of catching up to it. They weren't air benders, after all: not exactly suited to fly.

"The animals all escaped!" someone yelled, both Y/N and the kid manning the booth startled by the sheer amount of panic in the newcomer's voice, "We need to find them!"

Y/N snorted, "Good luck with that. They're probably long gone by now."

The looks she got from the two circus employs had her straightening up, and she took that as her cue to make a run for it. Taking off in a sprint, she only faintly registered someone ordering that everyone chase after her before she broke into the tree-line of the surrounding woods. It was dark enough that the chances of her tripping over a root and breaking something were pretty damn high, but it also meant anyone chasing after her would have an even harder time finding her through the greenery.

She headed in the direction she saw the bison fly, hoping she'd get lucky and managed to hitch a ride. Wouldn't that be something?

Her lungs burned and her legs ached the further and longer she ran, but eventually the enraged yells from the circus men faded away, as did the glow of the torches they carried. She was relieved, of course, but completely and utterly lost too. The woods were creepy enough as is, and the notion that she was isolated and alone didn't sit well with Y/N. At least she had Maurice.

So much for a good night's sleep, however.

Walking for what felt like hours, Y/N eventually found a cave she could shelter in for the night, and just on time too. A storm was coming, with the light of the moon obscured by clouds and the distant sound of thunder rumbling in the distance.

Letting out a tired sigh, Y/N set her belongings down, collapsing beside them unceremoniously. Maurice had slept through the chaos, unsurprisingly enough, his snores echoing in the empty space of the cave. Y/N was just as ready to join Maurice in the dreamworld, her eyes slowly falling shut, but a frightened groan had them snapping back open, wide and alert.

Turning onto her stomach, her already wide eyes all but popped out of their sockets at the sight of the bison from the circus, curled up at the back the cave, its large form retreating further when it noticed her eyes on him. Tentatively, Y/N moved onto her knees, bottom resting on her heels and restraining herself from making any sudden moves. Poor thing looked terrified out of its wits, and she had to wonder what it had to go through at the hands of circus masters to be reverted to this state.

"Hey there big guy," she pacified, voice gentle as she spoke, "I'm not going hurt you, alright?"

The bison only whimpered, moving even further back at her voice. A frown found its way on her face and she raised her hands in a sign of peace, staying rooted to her spot. The bison looked at her warily, its eyes tracking her every move, and Y/N's heart was beating so fast she thought it might pop out of her chest.

"What's your name?" she asked it, voice gentle.

A rumble and the bison finally spoke, though its voice was meek and small, "Appa."

"That's a lovely name, Appa," Y/N smiled, slowly moving to stand on her feet, refraining from stepping closer without his permission, "May I come closer to you?"

A grunt was the only response she got. She took the lack of aggression in said grunt as permission to move forward, though she moved slowly, giving the bison a chance to warn her against getting too close.

"Are you lost, Appa?" she inquired, taking another seat a safe distance from the bison. Whether it was for its safety or her own, she wasn't sure, "Don't you have an owner?"

"The Avatar," Appa replied, its eyes sad as he spoke of his companion, "We got separated, out in the desert. I don't know where he is, and I have no idea where to even start looking."

The surprise Y/N felt at learning of Appa's owner was overshadowed by her empathy as she sent him a sad smile, "I'm sorry to hear that."

"You're the girl who set the other circus animals free, aren't you?"

"Yes," Y/N admitted, a blush on her face at being caught so easily, "It wasn't right, keeping them in captivity like that. They deserved to be free, out in the wild, where they belong."

"Thank you," Appa practically whispered, his eyes trained on the floor, "Aang would respect someone like you."

Hesitant, Y/N shuffled closer. The bison watched her cautiously as she did so, but when he didn't move backwards, Y/N smiled and continued approaching him, albeit slowly, "I can help you find him, if you want."

And if bison's could cry, Y/N wouldn't know. But the look Appa was giving her now made her believe that maybe, just _maybe_ it could be a possibility, his eyes shining with hope despite the underlying suspicion in them. She smiled at him as mulled over her proposition, giving him the time to decide for himself whether he wanted to trust her or not. With everything Y/N could only imagine he's been through, she didn't hold it against him for not jumping onto the opportunity to be around humans again.

He nodded and Y/N released a breath of relief. Had he refused her help, it sure as hell would have made for an awkward situation, “I’m not going to hurt you, alright. But if I touch, I have a feeling it will make finding Aang much easier for me. Are you alright with that?"

Appa looked at her weirdly, likely confused, but nodded again nonetheless. And again, Y/N gave him a promising smile, one she hoped would convey that she had no malicious intentions. With her hand outstretched, she reached out to touch his nose, keeping from giggling at how cold and wet it was. She could only hope whatever happened when she'd touched Zuko would happen now, and she prayed and prayed for something, _anything_ that could lead them to the Avatar.

Her eyes fell shut almost instinctively and a flurry of images raced behind her eyelids, much like it had when she’d touched Zuko hands. Except the images this time were far sweeter, heartwarming too, and small tears formed in her closed eyes at the sheer emotion she felt from watching Appa grow up alongside Aang. The bison watched her, fascinated as she grew emotional and wondering what it was she was seeing exactly. Or doing, for that matter.

Through the physical link they had formed and with the intention she had set, Y/N's five senses were overwhelmed by everything Appa had experienced in his life, from his deepest joy to his strongest pain. Her head spun from the sheer amount of information and emotion that was being transmitted to her, and his most recent memory sparked the strange desire to burn the circus she had just ran from to the ground.

"Thank you for sharing," she said wetly as she pulled her hand away, holding it close to her chest and bowing to the bison, "It makes my job much easier."

"Will you be able to find him?" Appa asked, desperation leaking into his voice.

Looking up at him, Y/N found that disappointing the bison would do nothing but cripple her already fragile mental state. Her eyes drifted lower and widened at the bright light that emerged from the bison, and she followed it with her eyes, turning around to see it lead outside of the cave. And while she had never seen anything like it before, she had a good guess as to what it was and where it would lead them.

Y/N nodded at him and hope flared in his eyes, "You two have a strong bond. The strongest one I think I've ever seen. With how bright your link is, finding him will be like stealing candy from a baby."

And it was true. Their link was strong, and all they would have to do is follow the trail that had manifested itself out Appa.

"For now, though," she said, returning to her bag and bringing it closer to the bison and settling her head on it, "We should rest. We probably have a long journey ahead of us."

* * *

Needless to say, Maurice was not happy when he woke up in a cave instead of the warm bed he had fallen asleep on. He only needed to rub the sleep-induced haze out of his eyes before he had blown up on Y/N, reprimanding her for her recklessness and hero-complex for what was likely the millionth time in her lifetime. She had winced at his words, fully aware her scolding was well deserved; still, getting yelled at by a monkey, of all things, was never good for one's pride.

The scene had pulled a laugh out of Appa, at the very least, and Maurice had jumped three feet high in his fear at the boisterous sound. Y/N had received a scathing glare from her companion once the realization of what she had roped them into dawned on him.

It was only when they took to the air that Y/N was fed up with the bitching and pestering, turning around from her seat at the reigns to glare at Maurice, who was holding onto Appa's fur for dear life as they flew. He didn't seem to notice the murderous glow to her eyes as she spoke, too preoccupied with trying not to fall to his death, "Give it a rest, Maurice."

"I will not!" he bellowed, crawling with a death-like grip on the fur until he was right behind Y/N, "I'm seriously wondering if your goal in life really _is_ to get us both killed!"

"It was your idea in the first place," Y/N huffed, rolling her eyes before releasing one of the reigns and grabbing Maurice, shoving him in her bag, "And you're going to pull out Appa's fur like that. Just stay in there and stay safe."

"I'll never be safe so long as I stay with you, I'm starting to realized."

Y/N grunted, "Drama queen."

All the while, Appa focused on his flying, following Y/N's directions well enough as she kept her eyes on the bright line that she hoped would lead them straight to Aang. From the link she had created last night, Y/N could feel the excitement in the bison and it warmed her heart to feel just how much important the Avatar was to him. It made her only more determined to reunite the two as soon as possible, and she found herself just as disappointed as the bison when night fell and they had yet to reach Aang.

"We should stop for the night," Y/N suggested, pouting at the sad sound that came from Appa, "I know, kid. But we'll find him soon, I promise. I hope."

"Are you able to tell how far we are from him?" Appa rumbled, his voice causing a series of tremors that reverberated through Y/N from where she was sat.

She shook her head, quickly realizing the bison couldn't actually see her at the moment, "No, I can't tell. But the link isn't going to disappear anytime soon. I can feel through you how eager he is to find you too, which is only making his scent that much stronger."

"You can smell him?" Appa questioned, confusion in his voice.

Y/N let out a laugh at the notion, "It's an expression. I can't _actually_ smell him."

They landed smoothly and Maurice all but flung himself onto the floor of the temple they decided the rest in for the night, worshipping and praising the ground. It earned him an amused eyeball from Y/N, who had apparently enjoyed the flight far more than he did. She dismissed the nostalgia that overcame Appa as she scanned the surroundings, only satisfied when she couldn't sense any immediate danger.

The temple itself looked deserted enough, and Y/N doubted anyone would find them here, much less bring them any trouble. She reached into her bag and passed an apple to Maurice before feeding Appa too, petting the fur above his nose as she coaxed him into eating from her hand. Once they'd all been fed, she turned around, both Appa and Maurice hot on her heels, and set off to walk through the temple, giddy at the idea of exploring somewhere new. It had been too long she stopped anywhere that actually called to her, and she could just tell that mysteries and secrets were written within the walls of the temple.

The beauty of it was nothing Y/N could simply dismiss either. From the ornate columns to the intricate carvings, the temple was a man-made eldorado. One could only imagine what it had looked like in its prime, before time had bitten away at its beauty, and Y/N idly wondered what kind of force could possibly run-out the people who had built this utopia and were privileged enough to call it home.

Her hands reached out to trace the faded carvings, the nostalgia she'd felt upon arrival swelling within her once again. She turned to Appa who's eyes were even sadder than they had been earlier, and she glanced back to the carvings, one symbol standing out to her. The bison's sadness and the nostalgia swirling within her suddenly made so much more sense, her fingers tracing the Symbol or Air. And if she had tracked their route even semi-accurately, then they must have ended up in the Eastern Air Temple. Bitterness rose within her as she realized that no force had chased anyone out of here: they'd simply slaughtered them.

"I didn't expect to find one of your kind out here tonight."

A scream tore it's way out of Y/N's throat and she swung around, falling into a shaky defensive stance. She still wasn't sure if she had proper form, but the man in front of her looked intimidated enough as he raised his hands in surrender.

"I mean no harm!" he rushed out, an uneasy grin on his face, "I just got excited! I never thought I'd feel the energy of your people in my lifetime!"

"What? 'My people?' The hell are you talking about?" Y/N hissed, still wary despite the fact that this man was in no way, shape, or form a worthy opponent, "Did you take something? Do you need to sober up?"

"What are you suggesting?" the stranger chuckled, lowering his hands and smiling at Y/N, "You sound far more confused than I expected you to be."

"Well, when some stranger sneaks up on you and starts spouting about energies and 'my kind of people' like I'm supposed to know what that means, can you blame me for getting suspicious?" Y/N scoffed, slowly relaxing out her stand and shaking her head, "Honestly, the shit I have to deal with sometimes. Never expected one of those things to be a man zoinked out of his mind…"

The man pouted at that, his wrinkled face pulled strangely as he harrumphed, "I'm not high."

"Shame, I would have asked if you would be willing to share."

Her teasing came as a surprise to the man, who looked at her strangely before chuckling once more, "Well, there is no better way to get to know someone then to smoke a little with them."

The dense nuggets he had pulled out as a peace offering had Y/N raising an impressed eyebrow and grinning almost maniacally, not even having to think twice as she followed the stranger to wherever he had set up for the evening. Maurice's approval was not something she wanted nor needed, as the monkey found great amusement in watching her ramble on pointlessly every time her head got foggy. Her eyes felt like they could pop out at any moment and her mind was swirling with thoughts she was currently too slow to keep up with, and yet, it was the calmest Y/N had felt in the past few weeks.

"I want to dance," she muttered, turning to the stranger who'd startled her, who she’d learned was a guru named Pathik, "I'm a dancer, you know."

"If you dance, I think my head might start spinning again," Pathik mused, the blunt statement causing the grin on Y/N's face to drop almost instantly and her nose to crinkle in a cringe.

"Oh god, please don't puke," Y/N begged, moving to stand up with Maurice and Appa's wary eyes glued to her. As she tried to push herself up, however, she felt her head get heavy and inhaled sharply, promptly sitting back down with a shake of her head and a snicker, "Never mind. I don't think I can get up like this."

Pathik laughed and sat up himself, much to Y/N's awe, staring down at her with wonder in his eyes. She shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny, staring up at the stars and trying her hardest to ignore the weight of his gaze on her. If she ignored it long enough, she was sure he would look away... eventually. He hummed curiously before lying back down, joining her in her admiration of the tonight's constellations.

"You know, you're a rare breed, Y/N," he mumbled, words slightly slurred.

"I'm well aware," she giggled, trying her hardest to enunciate through her embarrassingly severe case of cotton-tongue, "I get enough people telling me how special I am."

"No, I mean you're _literally_ a rare species," Pathikinsisted, though he didn't seem to care to elaborate, "You may not know it yet, and if you don't, it's not my place to tell you. But you are the legacy of one of the greatest nations to ever exist."

"There are only four nations."

"History has forced us to forget the fifth," Pathik sighed out solemnly, shaking his head at her seemingly lack of knowledge, "You are destined to be another story in the stars."

Y/N frowned. Even through her herb induced haze, she knew this was a conversation she wasn't ready to have, "Listen buddy, I have no idea what you're talking about. And I don't want to be 'written in the stars,' whatever that means. I don't mind my cosmic insignificance. I like not owing the universe anything."

"While there is a beauty in insignificance, we as people have a responsibility to keep alive the memory and legacy of those before us. Even if you do not want it, you have always been destined to matter in this world, even if it is in the smallest way imaginable," Pathik preached, and Y/N could feel the start of a headache forming in her temples, likely caused by how much he was making her think, "You're not ready to know it yet, much less why, but you are important. Y/N."

"Explain it to me," Y/N muttered, her request coming out more as an order as she grew frustrated with her confusion.

"Y/N, maybe it's best that you sleep," Maurice told her, waddling over and sitting on her chest, forcing her to remain lying down, "You're too high for this."

Closing her eyes, Y/N nodded submissively, "You're right."

"Don't worry about it for now, Y/N," Pathik tried to reassure, his eyes hazy as he smiled at her, "I probably shouldn't have said anything, but there is no need for you to think of what has been said tonight until you are ready to learn your truth. So, for now, forget everything I've just said!"

Easier said than done.


	7. the kids of Ba Sing Se I

### vi - the kids of Ba Sing Se (pt.1)

Y/N and her band of animals left the temple with full bellies and a message for the Avatar, per Pathik's generosity and request. She thanked and bowed to Pathik, promising him she would return when she was ready to know of her destiny.

"Oh, I won't be able to tell you your destiny," Pathik had laughed, a sparkly in his eyes, "But I can help you understand your past."

As ominous as the words had been, Y/N tried to push them to the back of her mind and continue to live without the burden of whatever the hell Pathik had been spouting on about that night. She learned early on that there was no point in focusing your energy in things that did not serve you, and strange declarations from a man high off his ass most definitely would not serve Y/N. Yet.

The flight was long and tiresome, having left at dawn and continued past dusk, per Appa's instance. The trail was getting thicker the longer they flew, a sure sign they were getting closer, and Y/N could have cried with relief as she felt the Avatar's presence grow stronger. Even if she hadn't formed that link with Appa, she was sure it would have been hard to miss Aang's aura; it was so potent and powerful, beyond anything she had ever felt, she thought she might crumble under the force of it.

Aang's link to Appa led them right to Ba Sing Se, and Y/N raised an eyebrow at the drill sticking out of the outer wall. She'd been to Ba Sing Se before, and she was almost certain that hadn't been there on her lest trip. Maurice, who peered out of her bag to stare at the city's skyline looked down at the contraption curiously.

"What do you think it is?"

"I have no idea," Y/N murmured, unable to make out the symbol on top, but sure it meant nothing good for them, "Appa, head to the heart of the city. It'll be easier for me to find Aang's exact location from there."

Appa listened well, flying just above the clouds before swooping down, and although Y/N doubted the Avatar was an enemy to the Earth Kingdom, something told her to be grateful they'd arrived at night, when no one would be able to see them that well. A flying bison was particularly hard to miss during the day and, until they found Aang, Y/N felt far more comfortable keeping their heads down and going unnoticed.

Hopping off the bison as soon as they landed, she looked around to find the trail was the thickest and brightest it had been throughout their entire journey. She smiled, motioning for Appa to follow her as she started to move down the street. Still tucked in her bag, Maurice peeked out, poking hip.

"I think we're being watched," he whispered, eyes glancing around them frantically.

Y/N stiffened, but made an effort not to show it, continuing to walk like she hadn't noticed anything. A figure sped by in her peripheral, fast enough she could have missed it if she weren't alert, and hopping from one rooftop to the next to keep her from seeing It clearly. Scooting closer to Appa, Y/N climbed on his back, patting his head when he looked at her with confusion.

"Is everything alright?"

She shook her head lightly, eyes still trained on the rooftops, "Lightly float off the ground. We're being followed."

"Why float?" he asked, but heeded her request nonetheless.

"We're in the Earth Kingdom, no?" Y/N told him, urging him to move faster as tension grew, "Whoever's watching us is likely an earth bender, if they even are a bender. Staying off the ground might make it easier for us to avoid traps. And, it'll be easier to make a quick escape if worse comes to worse."

Appa hummed his agreement and flew faster, apartments zipping past them as Y/N guided him down the trail. Maurice, who's head was still poking out, gave Y/N an approving nod, and she beamed at the silent praise. It was much coming from him, what with how much she'd been grating his nerves since they'd left their last apartment with Zuko.

Zuko. Y/N hadn't thought of him since she'd found Appa, which, in all fairness, wasn't that long ago. She briefly wondered if he was okay, or if he'd been caught by the Fire Nation soldiers, or worse, his sister. The idea of him being dragged back to his home in cuffs sent a shiver down Y/N's spine, and she forced the image out of her head. Simply picturing him in a cell, shivering, alone, and likely in a worse state than he'd been in when she found him made her want to hurl. Crown prince of the Fire Nation or not, he was a good soul. He didn't deserve that; the short time she'd spent with him was proof enough of that fact.

Y/N was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of someone landing in front of Appa and a wall of rock rising in front of them, a small yelp leaving her lips as she steered the bison to fly higher. She turned around in time to see another attacker land on Appa's rump, and her eyes hardened as she secured the straps of her bag, taking Maurice out and giving him a pointed look as he held on to Appa's fur.

"Appa, turn left in ten meters, then keep straight!" she called, standing to face her opponent, "Your friend shouldn't bee too far from then on."

Taking an offensive stance, Y/N grinned, waiting for the earth bender to strike first. And strike first he did, running at her as best as he could while balancing himself on Appa's back. Y/N dodged his first strike swiftly, having grown accustomed to how rocky flying with Appa could get, grabbing his arm as it passed over her head and attempting to throw him off. Of course, someone as small as her only had so much strength in her body, especially when considering she'd only trained a few days, and the guy didn't fly very far. She huffed her disappointment, growling slightly at the roar Appa let out when the earth bender grabbed onto his fur to keep from falling off completely.

And if people didn't know about their arrival yet, the thundering echo of Appa's cry would surely inform them.

The man charged at her again and Y/N ducked as he aimed a kick at her head, swinging downwards instead and knocking his legs out from under him. His knees buckled and he fell rather unceremoniously, and Y/N took the opportunity to send her foot flying into his stomach and him off of Appa. She allowed herself to smirk as he topple over, self-satisfaction running through her: her legs always had been stronger than her arms.

Her satisfaction was short lived, however, as a boulder came flying at her faster than she could react. Y/N only narrowly dodged it, hissing as it grazed her arm and left a deep gash. Her eyes shot to the attacker on the rooftop who continuously sent one rock after the next while pursuing them, and Y/N felt her breath start to get heavy as she leapt into the air, twirling and spinning to avoid the boulders being sent her way. She couldn't keep this up forever, that much she knew, but she'd have to last at least until they reached the Avatar. Y/N had no doubt that, if he didn't reassure them she was no threat, he'd at least be able to put them down.

Suddenly, Appa came to a screeching halt and Y/N felt the air get knocked out of her lungs as she fell over, raising her arms above her head as a boulder came hurtling towards it. But when she felt debris instead of something crushing her head, she blinked up, surprised to find that the once huge boulder had been reduced to nothing but pebbles. Another earth bender?

Her question was soon answered as she stood back up, dusting the rubble off her and turning around to find a bald, tattooed kid hugging Appa's nose tightly. Her expression softened as she felt Appa's purrs rumble up her legs, sliding down his body and catching Maurice who had flung himself at her. She could feel the monkey shaking in her arms and she cooed, not dissimilarly to how the bald kid was cooing, stroking the chimp's face with her index and muttering small reassurances to him.

"You found me, buddy," the kid muttered out, his voice think with sleep and emotion, and Y/N was suddenly struck with the realization that they'd just found the Avatar.

Her relief, however, quickly faded when she felt something sharp against the base of her spine, and Y/N tensed, immediately placing Maurice back in her bag and raising her hands in surrender. Doing so hurt her bleeding arm and she winced, but made no sudden moves, turning around to face another kid with a ponytail. His eyes were menacing, as were those of the two girls flanking him, and Y/N offered them the best pacifying smile she could muster.

"Hi," she tried, extending one hand as though they would shake it, "I found your bison."

"Who are you?" one of the girls flanking Ponytail growled, and Y/N took note of the physical similarity between her and ponytail, "And how did you find Appa?"

"I kind of saved him after he escaped a circus," Y/N shrugged, pointing to Appa with her other thumb and offering them a pout, "He was all beat up and traumatized. It would have been wrong for me to just leave him like that..."

"And how did you find us?" Ponytail continued, his tone just as menacing as his eyes.

"I followed a trail that would lead us to you," Y/N explained, sighing when the two she assumed were siblings narrowed their eyes at her, "Appa and Aang's bonds are strong. I just had to tap into that to track him down."

To her surprise, the two siblings turned to the third girl, who was staring at the floor with her lips pursed, "She's telling the truth."

The certainty with which she spoke surprised Y/N, and she dully noted that the third girl was blind, her eyes milky and staring at the ground, but not really looking at it. Y/N tilted her head in intrigue and confusion, watching the blind girl and the siblings relax as Ponytail lowered his sword and offered her an apologetic smile.

"Sorry about that," he said, and Y/N waved the apology off, "And thank you for bringing Appa back to us."

"She brought Appa back?"

Y/N turned at the new voice, swallowing down her nerves as she came face to face with Aang. _The_ Avatar. She had no doubt he could obliterate her into smithereens if she said the wrong thing, and she nodded hesitantly in answer to his question.

She didn't expect the kid to throw his arms around her when he charged, wrapping her up in a tight hug that had her choking for air. A small gasp left her at the contact and more memories of him and Appa flooded her mind, far more sentimental than those she had seen when peeking through the bison's brain. Y/N felt her heart stutter at the pure, innocent love coursing through the kid, and she smiled lightly before hesitantly wrapping her own arms around him, patting his head and trying to keep from admiring how smooth it was.

"Thank you," he whispered into the hug, pulling away with shining eyes.

Fighting the urge to wipe his tears, Y/N pat his shoulder once before letting go, wincing once more as pain shot up her injured arm, "Don't sweat it kid. It was nothing."

"You're injured," Ponytail's sister pointed out with a frown, and Y/N looked down at her bleeding arm with a frown, "C'mon, if you come back with us, I can fix you up in no time."

"Oh, that's alright," Y/N shook her head, smiling sheepishly despite Maurice who was grumbling she should get it checked out, "I'd hate to be a burden."

"We insist," Ponytail pushed, and Y/N found it harder to stand and refuse the more she bled, "It's the least we can do for everything you've done for Appa. Please."

His plea had Y/N nodding, and she followed them back to their accommodations, still clutching her arm and trying to keep from toppling over. She hadn't thought the wound was that severe in all honesty, but the intensity at which blood was gushing out said otherwise. She was soon proven horribly wrong in her assumptions as her eyes started rolling back and her knees buckled, the only thing keeping her from falling over completely being the blind girl who'd had caught her.

"Easy there," the girl muttered, and Y/N idly wondered how she'd been so quick in catching her. And how was she so strong, "We don't need you passing out on us before we get back to the apartment."

Y/N huffed out a chuckle, "Sorry."

She spent the rest of the short walk leaning against the girl, who's name she learned was Toph, and all but slumped into the closest seat she found as soon as they walked into the luxurious apartment. It was far nicer than any apartment Y/N had ever rented or subleased, and she cringed at the droplets of blood she got on the carpet and floors. That would certainly leave a stain, and Y/N knew firsthand how difficult getting blood out of hardwood could be.

"Let me see your arm," Ponytail's sister ordered gently, and Y/N extended it to her as she grabbed a jug of water, "Let me know if I hurt you, alright."

A small hum was the only response she got, and Y/N watched in awe as the girl's hands started glowing a deep blue, bending the water to go over her wound and slowly heal it. She'd never seen anyone water bend, having only been exposed to Mushi's tea warming techniques and Zuko lighting a fire at night, and she found herself entranced by the smooth, fluid motion of the girl's movements. 

"That's so dope," she whispered to herself, flushing as the girl giggled.

"I'm Katara, and this is my brother Sokka," the girl introduced, pointing back to ponytail who waved enthusiastically. Y/N noted the lack of energy radiating off him and surmised he was no bender, but knew better than to assume he was no less powerful, "And you've met Toph and Aang."

Y/N's gaze then turned to the two in question, and she noted the sturdiness of Toph's energy and the easy going nature Aang radiated. Never in her life did she think she'd experience an Air Nomad's presence, and a small part of her danced excitedly knowing she'd been one of the lucky few. That excitement was the only thing that could quell her nerves really, and she held onto it as she smiled at Katara who was still working on her arm.

"Y/N," she introduced shortly, nodding in greeting to the others, "Thank you for taking care of me. I'll be out of your hair as soon as you're done with this."

"Nonsense," Katara scoffed, the roll of her eyes adding on to her motherly tone, "I doubt you have anywhere to stay in Ba Sing Se. We have extra rooms. Take your pick."

The invitation was appreciated and one Y/N knew would be stupid to pass up. Her silence was enough of an answer for the others, and she relaxed into the chair she was sitting in, eyes falling shut as she focused on anything but the slowly subsiding pain in her arm. It was strange, feeling the water ebb it away instead of allowing the skin to fix itself on it's one, and she smiled at the thought of how useful this skill was. Oh, to be a water bender. Or any bender, really.

In her attempt to distract herself, Y/N found herself slowly feeling out the energies in the room, making for a weird combination with the various backgrounds they all came from. With Aang's Air Nomad past, he clashed horribly with Toph, and Y/N had to hold in a giggle as she felt the solidness of her aura try to fight back against his free, almost flimsy nature. She'd met people from Earth Kingdom before, obviously, but Toph seemed particularly stubborn compared to people she'd met in the past. Perhaps it was a personal thing.

And then there were the siblings, whose nature was both so similar, yet polar opposites. While Katara had a presence that just screamed motherly, Sokka seemed so much relaxed, almost childlike, though there was an underlying sense of responsibility to it. Like a mask, almost. And yet, despite their differences, there was a fluidity to them, one that not only complimented the other, but also complimented everyone else in the room. They were adaptable, Y/N idly realized, making the most out of every situation and likely good at handling themselves in stations where thinking on the fly was of the essence. Problem solvers, if you will, and Y/N found herself slowly feeling at ease around them.

Despite the clash of energies, there was a certain serenity encompassing the entire room, one that made her dangerously comfortable. Maurice would no doubt scold her for it if she ever voiced her tranquility, but the chimp himself seemed oddly relaxed as he curled up in her lap, his tail shining languidly.

'Hypocrite,' was all Y/N could think, shaking her head as she realized he was just as susceptible to letting his guard down as she was.

"How long do you plan on staying Ba Sing Se?" Aang asked once Katara was finished, snapping Y/N out of her thoughts.

She rolled her elbow, testing out her arm as she answered, pleased to find any lingering pain was nowhere to be found, "As long as I need to. I don't have anywhere to go as of now, so I hope you don't mind if I take advantage of your generosity for a while."

"Stay as long as you need to," Katara said, and Y/N shot her a thankful smile. For both the offer and the healing, and she hoped the smile conveyed as much.

"Is there anything I should know about this place? Any danger I should keep an eye out for?" Y/N asked them, smirking at the surprised looks they sent her way, "What? The first thing that happened to me when I got here was an attack. I doubt that's a coincidence. I can feel how on edge you all are. I think it's safe to assume Ba Sing Se isn't as much of a haven as the world thinks it is."

Sokka sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he supplied an explanation, "It is, but only because the government is pretending the war doesn't exist. Those men that attacked you? They're Dai Li agents, and they're supposed to be peacekeepers around here. All they really do though is protect the notion that there is no war."

"It's ridiculous, and now that we have Appa, I say we blow this popsicle stand," Toph huffed, and Y/N couldn't help but agree with her, "This place is a shithole."

Y/N snorted at her crude language, running her fingers through Maurice's fur as she felt him tense, "I hope you don't mind if I stay here, if you guys do chose to leave."

"The apartment is mine, so like Katara said, you can stay as long as you like," Aang promised, and Y/N nodded in understanding, "But I do think we should stay. We should at least get to the Earth King and let him know that the war is happening."

"Well, yeah," Sokka agreed, but the furrow to his brow indicated that he too realized there was a flaw to Aang's plan, "But how are we supposed to do that?"

There was a silence that settled over them as they all frowned, realizing that perhaps proving a war existed to people who'd been raised to think peace reigned over would be more difficult than anticipated. Something came to mind, however, and Y/N snapped her fingers as an idea popped her head, all eyes moving to her at the sharp sound.

"I saw something sticking out of the outer wall on my way here," she told them, smiling as Sokka's eyes brightened up while the others blinked at her, and she could practically see the gears turning in his head. Definitely a smart one, which Y/N had no doubt could be far more useful than any kind of bending, "I couldn't make out what it really was in the dark, and I didn't want to keep Appa from you guys for too long, so I didn't investigate. Whatever it was though, I know for a fact that is hostile."

"It's a drill the Fire Nation used to try and get into Ba Sing Se," Katara told her, seemingly coming to the same conclusion Sokka already came to, "But how could you tell it was hostile."

Y/N shrugged, "A gut feeling."

"If we showed the drill to the Earth King, we could definitely convince him and get Long Feng out of office! We just need to find a way to actually talk to the Earth King _without_ any of the Dai Li finding out and trying to stop us," Sokka rambled, a plan already forming in his head. The sight was endearing, and Y/N felt herself smiling softly at the kid despite her confusion as to who Long Feng was.

"Long Feng is the Grand Secretariat and leader of the Dai Li. He basically runs the place for the Earth King. A real dipshit, if you ask me," Toph muttered to her, and Y/N chuckled, brushing off her questions of how she had picked up on her confusion, "Okay, we can do that, but after that, we skip town?"

"Depends on how that goes," Aang told her, smiling sheepishly as Toph started sulking. Y/N decided then and there that Toph was her kind of gal, scolding the urges that demanded she take the young girl under her wing, "Who knows, maybe after that the Earth Kingdom will need us to form some kind of strategy."

"Sokka seems like the type who could be good with that," Y/N agreed, snickering when the boy in question flushed at her praise.

Confirming her assumptions of being levelheaded, Katara hummed out her agreement, "You're right. But we can figure all that out _after_ we've spoken to the Earth King. For now, let's focus on one thing at a time."

Nodding, Y/N continued to run her fingers through Maurice's fur, the motion grounding and the familiar feeling of his coarse hairs soothing her as she realized the predicament she was in. Never had she thought she'd meet the Avatar and his friends, much less have a say in the direction the war would go in. It was exhilarating, to say the least, but also daunting. Much more daunting than all the expectant eyes that suddenly turned to her, save for Toph's, the hope they radiated building anticipation in her as she waited for their next words.

"If you wanted, you could help us," Aang suggested, and Y/N felt her chest swell with pride and appreciation: they'd known her for not even an hour and they were already willing to put so much trust in her.

"As much as I'd love to, I might have to sit this one out," Y/N sighed, smiling apologetically as they all deflated, "I don't have much experience in battles or confrontation of any kind. I don't know how useful I'd be, and I'd hate to hold any of you back. But, I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines!"

Her last statement earned a small laugh from them, and Y/N beamed as Katara nodded, "That's fair. And I suppose it isn't fair of us to ask more of you when you've already done so much for us."

"That's not the issue at all," Y/N scolded teasingly, shaking her head, "And if you ever do need my help, I'll come running."

"But how will you know if we do?" Aang frowned, and Y/N smiled knowingly.

"I'll have a gut feeling," she mused, her words vague but conveying enough promise, in her opinion, "You have a strong presence, kid. I don't doubt I'd be able to sense your helplessness from the other side of the globe."

That got a full blown laugh out of them, the mere prospect of the Avatar ever being helpless amusing them all to no extent. And Y/N would be the first to admit the ridiculousness of her statement, joining them in their jubilation with her own embarrassed giggles. She smiled as they invited her around the table, serving her and Maurice a warm meal she hadn't even realized she was in desperate need of, their bright attitudes alleviating her momentarily of any troubles she had.

She had found good- no, amazing allies, she realized as she want to bed that night, a serene smile on her face, and hope blossomed in her chest that she'd be able to take care of them as they had her.


	8. the kids of Ba Sing Se II

### vii - the kids of Ba Sing Se (pt.2)

The sunsets in Ba Sing Se were truly a sight to behold. The golden glow of the sun’s rays cast a heavenly light on the earth toned buildings, and Y/N found herself star struck the first time she ever sat on the rooftop in hopes of catching the last rays of sunlight. She could only stare as the sun disappeared behind the Outer Wall and left the night sky open for the moon to take center stage. She’d always thought herself to be a creature of the night, thriving under the stars and the stories they told, but Ba Sing Se made her reevaluate the conclusion she’d come to so long ago. Perhaps she was more of a sunset kind of gal.

Y/N stayed much longer in the city than she had expected to, the bed Aang and his friends had offered her far more comfortable than she’d anticipated and calling out to her every night. There was no specific reason for her to stay, unless you counted the unholy amount of tips she received for her performances, but something in her told her she needed to stay. Just one more night, she’d tell herself every morning, and before she knew it she’d been in Ba Sing Se for a week. Aang had left a few days to meet with Pathik, dropping Sokka off along the way to join his father, and Y/N idly wondered why she hadn’t left with them when the invitation was extended her way. It wasn’t like she even wanted to stay in the city, no matter how beautiful the sunset may have been or how heavy her coin pouch may have gotten.

Coming onto the end of her second and Y/N was giving what felt like her fiftieth performance, the fire she’d temporarily lost reignited, and with a vengeance too. The people seemed to love her here, readily and greedily using her as a distraction from the sudden revelation that the Earth Kingdom had been at war for a hundred years.

The huge smile on her face stayed intact as she danced, a genuine one too as she twirled around in small steps, limbs curving and straightening out as her arms extended in front of her in a perfect circle. Her head spun belatedly with her body, if only to keep her from getting dizzy too fast, but the crowd appreciated it as she made eye contact and fleetingly held it with some before spinning away. Her glances, brief as they may have been, captivated them and they found themselves leaning in for more, craving for more, hoping to catch her eye just _one last time_.

For the first time since she and Zuko had parted ways, Y/N was starting to feel that adrenaline rush that dancing had always sent coursing through her, and she intended to milk that feeling for as long as possible. Even Pathik’s words were free of her mind as she danced in the streets of Ba Sing Se; she truly became the personification of freedom in those short weeks.

Her dance ended and Y/N was barely out of breath, contradicting how fast her heart was beating as she curtsied. Even Maurice was hollering wildly, his hands hitting the drums in quick successions to spur the crowd’s cheers into growing louder and their pockets lighter.

She gathered her pouch, pleasantly surprised by the weight of it, and thanked the crowd. A familiar smile caught her eye quickly as she did her rounds, standing on the outskirts and shining with what looked like fondness, and a small gasp left her lips. Y/N broke out into an elated grin and started pushing through the crowd, evading the greedy hands of her spectators, Maurice scrambling not too far behind her.

“Mushi!” she called, engulfing him in a hug with an excited laugh, “It’s so good to see you!”

“Likewise, Y/N,” he chuckled, wrapping his arms around her and smiling at the chimp trailing behind her, “Hello Maurice.”

The monkey in question chattered back at him, climbing up Y/N’s shoulder to look down on the older fire bender. Y/N smiled, scratching the back of Maurice’s head before turning back Mushi, “Not that I’m disappointed, but what are you doing in Ba Sing Se? I thought you were out looking for your nephew.”

“I found him,” Mushi stated happily, but his smile quickly dropped, “We’ve come here as refugees, but I’m afraid he’s gotten sick.”

“Mushi, I’m so sorry to hear that,” she said solemnly, eyebrows turning down as she took in just worried Mushi was. And she was sorry to hear as much. Y/N understood how important Mushi’s nephew was to him, and to hear he was sick made her heart ache for the man, “Is there anything I can do to help? Anything at all?”

Mushi paused, lips pursed and brows furrowed as he thought, “Walk with me?”

Y/N grinned at the offer, offering her own arm in exchange and linking it with his, allowing him to guide her through the bustling streets. It was quiet for a few minutes, save for the chatter of the other pedestrians around them, and Y/N didn’t try to pull or pry anything out of him, giving Mushi all the time he needed to gather his thoughts and piece together how he wanted to go about talking to her. If he so chose to, that is.

“I don’t even know how to help him,” Mushi said dejectedly, running his free hand over his face, “He’s so stubborn, and you’d think in his current state he wouldn’t be able to fight me off. How he ever survived out there on his own is beyond me.”

"What's your nephew sick with?" Y/N asked, wincing at her own straightforwardness, "Sorry. That was rather straightforward of me."

"No, no, it's alright." Mushi assured, chuckling at her frantic panic, "I told you he left to find himself, yes?" Y/N nodded, silent and unwilling to interrupt, "He might have found something close enough. His mind is fighting his heart, his past his self. He is confused, and the sickness is a physical manifestation of the battle inside of him."

Y/N was skeptical to his explanation, and had to keep from giggling as she wondered whether the poor man was off his rocker. Or perhaps his nephew simply was _that_ dramatic, "And what is it that caused this battle in him?"

"I think he met someone," Mushi smiled, looking up to the sky as though thanking some higher being for the blessing. Y/N felt her own lips tug into the tiniest of smile, looking away from Mushi, feeling as though she was intruding his thoughts, "He's been distracted lately, smiling to himself at the oddest of moments and drifting off into his head at the _worst_ of times."

"Maybe he's just happy?"

Mushi snorted, "If you knew my nephew, you would not have said that."

Y/N laughed with him, shaking her head slightly, "I'll take your word for it. Give your nephew my congratulations. Finding someone worth fighting for is one of the best joys of life."

"You can tell him yourself!" Mushi exclaimed, eyes bright, "Come help me tend to him."

“Oh, no, I wouldn't want to impose," Y/N argued, lips pursed.

"Nonsense! I could use a helping hand. You seem like a strong girl, and my nephew is stubborn. Whip him up into shape for me."

A huff left Y/N and she chuckled, shaking her head as she felt her composure crumble, "I'll do my best. Though I can't promise that I'll actually get him to listen to me either. He doesn't sound like he'd take kindly to a stranger bossing him around."

"You are right," Mushi agreed, nodding solemnly as he led her down a street Y/N didn’t recognize, "But I have faith in your abilities."

The walk to the outer ring was short, and Y/N found the quaintness of Mushi's apartment homely as opposed to trashy. Contrasting to the grandeur of the apartments in the first ring of Ba Sing Se, Aang’s apartment especially, the outer ring was a reminder of the cities she had previously found temporary homes in, of the apartments she had subleased for a few months or a few years, and a strange sense of longing came over her.

A creak echoed throughout the apartment as the dingy door opened, and Mushi winced at the volume of the sound. He turned to Y/N and gestured that she stay quiet, to which Y/N only nodded, assuming his nephew had been sleeping when Mushi left earlier in the day. The apartment, though eerily quiet, was scarcely decorated and smelled strongly of ginseng tea, and Y/N had half the mind to ask for a cup. Or, if she was bold enough, snoop through the cabinets in search for a blend of green tea that called out to her.

"Uncle? Is that you?"

Wait a minute. Y/N recognized that voice.

"Lee! I brought a guest. Or, guests, if you count animals”

Peeking over Mushi's shoulder, Y/N's eyes widened at the sight of the familiar scar and hair, though much longer than it was when she had last seen him.

"Zuko?"

"Y/N? What are you doing here? How do you know my uncle?"

"I- We met a few days before I met you," Y/N said, baffled at the new information, "Wait, Mushi is your uncle?! _You're_ the nephew he keeps telling me about?"

"Well, that makes introductions much easier for me!"

Y/N's head snapped to Mushi, who seemed particularly relieved to find that the two already knew each other. If Y/N didn’t know any better, she’d say he was delighted, smug even, if the smirk on his face was anything to go by. He hummed as he walked further into the apartment, preparing a pot of tea as Y/N narrowed her eyes at him.

"Your name isn't actually Mushi, is it?" she asked, and though it came out more as a statement, there was no hostility to her tone, "You're General Iroh: the Dragon of the West."

"Yes, but I can assure you, I am of no threat to you Y/N," Iroh smiled, offering her a cup as he shot a knowing glance between her and Zuko, "Though I suppose you already knew that."

A small 'huh' left Y/N's lips and she stared off into the wall behind Zuko, slumping onto the ground. The tea in her cup sloshed a little and burnt her thigh and fingers, but she paid it no attention as she tried to process what she had just discovered. Jostled by her sudden landing, Maurice crawled out of the bag before squealing in excitement and bounding towards Zuko. The sick prince laughed and opened his arms to the monkey, and Y/N found she couldn’t help but coo fondly at the interaction.

She smiled to Zuko, who didn’t seem taken aback in the slightest by the chimp’s excitement, "Someone missed you. Took him long enough to finally start liking you, though that’s not so strange: Maurice has never really liked people, aside from me.”

"I suppose miracles are possible," Iroh mused, joining Y/N on the floor and sipping at his tea, "Zuko is particularly bad with animals, but your monkey seems to be the exception."

Zuko glared at his uncle and went to answer, but a coughing fit stopped him before he could utter a syllable. Maurice jumped out of his lap, startled, and both Y/N and Iroh shot to their feet to help, the latter spilling tea on the floor in the process. A blush ran up his neck as he took note of the mistake he’d made in his haste, one Y/N was almost sure had been intentional when he excused himself with a smirk under the pretense of grabbing a rag. Y/N, who's tea was still intact in her cup, walked slowly to Zuko and rubbed his back in slow circles as he continued coughing.

He looked up at her with almost doe-like eyes, confused by the tenderness of her touch, but Zuko found himself leaning into her hand despite said confusion. Y/N only offered him a soft smile, lifting her tea cup to his lips and feeding him slowly, not wanting for him to drink too quickly and start choking. It was strange, feeding tea to a grown man, but Y/N reminded herself that this _was_ the reason she accepted Iroh's invitation in the first place.

"Thank you," Zuko rasped, hand on her wrist as he pushed it down and the cup out of his face.

Again, Y/N only smiled, nodding to Iroh as he passed her a wet cloth, the one he hadn’t used to clean up his mess. She pushed Zuko's growing fringe out of his face and pressed the cloth to his forehead, face twisted in concentration as she wiped at the sweat that had gathered on his skin, taking care to avoid being too rough.

A feeling of anxiety that she knew wasn't hers spiked inside her, and she startled, turning around to check on Maurice. The monkey was fine, snooping through the two fire benders’ belongings and muttering to himself about hidden treasures or fruit. Y/N wasn't sure which one it was, and frankly, she didn’t particularly care. But if it wasn't Maurice's anxiety she was feeling, then that only left... She turned back to Zuko, resuming her patting with the cloth; she hadn't even realized she’d stopped.

The sick boy couldn't seem to take his eyes off her, a flush running from his cheeks to his ears that could have either stemmed from embarrassment or his fever. Both were plausible, but one would explain the anxiety Y/N was almost sure was radiating off of him. Unless she was the one feeling anxious, but that didn't make sense, because what plausible, not to mention rational reason could she have to be anxious around Zuko?

"You're overthinking," she muttered to herself, face pulled into a frown. Zuko hummed a question in response, and Y/N’s eyes flicker down at him, shaking her head with pursed lips, "Nothing. Just talking to myself."

He continued to stare at her, and rather intently at that, and this time Y/N knew the way her heart sped up was because of her and not some stupid empathy skill she potentially had. She stared back, hand moving down to his neck and turning far more tender than before. From the corner of the room, Iroh noticed the slight tension between the two and smiled knowingly, slipping silently out of the apartment to give them some privacy.

"Why are you in Ba Sing Se?" Zuko asked, voice quiet as he kept from straining his voice, "Not that it's not good to see you... I just didn't _expect_ to see you, and this doesn't really seem like your scene, you know?"

Y/N laughed, shaking her head, "It isn't. Big cities make me feel nervous and small. But, I could get used to how big my tips are, I'll admit."

Zuko smiled at that, "You're still dancing?"

"Everyday that I can," Y/N sighed, no longer paying attention to her hands as they started wandering and stroked over his collarbones, "It is my job, in case you've forgotten."

"Right," Zuko coughed, and Y/N shielded her nose and mouth as he did so, "Sorry."

“No need to be."

There was another silence that passed between them, and Y/N finally came to her senses, lifting her hand right as it started drifting to his chest. Clearing her throat sharply, she moved to the back of his neck, maneuvering to kneel behind him and wipe at the sweat that had gathered there. She probably needed to change the cloth, in all honesty, or at least wet it again, but a part of her didn't want to move away from Zuko.

"Is that why you're in Ba Sing Se?" Zuko started the conversation again, but this time, Y/N was confused. When she didn't answer, he continued, albeit hesitantly, “For your dancing. Did you come to Ba Sing Se to dance?"

"Oh!" Y/N could slap herself for being so slow, but she refrained from doing so, scolding herself silently for losing track of their conversation so quickly, "No, I actually came to return a bison to its owner."

Zuko whirled around at that, eyes wide. He seemed a little faint from the fast movement, but, apparently, Y/N was the only one to notice, "You met the Avatar? He's in Ba Sing Se?"

"Zuko, stop," Y/N reprimanded, no real bite to her tone, lips pursed as she glared gently at the overly-ambitious kid, "He was in the city. He left a few days ago. But even if he was still here, you're in no state to be chasing after him right now. You need to take care of yourself before you go off on a wild goose chase for the sake of pleasing someone else."

Her words hit close to home, she realized belatedly, shutting her eyes tightly and mouthing a silent curse. Zuko tried to keep from visibly wincing, but Y/N could still see the hurt in his eyes. She sighed, continuing to wipe down his neck, though much gentler now. If that was even possible.

"Sorry," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper, "I didn't mean to offend."

"It's alright," Zuko replied, though Y/N got the inkling that it wasn't, "You may not understand, but you're not exactly wrong."

"I'm usually not," she mused, her tone light and teasing.

A terse smile is all she got in response, and Y/N took that as her cue to replace the rag. It was getting gross anyway, and she pulled a face at the smell it was emitting. She didn’t get far in her mission to replace it, however, as a hand grabbed on to her wrist, keeping her in place. Zuko looked so small, his grip around her wrist barely there and his lip pulled between his teeth, the tug he gave her arm meek and weak. Y/N shot him a confused look, but didn’t move or pull her hand away, turning instead to face him fully.

“Stay with me,” he whispered.

She swallowed heavily, breathing deeply in hopes of calming down the static pace her heartbeat had fallen into the moment he’d touched her. Nodding, she moved her hand to link with his, lacing there fingers and rubbing her thumb against the back of his hand as she sat down beside him. And though she tried to keep her distance, for the sake of his comfort and, perhaps, her physical, he was quick to scoot closer, close enough that their sides were completely pressed against each other. She didn’t even try to fight the heat that crawled up her neck when he rested his head against her shoulder, hesitating for only a second before throwing all caution out of the wind and leaning her head against his.

‘He’s just sick,’ she thought, reminding herself not to overthink anything.

* * *

Y/N, much to her surprise, ended up staying the night with Iroh and Zuko.

Even more surprising, she found she slept much better in the slums of the city than under her plush covers in the inner rings. That small sense of danger, the atmosphere itself, was far more familiar to her than the safety of the suburbs, and sleeping with her raised guard miles high was something she was far more accustomed to. Even Maurice, pampered as he liked to pretend to be and as much as Y/N spoiled him, preferred the adrenaline of sleeping without the certainty that he wouldn’t get robbed in his sleep. It was strange, they both knew it, yet it was also comforting. It felt more like home than the inner ring, to put it simply.

The broken curtains in the apartment allowed the first rays of the day to stream into the room and Y/N woke up with the sun for the first time since she arrived in Ba Sing Se, feeling far more refreshed than she’d anticipated. Her two hosts, already used to the dingy apartment and its broken aspects, slept soundly despite the blinding light, and Y/N made an effort to move around quietly as she prepared breakfast for them. It was the least she could do.

Maurice watched her from the corner of the room, “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

“It’s only polite that I make breakfast,” Y/N argued, heating up the rice and keeping her eyes on the fruit braising on the stove, praying she wouldn’t burn it, “Zuko did it for me last time. I should return the favor.”

“I’m talking about taking care of Zuko,” Maurice clarified, “Nice as they may be, they’re still from the Fire Nation. Who knows how quickly they could turn on you?”

“Hush, we’re not going to talk about our hosts like that when we’re still under their roof,” Y/N scolded, shooting Maurice a disappointed look from the corner of her eyes, “Now stop talking. Just because they can’t understand you doesn’t mean they can’t hear you. In case you didn’t notice, they’re still sleeping, and I’d rather they stayed that way. Especially Zuko. He’s still sick, he should get as much rest as he can.”

“I’m just looking out for you.”

And Y/N knew that. She also knew that Maurice wasn’t wrong, especially if she looked at the situation from every angle. But had never been a firm believer in the idea that your past defined you; she’d had to learn that the hard way. It had its perks though. For one, meeting people with an open mind and open heart had made it much more likable, and she had no doubt that living without prejudice was doing wonders for her karmic cycle. She’d be the first to admit that it had been hard, at first, but enough mental training had taught Y/N to welcome those who gave her no reason not to. Would she trust any of them with her life? God no. She aspired to be kind, yes, but never stupid.

Plus, she tended to be a good judge of character most of the time.

Neither Iroh nor Zuko woke up until the food was ready, blinking blearily as the smell of roasting fruit roused them out of their sleep and towards Y/N, Zuko leaning over her shoulder as he greeted her with a groggy ‘good morning.’ Y/N couldn't help but smile at how helpless and innocent they looked, chuckling out her own greeting and slapping his hand away when he tried to sneak some of the fruit. How anyone could just assume they were ruthless warriors at first glance, she had no idea.

They ate the average breakfast in a comfortable silence, and Y/N noted that Zuko looked far better than he had the night before. She could say the good night’s rest was a major factor, but her gut was telling her that perhaps some of the inner conflict he’d been dealing with had been resolved. At the very least, he might be getting there. Iroh sure seemed to think so as he smiled a proud smile at his nephew, watching Zuko carefully and how relaxed his face seemed.

"What are you up to for the rest of today, my dear?" Iroh asked Y/N as he took her bowl, scowling when she tried to get up to help him.

Her lap now free, Maurice crawled in it and curled up next to her belly, effectively keeping Y/N from standing up and helping Iroh with the dishes, "I should probably check in with my other hosts. They're likely worried about me and wondering why I didn't come back last night."

"Of course," Iroh hummed, speaking up over the running water, "Anything _interesting_?"

Y/N snorted, and Zuko bit back a laugh. Thinking it over, Y/N shrugged before shooting Zuko a wide smile, "I might go dance later in the afternoon. But there's this restaurant by the city square that has the most amazing smelling dumplings and I’ve been wanting to see if they taste as good as they smell. I'd love to have company. If I do go and eat there, that is..."

"Well, _I'm_ busy tonight," Iroh replied, turning to Zuko with a pointed look as Y/N deflated, "But Zuko isn't!"

"Really? Would you want to join me?" Y/N perked up instantly, and Zuko had a hard time saying no when she was looking at him with that sparkle in her eyes.

"I do owe you a meal…” he trailed off, feigning disinterest even though he knew he’d accept.

"Nonsense, your lessons on _form_ were payment enough for last time," Y/N waved off, brandishing her coin pouch and shaking it aggressively, the jingling of her tips eliciting an excitement in her, "Plus, I just got paid!"

"I don't know, Y/N... I'd feel bad taking from you. You’ve done enough for me as it.”

'No, you just don't want to owe me anything,' Y/N thought with a scoff, refraining from rolling her eyes at his pride. Instead of voicing her thoughts though, she forced her smile to widen and latched onto his arm, tugging on it and pouting as if that would make her case anymore convincing, "You're not taking anything from me, Hothead, I swear. C'mon! Say yes. It'll be my treat and I know you’ll have a great time.”

Zuko nodded his agreement, which didn’t surprise anyone in the room, and Y/N had to smother the butterflies forming in her stomach. It wouldn’t do her any good to think too hard on the excitement racing through her, nor the nerves that had started to fester in her gut. She didn’t overthink the fondness in his eyes as he watched her vibrate with excitement, and heart absolutely did not do a terribly soft _thing_ when he tenderly grabbed the hand still holding his arm and squeezed it gently, making no effort to pull it away. And Y/N definitely did not have to squash the urge to reach out and stroke his cheek, fighting back the adoring smile her lips tried to curl into.

She was probably sick, she concluded, ignoring the feelings she refused to allow herself.


	9. the kids of Ba Sing Se III

### viii - the kids of Ba Sing Se (pt.3)

Starting up a conversation with Zuko was much easier this time around than it had been the first time they'd had dinner together. Of course, it was to be expected; he’d already been strangely comfortable with her after knowing her for only one night, and the days they’d spent together after that did not but ignite a spark that had already been there. But the ease with which he carried himself now lit the smallest flicker of joy in Y/N's heart. Perhaps it was the city, or the inner conflict he was facing, or maybe even her, as much as she’d like to hope, but Zuko just seemed so much more... happy than when she first met him.

"So you're telling me," Zuko laughed, making futile efforts to not to choke on his dumpling as Y/N brought him up to date on her adventures, questioning whether they’d really been that funny, "That you freed an entire _circus_ of animals and drove the business to bankruptcy?”

"It was well deserved," Y/N huffed, crossing her arms defensively, "Animal cruelty is the second most pathetic and cowardly thing to exist."

"And what's the first?" Zuko chuckled, amused by her pout.

"Choosing whipped icing to decorate your cake instead of buttercream," Y/N said, dead serious as she plopped a dumpling into her mouth, "Or child abuse. Either or."

Zuko cast his eyes away from her at her words, nearly dropping his chopsticks as he mulled over her words. 'Child abuse.' That's technically... what he'd been through, no? But his father loved him, he was sure of it. The inner conflict he'd been dealing with only grew, and with it his frustration as the loose grip on his chopsticks suddenly tightened, and the utensils snapped.

Attention drawn by the sharp sound, and the sudden spike of anger in Zuko’s presence, Y/N looked at him, her expression turning sour and mirroring his.

"Zuko, is everything alright?" she asked quietly, setting down the dumpling she'd been about to eat and reaching over to rest her hand on his forearm. Even through the fabric of his top, she could feel how he tensed at the contact, and Y/N realized the mistake in her words and actions, eyes widening. Not wanting to overstep his boundaries, she cleared her throat awkwardly and pulled away, masking the sadness that threatened to gloss over her eyes, "Oh god, don't tell me you're one of _those_ fools that ices his cakes with whipped icing."

He blinked at her, a slow smile forming on his lips, "That's exactly it."

His answer, though short, was sufficient enough to ease any tension that could have lingered, and Y/N relaxed considerably, leaning back into her seat with a dramatic roll of her eyes. She happily resumed her dumpling eating, blissfully unaware of the eyes on her as she voice her contentment with a hum. And as Y/N continued to rave on about how amazing the restaurant and its food was, Zuko couldn't find it in him to provide a substantial response, only stare as he wondered how a girl like Y/N was able to be so kind to a guy like him.

"You plan on eating those dumplings?"

The question directed at him snapped him out of his musings. His gaze moved from her plate to his own, and he scowled, brining a hand around it as though it would protect his food from her wandering chopsticks, "Yes."

"Shame," Y/N sighed, wrapping up a few of her own dumplings in a napkin and sneaking them into her bag, "Maurice will throw a fit if I don't bring any back to him."

"We could just order more," Zuko pointed out, snorting as she frowned down at her now near empty plate, glaring at the bareness of it as though it had personally offended her.

"You forget that I'm paying," Y/N retorted, resting her chin in her hands as she watched Zuko eat. It unnerved him; it felt like she was looking right into his soul, even if he was doing something as mundane as eating.

Shrugging, Zuko continued to chew on his food, "Well, you wouldn't have that problem if you would just let me pay."

But Y/N saw through his farce, lips curling into a smirk as she shook her head vehemently, “Nope, not going to happen."

"Why?"

"Because dancing on the streets brings a lot more cash than you'd think. I always have money to spare Zuko," Y/N told him, her gaze hard, "I have a budget, I stick to it, and I’m able to provide for me and Maurice. You... the first time I saw you, I thought you'd collapse from exhaustion, or malnutrition, or something just as horrible and awful. I want you to have money to spare in case, god forbid, you have to leave Ba Sing Se again."

Zuko's eyes softened, "One meal isn't going to make that big of a difference, Y/N."

"It's the principle of it," she insisted, lips pursed when he tried to argue with her again, "Just let me do this. I'll sleep easier at night."

"Fine," Zuko relented after a moment's consideration, "But just so you know, if and when I leave Ba Sing Se, it's going to be under circumstances where money isn’t something I’ll have to worry about anymore."

The implication of that sentence had Y/N's heart dropping the tiniest bit, and she looked away from him, "Then I hope you never leave."

Zuko watched her, scolding himself for feeling so _guilty_ at the sight of her so solemn. Why did he care so much about what some street performer thought of him? Why did the idea of her being disappointed in him send him into a state of panic, into a state where he wanted to kneel before her and beg that she let him back into her good graces?

"You really are something else, Y/N."

"You're not so bad yourself."

Smiling, he put his last dumpling on her plate.

* * *

Walking around Ba Sing Se at night felt different than the daytime, especially on the outer rings of the city. Not that Y/N had ventured out much after the sun had set in the inner rings either, and thus didn't have much to compare the outer ring to. But the difference in the atmospheres was so striking that she couldn't ignore it. Though, it may have just been her company that made the place feel so different, so much more alive, despite it literally being the same city.

The underlying sense of danger she may have felt, had she been wandering alone at night instead, was squashed every time Zuko’s arm brushed against hers as they walked. The warmth he naturally radiated as a fire bender, both physically and spiritually, was a constant reminder that he was nearby. Y/N didn’t like the idea of portraying herself as someone who needed protecting, but his constant presence brought her a simple kind of comfort. And though the evening was by no means chilly, quite the opposite, in fact, what with summer fast approaching, Y/N found herself inching closer to him the longer they walked. She’d later blame it on whatever fear she thought was buried deep within her, or the thin layers she’d opted to wear that that night, but for now she was too engrossed in their conversation to take note of just how close they’d gotten.

"I had a really good time tonight," she told him as they arrived at his apartment, creating a distance between them as she turned to face him, a sincere smile on her face, "Hopefully this isn't the last time we see one another."

"Hopefully," Zuko echoed, smiling back at her as he fished his pockets for his keys.

Y/N stared at him, waiting for him to continue, and when he didn't she punched him in the arm. He yelped and stared at her with wide eyes, and Y/N frowned teasingly at him, "Tell me you had a good time too!"

"I did, I did!" Zuko promised through his chuckles, shaking his head when she beamed proudly at him, "You're ridiculous, you know."

"Maurice reminds me everyday, don't worry."

They stood in silence for a minute, neither too keen on parting ways again, but also unsure of what to say. The sun had set long ago, much to Y/N’s dismay, and she was, admittedly, exhausted. It was definitely way past her bedtime, and even the dumplings in her bag wouldn't stop Maurice from giving her an earful for staying out so late. Not to mention the walk back to the center was in no way appealing.

"I should probably head back inside, finish packing up," he muttered, scratching the back of his neck, "Uncle's probably finished setting up the new teashop. Knowing him, he’ll want to move in first thing tomorrow morning.”

"Right," Y/N nodded, bringing her hand up to bite at the skin around her thumb. Why was her heart beating so fast?

Fortunately for her, Y/N didn't have long to overthink her body’s strange reactions: an enraged cry of Y/N's name caught both of their attentions, startling the girl half to death in the process. Y/N turned to the source and paled at the sight of a betrayed looking Katara. She swore under her breath, ushering Zuko inside with more force than she’d intended and an apologetic smile.

"I'll see you soon, Hothead."

And with that she was sprinting after the water bender, who had quickly turned tail and was taking the fastest route back to the palace. She swore once more and pushed her legs to move faster, calling after Katara desperately.

"Katara, please!" she cried, quickly running out of breath and cursing herself for her terrible lungs. You'd think years of dancing would have improved her stamina: you would be wrong, "Please! My lungs aren’t that great! Just hear me out."

"What is there to listen to?" Katara snapped, whirling around so fast Y/N almost crashed into her. The hurt on her face was evident, and Y/N felt a guilt she didn’t understand clog her throat at the expression, "How am I supposed to trust you now, when for all I know you've been conspiring with the enemy?"

“What the fuck are you on about? I’m not conspiring with anyone, Katara," Y/N swore, eyes pleading. She reached for Katara's hand, the pain in her chest spiking when she pulled it out of reach, "I barely know the dude, I've met him twice."

"Then what were you doing out with him this late at night?!"

"He's my friend!"

Katara froze at that, staring warily at Y/N as she came to a sudden realization, “You’re friends with Prince _Zuko_?"

“He’s a good kid when he wants to be! Just because you’ve only met him in unfortunate circumstances doesn’t mean he’s always an asshole!” Y/N exploded. She took a deep breath, reigning in her temper, “Look, I know you guys don’t particularly like him, and I know I should have said something sooner. But you were all so nice and welcoming and I felt like... it was like I finally belonged somewhere. I didn’t want to ruin that. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me."

Katara's eyes softened, and this time she reached out to grab Y/N's hand, barely taking note of her slight flinch, "I don't hate you. I'm just hurt that you would keep something like this from us. You do know that Aang could have seriously been hurt if Zuko knew he was here."

"Zuko does know," Y/N muttered, tightening her hold on Katara's hand when hers slackened, "But he's not looking for him. Not right now, at least."

The two stood in a tense silence, one so different from the easy nature their relationship had blossomed into before Katara found her with Zuko. The water bender was nitpicking Y/N with her eyes, searching for any signs of dishonesty, while Y/N barely seemed to be able to look at her. She kept her gaze glued to the ground, feeling ashamed and embarrassed for something as trivial as having _friends_.

"I have to report him to the Earth King," Katara stated harshly, though it came out sounding more like an apology, "I know he's your friend, but he's still-"

"You don't have to explain," Y/N interrupted, her tone kind despite the disappointment and worry festering in her gut, "I understand the position you're in, and I know you only want to protect the people you love."

"Please don't hate me," Katara echoed her words from earlier, and Y/N finally smiled.

"Only if you promise me that we can still friends and that you trust me, despite all this."

"As if that's even a question," Katara laughed, and the tension and hostility radiating off her quickly dissipated as though it had never even been there in the first place. Y/N smiled wider, letting out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in. Katara's smile quickly vanished, however, leaving way for guilt, "I really am sorry, you know. He's your friend, and I'm sorry that I have to hurt you like this."

"Katara, it's okay, really. I understand," Y/N promised her, and she did. It was sticky situation for Y/N, what with her friendship with both sides of the war, but for Katara, her duty and loyalty to Aand made her decision an easy one to make, "Just, understand that I can be friends with both you _and_ with him. Without being a some kind of spy for one side or the other."

"I do."

Y/N nodded, "Go to the Earth King then. I know you're just itching to get the information to him, and I’d hate to be the poor soul that gets in your way.”

Katara smiled at Y/N one more time and squeezed her hands before she dashed off, and Y/N could do nothing but watch her leave. A sad smile grew on her face as she glanced back to where Zuko and Iroh's apartment was, and she idly wondered if she should go and warn him of what Katara was about to do. They'd have to leave Ba Sing Se that night, and the thought of forcing them out when Iroh's business was just starting to flourish made Y/N felt like she was doing something terribly wrong. But then again, a failed business was preferable over a jail cell.

She stood rooted in her spot, weighing out both her options. She'd be betraying, in a sense, one party no matter what she did, and neither of her options sat well with her. And the longer she stood, the more her anxiety grew, and Y/N teeth had started nibbling at her thumb as every case scenario ran through her head, trying to pick out which one worked in everyone’s favor.

So consumed by her thoughts, she didn't hear the footsteps behind her nor did she feel the presence creeping up on her, until what she was almost certain was a rock went flying into the side of her head. A gasp left her lips and she brought a hand to her temple, horrified to find the spot was wet and warm. She brought her hands back to her face and stared at them, stained red and spinning, the tiniest of curses leaving her lips before her eyes rolled to the back of her head and her world was consumed by darkness.

Turns out, there had been a third option she hadn’t considered. Fantastic.

* * *

The darkness was suffocating. Still and quiet, there was an eeriness to it that made her time in there seem eternal, and Y/N suddenly understood why solitary confinement was so effective in keeping hospital patients in check. She tried to scream into the void, to plead for help or call out to anyone, but was stricken with horror to find she couldn't even hear her own voice. She couldn't even see her own hands and legs, despite being acutely aware of how much she was shaking. The tears on her face were the only thing she could truly feel, reminding her that she was real and that she hadn't completely ceased to exist. At least, she hoped she hadn’t.

 _Y/N,_ someone said into the void, and she released a small hiccup, _You need to wake up._

Y/N continued to cry silently, both in fear and relief at finally having something to fill up the void surrounding her. She tried to find the source, futilely so as she failed to register that she couldn’t actually see anything.

_Wake up, Y/N._

_Pull yourself together! Wake up!_

Her eyes snapped open, heart still beating erratically from the emptiness that being so completely alone had created in her. The darkness she was submerged in made way for the faint glow of a torch, and Y/N took in her surroundings to find nothing but rock surrounding her. She was being dragged on the floor, her shoulders aching from where her hands were tied above her head and where her captor was dragging her along by. She tried not to panic at the tight grip around her wrists and the enclosed space, closing her eyes and reminding herself that she was in Ba Sing Se, or at least in the tunnels under it. She was safe, to a certain extent.

Tilting her head up, her eyes narrowed as she recognized her captor to be a Dai Li agent, and a small pit of anger and disgust curled within her. And while she thought the two of them had been alone at first, a glance to her left, then her right revealed that she had not one, but three people keeping their eyes on her.

"Three against one?" Y/N hummed, tone sharp and biting, "Seems excessive for a dancer."

"You're an ally of the Avatar," the agent to her left informed, as if she wasn’t already aware of the fact, "It's important we take precautions."

"Ah, yes," Y/N mused, clucking her tongue, "I forgot how dangerous a tied up girl could be. My sincerest apologies.”

Her sarcasm was apparently not taken well, and the agent to her right glared at her, "If you know what's good for you, you'll shut up."

"Make me, dipshit.”

Her challenge was taken, and she was suddenly thrown against the side of the tunnel. The air was knocked out of her lungs at the impact of her back against the wall, and she glared at her captors as one of them fished through his pockets, searching for something to gag her with. He watched her warily as he approached her, hands outstretched with what looked like a cloth in his hands, and Y/N could feel his fear coursing through him.

When his hands were mere inches from her mouth, and Y/N lunged forward, biting harshly on his fingers. He let out a loud cry and she kicked him in the face, thanking the heavens they hadn’t thought to bind her feet. He spluttered and she kicked him again, effectively knocking him out from the force of her second blow. The other agents stood stock still in there shock, and Y/N used the momentary hesitation, throwing herself into a wobbly standing position. Another agent came at her and she hopped over her still bound hands to bring them to her front, wrapping them around his throat and keeping him in a chokehold. The third agent seemed conflicted, hands ready to earth bend, but clearly hesitant in attacking her with his comrade in the line of fire.

A smirk grew on Y/N’s face as his gulp echoed throughout the tunnel, and she tightened her grip on the other man’s throat, only loosening her when he finally went limp in her arms. The only sign he was still alive was the steady rise and fall of his shoulders, the movement much more noticeable to Y/N with her chest pressed to his back.

She released him completely, tossing his body to the side,and the last agent standing moved his arms to send rocks her way. Y/N dodged them easily, sliding on the ground and knocking his feet out from under him as he kept his eyes trained on the other soldiers.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” she sang, dodging another rock that was headed straight for her head, “The tunnel will collapse if you keep going, and we’ll all die. You, me, and your friends here.”

Her words had the agent pausing and he growled, ceasing his bending to try and grab her by the hands instead. A small squeak left her lips as he successfully grabbed her bounds, his grip tight as he kept her from moving and pulled her close to his chest. Her legs would have little use in this position, her arms even less so, and Y/N snarled at him, rearing her head back and slamming it against his nose, whining as her forehead throbbed from the impact. The smallest splatter of blood landed on her shirt as he fell backwards, but his grip on her bounds were still tight and he accidentally ripped them off her, successfully dislocating both her thumbs.

Y/N howled at the pain, staring down at her crippled hands. Her anger, fueled by the throbbing pain, only doubled when she realized the bastard was still conscious. Her gaze remained on him as her eyes narrowed dangerously, the blood streaming out his nose and over his doing little to quell her frustration.

He came at her again, and Y/N lifted her legs to knee him in the gut. Except, she miscalculated and her foot came in contact with his thighs, leaving the agent yelping and toppling over her instead of away from her. He seemed to have the same realization and his jaws moved, trying gnash at her like a rabid animal, and Y/N’s eyes widened at the savageness in his eyes. Startled, and not thinking, she lifted her hands to grab his face, blocking him but also further irritating her thumbs. She let out a scream as another wave of pain seared he hand, but it didn’t last long when they both froze.

It was only as the tunnel started spinning did Y/N realize she was touching him, skin on skin, and her head was thrown back as an onslaught of emotions and memories overcame her.

She could feel everything he was feeling. Fear. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Happiness. Love. It was overwhelming and Y/N’s mouth fell slack and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Every memory this man had ever lived rushed through her, the faces of all the people he’d hurt flashing through her mind at a dizzying pace. She felt his lack of remorse as he took their lives and brainwashed them, the glee he found in torturing some of them and prying screaming children out of their parents’ arms, and her anger rose exponentially.

People like him didn’t deserve to be in this world, when all they’d ever done was spread fear and pain, inflicting it on others and finding euphoria in it. They needed to be gone. Without his kind, the world would be a better, brighter, and far, _far_ safer place. And with every face that flashed before her eyes, her certainty grew: he was a waste of space.

But after the faces he’d hurt came that of the people he’d loved. His wife, children, friends.

He may have been a waste, but he was a waste that people still cared about, that some, strange as it may have been, needed to carry on. There were people out there who relied on him for support and sought him out for comfort, and who did Y/N think she was to decided whether they could ever see him again?

With that painful realization, Y/N finally came to and horror overtook her entire being at the sight before her. Her fingertips were glowing, the pads pressed against the agent's face emitting a light so bright Y/N feared it might burn her. Her gaze moved from her fingers to his face and dread filled her, her heart rising up to her throat and a gag leaving her as she took in the sight. His mouth lay slacked open and his eyes were wide and filled with fear, specks of light floating out of both. They danced in the air above his face and with every speck that came out of him, Y/N saw his physique change. A wrinkle here. A gray hair there. An age spot under his eye. A tooth shriveling up and turning to dust, crumbling into his mouth and causing him to gag.

She was, quite literally, watching him decay, and with every speck of light that left him, it was like another year had been shaved off of the agent’s lifespan.

Terrified of the sight, but mostly herself, Y/N wrenched her hands away and watched the glowing cease, the specks of light fizzle out of existence, and the bright lights that shone in the agent’s eyes and mouth fade out. And though the glowing may have disappeared, its effects were still there, leaving behind an emptiness in his eyes and a ghost of the strong agent who’d fought back mere minutes ago. She scrambled backwards, pressing herself as far away from him as she could, staring at her hands in disgust, before curling them to her chest and hunching over, barely able to keep her dinner down as the image was burned into her mind.

What the hell was she?


	10. ancestry I

### ix - ancestry (pt.1)

Never in her life had Y/N left a city as quickly as she did Ba Sing Se. The few belongings she had were shouldered the minute she got back to the apartment, a confused Maurice in her arms as she scribbled a note for her hosts, thanking them for their kindness and letting them know she was safe, but simply couldn't stay in the city anymore. The vagueness of her note did make her bite her lip in slight guilt, but Y/N just couldn't wait for them to return before taking off.

Getting out of Ba Sing Se had also been much easier than she'd anticipated, with border control strangely relaxed, and Y/N only caught a final glimpse of the sunrise as the train crossed the inner wall and the city was out of sight. Part of her felt like a coward for leaving in such a haste, the same part of her weighed down by guilt for leaving with no real explanation, but she needed answers. And Y/N knew she wouldn't find them here. Her destination was the Eastern Air Temple, where she could only hope Pathik was still staying at and would still be willing to help her understand her past.

Any questions she'd been ignoring, about her past and the strange abilities she'd developed in the last few months, resurfaced in the last few hours, with the memory of the Dai Li agent at the forefront of her mind. She was still shivering from the traumatizing sight, his aged body shriveled up and barely alive, and Y/N found herself almost constantly staring down at her hands in distaste. How she'd even done that, she had no idea; one moment she was wishing him dead, then the next he had been on the verge of it, by Y/N's hands. It wasn't something she ever wanted to do unintentionally again, and thus she needed to learn about her past, whatever that would entail.

Whether Pathik would have the answers to all her questions, she did not know. But she was sure he was her best bet, the only person she'd ever encountered to have even a sliver of knowledge as to what she was. The fact that he knew and Y/N didn't was absurd, and Y/N let out a heavy sigh, leaning her head against the train window.

Maurice watched her warily as this flurry of thoughts ran through her, well aware of where she was headed but no idea how they would get there. Walking would take weeks, she must have realized, and they no longer had access to a flying bison to make their trip easier. And while they could always hitch a ride from a generous stranger, Y/N had no desire to be around people yet.

"I don't know if I'll be able to handle going without a bed for this long," Maurice whined as Y/N boarded the boat that would take them east, questioning whether she even wanted to be around Maurice, "Do you know how terrible that kind of stress is for my fur?"

"Do you know how much of a drama queen you are?" Y/N retorted, adjusting him n her arms to tickle his belly.

He scowled at that, batting her hands away with his paws and tail, "I'm not."

"You're so spoiled too," Y/N continued, pretending to not notice his disgruntled state, "I'll figure something out, don't worry. We could always steal an ostrich-horse."

And steal an ostrich-horse she did. Why she thought that would make her life easier, she didn't know: because while ostrich-horses were faster than humans, they were only marginally so. That, and she now had an extra mouth to feed.

It wasn't too much of a hassle, at the very least, and much to her surprise, they managed to reach the Eastern Temple within a few days, taking little to no breaks during their travels. They'd only take breaks when her new companion requested them, what with Maurice perfectly comfortable with falling asleep in her lap when they rode. And it's not like Y/N wanted to stop to sleep anyways, her nights being plagued with nightmares of not only that godforsaken clearing, but of the Dai Li agent too now. The few nights she did sleep were restless, and the migraines she'd wake up with her effectively turned her off from sleep completely.

And the nights they'd stop for rest and Y/N refused to sleep, she found her mind drifting the short weeks she'd spent in Ba Sing Se, to the connections and memories she'd made. The sad pit in her stomach was preferable to the fear that had all but consumed her, and she'd smile fondly when remembering the small, mundane moments she'd spent with Katara and Toph, as well as Zuko and Iroh.

Her guilt for leaving those two without so much as a note was far heavier than she had expected, and more often than not she'd find herself thinking of the two. Of Zuko especially. And Maurice would tell her she had a crush if she ever chose to voice her thoughts to him, but Y/N wasn't _that_ immature anymore. Or was she?

The mere idea of having a crush seemed ludicrous, and Y/N had thought she was past the age where such trivial feelings would latch onto her. Though she had hoped going to Pathik for answers would clear her head and help her think more rationally, she also doubted the guru would be willing to play schoolgirl and indulge her as she talked about some boy he'd never met. No, this was something Y/N had to figure out for herself, whether it be during her restless nights or after she figured out who she was. Whenever she was ready, really.

Of course, she was exhausted when they'd finally reached the temple, bags heavy under her eyes and body shaking as it screamed at her to sleep. The stuffiness in her head made greeting Pathik an entertaining moment for the guru, as she waved and smiled dopily at him. He approached her cautiously, having noticed her hesitance and how she'd inched away from him the closer her got. Putting a good distance between them, he bowed slightly to her, and Y/N returned the gesture, ignoring the pounding in her head and the way all her blood seemed to rush behind her eyes.

"You came back much sooner than I expected," Pathik confessed when they finally sat down, handing Y/N a cup of onion and banana juice, "What changed?"

"I almost killed someone, and I don't even know how I did it," Y/N replied, finding no need to cut corners, "I want- no, I need answers. I want to understand what happened. Figured you'd be my best bet."

Pathik hummed understandingly, sipping at his juice quietly as he mulled over Y/N's words. She followed, cringing at the bitter taste. He'd insisted she drink it to prepare her body for what was to come, and while Y/N had no idea what he meant by that, she knew better than to question it. She'd eat shit if it meant she could keep this power in check, wouldn't think twice about it.

She kept her eyes trained on Pathik as he stayed silent, sighing loudly the longer it dragged on. Falling backwards onto her back, the cup of juice spilling a little in the process, she stared up at the stars, mustering a small smile. The sky was clear that night and Y/N could make out at least seven constellations, and she mused over the irony of its beauty. She wanted to know how a world filled with so much horror was so beautiful, entertaining the idea of her being a reflection of that.

"You haven't been sleeping well," Pathik finally said, breaking the silence in what almost sounded like an accusation. His perceptiveness unnerved Y/N.

"I'm too scared to sleep," she murmured, eyes falling shut as she huffed out a humorless laugh, "I get nightmares every time I do. Sometimes, I kill the man. Other times, he comes back to life and kills me. He's always crying when he does, asking me why I would separate him from his kids."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Terrified. Guilty," Y/N listed, eyes still closed, "Every time he wraps his hands around my throat, I always feel like I deserve it. His hands are so cold, you know. I know he isn't dead right now, but it's still a reminder that he could be."

A cringe came from Pathik and Y/N could feel the empathetic smile he sent her way, "But these are all fictional case scenarios. None of them happened. They'll are figments of your imaginations."

"I know that," Y/N drawled, lips pulling into a scowl, "It doesn't change the fact that I _could_ have happened. It also doesn't help that, most of the time, what actually happened that night just keeps replaying over and over again. And it's so much more vivid too. It's like I'm a spectator when I dream, watching myself hurt him and helpless to do anything about it. It's terrifying. I'm terrifying."

"You're terrified," Pathik corrected, and Y/N finally opened her eyes to look at him strangely, thinking how nice some herbs would be right now, "You acted out emotion, not out of will. Your actions were a result of your fear. It's defense mechanism, of sorts."

"That doesn't change the fact that I wanted him dead."

"It doesn't," Pathik agreed, and Y/N pursed her lips, "But it does explain your chi's natural reaction to defend its host."

The question was evident in Y/N's eyes, and Pathik didn't need her to voice it to understand she wanted to know more. But he shook his head, and Y/N felt her chest swell with sadness, fighting off the disappointment and tears.

"I promise to tell you more about it in the morning," he assured, offering little consolation, "But for now, you must rest. Your body won't be able to take the stress if you don't."

And so, Y/N rested as best as she could, though it was reluctantly. Pathik's presence helped somewhat, as did the weight of Maurice's tiny body on her chest. But neither stopped her memories from plaguing her that night, the Dai Li's crying face playing on repeat as she slept.

* * *

"She's going to die before she manages this," Maurice muttered to himself, staring at Y/N as she stared at Pathik with her jaw dropped and her eyes wide.

"Excuse me?" she all but cried, making a face when Pathik chuckled.

"Y/N, your chakras are perfectly balanced," he told her, tone turning sympathetic as he continued, "You must have been through something truly traumatic for them to be forced into such a state at such a young age."

"That's an understatement," Maurice piped, grinning sheepishly when Y/N glared at him.

But Pathik ignored the hostility radiating off her, continuing with his explanation, "In order to understand your past, you must communicate with your past life. The only way for you to do that is to close your chakras, but only temporarily. Keeping the chakras closed for too long will result in death, but you must be able to toe that line to get in contact with your past life."

"You _want_ me to die?!"

"Only temporarily," Pathik assured, but Y/N found she was not reassured, "You will enter a meditative state. And I won't let you die today. I'll be there the whole time in case something goes wrong. Trust me."

"I'm going to die."

"Y/N, lie down," Pathik sighed out the order, coming to sit behind her head as she begrudgingly complied, pressing his fingers against her temples, "Focus on your chakras. Focus on your fears, your guilt, your shame, your grief, the lies you tell yourself, the illusions in your life, and the things that tie you to this world. Meditate on them, and let them consume your being. Once you let these consume you, your chakras will be blocked and you will be able to toe in the world of the dead.”

“Don’t die Y/N!”

“Maurice, can it!” Y/N snapped, looking up to Pathik with shaking eyes, “I’m scared.”

Pathik smiled down at her, shaking his head, “Do not be. Close your eyes, and focus on your fears."

Pain. It overtook her body like a fantom’s touch, and she winced at the aching in her bones and the throbbing between her legs. A glimpse of arms stronger than hers, holding her down, and a flash of a sadistic smile, a touch once tender turned violent as it gripped her forearm and left bruises so big, it hurt to even look at them. Those empty eyes that sent terror through her entire being, the way they shone with malice and the promise of pain sending dread and a terrible chill straight to Y/N's core. She shuddered at the memories.

“Your guilt.”

Taking Maurice away from the only home he'd ever known. The devastation on his face when she'd packed up her bags and told him she was leaving, and the sadness in his eyes when he insisted he come with her. She saw the way he had watch their home grow smaller as she ran, the screams of her mother reaching both their ears and ringing in the following days. She saw the longing in her companion’s eyes as he talked about a warm bed to sleep in, heard the disappointment in his tone every time she told him they needed to move onto a new city, one farther from the one she'd grown up in.

She saw Aang's face, and the disappointment he must have felt when he realized she had left Ba Sing Se without saying goodbye, without helping them at a time they probably needed new allies the most. She saw Katara's face when the water bender realized Y/N was friends with Zuko. She saw Zuko, being captured by the Fire Nation and executed at home, all because she hadn't reacted quickly enough and warned him that Katara was going to rat him out to the Earth King.

Y/N wondered how many other people she'd disappointed.

“Your shame.”

The tears she'd let loose in the silence of the night, the weakness she'd let everyone in her village see as she'd screamed and cried and begged to be left alone. The weakness that continued to follow her now, rearing its ugly head in her rare moments of vulnerability. The shivers that wracked her body every night since she'd become a woman, though she never knew if she was shaking from fear or from the chill the void inside her had let in every night. The fact that her transition into womanhood had been anything but her choice.

The face of the Dai Li agent she'd almost killed.

“Your grief.”

A tug at the back of her head, her hair yanked out as slow tears streamed down her face. Her scalp aching for days as she pulled out chunks of hair from being handled too roughly. The way she'd cry at night and would muffle her sobs in her pillow, flinching away from even Maurice's touch whenever he tried to soothe her, tried to pet her hair.

A tuff of locks the same color as hers, the loudest, yet purest cries leaving its tiny, heart shaped lips, only to be snuffed out by the sheer cruelty of the world of the one who had raised her.

Y/N wondered how long it had been since she'd let her hair grow out.

“Your lies.”

Countless sleepless nights, telling herself that she would be fine, that she get out of this hell unscathed. Pointless self-reassurances, whispered into the darkness of her childhood bedroom that it was all a dream, that none of the pain she was experiencing was real, that she was just imagining her life and that one day she would be able to snap out of it and everything would be normal again. Smiling every morning, praying and hoping against hope that one day she would wake up to the soft eyes that once cared for her, when she was a babe, with a fresh meal laid out waiting for her.

She never did see those eyes again.

“Your illusions.”

Her need for touch, for a gentle hand in hers, one she swore would wipe away the hurt she had felt by others. She was convinced all it would take was a simple stroke of her hair, or a pair of arms holding her, protecting her to remind her that not all physical contact resulted in pain. Perhaps that's why she sought it out wherever she could, always waited for others to come to her rather than forcing herself on them; because a touch that was unwarranted could be dangerous, and a touch she didn't actively seek out or ask for meant a world of pain she could only hope to heal from.

Perhaps that was why she learned to not judge others for their past. Hers was so tainted, so painful, so dirty and foul that she was no longer pure. She had told herself for so long no one would ever accept her for it; was that her illusion, or was it her deluded hopes that someone would come along and love her despite her impurities?

Y/N wondered when Pathik would stop reminding her of her past.

“And your earthly tethers.”

A blank. How could she pull a fucking blank on what keeps her grounded, of all things? Was she so consumed in her pain and by her past that even the smallest moments of happiness evaded her mind.

But then her mind drifted to the music in her soul, to her dancing, to the mindlessness of it all. She was suddenly reminded of how fluidly she moved, how easy it was for her to lose herself to the music, to momentarily forget about anything and everything but the sound of drums and cheers surrounding her. She remembered how light she felt as she moved across the streets of more cities than she cared to remember, how the weight of her worries and of her past seemed to vanish like money did out of her spectators wallets. How ironic was it that the times she was never truly on the ground, merely skimming it and floating above it, were the times that tied her to this earth?

“Allow them all to overwhelm you, to consume you. Do not fight them.”

So, she didn't. Hard as it may have been, she kept her focus and pushed through the onslaught of memories, teeth gritted and tears slipping past the corner of her eyes despite how tightly she had shut them. She faintly remembered reaching up and grabbing onto Pathik's wrist, searching for something to hold onto as the mental and emotional pain manifested itself into a physical one. Y/N feared that she may snap the poor guru's arm with how strong her grip was, but in the moment, the only thing she could truly focus on was the raging heat and pain coursing through her.

A cry left her lips as her body started convulsing, trying to reject the energies that were being forced back into her chakras and being forced to stay contained. More tears slipped out of the corner of her eyes as her screams only got louder, and Maurice was forced to look away, to cover his ears. Only Pathik, pained as he may have been watching her in such a state and by the bruise likely forming on his wrist, kept his eyes on her and his grip on her temples strong, well aware that he was the only thing keeping her from truly dying.

And as quickly as that pain came, it was gone.

Y/N stopped screaming, stopped convulsing, stopped crying. It was like her body had completely shut down, which, in a sense, it had. The only thing that indicated she was still alive was the steady rise and fall of her chest. Maurice, confused by the sudden silence, crept closer, peering curiously at Y/N.

"Do not worry, my friend," Pathik told him, eyes still on Y/N despite feeling the monkey's gaze on him, "She has successfully crossed over. Now, we must wait for her to return."

Maurice grumbled, looking back at Y/N and suppressing the worry in his gut. If Pathik said she would be fine, she would be fine. Right? He had nothing to fear. So long as her breathing remained steady and her chest continued moving, he had no reason to believe she wouldn’t come back to him.

On the other side, however, Y/N felt nothing but panic. Upon opening her eyes, she was no longer in the temple, its markings bathed in sunlight and casting shadows that she could have sworn were dancing when she first woke up and was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Now, she was in the very same clearing that had haunted her dreams, and an eerie sense of unease rippled down her spine. If this was another trick of her mind, she was going to scream, and then she was going to hunt down whatever higher being decided it would be fun to make a mockery out of her life.

"Y/N."

That voice. It was the very same voice from her dreams, the one that had both soothed and mocked her, and Y/N felt herself swallow thickly. It was so much clearer now, none of that echoing bullshit, and Y/N turned so fast she thought she might get whiplash.

She wasn't expecting the kind smile and familiar amber eyes looking back at her, "I've waited a long time for this moment, my dear."


	11. ancestry II

### x - ancestry (pt.2)

Y/N stared at the woman, mouth agape and eyes wide, blinking at her as the woman smiled kindly and approached her with open arms. Almost instinctively, Y/N took a step back, casting her a wary glance as she seemed to come to herself and smiled sadly.

There was something about the sadness in her eyes that was oddly familiar, and Y/N felt her heart leap into her throat, sure she had seen that look somewhere before. With cautious steps, Y/N approached her, circling around her as the woman stood still, amused as she watched Y/N inspect her closely. Tentatively, Y/N came back to face her again, waving a hand in front of her eyes. The laugh that left the woman, deep and raspy and sending a flutter through her, startled her.

"I am real, if that's what you're wondering," the woman mused, and Y/N smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry," she mumbled, scratching the back of her head and clearing her throat, "You're the voice I've been hearing, aren't you? The one in my dreams."

"I am," the woman replied, bashful as she averted her gaze, "I'm sorry if I frightened you. I didn't mean to mock you when you were clearly vulnerable, but your confusion was just so... endearing."

That got a frown out of Y/N, and she tilted her head to the side, "You found my pain amusing?"

"Not exactly. It simply reminded me of someone important to me during my lifetime. It was refreshing to see her face again, no matter what emotion was painted across it."

The frown on Y/N's face deepened, and she blinked at the woman, "You mean our lifetime. Pathik said I'd meet my past life in this state..."

"Ah yes," the woman chuckled, shaking her head slightly, "I forgot how bothersome guru's could be. Even when I was alive, they were always poking their heads where they didn't belong. Though I suppose their curiosity did have its perks."

"I'm sorry, but who exactly are you?"

The bluntness of her question pulled another laugh out of the woman, and Y/N found the sound to be more soothing than it had been in her dreams. Hearing it now, seeing its source, sent a rumble of happiness through her, and she idly wondered why it sounded so damn familiar... Why this woman _looked_ so familiar... It must have been the eyes: they had thrown her off the moment Y/N met them.

"My apologies," the woman said, extending her hand for Y/N to shake, "My name is Amirah. It's nice to finally meet you face to face."

"Y/N," she introduced, staring at the offered hand skeptically.

"If you're worried about hurting me when we touch, don't," Amirah assured, having sensed Y/N hesitance and worry, "We're the same, you and I. Your abilities won't be able to hurt me."

Heeding her words, Y/N grabbed her hand and shook it, surprised by the callousness of them. She released a breath when no memories or emotions rushed through, when Amirah's eyes didn't start glowing and her life didn't start stripping away. The bright amber was still present, glowing in a non-mystical way, and Y/N wasn't sure if that settled her nerves any less. At the very least, however, she wasn't hurting Amirah as she shook her hand.

"I'm guessing you have a lot of questions for me."

"You think?" Y/N grumbled, pulling her hand away and wiping it against her leg hastily, "I don't know if you know, but my life has been a bit of shitstorm lately."

"I know," Amirah sighed, her eyes turning pitiful, "I saw it all."

And if Y/N had thought the eyes made her uneasy, that statement sent whole new wave of discomfort through her. She swallowed, chewing at the inside of her lip as Amirah stared at her, gauging her reaction. With a heavy sigh, Amirah motioned with her head for Y/N to walk with her, and she had no choice but to follow her, chasing after the answers that only her past life could provide. Her wariness of this strange woman was palpable, and she was sure Amirah could feel it, but neither were deterred by Y/N's skepticism.

The walked in silence for a short while, and Y/N wondered how much time she had left before Pathik would have to pull her back. She was certain of one thing, however: she would continue returning to this plane until her curiosity was satisfied.

"I don't suppose you recognize this place," Amirah started, gesturing vaguely to the clearing that Y/N had learned to fear.

"I don't."

"I'm not surprised," Amirah grumbled, rolling her eyes, "It doesn't exist anymore."

Y/N paused, unsure whether she should prod when she noted the bitterness to Amirah's tone, "What happened, if you don't mind me asking."

"This forest used to be the home of my people," Amirah said wistfully, her eyes glazing over as she spoke, and Y/N couldn't help but smile at the happy nostalgia she was emitting, "We were a lively bunch, small in numbers, but powerful nonetheless. Our lives revolved around nature and living harmoniously with it, learning from it and learning to respect it for all it provided us with."

"It sounds like a peaceful life," Y/N admitted, not questioning the longing that had started aching within her.

"It was," Amirah agreed, nodding her head slightly, "It was very peaceful. Out here, the wars couldn't touch us and we were safe. Long before I was born, our leaders had signed a treaty with the other nations. So long as we never bothered them, they would leave us to our devices and let us do as we please. The only time we would ever see anyone that wasn't one of our own was when they would come to us, asking for favors. And, for many generations, that's how we lived."

Y/N was quick to take note of the sour turn this story would take, and she stayed silent as Amirah stewed in her thoughts. In her peripheral, she could see Amirah take in a deep breath, reigning in any rage that would threaten to bubble over.

"But fear is a fickle thing, and it'll latch onto anyone who lets it into their heart and consume them," Amirah huffed, rolling her eyes, "It was no secret that the other nations feared us. And when new leaders took over and the time to renew our treaty came, they came to the agreement that we were too dangerous to be kept alive."

"What do you mean?" Y/N mumbled, though she knew the answer to her question before she'd even asked it.

"This forest doesn't exist anymore because they burned it to the ground," Amirah told her, her voice void of any emotion and her eyes alight with anger, "But only after they'd snuffed every single one of us out."

Horror struck Y/N, the image in her mind not good in the slightest, to put it lightly. She could envision bodies littering the clearing, the trees scorched and the flowers dead as leaders of the Four Nations wrought destruction and chaos onto it, fueling an anger within her that she hadn't felt since Ba Sing Se. No doubt, Aang had experienced something similar, if not stronger when he'd learned of the Air Nomads' genocide, and her heart went out to the boy, wherever he was.

"But what about the Avatar?" Y/N suddenly remembered, frowning at Amirah who's eyes were still burning, "They're the keepers of peace, no? Shouldn't they have done something?"

The laugh that bubbled out of Amirah's chest was nothing short of terrifying, sending a shiver down Y/N's spine as she replied, "Oh, he did something alright. He _agreed_ with the four leaders. The poor bastard didn't even understand his own link to us, and we all watched from our graves as the next Avatar lost her mind over her predecessor's mistakes."

"He didn't feel guilty? At all?"

"I'm sure he did," Amirah shrugged, smiling tightly as Y/N stared at her with sad eyes, "But he acted out of fear. His successor, terrified of how his mistakes could tarnish the Avatar's holy standing, wiped us from the history books and made it her mission to ensure we were forgotten. And we were. Up until you were born."

"But why were they so scared of you? Were you all really _that_ powerful?" Y/N asked, and wasn't that the million dollar question.

A pleased smirk curled on Amirah's lips, "We were spirit benders."

"You were what benders?" Y/N laughed, sure that Amirah was pulling her leg. The look in the woman's eyes said otherwise though, and Y/N was quick to school her expression.

"Spirit benders. Anything that had energy, or life, in it would bend to our will," Amirah explained, and the memories from Ba Sing Se flashed before Y/N's eyes, "Our power had very few limits. We could take life and give small amounts of it back, but we could also take memories, prod through someone's mind and find their deepest regrets or happiest moments."

"You're not telling me-" Y/N started, unable even finish the sentence.

"You're the first spirit bender since our people were massacred," Amirah finished for her, a meager smile on her face.

And around her, Y/N felt her whole world crashing around her. She came to a halt, leaving Amirah to take a few steps ahead of her before she took note of her state, body shaking at the news. Her? The first kind of _anything_? The responsibilities that kind of status sent a whirlwind of emotions through Y/N, emotions that had bile rising up in her throat and her stomach churning. The fact that she'd probably never find anyone to teach her how to fully master her power and learn to control it scared her to no end, and Amirah must have sensed it as she called out to her, voice gentle and soothing.

"Oh god, please don't tell me you expect me avenge you and tear down the Four Nations, because that's not something I think I'm mentally stable enough to do," Y/N whimpered, fingers threading into her hair and tugging at her roots in distress.

"Of course not," Amirah cooed, smiling down at Y/N with a comforting smile, "You're but a child, none of us would ask that of you. We've had centuries to move past out anger and bloodlust. Our grudge had kept our spirits from reincarnating, and we knew the only way to bring our people back was to forgive the leaders for what they'd done."

A sigh of relief left Y/N at that, before her eyes narrowed suspiciously at Amirah, "Then what is it exactly that you expect of me, if not revenge?"

"You truly are my reincarnation," Amirah noted with a laugh, and Y/N had to crack a smile at that, "As the only incarnation so far to be a spirit bender, ideally, we'd want you to carry on our values. Teach the world of our ways, tell them of our history. Anyone who knew of us is long dead, save for a few gurus, but they don't have much presence in the narrative. You, on the other hand... You have so much potential, and so much influence at the tip of your fingers."

"But?"

"But we also recognize that placing such a responsibility on you would be unfair," Amirah continued, eyes understanding, "You've been through so much already. If it's a quiet life you'd prefer, then that it a decision that we can respect. I doubt you'll be the only reincarnation. We've waited this long, and we can wait a little longer."

The consideration was appreciated, but it didn't do much to smother the pain that had festered in Y/N's heart. She looked up at Amirah, really looked at her, noting the lines of exhausting written across her face, the loss of hope in her eyes. And while they were beautiful eyes, they were dull with sadness too, speaking of a loss Y/N wished she had never experienced. Though she knew she owed Amirah nothing, owed _the universe_ nothing, she couldn't quite push past the feeling that told her she'd being doing the world a disservice by standing by and letting this opportunity pass. A sense of duty, if you will, filled her entire being, and she smiled a small smile.

"I can try," she told Amirah quietly, trying not to let the hope that flickered in her eyes affect her, "I can't promise that I'll be successful, but I'll try my best."

Tears brimmed Amirah's eyes, choking back a sob as she all but flung herself towards Y/N. Her eyes widened in surprise at the hug she was pulled into, tight enough to tell her she was acting as a pillar for Amirah, grounding her and giving her something to lean in. Her smile widened marginally as she returned the hug, patting her back in what she hoped was a soothing gesture.

Coming to herself, Amirah quickly pulled away, wiping her eyes as she gave Y/N an apologetic look, "Sorry. I know how you feel about unwarranted touch."

"It's alright," Y/N quickly replied, relieving Amirah of some of her embarrassment, "I suppose it isn't so bad if it's coming from my past life."

"You just looked so much like her, in that moment," Amirah tried to explain, her voice thick with admiration and what Y/N thought was love, "The determination in your eyes... It must have triggered something inside me."

In the back of her mind, Y/N faintly recalled an old wive's tale her mother had once told her, a legend that claimed one's current face was that of their past life's love. She idly wondered if that was true, her heart twisting at the idea of her face being both a painful reminder for Amirah, as well as happy memory. She tried to smile, though it came out forced, unsure how to comfort Amirah in that moment when it was clear as day that Y/N was not the woman she needed in that moment.

"I have her face, don't I?" Y/N asked quietly, and Amirah nodded sadly.

"You're just as perceptive as she was too, so it would seem," she mused, chuckling softly, "She would have liked you. Would have respected you too, for putting the needs of others above your own desires."

"I don't know that I'd be able to sleep well at night if I turned you away," Y/N admitted, offering Amirah a crooked grin that had her eyes softening further.

She chuckled lightly, shaking her head fondly, "Thank you. I have no doubt that you'll do your best to bring back our memory, do it justice."

"I will," Y/N swore, chest swelling with a resolution she hadn't felt since she left her childhood home. A thought occurred to her suddenly, and that resolution died down a little, scratching at the back of her neck as it warmed in embarrassment, "Although, I don't really know what you're values are..."

The underlying question was loud as day, and Amirah huffed quietly, pinching the bridge of her nose, "How silly of me. I didn't even think to tell you what you needed to pass on."

"I really hope it isn't complicated, because I'm not known to have a great memory."

"It isn't," Amirah promised, offering her arm for Y/N to take, which she did so readily, allowing Amiah to guide her as they continued their stroll, "The main principle of our culture was respect, for both humans and nature, and neutrality."

"If you're asking me to be neutral in this war, that's not something I can accept," Y/N frowned, brows furrowed, "Fire Lord Ozai has spread chaos throughout the globe, and I won't be able to turn the Avatar down if he asks me for my help."

"Trust me, everyone in the afterlife is routing for the Avatar. Except for maybe Sozin and Azulon," Amirah scoffed, rolling her eyes, "That's not what I meant. Perhaps balance is a better word. The thing with spirit bending, and you'll learn this to be the case with any great power, is that it comes with a condition. You can't invade someone's mind without giving them access to yours, and you can't give someone life without sacrificing some of yours. And when bending someone's spirit, you are just as susceptible to being affected by their morals and beliefs."

"But how do I prevent that?"

"You need to truly have faith and trust in what you believe, so sure of it that nothing could sway you," Amirah explained, voice firm as she spoke.

Y/N smiled lightly, nodding her head in understanding, "Is that all?"

"I figured you wouldn't find this condition too severe," Amirah chuckled, reaching over with her free hand to pat Y/N's head, "You're stubborn enough as is, so set on seeing the good in everyone."

"It would be wrong for me to just assume everyone is out to get me!" Y/N defended, and Amirah laughed at the passion in her defense.

"I'm not deploring you for it," she soothed, and Y/N felt herself relax, "It's admirable, if you ask me. And it will serve you well to pass that down."

A hum of interest rang through Y/N's throat, entertaining the idea of teaching younger spirit benders to live without prejudice. Lord knew the world would be a much more agreeable place if everyone was raised with that mindset, and the future she had in her mind was nothing short of pleasing. Her face settled into a relaxed smile, her brows softening and her eyes shining with yearning.

"Our time is almost up," Amirah said dejectedly, her grip on Y/N's suddenly tightening, "Is there anything else you want to ask me? I don't know that we'll be able to commune like this again."

The thought had Y/N's heart clenching and she snorted, "So many questions. But I think, for now, I know enough."

"No you don't," Amirah chuckled, and Y/N flushed at having been caught in her lie, "If you're anything like me, which I know you are, your curiosity knows know limits."

Y/N laughed at the assumption, well aware that it wasn't so far off from the truth. She didn't fight Amirah when she pulled her arm out of hers, nor did she swat her hands away when they moved to cup her face. Amirah had done so much for her in the short time they'd spent together; the least Y/N could do was give her this, a small reprieve from being separated from the woman she loved once more. She had half the mind to ask what had happened, but torment in Amirah's dissuaded her from doing so. There was no point in her opening wounds that had already healed.

"I do have one more question," Y/N whispered, not wanting to break the tranquility that had overtaken them. Amirah hummed, a wordless encouragement for Y/N to continue, "My bending, which is weird to even think of, it only became a thing recently. Do you know what changed? What triggered it?"

The serene smile that spread across Amirah's face made Y/N's heart leap, another face popping up into her mind, but leaving before Y/N could process who it belonged to, "All I'll tell you is that a very important person has appeared in your life."

"Another reincarnation?"

"Yes, born into one of the Four Nations," Amirah nodded, smiling gleefully as she stopped Y/N before she could ask for more information, "But I won't tell you who. You can't allow the past to cloud your perception of the future. It won't do you any good to dwell on events that you cannot change. But I have in your abilities to figure it out on your own."

"What a party pooper," Y/N pouted, though there was no real disappointment in her. At the very least, she knew there had been an explanation to the chain of events that had unravelled recently.

"Apologies," Amirah said, the grin on her face telling Y/N she was anything but apologetic. Sighing sadly, Amirah squeezed Y/N's face a little tighter, puckering up the girl's lips as she looked at her with adoring eyes, "You're going to be far more susceptible to others' energies as you grow into your power. You’ve already dealt with enough, and you now have so much more bullshit you’re going to have to face.Don't let their troubles become your own, alright? No matter how potent or overwhelming it may be."

"I won't," Y/N replied as best as she could through her puckered lips, wrapping her hands around Amirah's wrists to bring them away from her face, "And thank you. I don't know how I can repay you for this."

"Seeing her face once more was enough," Amirah shook her head wistfully, her smile turning mournful as Y/N started to fade away, "Thank you, Y/N. And good luck."

Y/N waved at Amirah as she lost her physical form, disappearing before the woman’s eyes, which had started welling up with tears. Y/N had only just caught the sob that left her before she exited the plane completely, the pain she had felt just before she had shifted returning with a vengeance.

A scream of agony ripped past her lips as her body burned once more, her fingers bloating and sweat dripping down her temples as it all but consumed her. She breathed heavily, trying to ground herself through the pressure against her temples, searching for anything that could tether her back to the land of the living. Faintly, she could hear both Maurice and Pathik calling out to her, and she held onto their voices, following them and praying she would reach them before her body burned up completely.

Her eyes snapped open and she winced at the blistering rays of the sun, its position letting her know she hadn’t been out of it for as long as she thought. She turned her head from one side to the other, vaguely aware of Pathik asking her how she was feeling. But her heart was set on finding Maurice and holding onto him, needing something familiar to ground her from the information that had been dumped on her and the responsibility looming over her.

It wasn’t until he had hopped onto her chest that she found him, the weight pulling a happy exhale out of her as she wrapped her arms around him and held him close. And while he didn’t protest, he did voice his confusion, staring up at her with a raised brow and concern in his eyes.

“Are you alright? Did something happen?”

“So much,” Y/N murmured, refusing to relent in the vice grip she had on him, “I’m just glad to be back.”

It was a sweet sentiment, and Maurice would be the last person to refuse her touch, snuggling into her arms and wrapping his own limbs around her. His tail flicked happily behind him, and Pathik mustered the tiniest of smiles at the endearing sight.

He left the two to their reunion, sure that Y/N would fall asleep within the hour. With the trip she’d just been on, exhaustion would be quick to settle in her bones, and she would need to rest up for the grueling journey ahead of her. And surely enough, Y/N was snoring away in no time, the steady rise and fall of her chest quick to lull Maurice to sleep as well. She could dwell on what her next course of action would be later. For now, she just wanted peace and quiet and restful, dreamless sleep.

And for the first time since she’d had that first nightmare in the clearing, Y/N’s dreams were filled with nothing but joy and smiles and a pair of amber eyes that did not belong to Amirah.


	12. 'look inward, and begin asking yourself the big questions'

### xi - 'look inward, and begin asking yourself the big questions'

In the days following her communion with Amirah, Y/N came down with a terrible fever. Those few hours she had slept with Maurice on her chest were the last hours of rest she’d had before her body shut down, leaving her in a state where the most she could do was cough and sniffle. Her head was spinning with the pounding migraine she was sporting, and anything that came out of her mouth was not only slurred, but utter nonsense.

“Her body is not reacting well to the other side,” Pathik had told Maurice as he spoon fed her porridge, sending the chimp a reassuring smile, “The living were never made to cross over into the world of the dead. It is only natural that a conference with her past-self would bring on such a rejection from her body; she is not the Avatar, after all.”

And he was right. Y/N’s soul could only handle so much, and crossing into the land of the dead was far more dangerous than traveling across other planes.

Nonetheless, the rationality of Pathik’s explanation didn’t keep Maurice from laughing at the irony of the situation. The fact that Y/N’s body needed but a few hours of proper rest before allowing itself to shut down completely seemed so typical of the girl. Pushing herself to the limit, and at the last moment, giving herself some repose before going almost worryingly out of commission.

However, what was even more worrisome than the scarily high fever she had sported was the silence that overcame her once it subsided. In the few days she’d spent in bed, being tended to and taken care of, she had had time to realize the gravity of her situation, and as her body healed, her mind completely shut down. The sweating and garbled nonsense she would spout may have stopped, but the far off stares and empty gazes almost gave Maurice more to worry about than when she was sick; at the very least, the fever had been a rational explanation for her lack of appetite and abnormal sleep schedule.

The day she woke up at a reasonable hour and smiled at Maurice had been the best day of his life, as far as he could remember.

“You doing okay?” Maurice had asked her as she cut up some fruit for breakfast, to which Y/N hummed and shrugged.

To learn that you were the last, or first, technically, of an extinct species was a lot to take in, to say the least. To know that you had willingly taken the responsibility of bringing their memory back to life and sharing there history, despite knowing close to nothing about said species, was even more to carry, and Y/N feared she wouldn’t be able to fulfill her promise to Amirah without crumbling under the weight of it.

“What did you learn?”

Y/N paused in her cutting, staring down at her hands as willed she them to keep from shaking, “I’m apparently the first reincarnation of a species gone extinct.”

Maurice stared at her, gauging her expression for any signs of teasing or that she was pulling his tail. When he found none, his gaze became somber and his eyes were cast to the cold stone floor of the temple, “And what does that mean for you?”

“It means I have to carry on their values, make the world remember them,” Y/N murmured, eyes falling closed, “That, and I should probably pass on the gene. You know, make sure we don’t disappear again.”

The chimp was quiet, frowning sadly as he was brought back to a small cottage on the outskirts of their village, the room filled with muffled crying and sobs from a girl too young to know such pain. His nostrils were filled with the smell of blood and sweat, and he remembered the helpless nights he’d spent trying to comfort someone who wouldn’t accept it, reaching out to stroke her head only to wrench his hand back when she would scream.

Looking at Y/N now, taking in the forlorn shadow in her eyes, he had no doubt similar memories were rushing through, and his heart clenched at the thought. Waddling over slowly, so as not to startle her, he reached out and grabbed her hand, snapping her out of whatever trance she’d been in with his touch and a tentative smile.

“So it’s basically guaranteed that I’ll be a godfather?”

A snort came from Y/N, the happiest sound he’d heard from her in a long few days, “Yes, you’ll be a godfather. Eventually.”

“I want _at least_ nine grandkids,” Maurice insisted, waving his arms animatedly as he grinned up at her, “It’s a lucky number, you know. I’m more than a thousand percent sure that your life will be prosperous and filled with joy if you have nine children.”

“Mhm, I feel like my life will be more difficult with nine brats running around,” Y/N mused teasing, scratching under his chin as he shot her a playful glare.

“Nine children, or _I’ll_ make your life a difficult one.”

Y/N laughed loudly, giving Maurice a plate of fruit and placing a small kiss to the top of his head, “I’ll do my best to satisfy you. But I don’t know if my body will be able to handle more than three kids, much less nine.”

“You’re a strong girl, Y/N,” Maurice said softly, his teasing tone vanishing quickly, “I know you’re capable of anything you set your mind to.”

A small smile came to Y/N’s face and she scratched a little harder under Maurice’s chin, eliciting delighted purrs out of him. The sounds earned him a small giggle from Y/N as she pulled away and dug into her food, waving amicably at Pathik as he took a seat next to her. He didn’t ask about her time on the other side, and for that, Y/N was grateful, picking some fruit out as he asked her how she slept. They sat comfortably, making idle and pointless conversation, all enjoying their breakfasts as Y/N’s mind ran wild with what the future would bring her.

She excused herself as soon as she had cleared her plate, bowing to Pathik and waving at Maurice before going off the _properly_ explore the temple, having been unable to do so the first night they’d been here with Appa. With no particular destination in mind, she let her feet guide her, admiring and tracing with her eyes and fingers the small details and intricacies of the area. Even though the stone was warn and the drawings faded, she could feel the craftsmanship and the amount of precision that had been put into the art, and found herself mildly impressed. It had evidently been well loved and lived in, the drawings and statues proof enough with how much pride they radiated. But there was also something about everything that felt out of place, yet familiar to her. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was, but a frown somehow found its way on her face as her eyes traced the carvings in the wall, depicting dancing children and big bonfires.

“It’s a beautiful temple, no?”

Startled, Y/N turned to Pathik and nodded, a smile gracing her features despite her confusion, “I didn’t know the air benders danced.”

“Everybody dances,” Pathik laughed, coming to join Y/N to stare at the carvings with her, “It’s a practice they adopted from the Spirit Covens, I believe. They found the best way to connect with the energy that fills this world was by immersing yourself in it and getting lost in it. The four nations harnessed the practice to make their bending more effective. Of course, there were no choreographies when the spirit benders did it, but humans have a way of creating order out of everything.”

“Huh,” Y/N answered, mouth agape slightly as she followed the motions on the wall with her hands, “For a society they were so scared of, they sure do like to take our culture.”

“It is human nature to claim what you have conquered,” Pathik sighed sadly.

They stood in front of the walls for a minute longer, contemplating the history of not only the air benders, but the spirit benders too. Y/N wondered how many other temples or shrines had traces of the covens on them, and her heart ached for all the culture that had been forgotten or stolen by the other nations.

But, like Amirah had said, there was no point in her being angry now.

“I will leave you to your meditation,” Pathik said after a minute, chuckling when Y/N shot him a surprised look as he strolled out, “I know more about what will help you in developing your bending than you’d think. Don’t worry, I won’t let Maurice bother you. Nor will I tell him anything I know.”

Y/N blinked, smiling and shaking her head as he left. Pathik was an interesting old man, and every interaction she had with him reminded her of interactions she’d had with senile old men. In the best of ways, of course, but it didn’t change the fact.

Breathing out, Y/N sat herself down in the middle of the room filled with carvings, legs crossed and hands folded in her lap. Her eyes fell shut and she took in deep breaths and exhaled fully, allowing her surroundings to consume her and her senses to be overtaken by her environment. The smallest of smiles twitched on her face as the air seemed to still around her and an overwhelming sense of peace overcame her, her focus shifting from the energies around her to those within her.

With her eyes closed, Y/N was able to see her own energy and aura within her. A small gasp left her lips at the bright colors, and she was delighted to see a wisp of that energy leave her mouth as she did so. Her delight shone through her smile, and she momentarily marveled at the sheer number of colors swirling around inside and around her.

One more deep inhale, and she centered and grounded herself, following with her inner eyes the path the energies were taking and mapping them out, memorizing them. Y/N matched her breathing to the flow of her chi as it moved within her, surprised by the ease and steadiness it moved with. It was like water flowing through a stream, and Y/N felt a sense of peace take over her as she followed their path throughout her body.

The tips of her toes and fingers started to tingle the longer she sat there, meditating, and her nose and mouth started to twitch involuntarily. The wind had picked up in the temple and was sending her hair and dust flying everywhere, and animals scurried by and stared as she sat there, but Y/N took no note of any of her surroundings, matching her breathing to the steady beat of her heart.

All of her focus was on her chi and her aura, opening up the pathways that would allow her energy to flow easier and learning how it moved, what made it change pace or set it off.

By the time Y/N opened her eyes again, having practically memorized the route of her energies through her body, night had already fallen. Her eyes widened considerably at the sight of the shining stars and the half-moon, a surprising, but no unwelcome sight. Letting out a small swear under her breath, she all but sprinted back to their site where Maurice was no doubt impatiently waiting for her. Y/N only managed a sheepish smile as she sat next to the chimp, avoiding the pursed lips and unimpressed eyes looking her way as she thanked Pathik for the plate of food he’d silently handed her.

In the following days, most of Y/N’s hours were spent in this state. Meditating, following her energies, grounding herself and taking note of the sheer amount of life that surrounded her. And, by extension, most days ended with Maurice reprimanding her that she would wear herself out if she continued like this.

“It’s meditation,” she would tell him through a laugh, patting his head as the chimp pouted up at her, “It’s supposed to do the opposite of tire you out.”

And, to a certain extent, that was true.

Although there were some days where Y/N would have so little force left in her that she would knock out as soon as she joined Maurice and Pathik, her hopes of catching dinner squashed, learning about her own body and spirit was more of a therapeutic journey than she had ever expected. She was slowly learning how to manipulate her own energy and replenish herself, and while she was sure it would take more out of her to do so on another person, it was equal parts exhausting and refreshing to do so on herself.

All throughout those days, Pathik would look over her from afar, pride blooming in his chest as he watched the spirit bender come to herself and improve more than she though she was. He wasn’t even sure Y/N had realized it yet, but she had so much more power and potential than either of them had expected. And with every day she learned how to better manipulate the chi, she wasn’t just learning how to control that power: she was learning how to revive a lost civilization.

* * *

“Hit me.”

Y/N stared at him, eyes deadpanned and unamused, “Maurice, I’m not going to hit you.”

“Do it, coward,” the chimp insisted, a small growl to his voice, “We need to know if your week of constant meditation was a waste of time or not.”

“Way to make a girl feel useful,” Y/N grumbled back, before shaking her head once more, “I don’t know Maurice. It would feel wrong to use you as a test animal. What if something goes wrong and I hurt you, or worse?”

Maurice shook his head, an easy smile playing on his face, “Won’t happen. I don’t think you have it in you to hurt me, not even unintentionally.”

A moment of silence passed as Y/N contemplated Maurice’s words, staring at him pointedly and mulling over every possible outcome of testing out her bending on him. With every bad case scenario that came to mind, the crease in her brow deepened and the prospect of using her friend as a lab rat became less and less appealing. Noticing her hesitance, Maurice’s determined expression turned soft and he walked over to where she was sat, placing a reassuring hand on her knee. The chimp sighed when she refused to meet his eyes.

“You’re a strong girl Y/N, we’ve discussed this. You have control, and I trust and believe in you and your abilities,” he told her, his tone not unlike a father talking to his child. Y/N wasn’t sure how she felt about that, “And for what it’s worth… Even if you do hurt me, I won’t be mad. You’ll just owe me a few papayas.”

A small snort came out of Y/N at that and she shook her head, “I don’t know if I can afford it.”

“Eh,” Maurice shrugged, an easy smile on his face, “All the more reason for you to test your control on me. The sooner you realize you’re in control, the sooner we move to a new town.”

Another pause, and Y/N let out a resigned sigh. Knowing full well what that meant, Maurice let out a small, but victorious holler and backed away from her once more, spreading his arms wide and bracing himself with closed eyes. With one last hesitant glance at him, Y/N took a deep breath and closed her eyes too, reaching out with her energy and looking for Maurice’s spirit. A yellow hue, shaped distinctly like her companion, glowed brightly in the distance and a triumphant smile came across her face as she used her own aura to grab it by what she assumed was Maurice’s hands.

Twirling it around and making it move in sync with her, a joyous laughter left Y/N’s lips as Maurice’s aura glowed brighter than before. Y/N’s own energy was quickly turned from the sickly green to a dull yellow, and she continued dancing with Maurice’s spirit, eyes still closed and a happy song humming on her lips.

“Y/N!”

The cry of her name had Y/N’s grip on Maurice’s spirit released almost immediately, and her eyes snapped open in fear that she had unintentionally harmed her friend in her glee. Whipping around wildly in search of an unconscious chimp, she was surprised to find him grinning wildly at her in her lap instead, his paws laced with her hands.

“Are you okay?!”

A nod, and his grin only widened, “I’m great. I just stopped you because I was getting tired.”

“You idiot,” Y/N hissed, wrenching her hands away and rubbing her temples as relief filled her entire being, “I thought I had killed you or something.”

“You didn’t, don’t worry,” Maurice chuckled, patting her forearm slightly, “But you were amazing! I don’t know what you did, but one minute I was there and the next I was dancing- no, flying! It was the most amazing feeling ever!”

Stupefied, Y/N only stared at him, mouth hanging open. A satisfied hum came from behind her and Y/N turned to find Pathik standing by, having witnessed the whole thing, pride in his eyes, “You’ve progressed much faster than I expected. But keep in mind, you still have a long way to go. Your bond with Maurice is a strong one, making him an easier target for you. You will have to learn how to master bending the spirit of strangers and those you do not know if you want to be of any use to the Avatar.”

“Thank you, Pathik,” Y/N smiled, putting her hands together and bowing to the guru, “I don’t think I would have succeeded if you hadn’t helped me.”

A small laugh came out of Pathik, and he bowed back to Y/N, “You give me too much credit. All I did was help you make contact with your past-self. Everything else was a result of your determination and will.”

Y/N and Maurice were quick to gather their belongings after their little experiment, with the latter insisting it was nigh time they move and resume their old lifestyle. Pathik’s kindness and offer to care for them had been taken advantage of long enough, and, as much as Maurice refused to admit it, he missed living on the road. And Y/N did too. Sure, the Air Temple was likely far more comfortable than half of the apartments they’d subleased or the inns they’d stay in, not to mention far safer, but there wasn’t that same thrill of having no permanent home.

That, and Y/N wanted to hear people cheer for her as she danced once more.

The ostrich-horse she had stolen on their way to the temple had runaway long before their time of departure had come, which meant they’d have to travel by foot for now. The prospect wasn’t so bad, in all honesty, and Y/N found that the stillness of her surroundings as they travelled brought her a sense of peace.

The fact that Maurice had conveniently decided to take a short nap just as they started their journey also gave her more time to think, as if she hadn’t done enough of that since her little trip to the other side. The idea of her being the start of a new bender was baffling, and even after having instructions laid out in front of her, Y/N didn’t quite know what to do with the information, nor where to go from here. Her mind was plagued with all the ways she could fail, as well as how she could succeed. She wanted to succeed, but such a burden was a heavy one to bear for someone so young.

With the war, there were so many ways the gene could start and end with her, and the idea of letting down a whole nation of people terrified her. Not only that, but the gene may not even be passed down to her kids, if she had any. Maybe she should have one now. Ensure that she does have an offspring with the gene, in case she dies. Even if the gene is dormant, at least it will still exist. It’s better than nothing, right?

“Y/N, stop overthinking,” a murmur interrupted her train of thought, and she looked down at Maurice who’s eyes were still heavy with sleep, though his hands were shaking as he moved them to rub over his eyes, “I can smell your stress. Stop. Whatever you think you’re going to fail at, you’re not.”

Her eyes averted away from Maurice once more, and Y/N bit at her thumb as she tried to heed his words. Easy for him to say, he didn’t have the expectations of his past life and their coven weighing down on his shoulders. Not that she hadn’t accepted that responsibility willingly, but it was still there and it wasn’t something she could just choose to ignore now.

Those thoughts plagued Y/N throughout the majority of their journey even as they stopped in towns for tips and warm beds. They found their way into her brain no matter where she was or whether she was awake or asleep, and Y/N could practically feel her stress lines and gray hairs growing out with every day that went by and she couldn’t think of anything else. Even when she danced, captivating and beautiful as she may have been, her mind ran wild with her options and how she could overcome any obstacle that came her way.

It was only after a few weeks of traveling had passed that her mind suddenly cleared, seemingly out of nowhere, and she stood alert, her shift in demeanor confusing Maurice who sat snuggly in her arms. She could sense a hostile force coming right for her, and her entire body tensed, her grip on Maurice tightening as she continued walking, albeit a little faster now.

The sound of ostrich-horses feet was quickly gaining on them, and Y/N turned to find Fire Nation soldiers headed right towards her, her eyes widening. It would be far too suspicious of her to run, so she came to a stop, staring them down and them her, offering them a smile that masked well enough the apprehension she felt. The man leading the troop leered down at her and she had to suppress the disgust that threatened to show on her face, a shiver running down her spine as he hopped off his ostrich-horse and sauntered over to her.

And while it wasn’t strange to find Fire Nations mulling around the Earth Kingdom, especially now that they had successfully conquered Ba Sing Se, it was unusual for any of them to notice Y/N. She didn’t even dare entertain the thought that they knew of her affiliation with the Avatar, bowing her head respectfully to the leader who seemed to take far too much glee in the action. Y/N wasn’t sure if she preferred the lust in his eyes to the anger that could take over should she attack him, and she briefly allowed herself to daydream of a case scenario where she could knock a man like the one before her on his ass. Without repercussions, of course.

“You’re the dancer, aren’t you? The one who got popular before the siege of Ba Sing Se?” he asked her, a wolfish grin growing on his face as she nodded, “I’m Admiral Chan, of the Fire Nation. How would you feel about a free vacation?”


	13. suitors I

### xii - suitors (pt.1)

Ember Island was… hot, to say the least. A scrunch of her nose and a tug at her collar was all Y/N was able to muster before she started practically drowning in her own sweat, clothes sticking to her in the most unflattering of ways. It was disgusting, really, and she was starting to regret taking up Admiral Chan on his offer for a free vacation. Then again, it would get much, _much_ better once she got to the beach and out of her clothes. That, and she would have been a fool to refuse the amount of gold he was going to pay her.

From the minute they’d stepped off the boat, the island was bustling with life and action as citizens of the Fire Nations ran amuck. From locals to colonials, they were littered through the streets and chatting animatedly with one another, their voices melding into one, big cacophony of headaches. Y/N could faintly hear music coming from one of the many stands in the street, her feet subconsciously following the beat and her hips swaying lightly as she followed Admiral Chan and his men through the island. Her mouth watered the longer they walked and the more intense the smells that overcame her got, wafting from one stand all the way to her nose, and she suddenly registered how hungry she was.

“Fire flakes?”

A small bag of the spicy snack was shoved in her face, and Y/N blinked at it before smiling at the soldier to her left, “If you don’t mind. Thank you.”

“They’re a staple of the Fire Nation,” the solder explained as she took the bag, cheeks dusted pink and hand on the nape of his neck as Y/N continued smiling at him, “Most outsiders can’t handle the heat, but I swear they’re really good once you get used to the burning.”

“I can handle heat,” Y/N purred at him, grinning at the pink tinge his aura seemed to have taken. Would be unethical for her to use him as practice?

The blush on his face only darkened at her words, and the soldier averted his eyes. Y/N stared intently at him, focusing on his pulsing aura and the nervous edge to him. Her vision honed in on the aura surrounding his head, and she twirled her finger in the air, clockwise, willing him to turn his head to face her.

The soldier turned to look at her, but said nothing, and Y/N had to keep from whooping with joy. It could have just been a coincidence, after all. Her gaze moved from his head to his hands and she smirked, focusing back on the path ahead of her. They’d fallen behind a little, but as long as she didn’t loose the Admiral completely, staying back _would_ be in her best interest. After all, she didn’t want to risk getting caught. Not that it would be easy for them to do so either way, what with all of them oblivious to the concept of auras. Last she’d checked, spirituality had been more of the Air Nomads’ thing.

She pictured his hand in her mind, the size of it compared to hers, the skin tone, whether it looked dry or not, how warm it would feel in her hand. She imagined him moving closer to her and reaching out to her hand, trying to lace their fingers, and her smirk turned to a grin when she felt his body heat inch closer to her. His hand brushed hers and then suddenly was in her hand, and Y/N wrenched her hand away despite the glee that rushed over her at her success.

Turning to him with a raised brow, she had to keep from giggling at the horror etched on the soldier’s face as he stared at his hand like it had betrayed him. His once light pink aura turned a bright fuscia, and he looked at her with an apology ready on his lips.

“You shouldn’t mess with people like that,” Maurice grumbled after the soldier had apologized and scurried away, muttering curses to himself, “If you do, someone will catch on eventually.”

“Let them,” Y/N waved off, still thrumming from the slight euphoria of bending the soldier’s spirit, “Making assumptions like that will just get them thrown into a mental asylum or something. Or _I’ll_ get thrown into one if I choose I tell them what I am.”

“This isn’t something you can be so aloof about!”

Shrugging, Y/N pursed her lips at Maurice, “No one knows spirit benders even _exist_. There’s nothing to worry about! Plus, I only made that guy do what he already wanted to do.”

A huff came from the chimp when he realized she was right and there was no point in arguing further, but apart from that, he stayed silent. Triumphant, Y/N sped up her steps to catch up to Admiral Chan, giving him a wide smile despite the urge to punch that lecherous look off his face. He gestured towards his elbow, offering for her to hold it, and Y/N reluctantly took it, hoping against hope that all this flirting would get her in his good books and get her more money. That, and playing with older men who thought they had a chance was always fun.

“You’re going to love Ember Island!” he told her, gesturing widely to the market place, “Every young girl your age needs to be around people her age. And with talents like yours, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of fun. Maybe even find a potential husband, while you’re at it.”

Now _that_ came as a surprise, and Y/N was barely able to conceal it as she stared up at the Admiral with wide eyes. Most men like him didn’t want to hear about younger women looking for husbands, certainly not husbands their own age, and him bringing it up threw her for a loop. She continued to stare at him with her doe eyes, and her surprise was noted as he laughed.

“Don’t tell me you’re not looking for a husband?”

Playing off her surprise as embarrassment, Y/N averted her eyes to the ground and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “Well, I didn’t know it was an option for me… Most men aren’t interested in a girl that’s constantly moving around and making money on the streets.”

“Bah, then you simply haven’t found the right one,” the Admiral scoffed, glee in his tone, “The right man for you will follow you wherever you go.”

“I appreciate that,” Y/N replied, strangely pleased by his words despite being well aware that he still wanted something from her: she could feel his greed oozing off of him, “Thank you.”

“And hey, if you’re struggling, my son is recent university graduate. I’m sure he’d be _very_ interested in a girl like you.”

And just like that, any gratitude Y/N might have felt fizzled out faster than it had bloomed, and she had to control her face from deadpanning at the Admiral. While it was only slightly better than having _him_ try to get in her pants, she didn’t particularly enjoy being the victim of someone’s matchmaking. But the Admiral looked so proud talking about his son that she didn’t want to burst his bubble, and Y/N shrugged as though she were mulling the thought over. It took every fibre in her being to keep from smacking Maurice upside the head as he snickered from his spot in her bag. Brat.

“I’ll let you know if I’m ever interested in a boyfriend in that case,” she told him, smile intact.

“He’s having a celebration tonight,” the Admiral told her, leading her up a path to a secluded, but cute bungalow, “Celebrating his birthday and all.”

“How wonderful.”

“I invited you here so you could attend, in fact,” he continued, his tone bright, yet leaving no real room for Y/N to argue, “As a performer and as a guest.”

Y/N’s smile turned tight at the invitation, and she nodded, “I’m honored that you’d even consider to hire me. Thank you for this opportunity, sir.”

The bungalow he left her in was quaint, but comfortable. With minimal decorations and simple furniture, it didn’t seem like the home had been well lived in. Y/N assumed it was a servant’s quarters, considering the Admiral’s status and likely large income. But, nonetheless, it was a beautiful home, whether it belonged to a servant or not. Just… a little dull.

“It needs a woman’s touch,” Maurice pointed out, settling down in one of the plush couches.

Y/N agreed. The single room that compromised the whole space was so boring, to put it bluntly. Even the Fire Nation’s notorious reds and blacks seemed bleak with the lack of personality in the home, and Y/N had the strangest urge to make something out of the empty space. Like a blank canvas, she could already picture the numerous ways she could turn the bungalow into a vibrant space, one full of so much life it could take anyone out of a slump.

“Shame we won’t be staying long,” Y/N shrugged, placing her bag down on the bed and collapsing beside it, “We should probably start looking for the Avatar after this vacation. Time is of the essence, and I get the strange feeling we’ll be wasting enough of it here.”

“But remember _why_ we’re here,” Maurice reminded, crawling out of the bag to lay on one of the many plush pillows, “Money is also of the essence.”

With her clothes still sticking to her, Y/N hummed her agreed. With a sigh, she sat up in the bed and brought her knees to her chest, staring down at her hands where they were clasped around her shins. She could still feel the way they’d pulsed when she’d bended that soldier’s spirit, how they’d glowed in her mind’s eye when she’d danced with Maurice. She wondered idly if they’d glow in battle, if they’d ache and throb when she’d bend the will of her opponents and forced them to their knees, giving them no other option but to give up and surrender.

The thought had shivers running down her spine and she looked away from her hands, standing upright and grabbing her bag. Rifling through it, she pulled out her swimsuit and prayed a good swim would clear her mind up. And if not, it would at least save her from the stifling heat.

* * *

The beach was far more packed that Y/N had expected. The sheer number of kids running around had her wanting to plug her ears, wondering which spirit had a grudge against her and was determined on not letting her have a single hour of peace of mind. She was more than certain that all the screaming and laughing would do nothing to ease her stress, but at least it would keep her mind distracted and from thinking _too much_ about her fate. Loud noises weren’t all that great when it came to getting lost in your thoughts, after all.

Searching for the quietest area, Y/N was disappointed to find that there were close to no spaces scarcely populated. One section of the beach had children under the age of ten crying and building sandcastles, while the other had a group of teenage boys leering over some poor unsuspecting girl. And while Y/N _did_ want to get as far away from the screaming as she could, horn-dogs weren’t something she wanted to deal with either.

Crying children it was, and thank God Maurice had stayed behind. His complaining would be just as horrendous if he were here.

She settled down closer to the ocean and laid herself out on her towel, marveling in the heat of the sun now that she was no longer constricted by her clothes. Y/N could feel her brain starting to scramble from the heat, but she couldn’t bring herself to care as her eyes slipped shut.

Behind her eyelids, the figures of the people on the beach glowed in various colors and Y/N smiled at the sheer number of auras emitting joy. A fair few varied between tones of pink and red, and Y/N felt disgust curl in her as she realized it was likely the cluster of teenage boys from the other side. A few of the crying children were blue, and Y/N frowned as she focused on their energies. With a small flick of her wrist, the blue auras brightened up and faded out into a dull green, and happiness for this kids bloomed in Y/N’s gut. It wasn’t much of an improvement on their mood, but helping them out even a little was better than nothing.

A figure suddenly stood above her, pulsing a vibrant red, and Y/N opened one eye up to raise an eyebrow at the boy before her. He couldn’t have been much younger than her, and would have been attractive even if it weren’t for the overwhelming sense of entitlement and lust oozing off him.

“You’re blocking my view kid,” she huffed, opening her second eye and propping herself up on her elbows, “Can I help you?”

“I sure hope you can,” he drawled, flipping his bangs out of his face and smirking down at her, “I’m Ruon-Jian.”

 _Gross_ , she thought at the sight of his salacious smile, smiling through gritted teeth, “Y/N. But you’re still blocking my view.”

Recognition flashed in his eyes and Y/N felt her heart drop, praying that he hadn’t heard of her before. Or worse, seen her dance on the mainland, “You’re that girl Chan’s dad hired for tonight, aren’t you! The dancer from the Earth Kingdom?”

“I am,” Y/N laughed, sitting up straighter and bringing her arms around her midriff to hide it from his prying eyes. She didn’t like the way her was staring at her stomach, or at her and her body in general, “I’m guessing you’ll be at the party tonight?”

“With a face like yours, I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he chuckled, and Y/N had to suppress the gag that threatened to burst out of her throat, “Although, I do wonder… The Admiral is notorious for his knowledge of adult dance parties, and for picking out the best entertainment. Will we be seeing a little _more_ of you tonight?”

Y/N’s smile dropped at that, and her lips curled in evident distaste, “You won’t be seeing _anything_ ever again if you insinuate something like that again.”

The laugh that came out of Ruon-Jian was not the reaction she was expecting nor looking for, and Y/N’s lips turned into a sneer as he continued staring down at her, “No need to get feisty baby. I get the feeling you’ll be on your knees for me later.”

Taking in a deep breath, Y/N glared up at him before grabbing her things. She ignored his coos of how he was joking and his teasing pleas for her to stay, slapping his hand away when he tried to grab onto her elbow despite how tense the attempt at touch left her. Choosing to take the high road, she walked away, ignoring the dread that started to fester at the prospect of performing at the Admiral’s son’s party. If the people attending were anything like Ruon-Jian, she was in for one unpleasant night.

 _Be kind to others,_ she reminded herself, repeating the words in her head like a mantra as the kid’s smug smile and entitled eyes flashed through her mind, _Be kind to others._

“Fuck that,” she muttered to herself after a pause, closing her eyes and pinpointing Ruon-Jion’s aura, which was a much darker red than it had been earlier. She scoffed at the sight, snapping her fingers and giggling when she heard Ruon-Jian’s yelp as his knees buckles and his face hit the sand. Serves him right: he acted like a piece of shit either way.

* * *

Y/N stared at the house before her, mouth agape at the sheer size of it. With the red and gold details and beautiful carvings in the wood, there was no doubt that someone with power and money owned it. The columns and high windows spoke of wealth and fortune, and Y/N felt strangely out of place standing before the mansion. Its location only added to its grandeur, sitting alone atop one of the highest points of the island with a magnificent view of the ocean, illuminated by the now setting sun. From her shoulder, Maurice whistled lowly, while Admiral Chan chuckled fondly at her expression beside her.

“It was a gift, from the Fire Lord,” the Admiral boasted, chest puffing out as he led her into the house, “A token of his gratitude.”

 _Liar_ , Y/N mused, refraining from rolling her eyes and following him through the double doors.

He led her into a spacious seating area, holding the door open for her and gesturing she walk in ahead him. Lowering her head in gratitude, Y/N took note of the plush carpets and polished floors, wondering just how much the house must have cost the Admiral. If this house was any hint to the Admiral’s fortune and wealth, surely he didn’t need to hire some measly street dancer such as herself. Professional ones, or even the best and most renown dancers in the Fire Nation could have been at his disposition with a snap of his fingers: so why ask a no-named girl and her pet monkey to perform?

“I’m telling you, he probably wants to marry you off to his son,” Maurice had shrugged when she’d voiced her concerns to him, lips pursed and eyes unimpressed, “He probably thinks you’re desperate for some kind of financial stability, and that you’d know how to please a man. Plus, you’re no exactly ugly.”

“Thanks, that makes me feel so good about myself.”

The statement, while holding some value despite the thinly veiled insult, had made Y/N snort, and she wondered just how many people assumed she could play the role of a common whore because of her profession. The idea of a high-ranking officer choosing her of all people to marry his son off to was flattering, yet absolutely ridiculous. Still, it was the only plausible explanation Y/N had as to why he would hire her. Might as well run with it, until something more rational comes to mind.

“You should beat him up,” Maurice mused, and Y/N shot him a glare, “What? It’s true. You’re much better than a whore.”

“They’re just as smart as me,” Y/N retorted, shaking her head, “In a way, we all use men’s primal urges against them and profit from them. I just have a few qualms with going that extra mile. Good on them for taking advantage of men, if you ask me.”

Maurice pursed his lips at that, but didn’t argue, knowing just as well as she that Y/N was only a few steps away from being on the same level as them. And, in a strange way, she did respect the women who were so willing to spread their legs for a pretty penny, who were able to manipulate and play men like fiddles. Their resolved was admirable.

“You can relax in here until the party starts,” the Admiral told her once they’d reached a spare room towards the back of the mansion, ushering in some servants to serve Y/N some snacks and tea, “Your costume is in the closet. Be sure to change before you perform.”

“Oh, I’d much rather perform in what I’m already wearing,” Y/N brushed off. No part of her wanted to wear whatever skimpy outfit was likely hiding in there.

The Admiral huffed, urging her to sit down and handing her a cup of tea as he brushed off her statement, “As wonderful as you look, purple isn’t a color of the Fire Nation. I must insist you wear red and black, if only to fit the theme of the party.”

A theme? How childish. But Y/N kept her thoughts to herself, smiling on nonetheless, “As long as I can accessorize myself, I’m sure whatever outfit you have back there will do fine.”

“Wonderful! I’m sure whatever accessories you chose will dazzle us all. The servants will come get you when its your time to perform. Until then, stay in here. Once you’re done, you can roam the party as much as you’d like. You’ll be paid at the end of the night, once everyone’s left.”

And with that the Admiral was gone, leaving Y/N alone with Maurice. With a huff, the chimp bound off her shoulder and picked out a few cookies before grabbing his drums and settling down with them, tweaking and adjusting them as he stared around the room. His eyes continuously wandered between the still closed closet doors and Y/N, seething and his mind reeling at the idea of her out on display for the children of the Fire Nation all night long.

Unable to keep her curiosity at bay, Y/N stood from her seat on one of the couches, tea forgotten on the coffee table before her and left to go cold; it tasted horrendous anyway. Whoever had brewed that could learn a few things from her, in her humble opinion.

She opened the closet and squinted at the lone two piece hanging within it, admiring the fabric and the lace that made up her costume. It was beautiful, she would admit it, but the deep red wasn’t something she was used to wearing, nor did she think it would compliment her well enough. Bright colors suited her far better, and picturing herself dancing in such a sultry color made her wonder whether she was _supposed_ to be painted as a street whore. The thought had her fuming, but she brushed those feelings of pride aside as she stared at the shoes and single accessory sitting in the closet.

Fumbling around with the shoes, she was thankful they hadn’t left her with heels. While Y/N did prefer dancing barefoot, they seemed comfortable enough, and she could only pray she wouldn’t leave tonight with blisters. The only thing that threw her for a loop was the headpiece beside the shoes, a beautiful gold headpiece not unlike those the royal family wore. Holding it up in her hands, she stared at the flame and traced it with her fingers, wondering whether it would fall out of her hair as she danced.

“Doesn’t the Fire Nation use headpieces as betrothal tokens?” Maurice drawled, though the question came out sounding more like an accusation.

“I’m not well versed in their culture,” Y/N admitted sheepishly, returning to her bag to fish through it for accessories that would match the headpiece well, “It’s beautiful. I have half the mind to steal it and sell it. You think it’s real gold?”

“If it is, we can just leave now and likely make more than what we’re being paid.”

Y/N laughed at the proposition, shaking her head with a grin, “I’m not a flake. I won’t leave behind someone I’ve made a promise to, especially when a handsome pay is involved.”

The outfit, lacy as it was, was nowhere near as revealing as Y/N had first assumed, and she was thankful for that as she stared at herself once she’d changed into it. The shoes were comfortable enough, but she was close to sure she’d need to remove them as soon as her performance was over if she didn’t want to risk getting a cramp in her foot. The Admiral clearly hadn’t thought to ask for her foot size before buying them, and she could already feel her toes pinching when she walked. It was with sheer luck that the rest of her outfit fit her well enough.

The one thing she struggled with, however, was the headpiece, unsure of how to style her hair to make it stay on her head.

“Oh my, you look wonderful Miss Y/N,” a servant said as they entered, bowing deeply.

“Oh, there’s no need for such formalities,” Y/N rushed out, walking over to her and urging her to stand straight, “You don’t need to bow or address me like that.”

“In due time,” was all the servant replied, her smile all-knowing and slightly off putting. Even Maurice hummed in confusion, sending Y/N a raised eyebrow and suspicious look, “Come, allow me to help you with your headpiece. The Admiral expected you to struggle putting it on, being from the Earth Kingdom and all.”

Nodding despite he mild embarrassment, Y/N sat down in one of the seats, the servant coming behind her and combing her fingers through Y/N’s hair. Her tugs were harsh and Y/N’s eyes watered from the sheer strength in the servant’s hands, wondering if she could count how many hairs were likely being pulled out from her scalp. The headpiece was forced into the small, but elegant topknot that had been formed her head, with the rest of her hair laying heavily on her back. That would certainly be uncomfortable once she started sweating. But the accessory was light on her head, at the very least, and if it weren’t for the end of it poking her scalp, she would have barely felt it.

“You’ll make for such a beautiful bride,” the servant sighed wistfully, standing to full height and failing to take note of how Y/N tensed at the comment, “The crowd is ready for you now. If you’ll please follow me, Miss Y/N.”

Swallowing heavily, Y/N risked a glance at Maurice who’s expression was wary and practically screaming for to make a run for it. Taking a deep breath, Y/N relaxed her body and smiled at the servant, “I just need one more thing.”

Rifling through her bag, she pulled out the lace cloth hiding at the bottom of it, tracing the details of it with her thumb. As soon as she’d laid eyes on her costume, she knew the lace blindfold would be the perfect addition to it, and she smiled at the feeling of the soft fabric in her hands. It had been a long time since she’d last danced blindfolded, and she chuckled to herself, sure that she would never look as good as Zuko had with the blindfold over her eyes. Tying it around her face, she motioned for Maurice to stay at her heels, nodding to the servant who had been gaping at her with awe when she placed the final touch to her costume on.

“I’m ready now."


	14. suitors II

### xiii - suitors (pt.2)

The whispers of the crowd were off-putting as Y/N took center stage. The servant that had announced her arrival stared at her in awe, sweating slightly as he bowed to her and allowed her to take his place in front of the crowd. With a small smile, Y/N bowed back before taking a starting stance, waiting for Maurice to start playing. Despite her vision being slightly perturbed by the lace of her blindfold, she could still see the crowd’s expressions, could hear their bated breaths and feel their anticipation as their eyes stayed glued to her. It was an exhilarating feeling, and a small smirk formed on Y/N’s face as the music started.

Unlike earth, a stubborn and strong element, fire was wild and unpredictable, destroying everything in its path. With fire being fueled by the same thing as humans, the two were uncannily similar, and Y/N could only pray that her performance tonight would express that similarity between fire and humans fully.

Where her feet would usually be light and her form wide, she stayed rooted to the ground this time, her dancing not unlike fighting. And while her limbs swung in large arches and her body took up just as much space as usual, she remained grounded, with either one foot or one hand on the ground as she danced. Her moves were choppier, more aggressive, yet she remained graceful and beautiful as ever as she mimicked the danger fire displayed.

She was making it clear she was an opponent to be feared. And as the tempo of the music increased, so did the speed of her movements, until she was nothing but a blur of black and red. Like a flame, unpredictable and erratic, yet still captivating.

Staying grounded to the stage not only allowed her to convey the expression of her dance, but it also allowed her to peer into the minds of her audience. It was an advantage she didn’t possess before her training in the Air Temple, nor when she was flying when dancing, but one she was grateful for now as she was able to gauge the reactions of the audience without actually having to look at them. The envy and lust emanating from them had her body going warm and her face flushing, and she had to compose herself and keep herself in control as her inhibitions threatened to take over her.

One mind in particular caught her attention, one that didn’t just show his desire, but his awe too. And more importantly, his recognition. From the minute she had stepped into the house, she had felt his presence calling to her, and knowing a familiar face stood in the crowd of admirers, knowing he was there, made her all the more prideful in her performance.

The music came to a stop all too soon, and Y/N would have mourned the end of her choreography if it wasn’t for the deafening cheers ringing around her. Smiling widely, she took off her blindfold to reveal her blown out pupils, a side effect of the lust some had been consumed by, waving at the crowd as they continued cheering for her. Panting heavily, from both the adrenaline coursing through her and the straining performance, she took a deep bow, smiling at her spectators through hooded eyes. She stood to full height as the clapping continued, catching herself in the mirror and surprised by how disheveled she looked. Her face was flushed and her hair astray, yet the topknot and headpiece remained intact, like a sign of her current status as someone being worshipped by them.

It was an exhilarating feeling, temporary as it may be.

She made her way off the stage, still acutely aware of that specific pair of eyes on her, with Maurice hot on her heels and just as smug from the reaction they’d received. It was hard, trying to keep herself from making him know she’d noticed him, but she wanted him to come to her. If he was here now, he’d likely taken the path she’d hoped he wouldn’t go down; she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing she wanted to see him again.

The buffet that had been laid out was mouth watering, and Y/N spent what she was sure was far too long simply staring at it and contemplating what to pick out. Maurice seemed to have no such troubles, piling up his plate high with more dumplings than his stomach could handle. Chances were, he’d hide them in Y/N’s bag to eat later. Or Y/N would just finish them for him.

Finally picking out her own food, Y/N didn’t even need to turn around to know that the person coming up to her would be unwanted company. The sense of entitlement that had oozed off him on the beach was still there, and annoyance filled her and her lips pulled into a frown before he’d even opened his mouth.

“I’m a little disappointed we didn’t get to see more skin,” Ruon-Jian sighed, causing Y/N to roll her eyes and grip her plate a little harder, “Though it wasn’t a bad dance.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” Y/N grumbled, no real sincerity in her tone.

She turned around to glare at him, her eyes wandering to his knees and taking joy in the bruises that had already started to form there. Thank god Maurice had stayed behind that afternoon: he would have chewed her out for testing her bending out on someone again, and then tried to kill the kid for his disrespect. Her gaze moved back to Ruon-Jian’s face and she had to keep from gagging at the smugness written across his features. Boys like him were the reason she found joy in taking advantage of people sometimes.

“I’m sure there are ways you can make it up to me.”

Another roll of her eyes, and Y/N turned away, “Not interested.”

For the second time that day, Ruon-Jian tried to grab her arm and it took every ounce of willpower Y/N had to not cut that hand of his clean off. She turned around to face him, grabbing onto his wrist before he could touch her with a force that could crush it, and glared daggers into his head. She took glee in the wince written across his features, ready to give him a piece of her mind, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her before she could.

“He’s not worth your time.”

Releasing Ruon-Jian, sending him a scathing glare, and turning around, Y/N smirked at the sight before her, “Prince Zuko. It’s an honor to be in your presence."

She bowed deeply to him, peering up at him as he cringed at the gesture. Hastily forcing her to stand up, he chanced a glance around the room to ensure no one save for Ruon-Jian had noticed her formality, “You don’t have to do that.”

“I just wanted to see the look on your face when I did,” Y/N giggled, eyes bright with mirth. At her feet, Maurice squawked, quickly climbing up onto Zuko’s head and nuzzling the top of it.

“Hey there buddy,” Zuko laughed, reaching a hand behind Maurice’s head to pet him.

While Zuko and Maurice were busy with their heartfelt reunion, one that mainly comprised of Maurice picking dirt out of the prince’s hair, Y/N turned back to Ruon-Jian, any joy on her face vanishing in an instant. She leaned in close to him, a finger poking his chest harshly as she spoke lowly, her gaze dark as an inhuman growl slipped past her lips, “You ever touch me again, you’ll lose that hand. Got it?”

And as fast as that dark expression had appeared, it was gone, replaced by her joyous smile and bright eyes. Grabbing her plate in one hand and Zuko’s arm in the other, she led him away with a wave to Ruon-Jian, glad to get away from the creep finally. Scanning the room for somewhere more secluded to talk, she was disappointed to find that almost everywhere was occupied by other guests. But a slight breeze caught her attention and she practically made a beeline for the open window doors and the balcony hidden past them, pulling along a flustered Zuko who had a squawking chimp still sat atop his head.

Outside, where it was quiet and still, Y/N finally felt like she could breath easily. Releasing Zuko, she balanced her plate of food on the balcony’s railing and leaned next to the plate, taking in Ember Island at night. When the heat wasn’t scorching her skin and her clothes weren’t soaked, it was a lovely place to be, she’ll admit, and she could see the appeal of the popular vacation spot.

“I liked your dance,” Zuko coughed after a moment of silence, and Y/N had to keep from snorting out a snicker, “It was different from your usual style.”

“Oh? Is my usual style that disappointing?” Y/N teased, her gaze remaining on the ocean before her.

“No! I actually like your other style better! Not that what you just did now is bad, not at all, I just think how you danced before suits you better!” Zuko rushed out, stumbling over his words and hasty to ensure Y/N didn’t think he was insulting her.

A small giggle slipped past Y/N’s lips as she finally turned to look at him, her cheeks slightly warm from his compliments, “Thank you, Zuko.”

He stared at her for a moment as she smiled, his own blush forming on his face as he cleared his throat and turned to look at the ocean. They stood there in an amiable silence, save for the sound of Maurice’s eating as he stole food off Y/N’s plate to replace whatever he ate off his own. Let him, she didn’t intend to eat much of it either way.

The air was still around them as they admired the moon’s reflection in the water together, and Y/N sighed, breaking that stillness, “I’ll never get over how pretty the moon is, no matter what nation you’re in.”

“Well, it’s not like it ever changes,” Zuko pointed out.

“That’s true. We all live under the same moon, sun, and stars, and yet we act as though we don’t,” Y/N mused, dropping her head as her shoulders shook with her chuckles, “How pathetic of us.”

Zuko stared at her as she chuckled, heart twisting in his chest at the sadness in her voice, “What are you doing in the Fire Nation?”

“Paid vacation,” Y/N replied, electing not to point out his not-so-subtle change of topic, “Admiral Chan invited me to stay for the week, as long as I promised to perform at his son’s birthday. The real question is: what are you doing in the Fire Nation, Zuko? Last I checked, you were pretending to be a refugee in Ba Sing Se and helping your uncle open a teashop.”

“Things changed,” Zuko mumbled. Was that shame Y/N detected? “My sister gave me an offer I couldn’t refuse. So, I’m back…”

Y/N hummed, lowering her head to prop her chin on the railing of the balcony, “So you are.”

The comfortable silence they’d sat in shifted into an awkward one, and Y/N wanted to laugh at just how uncomfortable Zuko seemed to be beside her. She didn’t even need to read his aura to know he was just about ready to puke in his discomfort. Sighing quietly, Y/N grabbed a red-bean bun from her plate, one that Maurice hadn’t gotten his sticky fingers on yet, and split it in half, offering the larger half to Zuko.

“You want some?”

He shook his head and Y/N shrugged, placing the half back on her plate and eating the other. Zuko stared at her as she ate, growing more and more frustrated with every minute that passed and she stayed silent, “You’re not mad at me?”

“Mad?” Y/N echoed, chuckling to herself, “The hell would I be mad for?”

“For going back to the Fire Nation! For turning on my uncle and going back to the people who’d banished me!” Zuko yelled, startling Y/N at the abrupt shift in his mood, “Didn’t you say you didn’t want that?”

“Oh Zuko,” Y/N cooed, lifting her free hand up to pat his head, “I’d never be mad at someone for returning home.”

He stared at her, eyes narrowed and alight with suspicion. And Y/N stared right back, her eyes hard and challenging, daring him to question her further. It hurt, in all honesty, that he thought she’d be childish enough to be angry over something as trivial as free will. Did he really think so little of her? After all the kindness she had shown him? Had it all been for nothing, had he truly learned _nothing_?

“You’re lying.”

The accusation had her jaw clenching and her hands curling into fists, effectively crushing the rest of the bun, the still steaming insides of it burning her slightly. She didn’t wince, but the action did not go unnoticed by Zuko who reached for her hand as though to heal her. She pulled away, glare fierce enough to have Zuko flinch.

“It sounds to me like _you’re_ more mad about it than you think I am. I have no reason to be mad at you, Zuko, much less any reason to lie about it,” she spat, rolling her eyes as he looked away from her. At least he had the decency to be a little ashamed, “I don’t dictate your life. You have free will, and I won’t pretend to think I can take that from you.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t be mad about my choices,” he countered, gnawing at his bottom lip as Y/N scoffed lightly.

“No, but I’m not childish enough to be angry at you for wanting love and acceptance from your father and people. All you wanted was to go home, Zuko, I’m not stupid enough to miss that,” she told him, her tone going soft at the clear distress on his face, “I’m not mad. But I am a little disappointed.”

The hopeful expression he had started to sport quickly dropped, and Y/N felt her heart twist a little, “I’m not sure if that’s any better.”

“Perhaps not,” Y/N mused, shrugging slightly, “But I still think you can learn and redeem yourself. I have faith in you and your morals.”

“There’s no redemption for me now,” Zuko grumbled, and Y/N wanted to roll her eyes at his dramatic antics, “My uncle hates me, I ruined any slim chances I had at being on good terms with the Avatar, and the entire Fire Nation has high expectations for me now. I chose my fate in Ba Sing Se, and now I have to stick to it.”

“You underestimate Aang’s kindness. Everyone deserves a redemption,” Y/N argued, shaking her head as he leveled her with a glare, “And your fate is yours to decide and change, at any point in your life.”

Zuko scoffed, turning away from her to glare at the moon instead, “You wouldn’t understand. Everyone you meet loves you, you’ve never had to work for acceptance like I have. You don’t have the weight of the world and the expectations of your family burdening you every minute of your life. Your past mistakes don’t define you like mine do me, and I’m willing to bet my honor you’ve never had to work for your family’s love. You’re just _that_ lovable. I’d love to live like you for one day.”

“While I’m flattered you think so highly of me, do you want live like me for a day? Really?” Y/N hissed, any sympathy she may have previously had for him melting away at the selfishness and ignorance he was displaying, “You have everything you ever wanted, Zuko. Your honor’s been restored, your family and the entire nation has welcomed you back, and your claim to the throne is yours once more. You have somewhere to call home, people waiting for you to return, who _want_ you to come back. The means you attained all that are questionable though, if you ask me.”

A sad smile grew on his face, and he sighed, “So you are mad at me.”

“Now I am. But you have nothing but your ignorance to blame for that,” Y/N growled, standing straight to fix him with a sour glare, “You want to live like me? Alone, on the streets, living off the scraps of people who think they can get more from me?”

“Y/N, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” she demanded, clenching her fists as she felt her powers swirl around her, sure that Zuko was just as aware of the murderous intent oozing off her, “You want to be alone? Fine, I’ll leave you alone then, and you can go back to your perfect family and perfect palace, and continue to take your perfect life for granted.”

Every word came out as a spat and Y/N felt her anger growing with every second that passed, so much so even Maurice had taken to cowering behind Zuko. The sight of her distressed companion had her mellowing out only slightly, but the sight of the prince only reignited the anger that had started to fester and she took a deep breath to reign her emotions in. He was not worth her anger, nor her time and energy, and she would not allow the words of an entitled brat she’d only met three times to make her lose control again. Still, why did his poor opinion of her sting her so?

She turned on her heel and made to walk away, pausing once to turn back to him, “I have no interest in being friends with someone who can’t recognize their privilege.”

* * *

Y/N didn’t mourn Zuko’s absence, having been whisked away by a servant to be introduced to the guests of the party the minute she stepped back inside. Her anger still burned bright from his accusations and assumptions, but it was dulled by the guilt of having spoken so harshly to him. It was no mystery to her that he was confused and hurt, and likely lonely. Y/N was sure her words had left an impression, and she only prayed he would be able to forget her and her words, that he wouldn’t allow them to consume him and eat away at him. Knowing him, however, he was already overthinking everything that had just happened.

But the look on his face as he had bitched and moaned didn’t fail to bring a snarl back to her face, and, for now, she would allow herself to be angry and pray that he _did_ allow her words to get to him. She had the rest of her life to feel guilty about it: she was allowed to feel hurt for a few hours.

In the meantime, she spent the night being introduced to the guests by a servant who now refused to leave her side, now matter how she insisted his stalking wasn’t necessary. A tight, terse smile stayed on her face as she greeted all the guests as pleasantly as she could, each one more important to the Fire Nation than the previous one. She wondered what was the need for such formalities, but brushed it aside in favor of being civil with them. Either way, it’s not like many of them would remember her by the time tomorrow came.

Still, the servant’s insistence was nerve-wracking. As was the gaze that stayed trained on her as she made her rounds, a gaze coming from someone who clearly had high expectations of her and was nitpicking every single one of her movements and facial expressions.

“That’s a lovely betrothal piece you have!” the daughter of some Fire Nation general sighed, staring longingly at the gold ornament propped in her hair, “I hope whoever I marry gets me one even half as beautiful.”

Y/N tilted her head at her, confusion overcoming her, “Oh, I’m not engaged. It’s just a part of-”

“Y/N!” someone suddenly cut her off, and she whirled around to find the Admiral and a boy only a few years older than her beside him, both of them making their way towards her, “Just the guest I was looking for. Allow me to introduce you to my son, Chan.”

“You have the same name,” Y/N pointed out, masking her disdain with delight, “Makes it easier for me to remember names and faces!”

The Admiral laughed, pushing Chan towards her, “Chan, this is the girl I was telling you about.”

“The street rat you’re trying to marry me off to?”

It seemed Y/N wasn’t the only one surprised by his words, if the way the Admiral’s eyes popped out of his sockets was anything to go by. The revelation had Y/N’s ears burning, and not just out of embarrassment, her surprised expression turning tight and her eyes turning to the Admiral, unimpressed. Beads of sweat had already started to pool on his brow as his gaze promised murder, remaining on his son who seemed to realize too late the mistake he’d just made. Y/N would have felt bad for him, if it weren’t for the anger she was starting to feel.

“So it _is_ a betrothal piece!”

Y/N had momentarily forgotten about the daughter she’d previously been talking to, and she turned to her with a smile far too wide, “It’s about to become a murder weapon.”

The statement had both Chan and his father freezing beside her, and Maurice squawked at her feet as he pleaded she take the high road and save both their asses. Blood-stained gold wasn’t going to be worth nearly as much as regular gold, especially if she had a bounty on her head for committing murder. Noticing the tension that had just formed, the nameless daughter made her exit with a quiet apology, all but running from Y/N and her potential victims.

“You better watch your mouth, young man,” the Admiral hissed, glaring furiously at his son.

“You should be the one watching yourself, Admiral,” Y/N chuckled, the lack of mirth in her tone striking fear in both Chan and his father’s hearts, “Were you really planning on sweetening me up with money and a vacation in hopes that I would agree to marry your son? How arrogant of you to assume something as bland as money could buy me.”

A strained laugh escaped the Admiral, and Y/N wondered whether she’d be able to bend his spirit to feel even more fear, “It’s nothing like that! You misunderstood.”

Before he could even blink, Y/N was in his face, her expression dark as her lips curled into an unhinged smile, “Oh, I think I understand you perfectly Admiral. You’re nothing but an entitled man who thinks the world owes him their gratitude and who expects a _street rat_ like me to kiss your boots for being _oh so generous_ and trying to set me up with your son.”

“Marrying into my family is likely your best option, little girl,” the Admiral growled at her, his glare faltering when Y/N’s smile widened, “And I can make your life _miserable_ if you refuse.”

“My savior,” Y/N drawled, chuckling once more as she poked him in the chest, “It’s very bold of you to assume my life isn’t already miserable, Admiral, or that I’m not happy with it despite that. You, of all people, cannot hurt me in a way that matters. You are insignificant to me.”

“I’ll have you killed for your disrespect,” the Admiral roared, though the threat didn’t deter Y/N.

“No, you won’t,” she smiled, her certainty causing the Admiral to recoil as he stared at her confused. Looking around her, Y/N let out a disappointed sigh at the crowd that had gathered, shaking her head in dismay. She focused on their energies despite the toll it was taking on her own, keeping her eyes on the Admiral who was watching her every move warily, “Look at what you’ve done, Admiral, you’ve attracted a crowd. Entertaining as this may be, they really ought to mind their own business.”

At her words, the crowd stood stock straight and turned around, heading her orders as Y/N’s emotions got the best of her. Chan seemed to notice the quickly rising danger, and he followed their lead without Y/N’s bending, making her job far easier. At her feet, Maurice continued pleading, though his words went unheard as Y/N lost herself in her anger and frustration, fueled by both her interaction with Zuko and the revelation that the Admiral saw her as nothing then a prize to win over with money. She took joy in the fear that overcame the Admiral at their crowd’s reaction, and his eyes flitted nervously between the other party guests and Y/N, who’s eyes had started faintly glowing a light purple.

“What- what are you?”

“That’s none of your concern, Admiral Chan,” she mused, her voice steady and calm, yet still conveying her anger. She placed one hand on his forehead and the other on his chest, smirking when he gasped and his eyes started glowing, “You are going to pay me what I am due, and you are going to forget I ever existed, forget this engagement that you had planned, and allow your son to marry who he pleases. Giving him free will is the least you can do to make up for being an entitled prick your whole life.”

The Admiral’s eyes continued glowing, even as she released him, and Y/N felt a sense of relief overcome her when no signs of aging appeared. She smiled, ignoring the exhaustion that threatened to overwhelm her, keeping it at bay until she was safe and out of the house, pockets heavier than when she had first arrived.

Her knees buckled under her as soon as the doors shut behind her and her skin prickled under the night air, leaving her feeling weak and frail. She sat down on the stairs in front of the house, taking in shallow breaths as she tried to regain her strength, or at least enough to get her out of this damned island. Beside her, worried as he may have been, Maurice glared at her, and he didn’t need to say anything for Y/N to understand the depths of his anger and disappointment in her losing control. But she only smiled a self-satisfied one, resting her head against the side of the stairs’ railings as she stared out at the moon.

“Worth it.”


	15. the bridge between worlds

### xiv - the bridge between worlds

The events on Ember Island did nothing but leave a sour taste in Y/N’s mouth. Everything from her reaction to Admiral Chan’s proposition to her reunion with Zuko left her guilt ridden, and she’d spent her entire journey leaving the island contemplating every decision she’s ever made. Maurice would call her dramatic, but Y/N begged to differ. She wondered what her past life would think of her now, picking apart and analyzing every little thing she did and agonizing over whether it adhered to the Spirit Coven’s beliefs. Not that she knew much of said beliefs, but she knew enough to know her actions hadn’t been quite respectful.

It was a pain in the ass, more than anything, to be in that constant state of stress.

Alas, she had a job to do, and no amount of complaining or stressing was going to get it done: she needed to find a way to bring back to life the spirit benders’ culture. How she planned to go about that, however, was a problem in and of itself.

She could go around spreading propaganda and flyers, encouraging people to learn more about their nations’ shitty past and learn from their ancestors mistakes, but Y/N had the inkling people may not take her seriously. She could simply try to find another spirit bender and try to repopulate with them, but Y/N didn’t think her legs or stomach would be able to handle that, nor did she want to go through the effort of bearing and raising that many kids. That, and there was no was she could be certain that another spirit bender close to her age had been born, nor could she guarantee the gene for spirit bending would be passed onto any offspring she had. She could show an immense display of power by bringing Fire Lord Ozai to his knees and forcing his hand, bringing the 100 year war to an end, but another war would likely break out, one against _her_ , and she was sure to instill more fear in everyone if she chose that path. Plus, it was Aang’s destiny to end the war, not hers.

In short, Y/N was at a loss, which most certainly did not help bring down her peaking stress levels. There was only so many ideas she could come up, and each one sounded less appealing than the other.

“You could find the Avatar and help him end the war,” Maurice had told her one night as they ate their dinner and brainstormed, a tradition of sorts they’d fallen into in the past few days, “Not only would it would get you noticed by the world, aligned with Aang and all, but you wouldn’t be feared either. If anything, you’d be respected instead.”

The idea was far better than any solutions she had come up with so far, in all honesty, and Y/N didn’t need to mull it over long before humming her agreement.

“Aang did say I could find them if I ever decided I wanted to help them out,” she mused, recalling her stay in Ba Sing Se and smiling to herself, “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if I sought him out this time, instead of the other way around.”

“It’s better than any of the ideas you’ve come up with so far.”

The quip had earned Maurice a flick to the forehead, but Y/N couldn’t deny the truth behind his words. Finding Aang and his friends was her best shot. Plus, she missed Katara and Toph, craving the nights they’d spent together, able to pretend they were normal girls for once and forget about theirs troubles and responsibilities.

Where to even start looking for Aang and his band was a whole new obstacle, however. With rumors running around that the Avatar had died during a fight in Ba Sing Se, Y/N wasn’t even sure if her searches would be fruitful. Nevertheless, she had never been one to let rumors deter her, and she had a strange inkling that they were just that: rumors. No way in hell would Aang let himself get killed before saving the world, and no way would Katara let him die so easily. Of that, Y/N was sure. It didn’t take a genius to see the affection the water bender had for him, even if she herself was oblivious to it. Katara wouldn’t let Aang get hurt, much less die.

For now, her best bet was the Fire Nation, what with the Day of Black Sun coming up and the attack the group had planned. And, conveniently enough, Y/N hadn’t had the heart to go back to the Earth Kingdom yet. Even the events on Ember Island hadn’t driven her out of the nation, strangely enough. Something had kept her from leaving, and even before she’d started planning her search for Aang, she had briefly entertained the idea that perhaps the Avatar and his team were in the Fire Nation too. But the Fire Nation was large and vast where to start…

“The Avatar is the bridge between our world and the Spirit World,” Maurice murmured as he settled into bed, pulling the sheets over his body and peeking up at her, “Aren’t you a spirit bender?”

The chimp made a good point, despite not being explicit in the slightest.

So Y/N sat down in the wee hours of the evening, when the sun had long set and the moon was full and round, and she closed her eyes and visualized. Taking deep breaths, she clasped her hands in her laps and pictured Aang and the others, and then she pictured herself with them. Eating, drinking, having a few laughs. She pictured herself by their sides, training with them, fighting beside them, taking care of them when they were injured and soothing them of their concerns. And a small smile came to her face as her chest grew warm and her heartbeat slowed at the mere idea of being in their company again. Her body relaxed and Y/N took a deep breath, and released it and her spirit with it.

She slipped out of her own body, glowing a vibrant blue in her spirit state, and felt giddiness overcome her as she stared back at her physical self, eyes still closed and chest moving steadily. It was strange, staring at herself, and she smiled at her motionless body.

“Y/N, you’re an awesome son of a bitch,” she praised herself, patting her physical self on the head before whipping away and through the walls.

Floating high above the sky, the moon practically blinding her as the town she and Maurice had taken refuge in lay below her. It made for a beautiful sight, and she was mournful as she closed her eyes once more and focused on her surroundings, on the entirety of the Fire Nation. There was only one person in that group she had truly bonded with, one’s who’s spirit she would be able to find and not lose in this state: Appa.

She pictured his fur, his eyes, his warmth, the purrs of content he’d make whenever she pet him or brought him food. She remembered how scared he’d been when she had first found him, the gratitude he’d shown when she’d nursed him back to health and how comfortable he’d grown to become in her presence. She thought of flying on his back, how relaxing and freeing it had been to be so high up despite how bumpy the rides could be at times. The memories brought a smile to her face, and when she opened her eyes, a yellow trail coming from her chest and leading her away from the town was manifesting itself.

“Y/N, you’ve done it again,” she snickered, shooting off and following the trail that she was certain would lead her right to Appa and, more importantly, Aang. In this state, he was the only person who would be able to see her and who she’d would be able to communicate with; and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Her destination was much further than Y/N had anticipated, but, strangely enough, her spirit travelled much faster than any ostrich-horse could. Fields and villages sped by below, the flickering lights of various homes coming and going, but she stayed focused on the glowing trail in front of her, keeping her eyes on it as she focused on her destination only. She had no time to waste right now, and Y/N only wished she’d be able to appreciate the view a little more on her way back. However, she had an inkling that her time in the spirit world would be limited; she was nowhere near powerful enough yet to keep this state for longer than a couple of hours.

Appa’s lumbering frame came into view soon enough, and Y/N shot forward faster, landing lightly beside him. She smiled, resting her hand lightly on the arrow on his forehead despite knowing he wouldn’t be able to feel her presence. The only one here who could was Aang, and she quickly turned her attention to him.

A small giggle slipped past her lips as she took in his sleeping form, laying upside down on Appa’s tail, mouth wide, and drooling. He had hair now, which made for a strange sight, his tattoos barely peaking through the short, but ruffled locks. Covering her mouth, she cleared her throat and approached him, placing one hand on his chest and the other on his forehead.

“Aang,” she whispered gently, not wanting to startle the boy out of his peaceful state, “Aang.”

He grunted, trying to move his head away from her hand. But Y/N stayed sturdy, determined to reach him, and only when she whispered his name a third time and a little bit harsher did he peek one eye open. His brows furrowed, and he closed his eye once more, before both of them shot open in alarm to stare at her incredulously.

“Y/N?!” he all but yelled out, scrambling into a standing position before her.

She shushed him, glancing around to ensure the others hadn’t woken up at his loud startle, “Don’t be so loud! Do you want to wake the others up?”

“How- What- Why-” he stuttered, completely gobsmacked as he took in her spirit state, “You’re in the Spirit World right now?!”

“Yes, I am,” she confirmed, nodding surely and smiling at him, “It’s good to see you again.”

“How did you even _get_ in the Spirit World?” Aang asked, barely trying to mask his bewilderment, “You’re not the Avatar, I am. This shouldn’t be possible. And what are you even doing here? We thought you’d been captured at Ba Sing Se!”

Y/N frowned, head tilted in confusion, “Why would I have been captured?”

“For being allied with me?” Aang suggested, shrugging like he had no better explanation, “I don’t know, that’s what Katara hypothesized. What happened to you?”

Flashes of that night sped through Y/N’s mind, and she winced slightly. Aang didn’t fail to notice, and his expression turned soft at the evident pain that flashed across Y/N’s eyes. In a futile attempt at comfort, he tried to pat her shoulder, but his hand simply went through her. She smiled down at him, though it didn’t reach her eyes, appreciative of his kind nature.

“That’s not what I’m here to talk about,” she told him, standing straighter and looking down at him seriously, “I need your help.”

“Are you in trouble?”

Y/N shook her head, “I don’t have enough time to explain right now. I’m new to this whole spirit state thing, but I doubt I’ll be able to stay here for much longer.”

“Y/N, what’s going on?” Aang demanded, his brows furrowing and mouth set in a straight line, “How are you even _in_ the spirit state?”

“Come find me and I’ll explain everything, I promise,” Y/N smiled, tone reassuring, “I’m a few towns north of here, between two mountains and a river running through them and straight into a lake. There isn’t much around this area, so I think you’ll be able to find me just fine. And if you can’t, now you know you can contact me this way.”

Aang stared up at her in confusion, but nodded, determination in his eyes, “I want an explanation when I get there.”

“And you’ll get one,” Y/N promised, staring down at her hands and frowning as she noticed she was starting to fade away, “I don’t have much control over my spirit right now, so don’t be alarmed if I disappear. Just make sure you find me.”

She reached out to place her hand on his forehead, where the tip of his arrow peaked out of his growing hair, and placed the location of the town she and Maurice were at in his mind. A fond smile grew on her face as his eyes widened and he touched his forehead, staring at Y/N, mystified. Y/N watched as a series of emotions flashed through his eyes, from confusion to awe to admiration, and felt fondness swell in her chest.

“Y/N…” he mumbled, still rubbing the tip of his arrow, “What happened to you?”

“It’s an interesting story that I’m sure you’ll love to hear over tea and crackers,” she mused, voice growing fainter as her spirit continued fading, “Just make sure you find me!”

Aang faded out as her hotel room faded back in, and Y/N gasped as her spirit was practically forced back into her body, sending her backwards from the impact. Her breath was heavy and chest heaving as she clutched her breast, staring wondrously at the ceiling of her room. Her hands shook slightly against her chest, her shoulders tense and eyes wide, awed that she was successful in her endeavor despite how little training she’d had. If she really was successful, Aang and his friends wouldn’t be long at all.

So for now, she lay still in her cot, a serene smile on her face as she looked forward to what tomorrow would bring.

* * *

Three sharp knocks on her hotel room startled Y/N out of her slumber, and she could practically feel the knocks pounding on her head. She sat up in her cot, hair astray and eyes half closed, and glared at the door as though it had personally offended her. The tension in her neck and the soft pounding in her head did not bode well for her mood today, and she grabbed a glass of water and chugged it as she padded silently around the room: whoever was outside could wait a couple of minutes as she got her mind together. Maurice, the lucky bastard, snored away peacefully, and it took every ounce of self-control Y/N had to not wake him up.

Shirt askew and pants hanging low on her hips, she trudged to the door with a scowl on her face and water dripping down her chin. The knocking was incessant up until she unlocked the door and flung it open, eyes still so bleary with sleep that she had to squint to see.

“What do you want?” she mumbled through a yawn, eyes closing as she rubbed as much sleep out of them as she could, “It’s too early to entertain people.”

“Y/N, it’s past noon.”

Her eyes snapped open at the familiar voice, and all signs of exhaustion vanished almost instantly, “Katara!”

Water glass forgotten, she all but tossed the item away to throw her arms around the girl, barely noticing the squeak from Aang as he caught the glass before it shattered using his air bending. Y/N barely registered how much his power had grown since Ba Sing Se, which was far more noticeable now that she was in front of him in her physical state. She was too busy relishing in her reunion with her friends to care in the moment. Even Toph didn’t protest at the hug, wrapping her arms hesitantly around Y/N.

The five of them held onto one another for what could have been an eternity, with Momo bounding into the hotel room to nuzzle Maurice awake. Y/N cheeks felt like they could split from the sheer joy spilling out of her, and she found her eyes were strangely misty as she pulled away. She wouldn’t say she was relieved to see the mirrored smiles the other four sent her way, but she was certainly happy to find they had missed her just as she had missed them; she didn’t need to read their energies or their auras to conclude as much, their faces telling enough.

“I didn’t think you’d actually find the town we were in,” she admitted, urging them inside and closing the door behind them, “Much less the hotel we were staying at.”

“It was all Appa,” Sokka admitted, sitting himself in her cot like he owned it, “Sniffed you out.”

Y/N’s heart warmed knowing the bison was able to find her so easily, and she idly wondered if the bonds her spirit created with others could be felt on the other end. A glance out the window and Y/N felt herself deflate as she realized Appa wouldn’t be outside, not in the city at least. He’d be noticed too easily, and the Fire Nation would be on their ass before Y/N could get the first sentence of her story out. Her gaze turned back to Aang, and Y/N’s chest swole at the expectant, yet innocent look in the Avatar’s eyes. She could see the anticipation for her to start her tale, and she found he looked like a child waiting for a bedtime story.

“The real question is, how did _you_ find Aang?” Katara questioned, eyebrows raised and arms crossed as she looked Y/N up and down, “He said you came to him in the Spirit World. We didn’t believe him until Toph confirmed that he wasn’t lying and Appa led us right to you.”

A smile came to Y/N’s face, and she shrugged, “I suppose I do owe you all an explanation.”

“You think?” Sokka practically shrieked, still lounging on her cot.

Her smile widened at Sokka’s outlandish cry, and she beckoned the others forward and motioned for them to sit in a circle beside her and Sokka. Even Maurice, who had yet to hear the full story despite constantly being around her, came to attention and sat right in Y/N’s lap, peering up at her with round, curious eyes. A pat to his head and Y/N turned her gaze back to the group, starting off her tale with the last night she’d spent in Ba Sing Se.

She couldn’t bear to look at their reactions as she spoke, eyes trained on Maurice and voice turning softer as she told them of how she almost killed that one Dai Li agent. In refusing to meet their gazes, she missed Katara’s flinch, the pain in Aang’s eyes, the way Toph lifted her feet from the ground to keep herself from feeling the anguish in Y/N’s heart. Even Sokka, who had grown up well aware that death was an inevitable and even a necessary part of war, couldn’t look at Y/N, his eyes cast downwards now too and his whole body shuddering every time her voice cracked.

“Killing the man would have felt different, I’m sure,” Y/N said, eyes squeezing shut as Maurice patted her knee soothingly, “But taking his time away like that? Leaving him with a few years, if even that? It felt too… cruel. Especially for the people who needed him.”

“But at least you were able to give him some time left with the ones he loved,” Katara tried to placate, frowning when Y/N shook her head.

“In that moment, I wanted him to die,” Y/N hiccuped, meeting their eyes finally and smiling through the tears that threatened to spill, “I was so angry. And for what? I never want to feel like that again.”

Again, she missed the empathy that shone in Aang’s eyes at her words and trudged on, telling them about Pathik and her communion with her past life. It was her first time recounting the full story out loud, and hearing it with her own ears made the whole experience sound even more surreal. Then again, she supposed the gang sat across from her had been through much stranger things, if they’re mild awe was anything to go by; only Sokka, who had always been the more enthusiastic of the four of them, would give Y/N the reactions she expected, gasping and eyes widening as he sat on the edge of his seat throughout her story.

And by the time she finished off her tale in Ember Island, Y/N could feel the mental exhaustion from relieving the past month start to take a toll on her. The warmth of the sun filtering through her hotel window was a small comfort in the tension that had overtaken the room as the other four took their time to process Y/N’s story, the girl in question waiting with a bated breath and her lower lip between her teeth for one of them, any of them, to say something.

“I suppose we have another thing in common,” Aang mused after a minute, a tiny smile playing on his lips as he met Y/N’s confused expression, “We’re the last of our kind.”

“Technically, I’m the first,” Y/N mused as her expression quickly turned from confused to empathetic, her eyes soft as she reached out to ruffle the boy’s growing hair. It suited him, but still didn’t fail to throw her off when she had grown so used to seeing him and his posters bald. He leaned into her touch, seeking out the warmth and comfort it provided, smile satisfied.

“Wait, what’s the first?” Sokka piped in, brows furrowed.

“We’re Appa’s favorites,” Y/N informed him, smiling at the grin that broke out on Aang’s face: it suited him much better than the melancholy that had been on his face moments ago.

The two ignored him as Sokka spluttered in indignation and Toph reassured the non-bender that Y/N was, in fact, not lying. And all the while, Katara’s eyes never left Y/N as she watched her and Aang find comfort in the other and in their (somewhat) shared experiences, her heart twisting in her chest as she wished there was more she could do for the two.

Hesitantly, she reached out to grab both Aang and Y/N’s hands, squeezing softly as they shot her a confused glance, “We three, we’ll be there for the both of you as much as we can.”

The promise sent a warm tingle down Y/N’s spine, and she cast Katara a thankful smile and squeezed her hand back. Sokka and Toph, who had finally stopped their bickering at Katara’s words, nodded in agreement, smiling widely at Y/N who was beyond grateful for the four friends she had found purely by chance. She felt her eyes get misty, but held back the tears out of fear of alarming those surrounding her.

“I promise Y/N, I will do everything I can to bring back the spirit benders’ culture,” Aang swore, grabbing Y/N’s free hand and rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

Y/N swallowed, the sincerity in his words and spirit allowing her to breathe easily once more, “And I’ll do everything I can to help you all take down the Fire Lord. You’ve all shown me so much kindness since Ba Sing Se. It’s the least I can do to pay off some of the debt I owe you.”

“You don’t owe us anything, Y/N,” Sokka frowned, and Y/N shook her head.

“You didn’t have to be as welcoming as you’ve been,” she explained shortly, before a grin broke out on her face, “Plus, the Fire Lord needs to be taken down a few notches. That man thinks far too highly of himself. Have you seen the propaganda in the Fire Nation? He paints himself like he’s some kind of god, for fuck’s sake.”

The crudeness and truth of her words got a small giggle out of the group before her, and Y/N found it hard to stop herself from joining them in their amusement. Aang gave her a thankful smile, and she returned it, a promise in her eyes that she would do her best when fighting alongside them. Like she’d told them, it was the very least she could do. And the sooner they defeated the Fire Lord, the sooner Y/N could focus on fulfilling her promise to Amirah.

“If you’ll let me, I’d love to train you in spirit bending,” Y/N told Aang, who smiled, then frowned quickly.

“As much as I’d love to, the Day of Black Sun is in a few days,” Aang pointed out, and Y/N pursed her lips, “I don’t know that you’ll have enough time to teach me much before then.”

“That’s alright,” Y/N assured, waving the problem off like it was a mere bump in the road, “I can teach you after that. Even if you don’t use spirit bending against the Fire Lord, it’s undoubtedly a skill that you may find useful in the future.”

At her words, Aang’s smile returned, and he nodded, “Alright. After the Day of Black Sun, you can teach me spirit bending. And then after that, we can work together in bringing our nation’s memories back.”

And if that didn’t make Y/N all the more eager to put an end to the war, she didn’t know what else would.


	16. delusions

### xv - delusions

As it would turn out, Y/N had found the group just in time. A day later and she would have completely missed her opportunity to catch up with them, what with the looming shadow that was the Day of Black Sun coming up in less than a week. No sooner had Y/N finished her story and made them all one last warm meal did they collect Appa and set out for the rendezvous point, much to Maurice’s chagrin; the chimp had grown accustomed to having a roof over his head and his belly constantly full, and all his complaining had gotten him was a flick in the head from Y/N.

The stress and anticipation was getting to all of them, though they each showed it in different ways. Aang, understandably, was the most obvious about it, barely trying to hide his delusions and manic fits as the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. Of course, his lack of sleep likely played a huge factor in the fact that he was _losing his mind_ , but Y/N felt her heart wrench for the boy who clearly had far more stress pent up than he knew what to do with. His anguished eyes, heavy with the bags weighing under them, were enough cause for concern for Y/N as she racked her brain for ways to help him, her frustration growing as her mind only came up with a blank every time.

It was on the third day of delusions that Y/N grew exasperated, having had to witness the other three try in vain to “fix” the kid. His stress was starting to take a toll on the rest of them too, and Y/N was at the end of her wits. It was stupid and frustrating, and she finally took her own shot at helping the kid, grabbing Aang by his ear and dragging him to a secluded area of their campsite, barely blinking at his dubious consent.

“Why are we so far from everyone?” he mused, looking around with tired eyes.

“It’s quieter out here,” Y/N explained shortly, beckoning him to sit closer to her, which he did with hesitance, “You could use some quiet.”

“I tried meditating, there’s no point,” Aang grumbled, assuming that was what she’d brought him out here to do, a yelp leaving his lips as Y/N grabbed his head and forced him to lie down in her lap, “What- What are you trying here? I don’t like you like that! I’m sorry if I can you the wrong impression!”

Y/N huffed out a laugh, tugging on his ear playfully, “I know you like Katara, dummy. You’re too young for me anyway, so don’t get too excited kid.”

He tried to lift his head up once more and Y/N only forced it back down, her touch turning gentle as she started running her fingers through his hair. Almost instantly, Aang relaxed under the touch, a sigh leaving him once Y/N adjusted her fingers to scratch his scalp lightly with her nails. She could practically see the knots in his shoulders unravel as she stroked his hair, and they only unravelled faster once she started sing a quiet lullaby. Her voice echoed through the air and all around them, creating a small cocoon of safety and allowing Aang’s mind to be at ease for the first time in days. He focused solely on her voice, letting its soothing lilt consume him and pick at any stress he was feeling.

“What song is that?” Aang murmured into her lap, voice so quiet Y/N almost didn’t hear him.

“You know, I don’t actually know,” Y/N mused, eyebrows furrowing in slight amusement at her realization, “My mother used to sing it to me as a child when I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t realize I remembered it so well, up until now.”

Aang hummed, looking up at Y/N but refusing to move his head from her lap, “You don’t talk about your family much, you know.”

Y/N shrugged, looking down at him with pursed lips, “There isn’t much to say, and it’s not exactly the happiest story. I never met my dad, and most of the memories I have of my mother aren’t exactly the fondest. Those that are are few and far between. If I’m being honest, my whole life, Maurice has been the closest thing I’ve had to a real family.”

“Sorry.”

“For what?”

“For prying, when clearly it’s something personal and difficult to share,” he clarified, turning away from her once more and staring at the ground in front of Y/N’s lap, “I wish there was something I could do to help.”

“Talking helps,” Y/N tried to placate, still running her fingers through his hair, “And if you want to talk about whatever’s been bothering you, whatever’s been keeping you up at night, I’ll listen. I can’t promise I’ll give good advice, if any, but like I said: talking helps.”

Aang shrugged as best as he could from his place on Y/N’s lap, still refusing to meet her eyes, “I guess I’m just nervous about facing Fire Lord Ozai. Everyone just expects so much from me right now, and I think the pressure is getting to my head. I mean, I haven’t mastered water or earth bending, and I haven’t even started learning fire bending… How am I going to defeat him if I’m not even a fully realized Avatar yet?”

“I don’t know Aang,” Y/N told him honestly, her hands coming to a pause on his head, the ceasing of the motion making him look up at her, “But even if you don’t defeat him, that’s okay.”

“How is that okay?! The whole world expects me to save them!” he huffed, his distress and frustration clear.

“And that’s the world’s fault Aang,” Y/N explained, her eyes gentle, but firm, “You’re still a kid, and yet you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders like it’s nothing. I believe that you will be able to defeat the Fire Lord, I really do. But even if you don’t, that’s alright. You’re still learning. If you don’t beat him, simply pick yourself back up and try again. That’s all any of us can do whenever we fall down.”

Aang stared at Y/N like she was speaking another language, the doe-eyed look pulling a small chuckle from the girl. She patted his head and resumed her petting, putting a little intention behind her strokes in hopes that it would soothe the boy.

“If you can’t beat him, we’ll forgive you Aang. But you have to be able to forgive yourself too.”

Her statement was met with silence, but Y/N felt his thanks in the way he snuggled closer to her legs. She scratched a small area behind his ear with a smile in response, heart swelling as a small yawn left his lips. Idly wondering if this is how her mother had felt when Y/N had laid in her lap all those years ago, she resumed her humming into the quiet air, lulling Aang to sleep with her sweet voice and her gentle touch. With every second that passed, Y/N felt his body and spirit slip further into comfort, rolling off him in such powerful waves that Y/N feared she would follow him soon enough into sleep.

But staring down at the sleeping boy in her lap, Y/N couldn’t help but feel the greatest sense of admiration for him, he who, at such a young age, put the needs and expectations of the entire world before his own. In the back of her mind, Amirah’s words rang and she had to stop herself from placing a motherly kiss on his temple.

“I hope you learn to live to meet your own standards, not those of the world,” she murmured to the sleeping boy, hoping against hope that her words would reach him in the dreamscape.

* * *

“How did you do it?!” Toph demanded when Y/N returned sans Aang, the first out of the other to realize the Avatar had finally fallen into a peaceful slumber.

Admittedly, Y/N had expected her task to take a lot longer than it did: she’s almost certain that getting him off her lap had taken almost three times the amount sending him to sleep had. But, then again, the kid hadn’t gotten a good night’s rest since the night they’d all come to collect Y/N. It was a miracle he hadn’t collapsed on his own in the middle of the day, and not so surprising that a few words of comfort and a lullaby would send him to sleep quickly.

“I sang him a lullaby,” Y/N told them, plopping down around the campfire they had started in the short hour Y/N had been with Aang, “He knocked out like a baby.”

“A lullaby? Seriously?” Sokka laughed, the idea amusing him more than it should have.

“Did you get him to talk about what was bothering him?” Katara asked, and Y/N didn’t miss the way her aura took on a greenish tint when she nodded her head in confirmation. The idea of Katara being jealous of her of all people was absurd. Was she so blind to Aang’s infatuation?

“He’s worried about facing the Fire Lord in two days,” Y/N told them, to which the others all nodded in understanding, “I think he’s afraid of disappointing the world. Again. They already think he’s left them for a second time, and he likely has a lot of problems with that.”

Sokka shrugged at her words, “Well, it’s not like he has much of a choice. He’s the only one powerful enough to stop the Fire Lord, and he knows it too.”

“But he hasn’t even learned how to fire bend yet,” Toph pointed out, brows furrowed with worry, “Hell, he’s barely mastered earth bending. It’s no wonder he’s nervous about facing him so soon.”

“It doesn’t matter. The whole world needs him to defeat the Fire Lord if we ever want to live peacefully,” Sokka told them, his words not sitting well with Y/N.

“He’s just a kid, Sokka,” she told the boy, lips pursed as she stared him down, “He shouldn’t have to bear that kind of responsibility yet. Just imagine the toll it must have on his mental health, knowing that the fate of the world rests solely on his actions. He’s too young to have to deal with those kinds of expectations.”

Katara shook her head, her eyes filled with pain and sympathy, “I can’t even imagine. I wish there was more we could do to help him then just… sit back and watch.”

“You’re already doing everything you can for him,” Y/N tried to reassure her, though she wasn’t sure it was as effective as she would have wanted, “The most any of us can do at this point is be there for him. Be someone he can lean on, even if he fails.”

The implication of her words sent the four of them into a tense silence, all of them envisioning a world where Aang does fail to beat the Fire Lord. What that would mean, none of them knew. It didn’t take a genius to know that Aang would hesitate when it came down to finishing his opponent off, raised as peacefully as he was amongst the monks: Fire Lord Ozai, ruthless as he was, would not have that same hesitation. But they also had faith in the boy, sure that, when it came down to it, he would make the best decision for the world.

The only thing to fill the silence that had fallen on them was the bonfire crackling, a mockery almost of the one element Aang had yet to master. Y/N had learned quickly from Katara that Aang had refused to fire bend ever again, and she knew that that would be a cause for problems in the final battle. And yet, there wasn’t much any of them could do at this point. It was too late for him to find a master, much less learn how to control his ability. He would be going into that battle incomplete, of sorts, and the flames dancing in front of Y/N were nothing but a bitter reminder that the odds were stacked against them. The only solace any of the really had was that the rest of the Fire Nation’s benders would be just as powerless, and yet Y/N had a feel that would mean nothing at the end of the day.

With or without their fire bending, the Fire Nation was a menace. Y/N had travelled long and far enough to know that not being able to bend would mean nothing in battle when half of their army was made of non-benders, and the benders were just as well versed in fighting without their powers.

Her thoughts, when consumed by the Fire Nation, eventually drifted to Zuko, who she hadn’t seen since their little spat on Ember Island. She hadn’t left out that part in her story a few nights ago, nor had she missed the distaste on Aaang, Katara, and Sokka’s faces. Clearly, they still didn’t hold the boy in high regard, and what he had said to Y/N that night had only soured their opinion of him further. Not that she could blame them…

And yet, despite how much he had hurt her with his words that night, Y/N couldn’t bring herself to resent him for it. If anything, the way they had left things had left a sour taste in her mouth, even if it shouldn’t have. She barely knew him, after all, and she wondered why one bad interaction with someone she’d only met a few times left her so unsettled. Part of her had tried to reason it was her spirit bender side coming out, the side that urged her to be kind and understanding with everyone to keep her karmic balance (whatever the hell _that_ meant at this point). but even she was smart enough to understand the irrationality of that: she owed Zuko nothing, after all, especially when he obviously had no problem being a dickhead.

“When we strike the Fire Nation, I’m going to look for Zuko,” she stated suddenly, all eyes snapping to her as she broke the silence.

“Are you serious?” Katara demanded, eyes ablaze with an anger unlike anything Y/N had ever seen, “After everything’s he’s done to us, everything he’s said to _you_ , you still seek him out?”

“Katara…” Toph called, tone wary as Y/N’s heartbeat spiked momentarily.

“He’s still my friend,” Y/N tried to explain, though the water bender’s anger was unwavering, “I don’t want to go into this war knowing he’s on the other side and knowing I didn’t at least _try_ to reach out to him. It doesn’t… it doesn’t sit well with me.”

Sokka hummed, staring at Y/N with a raised brow, “If this has something to do with the coven’s culture, you know you can drop that for him, right? He’s the exception to, like, everything.”

“Then let him be the exception to the Fire Nation,” Y/N reasoned, eyes turning pleading, “I don’t know why, but I have faith in Zuko. I know he knows the Fire Nation isn’t where he belongs, and if I can find him and talk to him for just a minute or two, I’m sure I could get him to understand, to see that he’s on the wrong side of this war. Please,” she begged, her gaze mostly trained on Katara who’s eyes had grown softer the more Y/N spoke, “Let me save him. Let me save him from his family.”

The silence that had overtaken the group was suffocating. Y/N had to fight the bile that threatened to rise out of her throat as all of their eyes fell on Katara for guidance, who had yet to stop glaring at Y/N. Even Sokka, who had no qualms with voicing his disdain for the Fire Nation’s prince and was smart enough to see reason in Y/N’s argument, turned to Katara for leadership in the absence of Aang.

And despite the tension, the fire continued crackling, the warm glow of the flames only adding a certain eeriness to the situation, and Y/N wasn’t sure that Katara had ever looked so intimidating before. The angry lines of her faces were emphasized by the shadows that danced across her features, and Y/N only hoped that she looked just as set and sure as the girl sitting across from her did. She refused to back down, never failing to keep her eyes locked with Katara’s as the girl sighed in resignation.

“Try and save him all you want,” she finally said, though it was through gritted teeth and with much reluctance, “But don’t be surprised or disappointed when you fail.”

“I won’t be, as long as you kiss me better,” Y/N promised, though her gratitude shone through her teasing. And while Katara’s permission wasn’t something that would have stopped her in the first place, knowing she would still have people to come back to if things did go south with Zuko was reassuring.

“I still think you’re a little deluded for having so much faith in him. But, if you are able to reach him, you’ll have my endless respect,” Sokka told her, grinning from ear to ear as the tension died down, “That boy has been set on capturing and killing Aang since the beginning of time.”

Y/N blinked at his words, before a boisterous laughter left her lips, “You guys truly are clueless if you think Zuko has it in him to kill someone, much less a child.”

The confused glances both Katara and Sokka sent her way only made Y/N’s giggles increase in volume, while Toph listened on, only mildly amused. She may not know much about Zuko, having never been forced into fight with him, but how bad could the kid really be if someone like Y/N had so much hope for him? And while she didn’t have much to add to the conversation, she could listen and learn about this unknown enemy through the girl who’s heart skipped a beat every time she said his name. She trusted Y/N’s judgement enough to put just as much faith in the boy as she had.

“There’s a lot about Zuko that none of you, none of _us_ know,” Y/N mused, sitting back on her elbows and staring at the stars, “Don’t be so quick to think you know what he is and isn’t capable of.”

Her words struck deep in the two siblings, and they stared at one another before looking back to Y/N, Katara speaking first, “I suppose we should know our enemy better…”

“Of course you should,” Y/N scoffed, tilting her head to look back at the three of them with a raised eyebrow, “Understanding your enemy is a surefire way to learn how to beat them. It’s the only way to learn what makes them tick, their weaknesses, what you can use against them to defeat them in battle.”

“I’m sure if you bury them in the ground you’d beat them just fine,” Toph piped in.

It was silent for a minute before they all started laughing, the girl’s nonchalance and bluntness never failing to amuse them. Y/N’s giggles brought a smile to Toph’s face as she reached out to smack the young earth bender’s arm, a small gesture of both affection and reprimanding. Toph turned in her general direction and smiled, and Y/N, though she knew the girl couldn’t see her, smiled back and drew a smiley face on the ground with her fingers. She reveled in the way the blind girl’s eyes widened and pure joy came across her face, understanding passing over her features that Y/N was indeed smiling back at her.

And for the first time in a while, since she could remember honestly, Y/N finally felt like she had a family again.

* * *

It wasn’t until later that night, when Y/N was laying in her cot and found herself admiring the stars once more, that Toph came and sat next to her head. Neither of them acknowledged each other at first, the silence between them comfortable as they simply basked in the other’s presence. Toph could feel Y/N’s gaze on her though before she spoke, her voice meek as though terrified she would scare Y/N away if she spoke too harshly`.

“If you ever want to talk to someone, you can come to me,” Toph told her, and Y/N tensed instead of responding. She knew Toph would feel it and allowed her to elaborate, “Earlier, when you were talking about Zuko and saving him from his family… Your heart sounded so- it sounded sad? I’ve never felt anything like it before.”

“You know, you’re a lot more perceptive than I expected,” Y/N mused, sitting up in her cot.

“Being blind helps.”

A loud laugh that Y/N muffled behind her hands for the others’ sake echoed through the night, and Toph smiled along with her. Her heart didn’t sound so sad anymore.

“Perhaps it does,” Y/N hummed, looking to Toph with a soft smile, “Thank you. I needed that.”

Toph nodded in response, silent for a pause before drawling out, “So… you want to talk about it or not?”

Y/N shook her head before she remembered Toph couldn’t see her, “Maybe not tonight. We all have enough on our minds as it is. I don’t want you to be even more stressed out when we attack the capital.”

“Please, I don’t get stressed when I know I’ll win,” Toph scoffed, her cockiness pulling a smirk out Y/N, “Just- at least tell me this. I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t know.”

“Go for it.”

There was another pause, and Y/N found herself growing nervous as she waited for the younger girl to speak, “Did you need saving? From your family?”

The question came as a surprise to Y/N, and she was sure her momentary silence spoke louder than words ever needed to. She contemplated Toph’s question for a brief moment, humming in the silence and smiling a smile that she knew didn’t reach her eyes. She wondered what color her own aura had taken on in that moment as her thoughts drifted off to her mother and the years she’d been her captive, thankful for the first time that no other spirit benders were around to read just how lonely she suddenly felt.

“I wasn’t delusional enough to think anyone would actually come to save me,” Y/N admitted, bringing her knees to her chest and resting her chin between them, “I was saved from my mother when I left though. I only wish I could have saved my kid from her too.”

The last part was blurted out by mistake, and Y/N wanted to smack herself for letting her emotions run so freely and allows for that slip up. She didn’t need to look at Toph to know that her eyes had widened and her jaw had dropped open; Y/N could feel the unease rolling off her in waves, and it unsettled the spirit bender herself more than she already was, “You had a kid?”

Y/N only hummed her confirmation, the once comfortable silence slipping into something not so comfortable anymore, but not tense either. And while Toph’s presence, just as strong and sturdy as it ever was, provided some kind of comfort, it didn’t stop the sadness from trickling into Y/N’s heart, nor did it change the fact that Toph took note of her heart’s change of pace. Tentatively, Toph reached out to place her hand on Y/N’s shoulder, opting for a gentler approach than her usual shoves and punches. The gesture was appreciated, but mostly ineffective, even as Y/N leaned into the touch and brought her hand up to cover Toph's.

“I hope you’re able to save Zuko.”

The words, brief as they were, spoke volumes, and Y/N allowed the tiniest of smile to grace her features, “Me too Toph.”


	17. the day of realizing... things I

### xvi - the day of realizing... things (pt.1)

The morning of the attack, tension was high. Everyone was on the edge of their nerves, waiting for that fateful hour to arrive, and despite preparations running smoothly, Y/N couldn’t help but feel more and more uneasy as the morning progressed. She couldn’t seem to keep her fingers from constantly tapping against her thighs, nor could she stop the way her eyes flickered around the rendezvous point, always searching for some kind of threat to pounce on them unexpectedly. So many things could go wrong with their plan, she was well aware of that, and the endless case scenarios in which things didn’t work out in their favor ran amuck in her mind.

Unsurprisingly, Toph was the first to take note of the spirit bender’s anxiety, placing a hand on her shoulder and promising they would be fine as her eyes stared at Y/N’s feet. She had smiled at the younger girl and thanked her, but kept her close by throughout the rest of the hours leading up to the attack, if only to ensure she’d be able to protect her if anything did go south sooner than expected. In the days leading up to today, Y/N had grown attached to Toph, and her need to protect the younger girl currently overwhelmed her as they prepared to invade the capital. It was a strange feeling, but one Y/N didn’t try to hard t fight: if worse came to worse, she’d hope she’d be able to protect one person, at the very least.

Toph too had felt that same attachment to Y/N, a feeling which only grew when she’d fallen asleep next to her two nights ago, much to the surprise of everyone; Y/N, for one, had practically latched onto Toph after that night, while the younger girl had gone to her for advice with training Aang more than she had ever gone to Katara. If you asked anyone, they would tell you the two girls were polar opposites in every way, and more likely to get along like cats and dogs than a house on fire. But, they would also tell you there was a certain level of trust between the two, a level of dependency that none had expected, but that also didn’t seem out of place, strangely enough.

However, despite Toph’s constant and reassuring presence, there was a bad feeling festering in Y/N’s gut that she simply couldn’t shake off.

“You’re lucky no one else here can understand animals,” Maurice told her from his spot on her head, fingers tapping Y/N’s forehead rhythmically, “I can practically smell your fear, and I’m sure the other animals here can as well.”

“Hush,” Y/N told the chimp, eyes crossing as she tried to look up at him, “If I don’t verbally acknowledge my worries, they’re not real.”

“What’s not real?”

Startled, Y/N turned to Toph who she had momentarily forgotten was there, so engrossed in arguing with Maurice, “Oh, it’s nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“Can it, Maurice.”

A small snort came from the smaller girl, who’s lips were played into a smirk as she shook her head, “I don’t think I’ll ever get over listening to you talk to an animal. It’s… weird.”

“Thanks, you’re making me feel real good about myself,” Y/N drawled, though the smile on her face was intact as she stared fondly down at Toph.

And all while the two interacted, Maurice kept a keen eye on them, lips pursed as he watched the bright smile form on Toph’s face and the way Y/N’s eyes shonehen she stared down at the younger girl. His heart twisted in a strange way. In no world was he jealous, no, that wasn’t it. He was secure enough in his bond with Y/N to know she wouldn’t be able to replace him so easily with the earth bender. Rather, her felt sad when watching the two of them together. It was a dull reminder of what both Toph and Y/N had lost, and he feared for his caretaker and her emotional health and attachment the closer she got to her.

“You should tell someone if you are worried about something,” he told her as they made their way to where Sokka would be announcing the battle plan, his brows crinkled and his lips pulled into a frown, “It’s not like your hunches are wrong, most of the time.”

“There’s no point in worrying anyone,” Y/N muttered back, careful to keep anyone from hearing her as Toph distracted herself in a conversation with other earth benders from her village, “The attack is going to happen, even if I’m worried about it going south.”

“But it’ll help to get it off your chest.”

Though Maurice did make a good point, Y/N was stubborn and refused to raise tension and anxiety further, especially in an already tense and anxious situation. None of them were strangers to just how powerful the Fire Nation’s militia was, and if a spirit bender came in spouting her worries for the turnout of the battle, Y/N couldn’t guarantee that it wouldn’t affect their performance today. Everyone needed to be at their best, with a clear head, and the least they could do was try to win the battle: even if things do go wrong.

By the time they all boarded the submarines and set off for the Capital, Y/N had met more allies than she had ever expected, their auras all glowing with a passion ignited by Hakoda’s speech. The leader proved to be a good one, encouraging them all to give their hearts to a cause he himself wasn’t sure they’d be victorious in pursuing. It was admirable, and even Y/N had been moved by his words and felt some of her worries settle, passion igniting within her,

She stood with Sokka and Toph in the submarine, picking at her nails as her thoughts drifted off to the others. With Katara watching over Maurice with Appa, she was not worried in the slightest for her last family member. But rather, she was more worried about Aang. He could hide it all he wanted, but she could feel his vibrations were low, his mind still plagued with the potential of failing. She had tried to send him an encouraging smile his way, silently reminding him of her words the other night, but it had been futile as his eyes remained dull and the smile he’d returned shaky.

“Are you ready for the world to know you didn’t let them down?” she had asked him, Katara cooing at Maurice who had already hopped onto her shoulder for when they would part ways.

Aang had cracked a small smile at that, eyes turning teasing as he replied, “Are you ready for the world to know spirit benders exist?”

Y/N grinned, nodding slowly, “Let’s give them hell, yeah?”

“Group hug!” Sokka had exclaimed, and instantly he, Katara, and Toph were wrapping their arms around Aang, who looked appreciative, but slightly surprised by the sudden and aggressive display of affection.

Y/N had snickered as she watched them, her heart fond, before a hand gripped her elbow and yanked her forward. A small squeak left her lips as she was brought into the hug, and she turned to Katara who’s hand was still holding her arm, “You’re family now. Group hugs are mandatory.”

The words had sent a surge of warmth through her chest and Y/N gladly accepted the terms. Placing a small kiss between Maurice’s his ears and advising him to stay safe, she wished Aang good luck a final time before retreating back into the submarine, Toph and Sokka hot on her heels. Kind as Katara’s words had been, they weighed heavy on her shoulders as she could only pray she wouldn’t let them down. Y/N wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle the mental plague of failing her family again.

“Are you scared?” Sokka had muttered her way, eyes trained on the floor.

Y/N blinked at him surprised, before nodding her head serenely, “I am.”

“Fear is an illusion,” one of the swamp benders called out, face so serious Y/N almost snorted, “And so is death. That’s what Huu would say.”

When he finished speaking, Y/N gave pause before laughing at the absurdity of his statement. It dissipated the tension marginally, if only for a split second, and even Toph managed to crack a smile through her seasickness. Sauntering over, Y/N ruffled her hair affectionately. A tight smile was the only response she got, but it was enough to ease her worry for the girl and she returned to focusing on the battle ahead.

Her task was simple. Help the allies get to the palace, and then she can venture off in her search for Zuko. That’s all she needed to do. She had told Aang and the others to leave without her if they needed to, and to take Maurice with them and take care of him. As much as she trusted Zuko and as much faith she had in him, the Fire Nation was still unpredictable and Y/N had to consider the worst possible outcome today. The last thing she would want, should it come to that, was for her friends to stay in the capital when they were clearly loosing, waiting for someone that won’t come, and to risk themselves getting hurt in their hope. That, and she needed someone to take care of Maurice in her place if anything should happen to her.

But she could only pray it wouldn’t come to that.

Getting past the Fire Nation and into the city center was surprisingly… easy. Even though the eclipse hadn’t fully started yet, the soldiers were easy enough to beat, seemingly clueless as to what they should do with their fire bending weakening with every minute that passed. And while everyone else was busy rejoicing the invasion into the capital, Y/N felt doubt fester in her gut, staring back at the defeated soldier and wondering if they were simply playing dumb and _wanted_ them to get through. It had been _too_ easy, after all: she didn’t even need to use her bending, much to her dismay. Her eyes turned to the city, narrowing suspiciously as the moon started to move in front of the sun.

The eclipse was almost complete when they arrived in the city, and the Fire Nation soldiers were completely at their mercy, save for the non-benders. And again, Y/N watched as they fell so easily. They were barely trying. And not only that, but the streets were quiet. Well, as quiet as they could be with a battle raging on, but there was no chaos from the people. No screams or cries of fear as mothers protected their children from the danger or fathers defending their homes from invaders, no panic, no hysteria. The city was completely deserted, void of even house animals, and again, Y/N wondered if this had all been planned. Or worse, the Fire Nation had known they were coming.

Her eyes snapped to the palace where, again, there were no signs of people. No guards ready to protect their currently defenseless Fire Lord, who was no exception when it came to falling victim to nature. If anything, she’d have expected the steps leading to the palace to be packed with soldiers. It was alarming, truly, that no one else had spoken up about the strangeness of the whole situation. Had they even noticed?

“Guys, I think the Fire Nation knew we were coming,” she announced over the raging battle, her comrades turning to her with alarmed eyes, as she narrowly missed a poorly executed hit from a Fire Nation soldier. He went down quickly, only furthering her suspicions.

“Why haven’t you left to find the prince yet?” one of the allies asked, covering his fear with judgement and causing Y/N to roll your eyes.

“I won’t abandon you guys in a sticky situation like this,” she huffed, glaring at the man hard enough he averted his eyes. Releasing a puff of air, she turned to the rest of her allies with worried eyes and lips pulled taught, “We need to inform the others, but I think the Fire Nation knew we were coming. The city has been completely evacuated, a feat which would not have been possible in the short amount of time that we’ve been here. The palace isn’t guarded in the slightest, when it should the most heavily guarded area at the moment, what with the Fire Lord defenseless inside. And, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but none of the soldiers we’ve been fighting are fire benders. Nor are they truly trying to beat us.”

Everyone listening froze, and Sokka shot Y/N a wide-eyed look, “What do you mean they’re not fire benders?”

“Look at their uniforms,” Y/N pointed, lips pursed. She really had been the only one to notice, “Why would the Fire Nation send out the fire benders, their currently weakest warriors, to fight what they were probably expecting to be an army from the Earth Kingdom? They knew we were coming. The soldiers here are merely a distraction.”

Flagging Katara over, Sokka cursed and instructed her to bring them to Aang. Both Toph and Y/N joined them, hopping onto Appa’s saddle and flying as fast as the bison could to find the Avatar. They found him on the top of a hill, staring at the palace with solemn eyes and his frustration and anger creasing in his forehead.

“The palace was empty,” he told them through gritted teeth, his fists clenched at his side, “They knew we were coming.”

“We know,” Y/N murmured dejectedly, staring at the floor.

“Toph said she could feel tunnels running under this hill,” Sokka cut in, voice still alight with hope and an energy Y/N marveled at, “Right now, that’s our best bet as to where the Fire Lord and all the other officials are. I’m sure you’ll find him and Y/N will find Zuko down there.”

At the mention of Zuko and the reminder of her side mission, Y/N was standing straighter and more alert, nodding to Top when she opened up a tunnel and beckoned them all to follow her inside. Remembering her goal of finding Zuko and bringing him back with her had put Y/N on a whole new path of determination, set on finding a way to convince the boy to finally see reason. She’d drag him out of these tunnels and onto one of the submarines by his ear if she needed to. But all that was going through her mind as she followed the other two was Zuko’s face and smile, and not before long, a faint red trail appeared before her, leading down the tunnels in the opposite direction of where the others were headed.

Y/N’s eyes widened at the sight, but she smiled, parting ways with the others after she wished them luck in their own search for the Fire Lord. They had nodded back at her, hope shining in their eyes that they would be successful in their venture. And, like them, Y/N hoped she would be successful in hers.

She felt like she had been running through the same hall for hours, the trail seemingly never ending, but the threat of hopelessness was trumped by her sheer determination. If the trail was still leading her around in these tunnels, then Zuko must be somewhere down here. Y/N just had to hope that the Zuko on the other end of this trail was the one she had met in Ba Sing Se, and not the dickhead she’d met on Ember Island, or whatever monster his father wanted to make out of him.

And just as Y/N was starting to feel despondent, she caught a figure pacing the halls. But not the figure she was hoping for. Her brows hardened and her lips pulled into a thin line at the sight of the brunette dressed in pink, and she slowed to a stop not too far from her.

It didn’t take the stranger long to notice Y/N, and she immediately beamed when their eyes met. Like Y/N, she fell into a fighting stance, though the shine in her eyes didn’t dim and she didn’t stop smiling at Y/N. It was off-putting really, the contrast between her hostility and expression, and Y/N had to pause and wonder if this was all part of her opponent’s strategy.

“I was wondering when someone would come around,” the girl mused, moving closer and preparing to attack. Y/N raised her arms higher as the girl continued, “You’re probably looking for the Fire Lord, aren’t you?”

“That’s not my battle,” Y/N told her simply, dodging the girl’s first attacks and reciprocating.

Their fight quickly started to pick up pace, with neither them hesitating to aim blows on the other. The girl was surprisingly nimble and fluid in her motions, something Y/N hadn’t expected from someone who grew up in the Fire Nation. Their moves tended to lean more towards the sharp and strong type, aiming only to land on anything, whereas this girl’s technique was precise and calculating. Her brows were scrunched in concentration and her fingers pointed as she aimed for Y/N’s pressure points, a fact that Y/N had quickly caught onto and had been surprised by.

She so far successfully managed to miss any lethal hit, but that also meant that Y/N couldn’t focus on landing vital blows on her opponent. That, and the girl was so close to her as they engaged in their almost dance-like battle, and the girl’s aura and, strangely enough, the smell of her hair too, was rather distracting.

“Your hair smells really good!” Y/N chirped out of nowhere as she moved around her to grab her in a headlock, unable to keep the compliment from tumbling off her lips, “And it’s so soft.”

“Thank you!” the girl exclaimed, head-butting Y/N and pushing her down to straddle her, “I started soaking my hair water that had been soaked with rice before my showers! You’d be surprised by how many miracles rice can do for your hair.”

“Rice?” Y/N echoed, humming thoughtfully as she kicked the girl away and rolled back onto her feet, only barely missing her opponents fingers, “I’ll have to try it when you get home.”

The girl nodded in agreement, still trying to land hits on Y/N’s pressure points despite how easily she dodged them, “You should. And I couldn’t help but notice how clear your skin is! What’s your secret? I’ve been breaking out so much lately, it’s horrible.”

“Oil made from tea tree extract is surprisingly helpful,” Y/N hummed, dancing to dodge the girl’s jabs and smiling at their idle chatter, “That, and I try to avoid stressful situations.”

“Right? All this stress from the war is totally breaking me down! My skin is proof of that,” she huffed in response, momentarily pausing in her fighting to throw her arms out in frustration and glare at them. They’d barely been fighting for five minutes, but the girl’s hostility dropped suddenly, engrossed in their friendly conversation, “My aura is totally a dull pink because of it too! I hate it so much.”

Her whining had Y/N giggling behind her hands, relaxing slightly as her opponent made no other move to attack her, “It’s looking pretty vibrant to me.”

The girl’s eyes snapped up to her, eyes sparkling, “Really?!”

“Really,” Y/N promised, still thoroughly amused, “Brightest one I’ve ever seen.”

“I really appreciate that,” the girl said sincerely, placing a hand on her hips as she raised a curious brow at Y/N, “You know, I really don’t want to fight you anymore… Oh my god, that sounds terrible and totally like treason, but I really don’t. But I also don’t really want you to find the Fire Lord and try to kill him…”

Skeptical, Y/N reached out with her aura to grasp the girl’s with it, reading her for any signs of deception or trickery. And when she found none, only stress from the war and the face of a girl Y/N had never seen before, her name ringing in the girl’s head with what sounded like worry and love, Y/N found herself relaxing completely. She mimicked the girl’s stance and shot her a small smile, shaking her head in amusement.

“I don’t plan on killing the Fire Lord,” Y/N assured her through a laugh, “That’s the Avatar’s battle, not mine. I’m looking for Zuko.”

The girl’s brows lifted at that, her jaw dropping ever so slightly, “Zuko? As in Prince Zuko?”

Y/N nodded, lifting her hand up to scratch the back of her neck in slight embarrassment, “Yeah, we met a few months ago. There are some things I need to talk to him about.”

“Zuko has friends?” the girl whispered, before he features softened in realization, “It’s you.”

“Pardon?”

“You’re that girl that’s been on Zuko’s mind since he got back,” she laughed to herself, staring up at Y/N with bright eyes, “He talked about you once and I’d never seen his aura had brighter before. And then he’d always space out and get that same look in his eyes that he had when he talked about you. Even Mai wasn’t able to get any reaction or anything out of him when he was like that. I always assumed he was too busy thinking about you…”

“Mai,” Y/N echoed, recognizing the name from when she’d prodded through the girl’s head.

“Yeah, his ex-girlfriend,” the girl corrected, a small blush forming on her face as she stared down at her shuffling feet, smile turning fond at the mention of this mystery girl, "They broke up a while ago, when we were on vacation. Something about both of them not having their hearts in the relationship.”

Y/N stared at the girl for a minute, before a smirk formed on her face, “Interesting.”

“But if you’re just looking for Zuko, I suppose there’s no point in me stopping you,” the girl told her, stepping aside and extending her arm out, “Go.”

“Aren’t you going against orders by letting me pass through?” Y/N pointed out, but started walking forward slowly.

“Not really,” the girl shrugged, a grin forming on her face, “I was only ordered to protect the Fire Lord. Plus, I think Zuko needs you right now more than he needs to be here. I’ll make sure no one finds out about what happened here, don’t worry.”

The small wink sent her way elicited a laugh out of Y/N, and she shook her head, “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” the girl giggled, shooing her away, “Now go! I’m sure Zuko will be very relieved to see you.”

Y/N smiled, waving her off as she resumed running, chasing after Zuko’s trail, “Good luck with Mai! Tell her how you feel before this war gets in the way!”

She didn’t miss the stunned look on the girl’s face as she turned the corner and continued down the halls, nor did she miss the blush and bashful smile that bloomed across her face. She was pretty, Y/N would admit, and she hoped she would be able to figure her feelings out for Zuko’s ex. Better yet, Y/N hoped they’d be happy together, in spite of everything going on in the world right now. A smile on her face, Y/N continued on her mission, only mildly put down knowing she hadn’t gotten that girl’s name. She had no doubt they could have been friends, had they met under different circumstances.

Shaking the thought out of her head, she returned her focus back to finding Zuko, though her heart beat with an excitement she couldn’t explain after the encounter. Would he really be as relieved to see her as that girl claimed?


	18. the day of realizing... things II

### xvii - the day of realizing... things (pt.2)

The tunnels are long and winding as Y/N continues to speed through them, breath growing heavy and sweat forming on her brow the deeper underground she goes. The heat is almost suffocating, but she hadn’t expected any less, considering she was in the Fire Nation and was very slowly, but surely, getting closer to the Earth’s center. The likelihood that these tunnels once housed magma was not unfathomable, and she had been prepared to deal with this kind of heat. But, prepared or not, that didn’t mean she wasn’t ready to get the hell out of there already. The slowly fading energies of her allies and enemies were telltale of just how far Y/N was from the surface, and that didn’t help the anxiety she was already feeling; she wasn’t even sure if she was close to completing her mission, and yet she was already counting down the minutes until she could move back upwards.

But in order to do that, she needed to find Zuko first, of course.

The trail was still going strong, glowing brighter the closer she got to her target and igniting a hope within her. After what felt like hours, but what she prayed had only been minutes, she finally reached a closed door, one that the trail passed through and led to the room within. She was sure that Zuko was in there, the psychic trails having never failed her before, and her heart beat wildly as she tried to steel her nerves. There was no guarantee that Zuko would even _consider_ coming with her, of that, she was aware. It was now that Katara’s words rang loud in her head, planting a seed of doubt and causing her to hesitate as she raised a hand up to knock on the door. She only had one shot at convincing him.

Whatever happened when she saw him would determine how their relationship progressed from here, and Y/N felt herself swallow heavily at that realization. But why did she care so much about the friendship that _could_ blossom? There was no guarantee that anything good could come out of befriending the prince, that they’d get along. The only thing she had to go off of was the three meetings they’d previously had, all of which were coincidences, and one of which had taken a turn for the worst. She had no reason to care about him or the outcome of today. So why did it feel like this was a pivotal moment in her life?

More doubt festered within her as the seconds ticked by agonizing slow, the short moments she was spending hesitating feeling like an eternity as her mind ran fifty miles and hour. Was this a fool’s errand she was running? Was she simply being naive, tricking herself into thinking that someone such as herself could even help Zuko? Was she risking her life and the respect her newfound friends, all for someone who maybe didn’t even _want_ to be saved?

Her questions evaded her mind soon enough as a blue light glowed from under the door, startling Y/N out of her train of self-doubt and causing her to frown at the floor. What the hell was going on in there? And before she could barge in to investigate herself, the door was swung open and a frantic looking Zuko was standing inches away from her face.

“Y/N?!”

“Hi there,” she beamed, yelping when he grabbed her wrist and yanked her down the tunnel she had come from, an enraged roar coming from the room Zuko had just exited, “You wanna fill me in here, buddy?”

“No time,” Zuko replied shortly, still holding onto her despite Y/N showing no resistance and keeping up with him as he ran, more than willing to follow him wherever he took her, “And you clearly have plenty to explain to. Like why you’re here, for example. And how you found me?”

Y/N hummed, nodding her agreement readily, “That’s fair.”

They continued running down the tunnels, none of which Y/N could tell apart, until Zuko finally slowed to a halt when they were far enough from the room, resting his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. Y/N had half the mind to tease him about it, but it’s not like she was in a much better state, having slumped against one of the walls with a huff. Plus, she was quickly able to deduced that right now might not be the best time for her to joke around. They were still in enemy territory, after all, and something about the way Zuko had run and the muddy blue of his aura told Y/N he wasn’t exactly welcome here anymore.

“What happened back there?” she asked him, staring and waiting for him to look at her.

He did, a small grin on his face as he replied to her between heavy pants, “Let’s just say my father and I got into a disagreement, of sorts.”

One of Y/N’s eyebrow quirked up, her arms crossing as she stared at Zuko with calculating eyes, reading him for any signs that he would stab her in the back within the next few minutes. Not that she was suspicious; they had just ran like hell from there, “Is that a good thing?”

“Depends who you ask. It’s safe to say my father doesn’t think so,” Zuko shrugged, standing up to his full height and staring down at her, his lips pursed and eyes narrowed as he squared her up, “What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you’re here for the Day of Black Sun invasion. It’s going to fail. Azula already knew about it.”

“We figured as much,” Y/N grumbled, still sour that their plan had essentially utterly failed. If that really had been the Fire Lord in the room with Zuko, then Aang had probably never found him, having gone in the opposite direction of Y/N, and their mission was a bust. At the very least, Aang and the others were probably safe right now, and that conclusion brought some comfort to Y/N. She smiled and turned to her focus back to Zuko, breathing easier knowing the others were likely leaving the city as she spoke, “As for me, I came here to find you.”

There was no point tiptoeing around the fact, she figured, and yet the look of surprise that comes across his face still had her giggling. She should have expected his bewilderment. The tunnels rumble in time with her laughter, and she startled, glancing at the walls warily as she realized this may not be the best place for them to talk. With a sigh, Y/N grabbed his wrist like he had hers and lead him down the tunnels, eager to get back to the surface. Where they are heading, she had no idea, but Y/N hoped Zuko would be able to lead them to an exit, if the sure steps he’d started taking were any indication. He still seemed floored by her response, having yet to respond, and Y/N found her heart beating faster with her nerves and anticipation with every second of silence that went by. He’d taken the lead by now, and he chanced a glance back at her with a small smile playing on his lips.

“For me?” Zuko finally whispered, and Y/N had to wonder if he hit his head at some point today. She’d made herself clear, had she not?

“Did I stutter?”

He shakes his head, and Y/N could have sworn that was a ghost of a blush crawling up his neck, “I guess I didn’t expect that. Not after Ember Island…”

The mention of that blasted place had Y/N’s lips curling, and she stared at Zuko with unimpressed eyes, trying her hardest to not roll them and smack him upside the head, “We’re not going to talk about that. I didn’t like the way we ended things that night and I wanted to… apologize. And try to convince you to come with me and leave the Fire Nation.”

“Y/N…”

“And before you turn me down and go on about your honor and your mission to gain your family’s love, just hear me out,” Y/N pleaded, speaking so fast she left no room for Zuko to interject, “I know you’ve been through a lot, _I know_. You don’t have to tell me. But I also know that you deserve so much more than what the Fire Nation can offer, than what your father can offer. And I know that you could be capable of amazing things if you would just let yourself be free of them and their expectations! You’re so kind and gentle, Zuko, even if you yourself refuse to admit or realize it. And you have so much love to give, I can _feel_ it. Don’t waste your love on people who won’t give you that same energy.”

“We’ve met, what, three times?” Zuko chuckled, though his voice was small, “How can you be so sure I’m worth all this effort? That I’m not a waste of the time you’re putting into saving me?”

“I don’t,” Y/N shrugged, but she smiled nonetheless, “But I know I would rather die than give up on you, or on anyone I have faith in. I just have a good feeling about you, you know?”

Her kind words had Zuko flushing in his embarrassment, and he beamed down at her, if only to mask the pride swelling within him, “Well, lucky for you, I won’t need much convincing. I’m breaking my uncle out, and then I’m going to help the Avatar defeat my father.”

Staring at him, Y/N blinked momentarily before releasing a small puff of air, “That was easier than I expected. But, I figured as much when you bolted out of that room.”

With a laugh on his lips, Zuko tugged Y/N forward lightly to ruffle her hair, a task which would have been much easier and less uncomfortable for Y/N if they weren’t still running, “I’ve been thinking a lot about everything you’ve said lately. And everything my uncle has tried to teach me. And you were right, you both were: I can change my fate. Honor isn’t something that canbe given to me by my father or the Fire Nation; it’s something _I_ need I’m worthy of.”

“See? I knew I was right. Putting my faith in you wasn’t a waste,” Y/N sang, before sniffling dramatically and wiping at the non-existent tears under her eyes. The sound startled Zuko, who only got a fried glance at her before he was pushing a door open that led them outside the mountain, “He’s all grown up and wise. I’m so proud,”

“You’re so dramatic,” Zuko chuckled, covering his eyes from the blinding sunlight and pointing towards a cluster of trees at the bottom of the mountainside, “There’s a war balloon a few minutes south of here, alright? I’m going to go break my uncle out, and hopefully I won’t take too long. I want you to wait for me by the balloon, got it?”

Y/N frowned, shaking her head, “Fuck no. Let me come with you, I can help.”

“I’d rather you wait for me here,” Zuko argued, his brows furrowing, “I’ll be in and out, and I don’t want to risk putting you in unnecessary danger.”

“Don’t pull ‘unnecessary danger’ card on me,” Y/N mocked, mirroring the mild frustration that had grown on Zuko’s face, “If I cared about danger, I wouldn’t have come to get you. Hell, I wouldn’t have aligned myself with the Avatar. I can help you.”

“This is different, because I know there’s no one down there. That’s why the balloon is there,” Zuko bit back, the crease between his brows furrowing, “I can’t be worried about you when I’m breaking my uncle out. All it’ll do is distract me from my task, and I don’t plan on letting anything stop me from getting him out of there.”

“Zuko-“

“Y/N, please,” he cut her off, his eyes desperate as he grabbed her by her shoulders and forced her to stare into his eyes, the close proximity effectively shutting her up, “I can’t- I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to leave this place without you. Please. I can’t lose you again.”

Y/N’s gaze softened at that, and she nodded, albeit extremely reluctantly as her mind screamed at her to go with him. She watched relief flood Zuko’s features when she didn’t push further, and she smiled at him, urging him with a nod of her head to go, before the rest of the Fire Nation soldiers caught up with them. He paused before nodding, hesitation glossing over his eyes as he inched a little closer to her. Brief as it was, that hesitation left as quickly as it came and he shook himself out of whatever trance he had been in, smiling at her once more before shooting off in the general direction of the building Y/N assumed they held their prisoners in.

Entranced from being so close to Zuko, Y/N could only stare at his retreating form, her cheeks warming as her fingers came to trace the area his hands had held her. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to imitate the feeling of his arms around her, a content sigh leaving her lips as her eyes crinkled shut from her wide smile.

Coming to herself, her smile suddenly dropped and she wrenched her hands away like her shoulders had burned them, staring at the two limbs in offense. What the hell had just gotten into her? Clearing her throat, she chanced a glance around her to make sure no one had seen the embarrassing sight, her cheeks even warmer than before, but for different reasons. Biting at her thumb, she trudged down the mountainside, eyes peeled for the war balloon Zuko had instructed her to find and wait for him in.

The adrenaline rushing through her had a whole new set of nerves replacing her doubts over Zuko, and she shivered slightly at the exhilarating feeling that rushed down her spine. Running from the Fire Nation, while _extremely_ dangerous and only suited for the brave of heart, was strangely exciting. The feeling brought back a sense of déjà-vu, and Y/N’s memories of the first time she’d met Zuko were suddenly at the forefront of her mind. It had already been a few months since that time, and yet I didn’t feel like it’d been so long ago.

As it would turn out, a war balloon isn’t that difficult to spot in a mostly deserted area. Not when it’s big, bright, and red, with the Fire Nation’s emblem marking its side. Lifting the cloth up, Y/N peered inside before climbing into the basket, glancing around the cramped space with a tiny purse to her lips. It was fine for one person, maybe two, but three people…

Three people was apparently not the plan, however, as Y/N peeked over the edge of the balloon’s main body at the sound of approaching footsteps. She hadn’t expected to see a grim looking Zuko trekking towards her, sans Iroh.

“Where’s your uncle?”

“Gone,” Zuko grumbled, climbing in beside her and starting up the war balloon, “He must have escaped during the chaos of the invasion. Of course he’d be able to do it.”

“Don’t worry to much,” she tried to comfort, smiling tersely at him as he huffed, “I’m sure he’s alright, wherever he is.”

Zuko grunted, barely looking at her as he sulked, “I know that. But I’m the reason he was in there in the first place. I wanted to be the one to get him out, to tell how he was right and that I’m finally seeing things clearly.”

Y/N didn’t offer a reply to his self-criticism, holding on tight to the edge of the war balloon’s basket as it lifted off the ground and peering over the edge with a frown. There was no point in trying to placate him when he started to blame himself for such things, and Y/N was sure that Iroh could whip him into shape when they did reunite. Which Y/N would personally made sure would happen. Plus, she wanted Zuko to stew in his guilt for just a little longer: call it payback for what he’d said to her in Ember Island, even if she wasn’t really angry anymore.

While she may have grown accustomed to flying on Appa, being in the balloon was a completely different experience, Y/N quickly realized, and it was one that took her breath away. The further they lifted off the ground, the more in awe she was, staring at the slowly retreating ground and marveling at how beautiful the capital looked from so high up. The shakiness of the basket was a far cry from the bumpiness of flying with Appa, lacking the danger riding the bison’s back had, and Y/N found the safety of the basket brought a serene smile to her face. She turned to Zuko with a grin plastered on her face, only to find that he was already looking at her, expression soft, fond even.

“What?” she asked, curiosity lacing her voice, “Do I have something on my face?”

“You’re good,” he assured her, though his voice sounded distant and there was a lilt to it that had Y/N averting her eyes and blushing. What was wrong with her? And more importantly, what was Zuko doing to her?

They found Appa easily enough, tailing the group from a safe distance as to not alarm them, which proved fairly easy when they took to traveling by foot instead of flight. And even if they did loose sight of them, Y/N knew she’d find Appa easily enough. The connection the two of them had formed would serve useful in times like these; and if that failed, Maurice should still be with them. She’d simply find his trail if she lost Appa’s and follow it to wherever they stopped and set up camp.

She sat down in the balloon’s basket, leaning against the side and staring up at Zuko as he worked the war balloon’s engine. Sweat had collected on his brow and his eyes were sharp and focused, and Y/N couldn’t help but note just how _attractive_ he looked when concentrated, engrossed in his task as he was.

“You’re staring,” he stated without glancing at her, and Y/N blushed before staring at her feet.

It was quiet for a short moment, before Zuko cleared his throat and Y/N’s gaze turned back to him, albeit slowly. He couldn’t seem to meet her eyes, but he clearly had something he wanted to say. The sight of him all fidgety and nervous amused Y/N to no end, and she raised a brow at him as she waited for him to voice his thoughts.

“So…” he started, wincing as his voice cracked. He cleared his throat again, “How’ve things been? Since Ember Island?”

“Asking big questions, aren’t we,” Y/N teased, resting her head against the side of the basket before shrugging, “Pretty uneventful. I’ve mostly been traveling, making some money, regrouped with the Avatar and his crew to help me revive a dead culture. Nothing special really.”

Her words gave him pause, and he blinked owlishly at her, “Come again?”

“I communed with my past life… Found out I’m the first of a nation that was wiped out centuries ago,” Y/N said, turning to him with wide, expecting eyes, “Didn’t you already know?”

“No?!”

“Oh,” Y/N humphed, forcing an awkward smile, “I was sure I’d mentioned it on Ember Island… I guess not. Surprise?”

Zuko stared at her for another moment before scoffing and letting out a chuckle, shaking his head at the absurdity of her words, “You really are something else.”

“Am I?” Y/N mused, her awkward smile morphing into a grin, “I never would have guessed.”

She watched him for a while as he tampered with the war balloon’s engine for a few more seconds before coming to sit beside to her, their shoulders barely brushing next to one another. The sheer proximity had Y/N tensing up, and she scolded her body for its reaction as she tried to focus on anything but the warmth Zuko was radiating.

“Shouldn’t you be making sure we don’t crash into anything?”

“Nah, we’re fine,” Zuko assured, glancing at the furnace that was burning brightly, “That should last us at least an hour, and I don’t know how long it’ll be before the others decide to stop and set up camp.”

Y/N hummed in understanding, lolling her head to the side to grin at Zuko, “So… What do you want to do?”

“Bond?” Zuko proposed with a shrug, smiling as Y/N snorted in response, “You could start off by telling me what the hell happened when you met your past life.”

“It’s really not that interesting,” Y/N muttered, suddenly bashful.

“I really have a hard time believing that.”

Staring at him for a moment, trying to decipher whether he was just being polite or was genuinely interested in her story, Y/N felt a small leap in her chest as she looked into his eyes. Not for the first time, she couldn’t help but wonder where that amber glow was so familiar from, and why it made her fingers feel tingly and her head spin. Her frustration was insurmountable as she failed to put her finger on it, even though the answer was waiting on the edge of her mind. She huffed slightly before launching herself into the same tale she had told the others, her anxiety even more prominent than it had been when she’d opened up to Aang and his entourage.

Like with the others, she hadn’t had the heart to meet his eyes once as she recounted everything, staring instead at the balloon’s engine and focusing on the vocal cues he’d give her, few and far between as they were. Unlike the others, Zuko gave close to no reaction, his body still beside hers save for a few head nods and hitches of his breath, the only confirmation Y/N had that he was actually listening. She didn’t need to look over to know his expression had barely budged, likely an unreadable poker face as he took in all the information she gave him and slowly put pieces together that had never made sense before. Like her link with Maurice, or how easily she could read him and his thoughts, just by looking at him.

Gnawing at the skin around her thumbnail, Y/N took a deep breath as her story came to an end, her heart pounding through her chest as she finally turned to gauge his reaction. She was almost sure Zuko would be able to hear the erratic thumping too, if he hadn’t been as caught up in his thoughts as he was. Going over her adventures for a second time didn’t make them sound any more believable to her own ears, and Y/N was terrified that Zuko would think she was lying. Or worse, that she was a threat. Everything seemed to fall away as she waited for him to call her crazy or push her out of the war balloon, scoffing with a roll of his eyes as he wondered how he’d ever trusted a nut like her.

His brows were furrowed in deep thought, and Y/N had the strange urge to reach out and rub at the stress lines away, to relax him. She knew it was silly: after all, she was the cause for his stress at the moment. Or at least, her story was. Still… Seeing him evidently perturbed didn’t sit well with her, and she found herself fidgeting as his silence slowly grew heavier and tenser. He took note of the small movement and of the thumb that was still between her teeth, scowling as he reached over to pull the finger away from her face.

“Don’t do that, you’ll end up hurting yourself.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow at him, “You have nothing else to say? No comments?”

“What do you want me to say?” he hummed, finally meeting her eyes, his lips pulled in a straight line and his face eerily unreadable, “Were you expecting me to call you crazy and demand you get off my war balloon?”

Wincing, Y/N smiled ruefully and nodded, “Kind of, yeah.”

He clucked his tongue, rolling his eyes and flicking her forehead endearingly, “Not likely.”

There was a moment of silence as Y/N stared at him, wondering what the hell could be going through this man’s mind for him to be so calm. Had she been in his shoes, Y/N had no doubt she’d be freaking out, questioning everything she had known and doubting everything she had learned from society. Come to think of it, that had sort of been her reaction when Amirah told her of the Spirit Coven. And looking back on it now, even the other four had been strangely accepting of the fact that she was some being that no one had ever heard of in centuries and that her abilities could kill them if she really wanted to, and Zuko’s reactions was only moderately more stoic than the gang’s had been.

“Thank you for trusting me with that.”

And that was certainly not the response Y/N had braced herself for.

His eyes were unable to meet hers when Y/N’s head snapped to gawk at him, hence he did not see the way her own eyes had bulged out, nor the way they sparkled with appreciation. By the time he forced himself to turn and meet her gaze, unnerved by the silence that had followed his token of gratitude, Y/N gaping jaw had been picked up and turned into an adoring smile, but the admiration she held for him still shone strong in her eyes. The expression had triggered something terribly tender within Zuko’s chest, and he smiled back just as adoringly, reaching over to ruffle her hair.

Despite the urge to nuzzle into the touch, Y/N scowled instead and scantily attempted to smack his hands away, glaring at him despite there being no real venom behind her eyes. Zuko only laughed in response, and Y/N ogled him, tilting her head slightly as she admired the way his eyes shone and crinkled in his delight.

Again, she blinked, wondering where she had seen those eyes before. Her staring didn’t cease as she racked her brain, even as Zuko stood to tend to the engine once more, his eyes turning hard as the worked the fire, the determination from earlier returning to them.

That look sent a shiver down Y/N’s spine and she looked away from Zuko, closing her eyes and pinching her nose as she tried to recall her memories. And for the briefest moment, Amirah’s face flashed behind her eyelids, the ghost of her touch cupping Y/N’s face and her eyes alight with the same joy Zuko’s had gleamed with moments ago. Y/N swallowed as she took in the elegant swoop of her nose and the sharpness of her eyes, realization overcoming her and hitting her like a tank. Her eyes snapped open as the image retreated back to the depths of her mind and her gaze moved to stare the floor under her, her eyes wide and panicked and her breathing growing erratic and shaky, albeit silent as to not draw her company’s attention.

Her mother’s voice came to mind, fondly telling her of the old legend that said one’s current face is the face of the one you loved most in your past life. She remembered how her mother had cooed at the awe on her cherubic face, telling her as beautiful as the stories were, they were merely myths; but the concept of the spirit had been a mere myth too, no matter how many had worshipped it in the past, and Y/N had learned that it wasn’t as mystical or disputable as the skeptics thought.

If her heart had been racing before, it was ready to leap out of her chest and the war balloon now, throbbing in Y/N’s chest as she realized why both Zuko and Amirah had seemed to so familiar to her. Entertaining as the conclusion that had come to mind was, the implications were no less terrifying, and Y/N found herself tuning into her body to keep if from shaking uncontrollably.

‘Well,’ she thought to herself, eyes drifting only to Zuko’s shoes, not his face and certainly not his eyes, which she had no doubt would bring rise to emotions she wasn’t ready to face, ‘Fuck.'


	19. the day of realizing... things III

### xviii - the day of realizing... things (pt.3)

Admittedly, the silence that Y/N had fallen into was out of character, especially considering the fact her companion knew her to be chatty and bubbly from past experiences. She was surprised that Zuko hadn’t pointed it out during the rest of their balloon ride, leaving her to her thoughts as they exited the basket. But she was also thankful for his silence, knowing well enough he’d noticed her odd behavior when he’d glanced at her one too many times, no witty comments on his tongue. The last thing she wanted was to be backed into a corner where her only options were to lie to him, or admit that she was almost sure she had been the love of his life in their past life, neither of which she was ready to do quite yet.

 _“If the legend proves true, one day, you’re going to meet someone and feel like you’re looking at a reflection of yourself. They won’t be perfect, and they’ll likely be nothing like you, but you’ll just_ feel _that connection before you even understand what it is.”_

That’s what her mother had always told her, a wistful tune in her voice as Y/N took her words like they were gospel. But did that mean that Zuko was the reincarnation of a member of the SpiritCoven? And wouldn’t that make them kindred spirits? But he was a fire bender, born _in_ the Fire Nation. Then again, she supposed what nation you’re born into has nothing to do with your past lives: just take the Avatar as an example, who rotated between the four nations. Hell, took Y/N, who had been born in the Earth Kingdom.

Recalling that she herself had an identical face to that of Amirah’s lover’s, Y/N put her other thoughts on pause. She remembered how delicate Amirah had been when she stroked her face, how gentle her voice had been as she soothed and comforted Y/N. She remembered how lovingly Amirah’s gaze had been on her, how pained her smile had been as she watched Y/N disappear, the sob that she had let out echoing in Y/N’s mind.

But if she had Amirah’s lover’s face, and Zuko had Amirah’s face, what did that entail for Y/N and Zuko themselves?

Y/N thought her head was going to explode from the amount of overthinking it was doing. Groaning her frustration, she knocked on the side of her head, hoping if she hit herself hard enough it would force these rampant thoughts out of her mind. She had enough to be concerned over as it was, and she didn’t need to start worrying about her love life now. With the whole world waiting for the Fire Lord to be taken down, her ancestors expecting her to bring their culture back to life, and an Avatar whom she needed to start training in spirit bending, the last thing Y/N needed to do was worry about something as trivial as _boys_. She wasn’t some bashful child, she was a year away from being an adult:she had no business stuttering and tripping over her own feet at the potential– a hypothesis, with no real, substantial evidence, keep in mind– that she might have a soulmate.

But then again… a soulmate didn’t sound so bad. And she had never been a woman of science, so did she _really_ need evidence to believe she could be lucky enough to have someone made for her and only her…

“Stupid,” she muttered to herself, slapping her forehead as her pipe dreams ceased to stop from growing more and more absurd.

“Are you done yet?” Zuko snickered, making no effort to conceal his amusement.

Y/N shot him a glare, eyes narrowing at the smug smirk that played on his face, “Stop staring.”

“How can I when you just make it too entertaining?” he drawled back, raising an eyebrow and resting a hand on his hip, “You look like a fool.”

A huff left her lips as her eyes narrowed further, spinning on her heel and marching away from him find somewhere to set up camp. Cocky brat. He wouldn’t be so far up his ass about teasing her if he knew what was bothering her so much. She humphed, setting down her things in a clear area and starting to set up a tent, albeit a little more aggressively than was necessary.

Behind her, Y/N heard Zuko chuckle as he followed suit, the two of them working in a comfortable silence despite her pouting. Nice as it was to not have him poke fun at her, the silence also left Y/N a lot of room to continue thinking. Which was terrible, really. Worse than his teasing.

Taking a deep breath, she cleared her mind and focused on the task at hand. But more importantly, she focused on how to convince the rest of the group that taking Zuko in would be a good idea. She wasn’t an idiot; she knew knew Zuko’s plan was to teach Aang fire bending, but that didn’t mean the others would be as quick to accept him as she was. The fact that Aang desperately needed to learn the element before their new deadline, which was Sozin’s Comet, wasn’t lost to her, and it likely wasn’t lost to the others either. But Katara especially would be hard to get through to, and simply picturing the fury in the water bender’s eyes when she would see Y/N with Zuko had her wincing. Yeah, not an encounter she was particularly looking forward to. At all.

“So,” Zuko started as he heated up some soup he’d prepared in the previous days, brows set in concentration, “What’s our next step?”

“Figure out how to convince the others to let you help them, before Katara gets a chance to kill you,” Y/N said, shrugging at the astounded look Zuko gave her, “What? You have a special place in her heart, right next to the raiders that killed her mother. It’s not like you made a great impression in Ba Sing Se, or the months leading up to that, you know.”

“I know _that_ ,” Zuko grumbled, handing her some soup rather angrily, “I thought you’d have an idea of how to persuade them.”

Y/N chuckled, shaking her head and blowing on her dinner, a small smile playing on her lips, “I think you’ve severely overestimated how close I am to them. I’ve only known them since Ba Sing Se, and even then, I didn’t really travel with them until a few days before the invasion.”

“But they trust you more than they trust me.”

And while he wasn’t wrong, by no means did that mean Y/N would be able to get through to them. Those thoughts plagued her as she lay under the tent, the fire warming her toes and Zuko’s mumbled introductions keeping her company. He’d been pacing for hours, going over the best way he could introduce himself to the group, and each one he recited was more awkward that the previous one had been. It was endearing, really, how desperate he was to win the group over, and his frantic state brought a small smile to Y/N’s face, no matter how much she wanted to cringe at how tense he was. She wanted to make him relax, but her mind pulled a blank every time she tried to come up with the means to do so.

Well…

“No, bad Y/N,” she scolded herself quietly as her thoughts drifted into forbidden territory, though she couldn’t stop the tingles that ran up her spine, “It would be wildly inappropriate.”

Not to mention extremely creepy. She shivered at her own fantasies, but whether it was out of desire or disgust, Y/N wouldn’t be able to say. Not for the first time, she was grateful she was the only spirit bender around right now and that no one else would be able to read her. What color would her aura be, she wondered.

Though, unfortunately for her, Zuko’s tension had yet to cease the next morning. He was practically vibrating with nerves as she prepared more soup for breakfast, so much so that it was throwing her own vibrations off. She cast him a concerned glance, wanting nothing more than to smooth out the crinkle in his brow and reassure him that everything would be fine, that he just needed to be himself. Even if neither of them were able to get the others to trust Zuko, the facts didn’t change: Aang needed a fire bending master, and Zuko was currently his best and _only_ option. Whether the group liked it or not, they’d have to bring him into the fold eventually.

“Zuko, come eat,” she called, scowling when Zuko shook his head, “You’re going to eat. You can stress all day, but you’re going to need energy for that. So, sit down before I make you.”

His scowl only deepened at her words, but he complied nonetheless. She smiled as he sat beside her, scooping up some food and handing it to him, eyes barely able to leave him as she watched him eat, her own food forgotten momentarily. Y/N was worried about him, understandably, worried that his destiny was plaguing his mind far more than it should.

Since she had found him in the tunnels, the bond that had started growing between them felt considerably stronger, and, when she focused, she could feel almost everything he was. It was unnerving, but also comforting, to feel that presence, and more often than not, it was alight with stress and worry, a fact that made Y/N’s concern for him grow. But, out of respect for his privacy, she kept from prying or from using her abilities on him as much as she could, especially without his consent, ignoring how much her heart and soul cried out, demanding that she soothe him.

“There’s no point in trying to avoid them,” Zuko announced a little after midday had passed, his resigned tone pulling Y/N out of the meditative trance she’d been in, “They’re right under us, and no amount of time is going to make them more trusting of me.”

“Maybe if you wait a hundred years, they’ll get over it,” Y/N teased, though she understood the truth of his words.

“We’d be wasting time. We _are_ wasting time,” he continued, lips set in a straight line, “The comet won’t slow down just because I can’t get my shit together and find the courage to talk to them. I need to try, even if it means they’ll kick my ass when I do.”

Right, the comet. Y/N wanted to ignore that _that_ was still a problem, with everything else bothering her taking up most of her brain’s storage space. She’d forgotten that if they couldn’t defeat the Fire Lord before Sozin’s Comet, everything else bothering her wouldn’t really matter anymore: she’d be too powerless, if not dead, to fix all the other bullshit that was going wrong in her life, or accomplish her goals. And boy, did having a deadline stress the hell out of her.

“Alright, let’s head down then,” Y/N agreed, propping herself into a standing position, “Try not to seem to hostile.”

“I don’t seem hostile!”

“Okay, hothead.”

The playful growl that left Zuko had Y/N’s mind reeling, but she refused let it show. She smirked instead, composed as ever, and beckoned him to follow her to the temple’s entrance. His feet dragged as he walked, trailing a few steps behind her, and Y/N heart churned at how nervous he was: she didn’t need to focus to feel his aura turn an ugly red, and the stressed kind, not the passionate kind. Slowing her own steps, she reached out to him to link their hands, running her thumb over the back of his hand and electing to not overthink the blush that had bloomed across his cheeks and spread all the way up to his ears.

“Don’t worry,” she told him, squeezing his hand lightly, “I won’t let them hurt you.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Zuko mumbled back, his hand lax in hers as they walked, “I know I’ve fucked up, I know they have no reason to trust me. So why does the idea of their rejection hurt me so much?”

Y/N frowned, her heart twisting a little more, “You’re human. It’s only normal to crave acceptance.”

He didn’t reply, but he also didn’t need to. Y/N knew that no amount of consolation and soothing would do him any good. He’d forever doubt himself, his morals, his past actions, until he was able to prove to himself and to the rest of the world that he was willing to do better: that he was as good as Y/N knew him to be.

* * *

Negotiating with the others had gone as well as Y/N had expected. That is to say, it had gone _terribly_. Admittedly, the urge to smack Zuko upside the head had grown with every minute that went by and he continuously said the wrong thing, or just flat out sounded awkward. The second hand embarrassment Y/N had felt was strong, but Zuko’s honesty didn’t warrant him any pity or sympathy from the others. They’d been set in their opinion of him, barely listening to him or Y/N as they tried to reason with them. Only Toph had stayed silent, assessing the situation and trusting Y/N’s judgement; hell, it was only thanks to her that Y/N had been allowed to stay will Zuko left.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get through to them,” Y/N had promised him before he left, his hand in hers trembling even as she tried to soothe him. He’d nodded a sad nod, and Y/N had reached out to cup his cheek and run her thumb over his cheekbones. Again, he’d blushed, but Y/N had turned around and headed back to the others before she could notice how prettily he had flushed. She was set in her goal now to get the other’s to trust him, and she wouldn’t allow some pretty boy’s flustered state to distract her from that.

Turning back to the others, she smiled despite the ugly look Katara was sending her way. Her anger was potent, potent enough that even Appa seemed to shift uncomfortably, and Y/N couldn’t help but sigh as she waited for the water bender to rip her a new one.

“What were you thinking, bringing him here?! Do you know dangerous that could have been for us, for _Aang_?!” she practically exploded after a beat of silence.

Y/N let out a resigned sigh, eyes searching for Maurice who had yet to greet her as she spoke to Katara, “I didn’t need to tell him where you were going. He would have found you even if I wasn’t with him. Plus, didn’t you hear him? He just wants to help. Where’s Maurice?”

“Look,” Katara grunted, face slowly turning red from her anger. Y/N briefly wondered whether she was able to breathe through her frustration… Probably not, “I get he’s your friend, and you trust him, but how could you- how could you bring him here?! That’s just- it was so _selfish_ of you!”

The words struck deep, and Y/N felt her own anger swelling as she stalked towards Katara and jabbed a finger in her chest, eyes on fire with a frightening glare, “How could _you_ be so selfish?! Putting your own feelings before the rest of the world! Aang _needs_ to learn fire bending, and whether you like it or not, Zuko is the only person right now who’s willing and available to teach him! You need to put your grudges aside Katara!” Y/N practically hollered, her gaze snapping to the rest of the group who were frozen in their spots, having never witnessed quite a display of anger from her, “All of you do! Where is Maurice?!”

“ _I’m_ letting my feelings get in the way?!” Katara growled, just as fired up, “What about you?!”

“I know where my feelings lie,” Y/N snarled, turning her full attention back to Katara, their noses almost touching as they argued, “I am putting them aside to focus on _winning_ this war before the Fire Lord can burn the rest of the world to the ground. I suggest you do the same. Now tell me: where is my fucking monkey.”

If Y/N thought it had been tense after Zuko left, she had no idea how to describe the air now. Crackling with both of their angers, the two girls refused to look away from the other, the growls in the back of their throats echoing throughout the silent temple. The other three, who had been hesitant to intervene, were now downright _terrified_ to get between Katara and Y/N, barely able to breathe through the fear coursing through them.

Y/N’s anger especially was overpowering, a dull glow radiating off her and trickling around her and moving like tendrils, reaching out for anything nearby greedily. Sokka, who had been the closest to the girl, took a step back as one of the tendril reached out to him curiously, almost successful in wrapping around his throat. It had made him gulp. and the sheer amount of murderous intent that sole tendril held was enough to make anyone hesitate in approaching her. Y/N’s told them all that she was out for blood and for justice, and what that meant for the rest of them, Sokka didn’t know. He wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

Katara seemed to realize the situation she was in when her eyes flickered away from Y/N and towards the darkness shrouding her, and her eyes suddenly widened and filled with fear. Any anger she may have felt was quickly quelled as she gulped and took a step back, staring at the other girl with shining eyes. The animosity radiating off Y/N had her choking on her own breath, the only thing grounding her being her own heartbeat and the floor beneath her.

“Y/N,” Toph called, and the girl in question whipped around with an animalistic snarl, “That’s enough. Maurice is inside, sleeping. He’s been depressed since we left you in the capital.”

She blinked at the words, catching a glimpse of herself in Toph’s unseeing eyes. The savagery in her expression, the way her teeth were bared, the anger in her eyes… she was rabid, and she wanted to hit herself for not realizing sooner. Taking a deep breath, she reigned her emotions in, and the others watched as her anger subsided and the tendrils drew back into her as quickly as they appeared. They all let out a breath, bodies relaxing, far less wary of her now that she was seemingly calmer. Y/N let the anger trickle out of her and leave behind a cold, empty space, big enough for guilt to settle in as she turned back to Katara’s fearful eyes.

“Sorry Katara,” she murmured, eyes falling to the floor, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You’re fine,” the water bender breathed out quickly, heart still racing as she stood and fear still in her eyes as she replied, “But you’re also right. I’m letting my prejudices cloud my judgement.”

“I never said I was wrong,” Y/N snickered, laughter only growing as Katara whacked her upside the head. So much for that fear, “But I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to lose control like… that.”

“What even _was_ that?” Sokka asked tentatively, “For a moment, you were almost as powerful as the Avatar state.”

“I don’t know,” Y/N frowned, Amirah’s warnings of others’ emotions getting the best of her ringing in her head, “I’ve never felt anything like that… Katara was so angry, and then I just started thinking of the Fire Lord, and then I felt so much anger. I don’t really know why, honestly. It’s not like the Fire Nation has done anything to me, personally.”

“Maybe it was a gut feeling,” Toph reasoned, shrugging when Y/N raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, like knowing he’s done something bad, really bad, bad enough to make you furious, but not knowing what it is,” Aang backed her up, and Y/N felt her lips twitch in amusement at their attempts to comfort her, “I get that a lot.”

A small laugh left Y/N and she shook her head, smiling fondly at the two kids, “For now, let’s say you’re right.”

“You’re going to have to learn to control that,” Sokka pointed out, a frown on his face, “I don’t think those… things coming out of you knew who you wanted and didn’t want to hurt.”

“It’s my aura, it would never harm you guys,” Y/N assured, but couldn’t help but bite her thumb at the truth that resonated in his words, “But you’re right. I don’t plan on letting something like that happen again, if I can help it. Trust me on that.”

“We trust you on a lot of things,” Aang told her, approaching her with set lips but a kind smile, “We’ll take your word on Zuko. Bring him in. He can be my master.”

A small, but surprised sound came out of Y/N, and she nodded at his words with a grin on her face. Glancing at the others, they confirmed their agreement, and her smile turned giddy as she kept herself from leaping with joy. Their acceptance of Zuko and trust in her warmed her chest more than words could express, and Y/N could only hope that her expression conveyed the gratitude she felt enough.

“I’ll get him in the morning,” she told them, giggling as Katara shot her a confused look, “Let him stew for a little. It’ll help him think about what he’s done and make him that much more determined to gain your trust.”

“You sure it won’t just make him spiteful?” Toph hummed, skeptical.

Shaking her head, Y/N chuckled, “No, he’s not like that. You’ll know when you meet him.”

“We have,” Katara deadpanned, and Y/N shook her head again.

“No, you haven’t,” she promised them, her smile turning wistful as her thoughts drifted to the fire bender. He was probably shaking with anger towards himself, beating himself up out of guilt and for everything he’s done to hurt people in the past. They’d have to work on that, but Y/N was almost certain she could get him to see what she saw, that she could get _everyone_ to open their eyes, “He’s so much more than what you think he is.”

Katara raised an eyebrow at the gentle tone her voice had taken, while Toph smirked knowingly. The two girls met eyes, grins growing on their faces as they both came to the same realization. Oh, Y/N, how easy you have made it for them to torment you now. They watched as Y/N turned away from them and headed inside the temple, glee blossoming in their hearts at the prospect of the endless teasing they could subject Y/N to.

Y/N, on the other hand, was quick to find Maurice, a soft smile forming on her face as took in his sleeping form. He must have been exhausted to fall asleep so early in the day, usually active and annoying anytime before midnight. It was both endearing and heart wrenching to see him asleep now, and Y/N was quick to sit by his side and rub his belly as he slept. She hoped he hadn’t been too worried while they were separated, but his current state was a clear indication that her hopes had been for nothing.

Even in his sleep though, the chimp reached out to her and was immediately soothed by her presence, the tension in his forehead loosening as soon as she sat by his side and touched him. He wrapped his limbs and tail around her hand, snuggling closer to it and Y/N melted inside at the sight. Talking or not, he was still her childhood pet, and to see him act so cutely made her want to coo and hold him close to her chest. And so she did just that, laying beside him and pulling him onto her chest, quickly following him into a state of sleep. She knew they would both sleep easier now that they were no longer separated.


	20. feelings? never heard of them.

### xix - feelings? never heard of them.

Y/N wasn’t sure she’d ever been in a tenser situation. They’d just defeated Sparky Sparky Boom Man, lovingly named by Sokka, which had been nothing short of stressful. And now that he was defeated with the help of Zuko, it was their first real, quiet, almost _peaceful_ moment with the prince. At least, it would have been peaceful if it weren’t for how awkward everyone felt.

“So,” Y/N coughed, cringing as all eyes turned to her, “Tea? Anyone?”

All hands raised simultaneously, and Y/N was grateful for the brief escape she was given. Huffing, she hastily stood up and all but ran to fetch some water and tea leaves, taking her sweet time picking out which ones to brew. It gave her time to think, mostly about conversation topics and ways to diffuse this god awful tension that had overtaken the entire group. It was suffocating how _awkward_ everyone seemed and probably felt. Admittedly, Y/N hadn’t expected any of them to instantly click with Zuko, and she certainly wasn’t dumb enough to think they’d be quick to let their guards down and start cracking jokes. Except for maybe Sokka, but that boy was a special case: she had no doubt he could get along with a group of old geezers if he wanted to.

“You’re taking an awfully long time getting those tea leaves.”

A yelp was Y/N’s response as she jumped at the sudden voice, whipping around to her left to find Toph standing next to her, a small smirk on the younger’s face.

Scowling at her for the scare, Y/N shrugged lightly, “Can you blame me? It’s so awkward over there. Part of me would rather die than have to sit in that silence for the next who knows how many hours.”

“I can’t help but wonder… Do you feel awkward because of the silence, or is it because of Zuko?” Toph hummed, her smirk only growing.

“Excuse me?” Y/N frowned, pausing in her leaf collecting to raise a brow at Toph, “I’m not awkward around Zuko, never have been. We’re… comfortable.”  
  
“I beg to differ. Your heart's been beating like crazy since he joined us,” Toph stated, a tone to her voice that had Y/N’s eyes narrowing, “Makes me think maybe he makes you nervous. Either that, or you’re excited. Oh, maybe you’re both!”

“And what are you suggesting?”

Toph shrugged, but a false expression of innocence was painted across her face, “Absolutely nothing. I’m just making an observation.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes at the younger girl as she watched Toph walk back to the group, resisting the urge to pull her back by the ear and demand she explain whatever she was implying. It wasn’t worth the effort though, and Y/N had more important things to do. Like decide whether she wanted green or white tea.

“Green tea will keep us up all night,” she muttered to herself, casting a glance to the others and taking note of the heavy bags under Zuko’s eyes, “I suppose white tea it is.”

Well, that decision was made faster than she had wanted. Begrudgingly, she sat back down around the small fire and set a pot of water over it, watching it intently as she started preparing the tea. It was just as awkward and quiet as when Y/N had first left to get the leaves, but she hadn’t expected her absence to diffuse the tension. Zuko had the social skills of a stale piece of bread, and the other four weren’t too keen on getting cozy with him. An aggravated huff slipped past her lips, and Y/N started brewing the tea, glaring at the water like it was to blame.

In her peripheral, a hand reached out to help, and she barely spared its owner a glance before slapping it away instinctively, and rather harshly at that too.

“What- Why’d you do that?” Zuko demanded, while Aang and Sokka snickered behind their hands. Y/N smiled.

“Don’t touch the tea. You’ll fuck it up.”

Grumbling, Zuko held his hand close to his chest and narrowed his eyes dubiously, “You sound like my uncle.”

“Please, as if any of us are remotely cool enough to be like Iroh,” Y/N retorted, which earned a laugh from Toph, and even a smile from Katara.

Zuko’s scowl only deepened, but a hum from Aang, who was nodding thoughtfully, interrupted him before he could counter her statement, “She’s right. We all fall short in comparison to Iroh.”

Y/N shot Zuko a glance as though to say ‘I told you so,’ but paused when she noticed the sadness that had seeped into his eyes.

“We really do,” Zuko agreed quietly, and god _dammit_ was all Y/N could think. Just when she’d started successfully picking away at the tension, she had to mention Iroh. Why didn’t she ever think her words through? More importantly, why did he have to be so _emo_ all the time?

“It’s alright,” Y/N grinned, pouring the tea into cups and passing them around, “That just means we can only get better from here! Aim for the stars, am I right?”

Crickets.

“You guys suck. I’m trying to be optimistic here.”

It was silent for another moment, before they all started snorting at Y/N’s awkward disposition. Save for Zuko, but he at least managed to crack a grin at how ridiculous she was being. It wasn’t much, but it was something, and Y/N allowed herself to smile at her mild success. She would have to settle with that for now.

“So, Zuko,” Sokka started, sipping on his tea and humming in satisfaction at the taste, “What made you have a change of heart? You weren’t exactly the friendliest a few months ago…”

“I realized my dad was an asshole,” Zuko replied honestly, to which Y/N choked on her tea.

“I’ll drink to that,” Toph said, raising her cup and downing its contents with a heavy gulp.

“Toph, drink slowly next time,” Y/N scolded, still recovering from her own tea mishap as the younger girl tried to fan the inside of her mouth, “You’ll get burns in your mouth _and_ your throat if you get too hasty with your tea.”

Toph harrumphed at that, sticking her tongue at Y/N with a condescending tone, “Yes, mom.”

Y/N smirked at her words, reaching over to pat her head rather roughly and ruffle her hair. And though it was supposed to be a condescending gesture, she didn’t miss the way Toph subconsciously chased after her touch when Y/N pulled her hand away. Something in her gut clenched, and she scooted to sit closer to Toph, wrapping her arms around her and leaning her head on the younger girl’s. She was tense, at first, but quickly relaxed and leaned back into the comforting touch. Y/N briefly contemplated what the warmth and protective instinct blooming in her chest was, but elected to ignore it as Toph’s aura encompassed hers and sent a surge of happiness through her.

“I’m surprised it took you this long to figure it out,” Katara drawled, bringing Y/N’s attention back to the conversation and an uncomfortable looking Zuko, who was currently being stared down by a hostile Katara.

“In my defense, the entire Fire Nation has been brainwashed for years into thinking what we were doing was for the benefit of the rest of the world,” Zuko shot back, though his eyes held none of the aggression his tone did, but seemed more disappointed. Whether it was in himself or the Fire Nation, Y/N didn’t know, “It took seeing the destruction we’ve caused with my own eyes for me to finally understand that.”

Y/N reached out for him with the hand that wasn’t holding Toph, lacing their fingers together and squeezing his hand in encouragement. She sent a supportive smile his way, a silent reassurance that he was doing good so far, and Zuko gave her a tight one in return.

“Well, we’re glad to have you here,” Y/N proclaimed, turning to the rest of the group with a glare vicious enough to make them all nod in agreement, though some complied rather begrudgingly, “We’re going to need all the help we can get.”

“And I can finally start learning fire bending tomorrow,” Aang grinned, the kindness in his eyes causing most of the tension left to dissipate, from both the air and from Zuko, “I can’t promise I’ll be too good at it though. My last experience wasn’t the best, to say the least.”

“You’ll learn to control it,” Zuko assured, nodding solemnly, “I understand how dangerous it can be if you don’t. And how scary it is…”

Y/N’s eyes drifted to the scar on his face, and a frown formed on her face. An ugly feeling grew in her gut, and the theories running through her head had a ball forming in her throat and the sudden need to throw up overcoming her. She distinctly remembered the flashes of pain she’d felt on her left side the first time she’d touched Zuko, the screaming and the searing _red_ that had blinded her momentarily. And even if Zuko had never told her how he got his scar, Y/N was sure she’d be able to guess, if she tried: but something told her she wouldn’t _want_ to know.

“I believe in you, Aang,” Katara told the kid, and Y/N had to suppress her snickers when Aang’s eyes shone brightly at her praise, “You’re more in control than you think.”

“I have to agree with her, Twinkle Toes,” Toph hummed, the sound sending a soothing vibration through Y/N from where her side was still pressed against the girl, “Your bending in general has come a long way. If you can deal with me as a teacher, you can handle whatever Emo Boy tries to throw at you.”

Y/N thought Aang couldn’t have looked happier after Katara had praised him, but boy was she certainly proved wrong as he practically preened under Toph’s compliments: understandably so, considering flattery wasn’t something Toph bestowed on a regular basis. The young boy’s reactions were as amusing as they were endearing, and Y/N had to hold herself back as she longed to reach over and pinch his cheeks. Powerful as he may be, and as much responsibility may weigh him down, she always had to remind herself that Aang was still a kid. Not only that, but he was at the age where validation was of utmost importance, if only so his mental health won’t be crippled as an adult. The last thing any of them wanted was for the Avatar to end up as some angsty teen by the time he was twenty-something years old: the world would never let Aang live it down.

The same need for validation applied to Toph, Y/N surmised quickly, her eyes flickering to stare at the earth bender tucked under harm. The lack of affection Toph received growing up was made evident in how she sought out Y/N’s warmth and kind words whenever the older girl offered either. It hurt her in ways she couldn’t explain, knowing she was accompanying two kids who were in desperate need of a tender touch and care. And Y/N was set in her heart to ensure they received all the love and praise they needed, even if it meant she had to exhaust herself in taking care of them.

“Well, we should probably all head to bed,” Sokka announced, yawning loudly and making his was to his room, “Sounds like we all have a big day tomorrow. Let’s try to get some rest.”

“Sokka’s right,” Katara said, following in her brother’s footsteps and waving everyone off with a smile and a ‘goodnight’ on her lips.

“Oh, and Zuko,” Sokka called right before disappearing into one of the temple’s many corridors. The boy in question turned to him, eyes wide and alert, but relaxing at the warm gaze and smile Sokka was sending his way, “Welcome to the gang.”

* * *

Zuko was distracted. They all were, but none quite as much as Zuko: the boy couldn’t muster up the strength to fire bend properly for god’s sake. Y/N watched with a frown as he, futilely might she add, tried to get more than a pathetic spark out of his fists, and each attempt did nothing but cause his frustration to grow and the lines of stress in his face to deepen. It was upsetting to watch him fail and be rendered into such a state of desolation. And yet, Y/N had know something had been off when he came out for breakfast and his aura was the dullest it had been, _ever_. Which was saying a lot: Zuko’s aura rarely got brighter than a dying flame.

The sight had made Y/N’s eyes harden as she ate her porridge, his low vibrations setting the mood for the rest of the day and making all of their moods lower significantly. Even Katara was struggling with her tasks for the day, simple as they were, with how lazy and grumpy Zuko’s mood had left them. The only one seemingly unaffected was Toph, but the brat also didn’t give enough of a damn about _anything_ to let something like someone else’s feelings deter her.

At the very least, Y/N had a good feeling about the expedition Zuko and Aang were about to set off on, a last resort for their current predicament. The Sun Warriors, though fabled to be extinct, were their best bet in getting Zuko back on track with his fire bending and in getting Aang just a little more motivated to learn; supportive as he was when watching Zuko fail, it didn’t take a genius to figure he was a little too happy to find that his fire bending lessons had been postponed. Nonetheless, even if it did end up being a waste of time, the excursion was necessary. It was either that or get Zuko to talk about his feelings, and Y/N wasn’t foolish enough to even consider attempting that. The boy would clam up before she’d be able to get even a single question out.

“Zuko,” she called before he mounted Appa, arms wrapped around herself as she approached him. He leveled her with curious eyes, and Y/N was elated knowing she was the only one he wasn’t wary of in the group, “Whatever’s bothering you, get over it before you return.”

“Nothing’s bothering me,” he lied through his teeth, and Y/N retaliated by pulling at his ear.

“Don’t lie to me idiot. I can read auras,” she grumbled, letting go of his now ear, which he rubbed with a pout on his lips, “Either get over it, or talk to me when you back.”

“It’s nothing,” he insisted, and Y/N had to remind herself that acts of extreme violence were frowned upon in most countries.

Instead, she rolled her eyes, “Fine, but don’t let this ‘nothing’ get in the way of Aang’s training.”

And with that, she stomped away, feeling only slightly guilty for using the duty card on him. Lord knew they were stressed enough as it was, with Aang having a tiny window to learn fire bending, but it was necessary, Zuko’s pride be damned. If he had a problem and it was keeping him from performing well, he would slow them all down. Y/N wouldn’t allow something like that, something that _could_ be dealt with, stop them from achieving their goals. With no one else to entertain her– Maurice having wandered off to explore with Momo early in the morning, leaving only a note claiming he was going on a date– Y/N turned to the temple in search of chores to help with.

“Boys,” Y/N grumbled to herself as she joined Katara, sitting beside the fountain where she was washing clothes, “What are they so stubborn for?”

“Trouble in paradise?” Katara taunted, a lilt to her tone that had Y/N’s nose scrunching up.

“I’d hardly call it paradise,” she huffed, grabbing a few shirts from the clean pile and wringing any excess water out, “Boys like him make my life _so_ difficult, confusing feelings and all.”

“Oh,” Katara hummed, still washing despite her surprise, “So you admit you have feelings?”

Y/N paused, only just registering what she had blurted out. It had come out so easily, so naturally that she didn’t even think twice, and now, in the aftermath, her cheeks and ears quickly grew warm, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s fine if you do. Have feelings for him, that is,” Katara said, smiling at her as one of her eyes twitched, “Though I do feel a little guilty now for threatening him last night.”

“You threatened him?!”

“Hey, I was only warning him to not hurt Aang,” Katara argued, harrumphing when Y/N pursed her lips, displeased, “I needed to assert my dominance. Make sure he _knows_ he’s screwed if he does anything to put Aang in danger.”

“That’s fair,” Y/N conceded after a moment’s pause, taking the now wet clothes from Katara and hanging them up to dry, “I hope you didn’t scare him too bad…”

“No, nothing too serious. I just threatened to kill him.”

“Katara!”

“Well, more _insinuated_ that I would.”

“ _Katara!_ ”

“Calm down, mother hen,” a new voice called, and both girls turned to find Toph striding towards them, “You know just as well as the rest of us that princess here is almost as smitten for Aang as you are Zuko.”

“I’m not _smitten_!” both Y/N and Katara cried out, their glares turning to Toph who, smartly, backed off with her hands raised at the sudden hostility.

She chuckled and sat a fair distance away from them, “Whatever helps you guys sleep.”

“Honestly, you’re both ridiculous,” Y/N grumbled, her wringing of clothes turning more aggressive than needed. Katara watched the clothes warily, wondering if Y/N would accidentally rip some in her frustration, “I’m not smitten for Zuko, I don’t even know if I like him like that! He makes navigating my emotions so… _difficult_!”

“But he’s pretty,” Toph cooed, and Y/N glared at her.

“How would you even know?” she retorted, a brow raising at Toph.

“He’s got a hot voice,” Top shrugged in response, grinning in her general direction, “No ugly man would have a voice that attractive.”

Katara hummed her agreement, shrugging when Y/N shot her an astounded look, “What? She’s not wrong… Plus, as much as I hate to admit it, Zuko isn’t ugly. In the slightest. Even the scar adds a certain _je ne sais quoi_.”

“Wait, Zuko has a scar?!”

“I have no idea what that means,” Y/N said at the same time, deadpanning Katara.

“All I’m saying is,” Katara sighed, standing up and patting Y/N on the shoulder, “He’s charming. And attractive. And nice to you. Don’t fight whatever feelings you have for him.”

“I’ll stop fighting mine when you stop fighting yours,” Y/N retorted, and Katara’s eyes hardened. Checkmate, “You can’t continue stringing Aang along like this. He’s going to need something from you eventually, whether you like it or not."

With an indiscernible grumble, Katara turned away from her and back to her chores, “Whatever. Now shoo. I have stuff to do. Go entertain yourselves else where, I’m tired of you bothering me. Go annoy Sokka.”

“You love us,” Toph sang, though she grabbed Y/N’s arm and dragged her away nonetheless.

They walked in silence for a long moment, perusing the temple at a comfortable pace that allowed Y/N to admire the walls and engravings. Y/N hadn’t really been able to explore the Western Air Temple since she got here, but boy was she happy that she got the chance.

Just like the Eastern Temple, everything about the temple was astonishing, to put it bluntly. The carvings in the wall, while different, were no less beautiful and no less intricate. There was a story to each of them, stories Y/N yearned to hear, and she wondered if Aang would be willing to tell her some upon his return. She found herself enraptured as she and Toph walked in silence, seemingly unable to take her eyes off the murals. The biggest difference, she noted, between the Western and Eastern Temples was the stillness, the peace she felt that the Eastern Temple lacked. She figured the Western Temple being nothing but rumble played a part in that stillness, the souls of its inhabitants still haunting it to this day and refusing to abandon their destroyed home: she mourned the tranquility the Eastern Temple lacked.

“She’s not wrong, you know,” Toph said suddenly, her voice breaking Y/N out of her trance and train of thought.

Y/N turned to her, confusion set in her brows as she waited for Toph to continue.

“About admitting your feelings,” Toph clarified after a brief silence passed, and Y/N felt her heart pause, biting at her thumb as the younger girl continued, “Not to Zuko though. He’s so emotionally constipated, I doubt he’d know what to do if his uncle told him he loved him.”

“You’re not wrong,” Y/N snorted, hoping to steer the conversation elsewhere.

No such luck though, and Toph was steadfast as she continued, “But you should admit them to yourself. The more you try to suppress or ignore them, the more it’ll end up hurting you.”

Y/N stopped walking, and Toph mimicked her, eyes on Y/N’s feet as the girl stared at her.

“I don’t want to see you hurt,” Toph admitted through a mutter, shuffling her feet as she waited for Y/N to say something, “So just… deal with your feelings. You don’t need to act on them, not yet, but don’t pretend they don’t exist.”

Her words struck a cord in Y/N, and she stood there, mouth agape, feeling helpless to do anything except watch Toph as she turned around to continue their stroll. Toph was right, of course, but Y/N didn’t like coming to the realization that she wasn’t as in control of her emotions as she wanted to be. Her chest constricted and she felt her throat clamp up, exhaling one long breath before chasing after Toph, a sour taste in her mouth.

* * *

Aang and Zuko didn’t return until dinnertime the next day. Y/N wouldn’t admit it out loud, but her worry had grown exponentially the longer the two were gone; Katara didn’t _need_ to admit it, it was written all over her face. Not smitten, my ass.

And while it had been entertaining, teasing both Zuko and Aang as they performed their Dragon Dance, Toph’s words were at the forefront of Y/N’s mind, and more than once did she find herself spacing out as the words plagued her more than they should have. It was frustrating to no end, and Y/N wanted to scream into a pillow as she failed miserably at ignoring not only her feelings, but Katara and Toph’s advice too.

“For someone hounding me to get over my shit, you sure struggle with doing the same.”

Y/N glanced up to find Zuko smiling down at her, far more at ease than he had been before his excursion. She suspected the two had bonded during the trip, and the notion brought a smile to her lips. Patting the seat beside her, her eyes never left Zuko as he took the invitation, sitting much closer than she expected. His warmth didn’t fail to soothe her nerves, and she sighed, running a hand over her face.

“Sorry about that,” she mumbled, biting her thumb as her brows furrowed, “Katara told me she came to your room the other night and threatened you. If that’s what was bothering you, you really don’t need to worry about that. She can be… intense, sometimes.”

Her words were muffled through her thumb, but Zuko seemed to understand her well enough as he scowled, “That’s not what was bothering me. I’m not worried about her. And stop that.”

He reached out and gently grabbed her wrist, pulling Y/N’s hand away from her mouth as she stared at him owlishly, “Then, what was bothering you?”

Zuko seemed to hesitate, refusing to meet her eyes, “I had a dream that night.”

“Oh?”

“I met a woman in that dream,” he started with, and Y/N hated the way her heart sank, “Her name was Amirah, and she was so… loving? Towards me.”

“Amirah,” Y/N echoed, swallowing heavily. It was now her turn to avert her eyes.

“And _I_ was a woman in that dream,” he continued, taking no note of how Y/N’s demeanor had suddenly shifted, “We were in love. There’s no other way to explain it.”

“That’s not so strange,” Y/N murmured, picking at her thumb now as opposed to biting it. She wasn’t in the mood for Zuko to grab her hand again.

“No, but what was strange was that I looked like _you_ ,” Zuko huffed, and Y/N snapped her head to him with wide eyes.

‘Please be too daft to notice, _please_ ,’ Y/N thought, begging whatever high being that’s been toying with her her whole life to give her _this_ , at the very least.

“Y/N… wasn’t your past life’s name Amirah?”

And if Zuko could hear Y/N’s heart trying to burst out of her chest, he didn’t show it. But Y/N was sure that he had felt her tense up, and she tried not to curse as his aura took on a pale yellow and turned expecting. He was hopeful, and for some godawful reason, knowing that he was hoping for something terrified Y/N to no end. And yet, she had no doubt that her own aura had taken on a similar color.

“It was,” she admitted quietly, so quiet she wasn’t sure Zuko heard. She didn’t stay long enough to find out though, chest heaving as she swallowed down the ball that kept trying to rise out of her throat, “Listen, you’ve had a long trip, you’re probably tired. Why don’t you head to bed? We can talk about this in the morning, when we both have a clear mind and you’ve taken the time to think about whatever this dream meant to you.”

“Y/N, I’ve had two days to think about it.”

“In the morning Zuko,” she insisted, standing up and staring down at him with pleading eyes, “Please.”

He wasn’t happy with her response, that much was clear as his aura prickled slightly, but he nodded nonetheless, “Fine. In the morning.”

Maurice was going to kill her for letting her fear get the better of her, she was sure.


	21. enemy territory I

### xx - enemy territory (pt.1)

They did not have that talk the next morning. Mostly because they both avoided one another like the other was a plague, the air between them too tense and awkward for either party to dare approach the other. It was pathetic, Y/N would admit, but Zuko clearly had as much to think through as she did: he was less familiar with spirits and such, after all. Either that, or their predicament simply wasn’t that important to him. Y/N didn’t like the idea of the latter, but the deep blue tone his aura had taken made her wince.

And as it would turn out, they weren’t able to talk things through the next morning either, much to Y/N’s dismay. Part of her wondered if Zuko had taken the extra mile to avoid her, but the note left behind had said he’d gone fishing with Sokka. Unlikely. Zuko had lived in a palace his whole life, and Y/N would be thoroughly surprised if the kid even knew how to fish.

Still, she hoped they really had gone fishing, because if not, the two were probably up to no good and likely to get themselves killed. The thought didn’t sit well with Y/N _at all_ , and the minute she noticed both their cots empty at the ass crack of dawn, regret instantly filled her as she wished she could have talked things through with Zuko before he left on what could be a life threatening excursion. Maurice’s pestering was a constant reminder of the opportunity she had lost because of her cowardice.

The days the two were gone Y/N spent in worry, distracting herself in explaining basic spirit concepts to Aang, preparing him for his _actual_ training in spirit bending. It served well enough as a distraction, but she wished his spirit bending wouldn’t take a backseat next to his fire bending. Lord knew _actual_ lessons would be able to keep her mind off Zuko, straining as the practice could be.

In those quiet moments of meditating with Aang, her determination to talk to Zuko once he returned grew: she wouldn’t allow herself to be foolish once again.

But one thing led to another, and before any of them could process what was going on, they were on Appa and flying away from the Western Air Temple, Azula’s cackles still ringing in her head as the princess watched them make their escape. Y/N hadn’t realized just how terrifying the girl could be, having only heard stories, and she swallowed heavily as she met Azula’s manic eyes.

“I won’t lie Zuko, your sister’s hot,” Y/N blurted out when she finally pulled her gaze away from Azula, eyes widening as she realized what she’d just said. The others blinked at her before laughing, with only Zuko looking peeved and _extremely_ uncomfortable.

“She’s fourteen. And crazy.”

“You think crazy bothers me?” Y/N teased, a grin on her face as she watched Zuko’s lips twitch, clearly fighting back a smile, “Don’t worry. I like them older anyway. And angsty’s more my style than crazy.”

Zuko’s eyes widened and Y/N only smiled sheepishly at him, ignoring Katara who was smirking knowingly at her. Y/N rolled her eyes at the younger girl despite the glint in her gaze, a silent promise that she was finally pulling herself together. But, feelings and confrontation would have to wait until they found somewhere new to set up camp. Eager as she was to talk to Zuko, Appa’s saddle wouldn’t give them much privacy, and eavesdropping wasn’t something Y/N would appreciate. Zuko seemed to agree, even if he didn’t voice it, as he left her alone for the time being. Though, Y/N didn’t miss the elated smile that had spread across his face.

But as they landed, Y/N found her mind to be blank. Empty. Void. Nothing in the noggin. She had absolutely no idea what she was going to say to Zuko, and panic gripped her. A hand on her shoulder and she turned to look down at Toph, the girl’s smile comforting her more than words could. Y/N smiled despite her blindness, reaching up to squeeze Toph’s hand and taking one deep breath.

By the looks of things, Zuko was just as, if not more, nervous than she was. Hands fidgeting, eyes askance, feet shuffling… Y/N smiled fondly as she watched his anxious self from afar. She’d let him come to her once he calmed himself down: she wasn’t going to push him when she herself had yet to gather her thoughts.

Except, calming himself down seemed to take much longer than Y/N had anticipated. By the time night fell, he had yet to bring the conversation up, but Y/N found it didn’t bother her as much as she thought it would. He didn’t outright ignore her, at the very least, and it was nice to fall back into that friendly dynamic they had lost over the last few days.

“You know,” Sokka started as they sat around a fire, feeding some of his scraps to Maurice and Momo, both pets accepting them with gusto, “We don’t know anything about you Y/N.”

Y/N humphed at that, racking her mind before nodding in agreement, “You don’t, do you?”

There was a pause as Y/N continued eating her food and the others stared at her, waiting for her to continue. When she didn’t, Toph smacked her upside the head, unimpressed, “Why don’t you tell us about yourself, dimwit.”

“I don’t know what you’d want to even know,” Y/N huffed, rubbing the spot where Toph had hit her as she glared at the girl, “My life isn’t worth talking about, honestly…”

“I highly doubt that,” Katara retorted, catching on to the furrow in Toph’s brow, “Start where you’re from, why don’t you. You know so much about all of us, it’s only fair.”

Humming thoughtfully, Y/N swallowed the food in her mouth, crossing her legs and smiling at the others, “Well, I was born in a tiny, tiny village a few miles north of Omashu. It was so small that everyone knew everyone. My mom was the local seer. She would charge to tell passing travelers and locals their fortunes, and her fortunes were either horribly wrong, or terrifyingly accurate.”

“So she was a fake,” Sokka drawled, earning himself a tug on the ear from Suki. Y/N shook her head, lips pursed sadly.

“Not really. She had these… episodes?” Y/N said tentatively, unsure how to explain it as the statement came out sounding more like a question, “She’d get these visions at random times, couldn’t really control when or where it happened. But when she did get them, they would always be _so_ accurate, and usually beneficial to her.”

“Did she ever have any about you?” Aang prodded, eyes alight with amazement and curiosity.

In her spot, Y/N tensed slightly, hand coming up to scratch her behind her ear as the thumb of the other found its way between her teeth, “One. I don’t really know the specifics, she never told me. But I remember the night she did have the vision. She went… she was crazy that night. Screaming and crying, and her eyes were staring at me like I’d been announced the Avatar. She changed after that night, started acting weird and even crazier than that night, bringing men to our house almost every night.”

“And your dad was okay with that?” Suki frowned, her disgust evident in her eyes.

“I never met my dad,” Y/N shook her head, eyes downcast and trembling as she refused to meet the others’ gazes, “But it didn’t matter before she had that vision. I used to admire her so much, but after that night, I was… terrified of her. It was like her personality completely flipped. She was absolutely manic after that, and she just kept getting worse. I had hope for her at first, but after a few years, I ran away. It’s been me and Maurice ever since.”

“Do you ever wonder how she’s doing now?” Toph asked, and Y/N heard the empathy in her voice.

“Sometimes,” Y/N mused, a sad smile on her face, “Part of me never wants to see her again, but I also want to know if she’s any better now. I like to think she is…”

“Wait, where did you say you were from?” Zuko suddenly butted in, brows furrowed in thought.

Y/N frowned, curious by his sudden question, “It’s a no-name town outside of Omashu. Why?”

“The Fire Nation was looking for a seer in the Earth Kingdom a few years ago,” Zuko said, a frown on his face as he met Y/N’s eyes with sad ones, “I don’t know the specifics of what happened, but last I heard, the village was overtaken by the soldiers. The town’s population severely declined after the raid.”

A loud shatter followed the revelation. All eyes turned from Y/N to the now broken plate at her feet, food splattered everywhere and hands twitching. Their eyes widened, even more so as a small hitch of Y/N’s breath drew their attention back to her, her head hung low and entire body tense, shaking. Y/N stared at the ground, eyes unfocused, a pained smile on her lips as she processed the information she’d just been given.

“Y/N?” Aang called tentatively, quietly, like one would approach a sleeping bear.

“Sorry,” she whispered, picking up the spilt food and tossing it in the fire, “That was a waste of food.”

“It’s alright,” Zuko assured, hand outstretched to pat her on the back, but freezing when she sat straight once more, “Sorry, that was kind of a lot to take in.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Y/N replied, still staring at the ground, “I didn’t know that the Fire Nation had attacked my village. I wonder…”

Katara frowned, watching the girl with knowing eyes, fully aware of where her mind was going right now. And she didn’t like it one bit, “I know what you’re thinking, Y/N. There might not be any survivors.”

“No, there might not,” Y/N mused, smile growing wider, “But I need to know.”

The others watched her, blinking slowly. She couldn’t be serious, right? But the firmness in her eyes said otherwise. Y/N’s face was set, even if she was still staring at the ground. Her hands were clenched at her side, knuckles turning white, and her legs shaking as she tried to compose herself. Why did the idea of her mother being dead work her up so much? Was it anger? Grief? Happiness? Perhaps a combination of all three? Frustration welled in her gut at the onslaught of confusing emotions, and she took a deep breath to calm herself down, to allow her a brief moment of clarity. Futile.

A hand on one of her knuckles, however, seemed to do the trick. She looked up, following the arm to meet Zuko’s face, his forehead creased as he stared at her with an intensity that had her heart racing. She blinked, loosening her hand and turning it to hold his. It was grounding.

“I’ll go with you,” he told her, the tone in his voice leaving no room for her to argue, “Best case, we find your mom. Worst case, the village is destroyed and only confirms our suspicions.”

Y/N snorted, “I think you got the two mixed up.”

There was a certain desolation to her voice that had the others frowning slightly, despite the fact that she was clearly trying to make a joke. A terrible one, but a joke nonetheless. Sighing, Y/N turned from Zuko to Maurice, who’d been silently staring at her with empty eyes throughout the conversation. She forced a smile, one she knew didn’t reach her eyes.

“You ready to go home?”

* * *

The three of them were up early the next morning. They had said their farewells to the others the night before, some more tearful than others (looking at you, Maurice), and had woken up at dawn to head back to Y/N’s village. Aang had agreed to lend them Appa for their trip, albeit begrudgingly so as both Y/N and Zuko gave him homework for his fire bending and preparations for spirit bending. Although, not to be biased, Y/N had to say her homework was a little easier than Zuko’s; anyone who would choose hot-squats over meditation was a freak of nature, and she was sure Aang would agree.

Y/N took the reins on Appa, with Zuko insisting on sitting beside her as she led the bison to the village. Tired as he always was, Maurice sat in the saddle, claiming loudly he would continue sleeping until they reached their destination. Fucking freeloader.

The flight wouldn’t be too long, but it would long enough that Y/N and Zuko would have to entertain one another. Sitting in silence for hours was bound to get strange at some point. Even if they were on speaking terms again, there was still so much they needed to think through: about the other’s issues, as well as their own. But, for now, they were quiet, still trying to fully wake up, and more than once had Y/N been tempted to lay her head on Zuko’s shoulder and rest her eyes for a few seconds.

“You can sleep for a bit, if you want,” Y/N told him, catching Zuko’s head lolling in her peripheral, “We’ve got a few hours before we reach the village.”

“And leave you here on your own?” Zuko replied, tone teasing, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Y/N cracked a grin at that, turning her head to face him, “I appreciate you coming with me, you know. You didn’t have to, and I’m sure Aang needs more training.”

“The kid’ll be fine on his own,” Zuko waved off, scooting closer to nudge her with his elbow, “You need me more right now. I don’t know what we’ll find when we get to our destination, but whatever it is, I didn’t want you to have to deal with that alone.”

“I’d have Maurice,” Y/N pointed out, nudging him back.

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

And she did. She nodded gently, turning back to the sky ahead, “I know. Thank you.”

There was another moment of silence, and Y/N tensed as Zuko’s anxiety spiked right before he opened his mouth, “And listen, I know you probably have a lot on your mind right now. There are probably a million other things that are more important, like finding your village, training Aang, ending this war, defeating-”

“I do still want to figure things out,” Y/N interrupted, sensing he was about to ramble and electing to reassure him before he could, “Figure out what that dream of yours meant, what our past lives have to do with us. I don’t plan on putting my life on hold just because something more important– whatever the hell that means– comes up.”

“Yeah, but-“

“No buts,” Y/N scolded, turning to look at him once more with a glare, “Whatever I feel towards you, it’s just as important as everything else. Don’t try to downplay that just because you think saving others has more value than saving yourself.”

Zuko blinked at her, a slow smile spreading on his face, “What you feel towards me? Does that suggest that there is something?”

“Well, yeah,” Y/N started, now averting her eyes as her cheeks grew warm, “I like you.”

“That was easy to get out of you.”

“There’s no denying it. I’m not going to beat around that fact. We don’t know what’s going to happen in this war, and I don’t want my pride to keep me from living my life to the fullest.” Y/N shrugged, ignoring how her chest thrummed and her voice threatened to shake, “That, and I don’t like the idea of acting like a school girl who can’t handle her feelings. They’re just… feelings.”

“Just feelings, huh,” Zuko echoed, and Y/N wondered if she said the wrong thing, “You’re not wrong. But, feelings can be scary.”

“Sure, everything is,” Y/N agreed, “But you can’t really control them either. You’re better off facing them head on, and if things don’t work out, there’s nothing you can do but push past it and heal. Fighting feelings, whether they’re positive or negative, is like trying to fight the wind: it won’t work, and you’ll just look stupid in the process.”

Her analogy got a laugh out of Zuko, and Y/N smiled at the sound. It was so carefree, unlike any expression he ever wore, and Y/N wondered if she’d be able to get him to look as happy as he sounded. It was an idealistic notion, but a comforting one.

“I guess that’s true,” Zuko mused, scooting even closer, arm pressed against Y/N’s side, “But for the record, I do like you too. I just don’t know if a relationship is something I can pursue right now. I wouldn’t be able to take care of you like I should, and I don’t want to half-ass things with you.”

“Bold of you to assume I need to be taken care of,” Y/N teased, but she could have sworn her chest was glowing, “But I can respect that. I can wait.”

“But I also don’t want you to,” Zuko frowned, and Y/N turned to him with furrowed brows, only to find he looked as confused as she felt, “Like you said, there’s no telling what will happen in this war, and I don’t want anything to happen and for us to have regrets, you know?”

The insinuation was enough to dampen the joy that Y/N had started feeling, and she felt herself deflate a little, “I know. But I won’t push you.”

“I know that,” Zuko said, and despite everything else that had been said, he reached out to lace his fingers with hers, “And I appreciate you for that. But I also don’t want you to think that I don’t want to… be with you. Because I do.”

“Zuko, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”

Her teasing tone had Zuko’s entire face flaring up, and he spluttered as Y/N broke out into giggles, breaking whatever tension had started to form, “Not like that!”

“I know, I know,” Y/N assured, reaching up to pat his head adoringly, “I’m teasing you.”

“And I’m trying to be serious,” Zuko scolded, though there was no real venom in his tone, almost as teasing as hers had been.

And despite that, Y/N’s eyes softened, and she nodded with an apologetic smile, “Sorry, I know. I also know how you’re feeling. Being the middle of a war isn’t exactly the best circumstances to start a relationship.”

“Especially when we’ve got our own shit to deal with,” Zuko agreed, and Y/N had to smile at his crude language, “But, like I said, we don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“And like _I_ said, I’m not going to force you into something you’re not ready for,” Y/N countered, smile intact despite the disappointment that had flared inside her, “I care about you and I want you to be able to live freely, _without_ having to worry about keeping me happy and taking care of me. And Lord knows I would want you to do the same if the situation was reversed.”

“I would,” Zuko assured quickly, and Y/N’s smile widened.

“I know you would,” she nodded, her thumb tracing smooth circles on his hand as she spoke, “So don’t… don’t force a relationship just because it’s what you think I want.”

“Is it not?”

“It is,” Y/N replied hesitantly, “But I care about you. A lot. Enough to wait for you to be ready.”

Zuko stared at her as she waited for him to reply, the pause he’d taken so long that Y/N’s brows started to furrow as she replayed everything that had just happened. Had she said something wrong? Had she scared him away? Was she perhaps too devoted to him, more than he was to her? Doubt creeped in quickly and she barely noticed when her hand slipped out of his to bite at her thumbnail again. But Zuko was quick to snatch it back, scowling at the torn skin before lacing their fingers once again.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he said softly, and the adoration in his tone and the lilt to his voice had her heart squealing, “I promise I won’t make you wait long.”

The statement was enough to make Y/N shiver, and she held on tighter to his hand as they fell into another silence. She didn’t push him to say more. The conversation had gone well enough, better than Y/N could have hoped for. The last thing she wanted to do was tarnish whatever they had with her own desires and curiosities, content with simply sitting with Zuko and enjoying the constant reassurance his presence provided. They could figure everything out when the situation was little bit better. She just needed to be patient.

The rest of the trip was smooth, in all honesty. Unsurprisingly, putting all your cards on the table is a great way to bond with someone, and Y/N found a new kind of comfort in talking to Zuko. If she thought being around him had been relaxing before, it was… easy now. There was no pressure to hide how she felt or suppress herself. Talking to him felt as natural as breathing.

That, and their small talk was a great distraction. She didn’t even want to _start_ thinking about what lay ahead of them, what was waiting for them in her village. The idea of finding the whole thing burnt to the ground terrified her, but thinking of seeing her mother terrified her even more so. When she’d ran away all those years ago, never did she think she’d have to face the woman again. The mere prospect of it didn’t sit well with her: hell, if she’d travelled on her own, Y/N was sure she would have thrown up more than once by now.

The hours passed quickly as they spoke, the only interruption being Maurice who had finally risen, but only to complain that he was hungry. It was quickly solved, with Y/N needing only to scowl and direct him to her bag where she’d packed provisions. But Maurice’s awakening had sent a small shock of nerves through Y/N, all of which had come from the chimp. Clearly, they were both on edge at the idea of going home. If they could even call it that anymore.

“We’re here,” Y/N announced as the forest surrounding her village into view, and she found her voice was weak as she spoke, pathetically so.

Zuko tensed at her side, and they descended, climbing off Appa on the outskirts of town. From afar, the buildings seemed intact, but there was no telling what kind of destruction they would find within the walls of the homes. The silence that seemed to lay over the town felt like a bad omen, and Y/N felt her breath start to quicken as they made their way towards the village.

Maurice, who had found perch on her shoulder, whimpered as Y/N’s breathing grew erratic, bringing one paw up to cup her cheek, “If you don’t want to go, we don’t have to. We can live without knowing what happened to your mother.”

Y/N shook her head, “I want to know. And I have to get over this place.”

“Hey,” Zuko called softly, watching her as she spoke to Maurice who nodded his understanding. Y/N turned to Zuko, and he felt his chest clench at the sheer terror in her eyes. “You’re going to be okay. I’ll protect you if anything happens.”

Not that she needed protecting, but the sentiment was appreciated. Y/N smiled, and nodded, taking one last breath before facing the village with hard eyes. She could do this. Going back there, _maybe_ seeing her mother, it wouldn’t kill her. Or at least, she hoped it wouldn’t.


	22. enemy territory II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: blood & gore, cannibalism, abusive relationships between family members

### xxi - enemy territory (pt.2)

The village had never felt more… dead. Despite the bad memories Y/N had come to associate it with, it had always been so full of life. There was always something happening, whether the snake charmers were teasing and chasing after children or performers were swindling their spectators and running from them. The village used to be full of music and the sweet smell of pastries, and Y/N had always been in the middle of it, dancing. And now it was empty. A shell of what it used to be.

She hated to admit it, but it broke Y/N’s heart to see it now.

“This is where you grew up?” Zuko asked, his tone surprised and almost sad. Y/N could feel his confusion, could see it in his eyes, and she nodded solemnly.

“It wasn’t like this when I was a kid,” she tried to amend, not wanting Zuko to have a warped image of what her childhood was like, “It used to be beautiful. Everyday felt like a celebration, like we were preparing for a festival. My mother used to say we were celebrating life… You know, before everything happened.”

Zuko nodded, his confusion turning to a smile, “That’s a beautiful notion.”

Y/N agreed, and seeing her village now hurt so much more than she thought it would. Even Maurice had nuzzled closer to her neck, like she would be able to protect him from the ghosts of their pasts. She wondered if the village had been deserted completely, or if their bodies lay inside their homes. It wouldn’t have surprised her if everyone had scattered when the Fire Nation arrived: everyone had always been quick on their feet, and an escape was by no means far fetched. If they did, had they managed to make their new home as lively as they did here?

“There’s no one here,” Y/N told Zuko after a few minutes of walking, “I can’t feel their energies. There’s nothing for me to bend here. They’re either gone, or dead.”

“Then that means your mother’s probably gone too,” Zuko concluded, and Y/N chuckled as she wondered what sense of the word he meant.

“She might still be here,” Y/N argued, still a little hopeful, “We lived a little ways outside of town. It’s not far, but it’s not within range for me to feel anything.”

“Then let’s go!”

His enthusiasm was admirable, really, and Y/N wished she could mimic it. Zuko had let go of her hand to walk ahead, taking in the ghost town as well as he could and keeping an eye out for danger. Spirits and ghosts could pose a threat too, after all.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Maurice asked Y/N as they got closer to her childhood home, making no effort to hide his apprehension as he nibbled on his fingers, “Are you prepared for whatever you’ll find?”

“No,” Y/N admitted, “But I’m so tired of running. I just need to know what happened to her.”

Whether she be dead, alive, or completely insane. None of the outcomes would surprise Y/N. The Fire Nation wasn’t known to be merciful, but her mother also wasn’t known to roll over and surrender. She would have put up a fight, but likely lost her mind in the years she would have spent in solitude. Y/N knew her mother well enough to know she was too stubborn to leave the village she had set roots in, even if it meant she was there alone.

“Do you really want to see her?” Maurice pestered, and Y/N grinned.

“I do. If she’s dead, so be it. She had it coming,” Y/N shrugged, smiling as she watched Zuko make his way back to her, “But if she’s alive… I think a good punch to her face will bring me the closure I need.”

Maurice snorted at that, "Of course it would. You can act as docile and peace-loving as you want, but we both know you have a lot of repressed anger.”

“Only towards her,” Y/N mused.

Zuko was by her side soon after Maurice clammed up, lips pursed, “There really isn’t anyone here. Not even bodies. Do you think they all left?”

“Probably,” Y/N surmised, glancing around. There really wasn’t any sign that the Fire Nation had come here, with the buildings intact and no signs of struggle to be found, “I wouldn’t be surprise. There were a lot of kids when I left, newborns especially. Their families probably ran with them as soon as word got out that the Fire Nation was looking for my mother.”

“But how would they have known they were coming?”

Y/N grinned, “You forget that my mother is a seer who has semi-accurate predictions. She very well could have warned them beforehand, and they fled.”

A small hum of understanding was the only response Y/N got, but anything more than that, she likely wouldn’t have heard. Her house had finally come into her line of sight, and her whole body froze. Y/N found her legs unable to move and her heart seizing in her chest as she stared at the small building. A lump had formed in her throat in the short seconds since she’d seen the house, and every memory and ounce of hatred she had buried deep within her resurfaced. It was a nauseating feeling, really, and for the first time since last night, Y/N was starting to doubt herself, the thought of facing her mother filling her with dread.

She couldn’t take her eyes off the quaint structure, unassuming, but hiding all her demons within. For something so small, its presence was overwhelming, and Y/N’s knees would have buckled under her if it weren’t for Zuko’s warmth at her side. He had stopped with her, hadn’t pushed her to keep walking, giving her the time she needed to collect herself.

“I-” she stuttered, voice breaking as she spoke, “I don’t think I can do this.”

Maurice let out a sad purr at her words, hiding his face in her neck. It seems Y/N wasn’t the only one who couldn’t stand to look at that house. But Zuko, who did not have the same memories as she did, pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her and shielding her from the sight that was causing her so much distress. And yet, even though she could not see the house, was facing away from it, its presence still weighed heavy on her back.

“If you can’t do this, you don’t have to,” he promised her, and Y/N felt a breath leave her, “I know it’s hard, facing your parents. Especially parents as shitty as ours. When I confronted my dad, I remember being so terrified of him and what he would do. But, when it was all over and done with, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt… free.”

“I want to feel free,” Y/N whined into his chest, and Zuko chuckled, the vibrations rumbling from his chest to Y/N’s.

“You can be. But don’t force yourself to if you aren’t ready,” he told her, and Y/N smiled into his chest, “And even if you aren’t ready, but still want to try, I’ll be here. We can runaway as soon as you want to. I promise I won’t judge you.”

Y/N snorted at that, pushing against him to stare at him, glad that he kept his arms around her despite that, “You know, for someone so socially constipated, you’re pretty good with words.”

“Thanks,” Zuko smiled, before registering her words, “Hey, wait. I’m not socially constipated.”

“Okay, your highness,” she teased, though her smile was sincere. In a moment of bravery, and perhaps because this feeling in her stomach made her think she was going to die, Y/N pushed onto her toes and landed a small kiss on Zuko’s cheek, “Thank you.”

The blush that spread across his nose was a beautiful one, complimented his face so well, and Y/N found her smile widening. His arms tightened around her momentarily before he let go, and Y/N took his close proximity as an opportunity to grab onto his hand once more. Grounding as Maurice was on her shoulder, even if he was gagging and complaining about her affection, having Zuko’s hand in hers provided that extra bit of support she needed. That, and it was a reminder that he was there, that he wouldn’t be abandoning her anytime soon.

The closer they got towards the house, however, the tenser all of them were. There was a feel to it, something Y/N couldn’t quite put her finger on. The best way to describe it, gruesome as it may sound, was that it felt like death… like death had come and continued to linger. It sent shivers down Y/N’s spine, and her grip on Zuko’s hand tightened.

“Maybe I should go inside on my own,” Y/N proposed as they reached the front door, and she stared at the wood like it held some monstrosity inside. Which, technically, it did.

“Absolutely not,” Zuko immediately replied, and Y/N rose an eyebrow at that, “We don’t know what’s in there, and I don’t like the idea of you in there alone.”

There was no point in arguing, even if Y/N didn’t like the idea of Zuko seeing her as some damsel in distress. Even if his worry was merited, with how close she’d been to a mental breakdown mere minutes ago, she didn’t want Zuko to see whatever was in there. Nor did she want him to see the state it could leave her in.

Y/N wondered if Zuko regretted going in with her the moment they opened the door, because if she thought it had felt like death outside, it definitely smelled like it inside. The stench of shit and blood and rot was enough to make Y/N retch, and she had to cover her mouth from actually throwing up. If that was her mother she was smelling, Y/N most _definitely_ did not want to get any closer. Much as she may have resented her, that was still her mother; the small amount she cared about her was what had brought Y/N here in the first place, and it was screaming at her to spare her eyes from what could be a terrifying sight.

But then she heard something from the kitchen.

Her eyes snapped to the closed door, hands still over her mouth, and she felt both Zuko and Maurice still as more sounds came from the kitchen. If anyone was home, they were cooking, and Y/N sure as hell hoped that the smell wasn’t coming from whatever was cooking. Tentatively, Y/N made her way towards the kitchen door, knocking gently.

“Mom?”

Whatever movement was in there came to a halt almost instantly, and a breath hitched from the other side of the door. The walls had always been thin, and if whoever was in there tried to make an escape, Y/N would have no trouble figuring that out and tracking them down.

Luckily for her though, it didn’t come to that as the door soon swung open and Y/N was greeted by what looked like her mom, “Y/N?”

Y/N stared at her. Whatever this was, it wasn’t the woman who raised her, nor was it the woman she’d ran from. She was alive, certainly, but she was so close to death Y/N could see its silhouette hanging over her shoulder. Her hair was matted and tangled and she reeked, her fingers dark with grime and clothes covered in soot and dirt. The skin of her face was pulled taught, an ashy gray with her cheekbones protruding sharply. She looked so frail, so delicate, yet most terrifying of all were her eyes. Sunken, she clearly hadn’t been getting sleep, and the mania in those eyes struck a chord in Y/N that she had forgotten about since she left. The only thought that came to mind as she stared at this ghost was how much better it may have been if her mother was dead. She was this close to it anyway.

“I knew you would come back to me,” her mother cooed, reaching a bony finger out to brush against Y/N’s cheekbones, “A child can’t stray too far from home for too long after all, hm?”

Y/N recoiled from the finger, cold as it was, and grabbed her mother’s wrist to keep her from touching her again. The motion made her wince, however, and she loosened her grip as she registered just how thin she had gotten, “What happened to you?”

Her mother ignored her, eyes moving past her shoulder and widening, “You brought dinner! How wonderful! Oh! And a boy? Must be serious if you’re bringing him to meet me.”

Swallowing, Y/N tore her eyes from her mother and looked to Zuko, who seemed paralyzed in his spot, “Can you take Maurice and wait for me outside? I want to talk to her alone.”

He nodded, hands extended for the chimp who crawled into them, although unwillingly. Y/N didn’t want either of them to have to see her mother like this, but, more importantly, she didn’t want her mother to grow fixated on them. This was her burden to bear, and she’d be damned if she let anything happen to either of them because her mother had lost it. The look in her mother’s eyes was also not one that promised a happy ending, and she shivered at the thought of Zuko or Maurice being hurt by her hands.

“Leaving so soon! But dinner isn’t ready yet!” her mother called as Zuko left with Maurice, turning to Y/N with a glare as soon as the door closed behind them, “That was quite rude of you. Are you embarrassed of your mother now?”

“Mom,” Y/N said sternly, though the word was sour in her mouth, “What happened to you?”

“To me? What happened to you? You’ve grown soft since I last saw you, I can tell. Your eyes are so _bright_ now,” her mother huffed, turning back to the stove, “Dammit, now I have to go get more meat. Come help me.”

Reluctantly, Y/N followed after her, “What do you mean by bright?”

Her mother chuckled, glancing at Y/N from behind her shoulder with a glint that sent shivers down her spine, “Oh, you used to look so tough when you were living with me. You had a fire in your eyes. Did something happen while you were away?”

“No,” Y/N said through gritted teeth, watching as her mother opened a door that hadn’t been in the kitchen before, “Have you forgotten what happened? When I _was_ here?”

“How could I?” her mother laughed as she went into the mystery room, holding a hand out for Y/N to wait, “You used to scream so loudly, it would keep me awake for hours. A real bother, honestly. Here, can you take this for me?”

Y/N huffed, but stuck out her hands nonetheless, barely paying attention to what her mother had put in them, “You could hear me? And you continued bringing them home?”

“Of course! The walls in this house are very thin, you know,” her mother chirped, coming back out of the room and closing the door behind her, “Oh, you can just put that on the counter. It gets quite heavy, you know. And boy does it _smell_. But don’t worry, that’ll go away when it starts cooking. Or, at least, it usually does.”

A small frown formed on Y/N’s face and she looked down at her hands, retching once again as she registered the weight and the smell. A scream left her lips as she dropped the severed leg on the ground, scrambling away from it in horror, but never taking her eyes off of it. She went to cover her mouth and nose with her hands, but the shit that had stained them kept her from doing so, and all she seemed able to do was stare at the limb.

“You’re getting dinner dirty!” her mother shrieked, scowl prominent as she picked the leg up and glared fiercely at Y/N, “I knew you got soft!”

“Whose leg is that?!” Y/N demanded, still fighting back the urge to throw up.

“Oh, the baker’s boy,” her mother mused, any anger she once had dissipating, “He was a thin one, but I fattened him up real good before I started collecting his pieces. The village has lasted my almost a year now, you know. I’m surprised nothing’s gotten _too_ rotten.”

Bile forming in her throat as she pictured the baker’s family, smiling and giving her treats with a pat to her head, Y/N felt tears starting to form in her eyes, “What the hell are on about?”

“You may be soft, but you’re not stupid, Y/N. Don’t make me say what you won’t want to hear.”

It was the most serious her mother had sounded since Y/N arrived, which did not bode well for her in the slightest. Suddenly, the stillness of the town made so much sense. The lack of life, how intact the buildings were, the fact that _no one_ had stayed behind or come back… They had never left the village at all. But just how long had her mother been eating everyone for?

“Why…” Y/N whispered, tears falling freely now that she’d been hit with the reality. She couldn’t wipe them, not with her old friend’s shit on her hands, “Why would you do this?”

“They were going to bring me to the Fire Nation,” her mother growled, chopping up the leg with a knife that looked far too heavy for her to hold, “They were going to turn me in to save their own asses after _I_ warned them about the raid. I will _not_ die like that! The only way I could stop them was to do _this_ , which is such a bother. I can’t even keep them down half the time, but how else am I supposed to survive when I can’t leave because the Fire Nation wants a seer and I can’t get groceries because everyone is a lying, traitorous bastard!”

Every word was punctuated by a chop more aggressive than the last, and Y/N winced every time that knife came down onto the leg. How long had she kept those poor souls in that room for? The mere image Y/N had formed in her mind had her shaking in her boots, and she started to wonder why she had ever wanted to come back.

“Was this another one of your visions?” she managed to get out, though anger had started to take the place of fear. Whether it was her own anger, or simply an imitation of her mother’s, she didn’t know, but it was one that threatened to blind her.

“Of course!” her mother huffed, rolling her eyes, “Of course, it was. But, I made sure it never came true! It’s not the first one that didn’t realize itself, after all. Like the one about you!”

“The vision about me,” Y/N repeated, voice small.

“Yes!” her mother confirmed, turning to Y/N with a wide smile and a hand on her hip, “Gave me quite a lot of hope, you know, but as soon as you ran away, I knew it would never happen. Disappointing, really, but I suppose it can’t be helped. We already knew my visions were never 100% accurate…”

“What did the vision about me say?” Y/N pressed, swallowing as her mother’s lips pursed.

“It said your second child would bring your ancestors to greatness,” her mother sighed, staring at the kitchen wall wistfully, “I saw your child leading nations and bringing our world to a great era of peace. I wanted to see that world so bad, what with the Avatar hiding for years like a coward. I wanted to see your child take his place and lead us into a new dawn, to save the world and give our family all the glory we deserve!”

“My second child,” Y/N murmured, a sudden, raging fury filling her, “Please, _please_ do not tell me that’s why you brought all those men home with you. I’m begging you, don’t tell me that you made my life a living hell just because you wanted _glory_.”

“It’s why I killed that first babe too,” her mother hissed, in Y/N’s face in a flash, knife dangerously close to her cheeks, “That baby was a distraction from your true potential, from your mission to make our family kings and queens. I relished in listening to you scream and cry and beg every night because I knew your suffering would be worth it.”

Y/N stared up at her as she spoke, her tears continuing to flow freely. Her anger only grew as her mother spoke, and at her side, Y/N clenched her fist in a poor attempt to compose herself. As much as she hated her in this moment, she wouldn’t be merciful enough to kill her mother.

“If you weren’t such a coward,” her mother spat, and Y/N swallowed a scream of anger, “We could have been royalty. But you ran, from me, your destiny, and all the money in the world.”

“You disgust me.”

The slap echoed throughout the kitchen, and Y/N grit her teeth to ignore the throbbing in her cheek. It was the first time her mother had hit her, and it did nothing but fuel the resentment and blinding rage Y/N held towards her. With a scoff, Y/N turned her head back to meet her mother’s gaze dead on, glare fierce as her lips curled into a snarl.

“ _You_ disgust me,” her mother huffed, standing back up and shaking her head, “You could have had everything. _We_ could have had everything. And everything comes with a price. You knew that, and you were still too selfish to make the necessary sacrifices.”

Taking a deep breath, Y/N stood back up, meeting her mother’s eye with a mocking smile. She’d heard enough, she’d gotten the closure she needed, and she’d be damned if she gave her mother the satisfaction of watching her get upset, “Goodbye, mother.”

She turned away from her, holding back a wince at the indignant shrieks that left her mother as she walked out the kitchen door and towards the front. She would not run, she refused to show cowardice and run from her, but she also couldn’t bear to be in the house anymore. And while Y/N’s urge to kill her mother was strong, almost overpowering, she wouldn’t let her get away with everything’s done so easily. She deserved to suffer just a little longer, before her body completely gave up on her.

“Don’t you walk away from me!” her mother bellowed, storming out after her and standing at the front door as Y/N joined Zuko and Maurice, “I am your mother! You owe me your life! You are me! A product of me! Do not think you will _ever_ be able to escape me!”

Her screams continued to echo down the road as Y/N walked away, Zuko staring between her and her mother. He paused, glared at her mother for a long second that felt far too short, and followed behind Y/N, walking as fast as he could to catch up with her. He went to hold her hand, to pull her out of whatever state she was in and back to him, but Y/N didn’t let him. She pulled away and held her hand far enough that he couldn’t reach, shaking her head as she showed him the filth it was covered in. Zuko stared in shock, mind running miles a minute.

Y/N detoured before they got back to town, taking the path that would lead her to the small pond in the surround forest. She grabbed a leaf, scrubbing and scraping at her palms as though it would wash away the sins of her mother along with the shit on her hands, tears building in her eyes once more as today’s events replayed in her head. She could have choked on her frustration, salt in her mouth and snot clogging her nostrils, but Zuko’s gentle touch on her back and hand coming to wrap around her wrist reminded her that she wasn’t alone.

She looked at him, shocked by how calm he was despite her crazy state, and she didn’t pulled away from his touch. Even as he took the leaf out of her hands and started wiping at the filth, his touch far gentler than hers, Y/N continued staring at him, swallowing down her anger and pain and making way for the smallest amount peace. His touch alone had brought a stillness to her that Y/N didn’t understand in the moment, motionless as he cleaned her hands off for her.

Y/N sat back on her heels, watching Zuko with big eyes as he reached out to wipe at her tears, both the fresh and old ones that had left tracks as they dried. His touch was so soothing, warm compared to the burn of her mother’s slap, and Y/N leaned into his hands as more tears fell down her cheeks.

Frowning, Zuko removed his hands only to pull her between his legs, holding her close as she cried into his chest. Maurice had an odd sense of déjà-vu as he watched them from the top of Zuko’s head, the sound of Y/N’s cried making his chest clench as he pat Y/N’s head.

“She kept bodies in our kitchen,” Y/N hiccuped, and Zuko’s shushed her, bringing a hand up to rub her neck, “They were covered in shit and blood and she just keeps them and eats them.”

Zuko masked his horror as he continued to hold Y/N, saying nothing as she cried and let her frustrations stain his shirt. He held her close and tightly, fearing that her sanity would slip away if he didn’t, taking her with it. And Y/N stayed in his arms, prayed he wouldn’t let go, unsure of how terrible her fall would be if he did. And she calmed down, eventually, long after the sun had started to set and Zuko’s arms and legs had fallen asleep. He still held her, and Maurice kept one of his tiny paws on her head, a silent promise that they were there.

“I hope she dies after all this suffering,” Y/N muttered, and Zuko froze, “She’s barely human anymore. I hope she can find peace, eventually.”

And the sentiment was a sweet one. Y/N truly did hope her mother found peace. Though she wasn’t the same woman anymore, and Y/N found it so much easier now to leave her behind now, she had once been the woman who would hold Y/N after her nightmares. She had sung her lullabies and spoon fed her soup and wiped away her tears, and Y/N wanted nothing more than for _that_ woman to finally rest. Her soul deserved to be free.


	23. pity parties

### xxii - pity parties

Y/N and Zuko didn’t return to the campsite for a few days. Y/N needed space, and Zuko was more than willing to stay by her side as she took the time she needed to heal and process everything that had happened with her mother. The events of that day had weighed heavy and Y/N’s heart, and they’d travelled far enough from the village before she’d gently asked Appa to land, only a few hours from the campsite.

And as much as she appreciated the company, Y/N hated to think that perhaps Zuko stayed because he pitied her. He had reason to, of course, but the idea of being nothing but a charity case didn’t sit well with her in the slightest, made her gut curl in anger.

The nights they’d spent away from camp were sleepless for Y/N, sitting the small fire they’d start every night with her knees to her chest and staring at the embers crackling into the air. And Zuko would continuously insist on staying up with her, despite her promise that she’d be fine on her own. He never made her talk, nor did he say anything unless Y/N spoke first, simply providing her with his company and the heat of his body. Some nights, Y/N would talk with him, voice frail and quiet as she told him of her childhood in exchange for his own stories, and some nights she was quiet. And almost every night, Y/N would fall asleep before the sun rose, head on his shoulder or in his lap. But Zuko never complained, patting her head as she slept and wiping any tears that would slip out of her eyes in her sleep.

They were nearing on four days when Y/N woke Zuko up gently, smiling as he squinted past the sun’s light, which had already reached its peak. He stared up at her as the rays cast an almost angelic glow over her, his heart stuttering at the constellations they drew on her skin. She practically glowed under the sunlight, cheeks rosy and hair falling in curtains around her face. Zuko couldn’t stop his fingers as they reached out to brush his fingers against the ends of her hair. She was ethereal in every sense of the word.

“Are you alright?” Y/N asked, her voice still raspy from sleep.

Zuko nodded, smiling softly up at her, “You’re so beautiful, you know?”

It must have been the sleep fogging up his mind, but Y/N still blushed at the compliment. With a hitch of her breath and a clearing of her throat, Y/N pulled away with a quiet ‘thank you’ and sat back on her heels. Zuko followed, sitting up on his elbows, watching Y/N watch him with that same gentle look in his eyes.

“We should probably head back soon,” Y/N told him solemnly, lips pursed as she spoke, “Thank you for staying with me. I know I haven’t been much fun these past few days.”

“It’s alright,” Zuko assured her quickly, shaking his head as Y/N stared at him with guilt in her eyes, “It was… nice. And it gave me time to think.”

“About?”

Zuko paused, shrugging before staring down at his feet, “Everything.”

“If you’re about to tell me that you’re ready to start a relationship now, don’t,” Y/N scoffed, turning away from him with a roll of her eyes. Whatever tender moment they’d had, it was gone as her tongue turned bitter, “I know you heard everything that happened in that house. The walls aren’t very thin, I would know. I don’t need you- I don’t _want_ you to coddle me just because I’m a victim, okay?”

“That’s not what it is,” Zuko shook his head, ignoring the small pain in his chest and the aggravation growing in his gut, “I don’t _pity_ you.”

“Please, I know what my family is like,” Y/N grumbled, standing on her feet and glaring down at Zuko, “I know I’ve got _severe_ issues I need to work through because of her, but I don’t want you to think you need to make me feel better about myself because of it. I’m a big girl, I don’t need you to swoop in, fix all my problems, and save me.”

“That’s not what it is!” he repeated with a scoff of his own.

“Then what is it Zuko!” Y/N demanded, voice raised and eyes ablaze with a fury he didn’t like, shining with tears he liked even less, “Not even a week ago, you were telling me that you don’t want to start anything serious. What changed in the past few days? Is it because you feel bad? Is it you trying to make yourself feel better about yourself because you’ll be taking care of some girl fucked in the head? Is it some kind of hero complex you have, have you deluded yourself into thinking you can save me from myself? I’m not your responsibility!”

Steam puffed past Zuko’s nose as Y/N rambled on, her face growing red and tension marking the lines of her face the more she spoke and the louder her voice grew. And the more she spoke, the more Zuko got aggravated, his frustration boiling over as he tried to figure what, or who, it was he was angry at. And who she was angry at, because he knew her well enough to know it wasn’t him.

“I know you’re not!” he huffed, his anger only thinly veiled through his gritted teeth, “I know you can take care of yourself and that you’re strong.”

“Then what the hell changed?!”

“Nothing! Is it so wrong for me to love you!” Zuko blurted out, the volume of his voice alone enough to have the greenery around them rustling.

Any thoughts Y/N had completely disappeared at the sudden profession, and she could only stare at him as he collected himself with heavy breaths, his aggravation still evident, “What?”

“I love you. At least, I think I do,” Zuko repeated, far calmer than he had been a second ago, pushing himself up and cupping her face between his hands. He held back a breath of relief when she didn’t pull away from him, “I know you can take care of yourself, trust me, I know. But you don’t have to. You can lean on me, on the others, hell, on Maurice when you need to. I want you to lean on me.”

Y/N stared at him, brows furrowing as she scanned his eyes, “There’s more to it, isn’t there.”

“There is?” Zuko frowned, head tilting slightly.

“There is,” Y/N confirmed, the corners of her mouth twitching up at his confusion, “I can see it in your eyes. You don’t _just_ want me to lean on you: you want to be able to lean on me too, don’t you?”

There was a fleeting moment of silence as her words rang through Zuko’s head, before he snorted softly and shook his head. Y/N watched him intently as he seemingly tried to fit together the pieces she already had, barely trying to contain her amusement at his cluelessness. She felt like she could see the corks turning in his mind if she focused hard enough, and the amount of concentration Zuko was employing into something so simple was nothing short of adorable.

“I guess I do,” Zuko finally admitted, more to himself than to her, a smile playing on his lips as he stared down at Y/N fondly, “I guess we both have severe issues we need to work through.”

Y/N hummed in agreement, bringing her hands up to hold Zuko’s wrists without pulling his hands away from her face. Her thumbs ran over the inside of his wrists, pressing gently against the palm of his hands, “I’m still not sure about starting something serious. I don’t want you to have to deal with all my bullshit while we’re fighting a war.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t mind then. Not anymore,” Zuko countered, grinning as Y/N glared at him, “I will take all of your bullshit. All of it.”

A small giggle left Y/N despite herself, and she shook her head, “Are you sure?”

“So sure. Most sure I’ve been about anything,” Zuko dramatized, and Y/N rolled her eyes as she laughed quietly, “But you’ll have to be willing to take my bullshit too.”

“I’ve been dealing with it since I found out who you really were, _Lee_ ,” Y/N teased, but there was a smile of relief on her face as she spoke, “I’m not the kind of person to take without giving. I think it’s only fair that I take care of you too.”

There was a glint in Zuko’s eyes as she spoke that had Y/N reeling, her whole body relaxing as she pressed herself closer to him. He let her, his hands moving away from his face so he could wrap his arms around her, holding her close to his chest and burrowing his nose in her hair, allowing her entire being to consume him for a short moment. And Y/N would lie if she said she wasn’t guilty of doing the same, breathing him in and letting every aspect of him take over her and mold her aura to adapt to his.

They sat there for a moment, simply basking in the other’s embrace, and Y/N almost fell asleep against him as the safety he provided addled her mind.

“I don’t think anyone’s held me like this since my mom disappeared,” Zuko said quietly, and a small murmur of encouragement was all Y/N replied with, “She left when I was a kid, when my father was coronated as Fire Lord. I don’t know why she left, honestly. I don’t even know if she’s still alive.”

There was a pause where Y/N waited for him to continue.

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” he whispered, and Y/N grip tightened around him, her knuckles turning white where they held onto his shirt. She nuzzled into his chest, placing the tiniest of kisses over his heart.

“When all this is over and done with, we can go look for her,” Y/N promised him, sighing when she felt Zuko’s heart stuttered in his chest, “But only if you want to.”

“I do,” Zuko nodded, pressing his lips to the crown of her head and murmuring into her hair, “Thank you.”

“Thank _you_ for sharing that with me.”

Zuko hummed in response, “She just made me feel so protected, you know? With her around, it was like someone was always on my side. I haven’t felt this safe, or this happy, since I was a kid. Sometimes I wonder how different things would be if she had never left…”

Frowning slightly, Y/N pulled away to get a good look at him, at the sadness that had glazed over his eyes. Y/N wanted to scowl and smooth out the stress lines on his forehead and between his brows, but her fingers subconsciously drifted over to his scar instead. She stroked over the edge of it with her thumb, memorizing the textured skin with her fingers. Focusing on the texture patch, flashes of Zuko’s father and the fear Zuko held ran through her, and Y/N bristled at the short, but painful memory.

Her eyes stayed on the scar as she traced it, her touch gentle, until they eventually moved to Zuko’s eyes. There was a sadness to them that answered Y/N’s unasked question, and she swallowed the lump in her throat, quelling the anger that started to manifest within her.

Pushing herself up onto her knees, Y/N placed the softest of kisses under Zuko’s left eye, right on his scar, lifting her arms to wrap them around his shoulder when he brought her closer, his chin tucked over her shoulder. His breath had goosebumps forming as he hid his face in the crook of her neck, now Y/N’s turn to run her fingers through his hair and comfort him.

“We should probably join the others today,” Y/N said, reluctantly breaking the silence and stillness that had encompassed them, “Appa misses Aang, and I’m sure Katara’s going crazy. Probably thinks we’re dead by now.”

Zuko snorted quietly, agreeing with her silently, but kept his face in her neck, “Okay, but who’s going to wake Maurice up?”

Y/N laughed, pushing him away gently with a grin on her face. She pat his shoulder, almost in a condescending gesture, and sighed, “You do it. I’m tired of having to deal with his cranky ass. But try not to let the kid scratch your eyes out.”

“Excuse me? You’re really going to leave me behind like that?” Zuko demanded as Y/N left to pack their things, concern etched across his face, “And isn’t he technically older than you?!”

* * *

Leaving the clearing Y/N had found sanctuary in left a bittersweet feeling on her tongue. It had provided some semblance of comfort in the past few days, that the smallest part of her didn’t particularly want to leave. It was a small escape from the war and the responsibility they bore, brief as that escape may have been. But alas, all good things must come to an end, with the others were likely worried and Aang in desperate need to continue his training. And so they left, hearts heavy and already longing to return to what had become a new safe space. A small part of Y/N was sure that they’d return one day, when the fate of the world wasn’t at stake and their souls were a little lighter than they were now.

It was Zuko this time around who slept on the saddle, finally catching up on all the sleep he’d missed out on the past few days. Y/N stayed at the reigns, Maurice in her lap, basking in the few moments of peace she’d have before Toph and Sokka started pestering her daily again.

From his place on her lap, Maurice peered up at Y/n with a small smile on his face and a knowing glint in his eyes. She pretended to not feel his gaze on her, keeping her eyes on the clouds and watching them bleed into different colors as they flew. It was nearing sunset when they took off, the sky now painted a million different colors as night started falling; admiring it was a valid enough reason to pretend she didn’t notice Maurice and his sudden determination to talk to her.

“I know you can see me,” Maurice grumbled as Y/N continued ignoring him, a scowl forming on his face when Y/N grinned mischievously, “You’re being rude.”

“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the clouds.”

Maurice mocked her with a pitch far too high to even sound like her, and Y/N spared him a glare, “Oh, so _that_ gets your attention?”

“Now _you’re_ being rude,” Y/N huffed, clutching the reigns with one hand to poke Maurice in the side incessantly. Damn brat deserved it, “What do you want? Why are you bothering me when I should be keeping my eyes on the sky?”

“You and Zuko seem different. You’ve been acting different since I woke up,” Maurice mused, the teasing lilt to his tone bringing warmth to Y/N’s face as she huffed and rolled her eyes. A small smirk grew on his face at her reaction, and Maurice let out a wistful sigh, “Oh, to be young and in love again.”

“You’re not even that old yet,” Y/N grumbled, though her retort went ignored.

“Have you kissed yet?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“When did you guys figure your shit out?”

“Not long ago.”

“Who confessed first?”

“Why are you so curious all of a sudden?” Y/N suddenly snapped, though there was no real irritation in her tone.

“Why are you avoiding my questions?” Maurice retaliated, and Y/N rolled her eyes, “Cmon Y/N, I want _details_! Bring some excitement into this old chimp’s life!”

“The whole thing was complicated, to say the least,” Y/N finally relented with a sigh, and Maurice barely tried to hide his dissatisfaction with her vague answer, “All you, or anyone else, for that matter, need to know is that everything is good now. We’re fine. Everything’s fine.”

“Are you trying to convince me of that, or yourself?”

“I’m not trying to convince anyone!” Y/N snapped, composing herself quickly with a shake of her head, “Sorry. It’s just… weird talking about feelings and such. And I don’t want to invade his privacy or say more than he’s comfortable with. Who knows, maybe he wants to keep this on the down low. We haven’t really talked about that…”

Maurice stared up at Y/N, conflicted, “That’s true. But it’s not like I’ll be able to tell anyone, you know. Plus, the kid doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s smitten for you.”

“Yeah, but right now isn’t exactly the best time to get invested in anything serious,” Y/N argued, voice soft and tone solemn, “We are in the middle of a war, in case you’ve forgotten. I like him, _a lot_ , sure. But I don’t want to get too attached just to lose him. And I don’t want him to get hurt if something happens to me. We’re not indestructible, and we can’t predict what’s going to happen, you know?”

“It’s a very sweet sentiment, truly, and I’m very happy to hear that you care about him enough to be worried about his mental state,” Maurice started, far less demanding than he had been earlier, yet still firm, “But you can’t deny yourself happiness just because you’re scared. You’re going to miss out on so much if you let fear or uncertainty stop you from doing what you want to do.”

Y/N pursed her lips, mulling over his words as Maurice settled in her lap, having grown bored of the conversation now that his curiosity was somewhat satisfied. She cast a glance to where Zuko was still sleeping, unable to see him but feeling how calm his aura had turned, like gentle waves. It brought a sense of peace to her own distressing thoughts, and she took a small breath, allowing his vibrations and the changing colored clouds to soothe her mind as she released it.

“Your skin is going to break out if you stress out so much,” Maurice chimed, head in her lap and eyes closed, “Don’t overthink. You need to learn how to live on your own terms, everything and everyone else be damned.”

“That’s a very selfish philosophy, Maurice.”

Maurice didn’t deny the accusation, shrugging with a smirk and small huff, “Sometimes you have to be selfish.”

‘Be selfish,’ Y/N repeated in her head, almost like a mantra, throughout the rest of the flight back to the campsite. She’d remained uncharacteristically quiet even when Zuko woke up and leaned over the saddle to watch her at the reigns, completely zoned out and stuck in her thoughts as she kept her eyes on the flight path ahead of them. Granted, she know she didn’t exactly need to be steering; Appa would have been able to get back to Aang and the campsite just fine on his own. But she wasn’t in the mood to sit down and talk with anyone at the moment, grateful that Zuko was respectful of the fact despite having _gently_ pestered her to open up to him just this morning.

The silence was a welcomed one, and not uncomfortable either, and both parties were smart enough to bask in it for the few hours they had left together. Because lord knew it would be the last few moments of peace they’d have for who knows how long, and they weren’t going to let that opportunity slip away.

Y/N had been correct in assuming that Katara had thought them to be dead, her face red and mouth twisted as she scolded them both. They’d barely gotten off Appa before the girl had their ears between her fingers, pulling them far down enough that the backs of their heads were open for Toph and Suki to smack.

And despite being older than her, Zuko and Y/N found amusement in how much Katara resembled a mother in that moment. She could claim to hate Zuko as much as she wanted, but the worry she had displayed that night said otherwise as she ushered them to the fire they’d start, all but forcing warm, soothing tea down their throats. Y/N found herself beaming up at the girl as she continued scowling, leaning into her touch when she pat her head, albeit a little aggressively.

“You give me a scare like that again, and I will find you and kill you,” Katara frowned, and Y/N chuckled at the empty threat.

“Then I’ll make sure I stay alive long enough for you to find me,” she promised, and Katara finally smiled, shaking her head lightly, “What? Think I won’t be able to?”

Katara huffed, patting Y/N’s head once more, “No. But Sifu Hotman might run into trouble.”

With a hum, Y/N couldn’t help but agree, her eyes turning soft as she looked over to Zuko, who was running over their training with Aang. She smiled at the sight, a tender one that Katara didn’t miss, her eyebrows perking up as she waited for Y/N’s answer, “Probably. But I’ll make sure he stays alive too.”

Satisfied enough with the answer and quelling her curious questions, about both their trip _and_ what had happened between the two, Katara rounded everyone else around the fire, silencing their protests with a harsh glare. Handing out more tea that she’d prepared, insisting they needed some time together after Zuko and Y/N’s absence, Y/N couldn’t help the warm feeling that spread throughout her surrounded by her friends.

It felt good, to be around them again, and only now that she was in their company did she realize just how much she’d missed them these past few days.

And if any of them noticed how Y/N’s hands were linked with Zuko’s, or how the light in her eyes had dimmed ever so slightly, they didn’t comment, giving the two enough space as they sat around the campfire, conversation bright and distracting. Their adoring smiles for the other only and their friends were kind enough to not steal those small indulgences from them. None pointed out how close the two sat, far closer than usual and practically on top of one another, but Y/N didn’t miss the knowing smiles her friends sent her way, nor the teasing wiggle of Toph’s brows.

For the first time in almost a week, sleep found Y/N easily as she retreated to bed, a tranquility to her heart that she had missed when away from camp. The security of having the others mere feet away set her mind at ease, and Y/N fell asleep feeling warmer than she had in years. And if that was because of the solace that the others' presence had bestowed or the sleeping body beside her, heartbeat sturdy and strong as he held her close to his chest, she didn’t know. But she didn’t fight those feelings, letting her guards down for once and allowing the warmth consume her and lull her to peace, a smile on her face.

She supposed this might be what coming home felt like.


	24. neutrality I

### xxiii - neutrality (pt.1)

Sokka had had the brilliant idea to reenact their battle plan for Sozin’s comet, with Aang at the center of it all and supposedly ready to defeat the Fire Lord. Or, in Sokka’s eloquence, ‘burn that fucker down.’ Which was classy, Y/N would admit, but most certainly did not boost the young Avatar’s morale in the slightest.

From the sidelines, Y/N had watched their reenactment with the intention of pointing out any flaws, the biggest one one of all being Aang’s unwillingness to deliver the final blow. Her shoulders had been tensed the entire time, watching him hesitate when he came face to face with the Melon Lord, and her brows had furrowed as he winced when Sokka was the one to defeat the godforsaken melon in the end. The fact that Aang might not be able to kill Ozai had been bothering her for a few days now, ever since Zuko and Katara had left to hunt down the Southern Raiders and Aang had expressed how opposed he was to her seeking revenge. Ember Island was supposed to be a distraction from that, per Y/N’s request, but her endeavor had only been _mildly_ successful.

“Aang,” Y/N called once the reenactment was over, her tone and body language turning his aura a little green, “I need to talk to you.”

“Look, I know I have to defeat Ozai, but I’m just not comfortable with killing anyone,” Aang defended before Y/N could get a word in, and she had to smile at his resolution and determination to stick to his core values. She found it admirable that, in spite of everything going on, he stayed true to himself.

“I’m not here to scold you,” Y/N promised, grinning when he looked up at her with wide, curious eyes, “I think it’s time I start teaching you spirit bending.”

The young boy blinked at her, “Really? But I haven’t mastered fire bending yet.”

“I know. I know our original agreement was that we’d start your training after the war,” Y/N started, nodding with a reassuring smile, “But I think you might find at least the basics useful in your final battle. That, and you’ve shown the resolution of a spirit bender.”

“What do you mean?”

Y/N sighed, racking her brain for an explanation that wouldn’t implode his, “From what I’ve learned, spirit benders have to know themselves and their values, and be able stay true to that. You can’t allow yourself to be swayed to the side of good nor the side of evil, whatever those mean to you. And you’ve shown that these past few days.”

Aang evidently brightened up at that, and Y/N had to chuckle. His need for praise was shining through, and she had the strange inkling he’d be needing a _lot_ of that to get him through his training. It was precious, his enthusiasm and willingness to do well, and he displayed as much as he insisted they start immediately. With a shake of her head, Y/N led him to the secluded beach owned by the Fire Lord’s family, motioning for him to sit in the sand before her.

His nerves were evident as he followed her instructions, twiddling with his thumbs and watching her with careful eyes as Y/N tried to figure out how she wanted to go about these first lessons. She wasn’t a stranger to the anxiety Aang was feeling, having never been put in a position where she had to teach before. (Unless you counted the weeks he had spent meditating prior to this training, but Y/N did not.) The responsibility of how good of a bender he would turn out as depended not only on his talent and his determination, but on Y/N’s skills too; and the idea of disappointing not only Aang, but everyone else as well, was enough to give her pause and consider if this truly was something she wanted to do.

“Don’t be nervous,” Aang suddenly said, and Y/N’s eyes snapped to him with an eyebrow raised, “I can tell you’re nervous. Don’t be. You’ll be a great teacher.”

A small smile came across her face at his words, her head bowing in thanks as she shook her head slightly. Perhaps teaching Aang how to spirit bend wouldn’t be as difficult as she had expected. He seemed to have a good grasp on spirit reading as it was.

“The meditation you’ve been doing these past few weeks has been preparing you for your first lesson,” Y/N started, startling Aang into attention as she clapped her hands together, “You’ve been slowly learning about your spirit and how it works. So what I want you to do now is close your eyes and envision every crevice of your body. From the dips in your limbs to the blood flowing through you. Envision it all, and then picture your spirit encompassing _all_ of it. Your spirit is in every part of your body, from the physical to the spiritual part of it. So, embrace it.”

Y/N watched him with calculating eyes, pride swelling within her as the tension in his face relaxed and his body’s aura started pulsing softly. He was a natural, and when his tattoos started glowing too, Y/N clapped excitedly, but quietly as to not pull him out of his state. She had heard from Katara of the Avatar state, but this seemed different from what she’d heard of. His tattoos, while they were glowing vividly, it was more of a warm one than bright and oppressing one she’d been told of, tinted a light purple and exuding a sense of higher being. It was heartwarming to feel those kinds of emotions from the boy, and watching Aang get a grasp on his aura instantly almost made Y/N feel like she was watching her child grow.

“I- I can see it. I can see my aura and I can see yours. I can see the the energy in the plants on the hill and the fish in the ocean,” he whispered, eyes snapping open and Y/N was taken aback to find the purple glow in his eyes too, “Is this how you see the world?”

Chuckling, Y/N nodded, “It took me a while to hone into it fully, but I can _feel_ people’s emotions and I can sense every living being’s energies. Sometimes without even trying.”

Aang looked up at her in awe, the glow fading as his concentration broke, “That’s amazing.”

“It can be bothersome, but yes, it is,” Y/N agreed, sitting across from him, “You’re a natural Aang. I have no doubt that you’ll reach my level in no time.”

“No, I doubt I’m that good,” Aang shook his head, a bashful smile on his face.

“Don’t underestimate yourself,” Y/N frowned, leaning over to flick his forehead softly, “We just started and you’ve already achieved what took me a week.”

 _Albeit, I didn’t have a teacher,_ she thought with a sigh, electing to not voice that to the boy.

Aang rubbed his forehead, cheeks flushing slightly, “You really think so?”

“I know so,” Y/N said, determined, nodding firmly, “Even before you got a grasp on your own aura, you were able to read the energies of those close to you and deduce how they were feeling. That’s… impressive for someone who isn’t naturally inclined towards spirit bending. At least, I think it is.”

“When did you learn how to do that?”

He was getting distracted, Y/N realized, and she pursed her lips amusedly, “It kind of came naturally for me, but only with people I felt a connection to. Like Maurice and… well, Zuko.”

The last part came out as a murmur, her eyes askance as Aang’s curious smile turned into taunting grin. She knew _exactly_ what was running through his mind now, and Y/N was determined to squash those thoughts before they ran rampant and he could start his teasing. Clearing her throat, she clapped her hands together once and snapped her fingers at him, expression turning firm. Or, what she hoped was firm.

“C’mon, no more dilly-dallying,” she ordered, snorting when his spine reflexively straightened at the command, “You’re the one who wanted to start today, remember?”

“Yes Sifu Y/N!” Aang replied enthusiastically, though his grin remained intact, “Just know, I can tell you’re embarrassed now.”

“Watch it kid. I won’t teach you how to talk to animals if you annoy me.”

“Yes Sifu!”

* * *

As it would turn out, being a teacher was an exhausting job. Not so surprising, honestly, especially when the student is one as enthusiastic and determined as Aang. Y/N had been ready to call it two hours in, but Aang had been adamant in continuing long past sunset. They trekked back to the vacation home late that night, with Y/N’s drained self contrasting violently with Aang’s liveliness, practically vibrating in his exuberance.

Not a minute after they reached the courtyard, where the others were already sat and finishing up dinner, Y/N slumped in the spot beside Zuko, her head lolling into his shoulder with a thud. Snorting, he pat her head and handed her a plate already loaded with food. Grateful, Y/N lifted her head up and off his shoulder to smile at him and place an appreciative kiss on his cheeks. In her exhaustion, she was more affectionate, nuzzling her nose against his cheek as it grew warmer and Zuko’s entire body relaxed against her. A small giggle left Y/N as a dopey smile grew on his face, and she leaned against his side and dug into her food, self-satisfied.

Around them, the others watched with incredulous eyes, the two infatuated individuals oblivious to how their comrades were gaping at them. Only Maurice seemed unfazed by the display of affection, continuing to mindlessly chatter at a starstruck Momo. The only indication that he had even noticed Y/N and Zuko was the pleased glint in his eyes; it was about time she start living for herself, after all. The act, small and insignificant as it may have seemed, was all the proof the chimp needed to know Y/N would start caring less about others and more about her own needs.

“I take it training went well,” Katara stated more than asked, amusement evident in her tone.

A grunt was the only response she got from Y/N, while Aang immediately perked up, turning to Katara with bright eyes and enthusiasm on his tongue. Y/N watched quietly from the other side as Aang reiterated their lesson of that day, satisfaction curling in her gut at the amazement that passed over the other’s faces as they listened attentively. She leaned into Zuko’s touch as he brought his arm around her, hand on her shoulder and rubbing soothing circles. A sigh left her lips as she felt some of the day’s tension leave her body at the touch, tilting her head to look up at Zuko. He was already looking at her, however, and the shining endearment in his eyes had warmth spreading across Y/N’s cheeks, all the way up to her ears and down her neck.

“You did well,” he praised, and Y/N felt her cheeks start to burn.

“I know,” she tried to shrug off, holding up a front despite the erratic beating of her heart in her chest, “He’s a prodigy. He’s going to surpass me in no time if he keeps training like he is. It’s amazing how quick he picks up on bending.”

“You’re telling me,” Zuko scoffed, moving his eyes from Y/N to Aang, that same pride Y/N felt glossing over his expression, “He’s barely started fire bending and he’s already almost as good as I am. He’s _this_ close to being ready to fight my father, I’m sure of it. He’ll defeat him if he’s smart about it and uses his skills to his advantage.”

Y/N nodded her agreement, her own eyes moving from Zuko to Aang. The kid had so much untapped potential, and she was excited to see what the future had in store for him.

“I still can’t believe Sozin’s Comet is in a few days,” Y/N murmured, fear lacing her tone.

“I can’t believe you all were planning on fighting him after the comet,” Zuko bit back, though he sounded more incredulous than judgmental, “I don’t think you guys understand just how much more powerful the fire benders will be that day. I’ve only ever heard stories, but from what I was taught, they’ll easily be able to take over the entire world if their strategy is right. And it will be.”

“I’m not surprised,” Y/N replied, swallowing heavily, “They managed to wipe the Air Nomads out in a day. The nomads may have been peaceful, but I doubt they weren’t powerful.”

“It was a massacre,” Zuko whispered, shame flooding his voice, “I don’t know how any of us thought it was justified.”

Frowning, Y/N cupped one side of his face, forcing him gently to look at her, “You can’t be angry at yourself for what happened or for what you believed in in the past. A huge majority of the nation has been brainwashed by propaganda. It’s no one’s fault but the government’s.”

“But-”

“No buts,” Y/N interrupted softly, shaking her head, “I’m _convinced_ you were all tricked into believing you were doing what was best for the world. Trust me, I’ve travelled far and wide enough in the last five years to know how effective the lies they all are.”

“But my family, my uncle, _me_ ,” Zuko insisted, voice turning shaky, “We’ve done horrible things in my father’s name. We’re not innocent in the destruction.”

“Perhaps not,” Y/N agreed, barely taking notice of how the others’ conversation had fallen short and their attention turned to them, “But you and your uncle learned better, learned to _do better_ than what you were raised with. It’s one thing to be born in a world that fights oppression. But to be born in the world of the oppressor and to know to learn from their wrongdoings is far more admirable. You should be proud of how far you’ve come Zuko.”

“She’s right,” Katara interjected, a smile on her face as Zuko turned to her with wide eyes, “We all know how wary I was of you. But you’ve proven yourself. You’ve proven that you’ve changed and that you recognize right from wrong.”

The others all nodded their agreement, and Y/N cooed quietly as Zuko’s eyes started shining. He fought back his emotions as best as he could, but the unshed tears didn’t go unnoticed, and with a Cheshire grin Y/N was wrapping her arms around him and beckoning the others to do the same. They did so without hesitance. Even Maurice and Momo skittered towards the prince, with Momo latching onto his legs in the imitation of a hug and Maurice climbing over the others to plop himself on Zuko’s head. It was an amusing sight, and Y/N couldn’t help the joyful laugh that left her as they all sat in there group hug for what could have been an eternity.

She could feel Zuko shaking slightly in her arms, her shoulder growing wet from where his face was hidden. Running her fingers through his hair, Y/N closed her eyes as a content sigh left him, his breath brushing against her exposed neck and sending shivers down her spine.

“Thank you guys,” Zuko breathed when they all released him, mirroring the beaming smiles they all sent his way, “I’m grateful for all of you.”

“There’s no need to thank us,” Sokka assured him, patting Zuko on the shoulder as he stood up, “If anything, we should be thanking you. The odds of us defeating Ozai are much better now thanks to you.”

“And Y/N’s right,” Suki piped in from beside Sokka, grinning widely at Zuko, “You should be proud of yourself and everything you’ve accomplished.”

“We’ll be proud for you if you’re too chicken shit to accept that you’re no long an angsty villain,” Toph told him, punching Zuko in the arm as Y/N snorted at her crude words, “Don’t be too hard on yourself Sparky, got it? Being the tough one is my job.”

With those words, they dispersed, leaving Y/N alone with Zuko after bidding the two goodnight. After waving them off, wishing them good sleep and happy dreams, Y/N maneuvered herself to full face Zuko, legs draping over his. Smiling at him, Y/N felt her heart flutter at the adoration written across his face. She had no doubt in her mind that she looked just as smitten, eyes falling shut as Zuko reached up to cup her face with both hands, thumbs running over her cheekbones. Like possessed, a small purr rumbled in Y/N’s throat as she leaned into his touch and nuzzled his palms, kissing them softly as she lifted her own hands to hold onto his wrists gently.

“Did you just purr at me?”

“Shush, I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”

Zuko let out a loud laugh at that, shaking his head as he continued brushing his thumbs against Y/N’s cheeks. The sound sent a shiver through her, one that travelled up her spine and made her heart brim with joy. She grinned at him, peppering a few more kisses against his palms as he quelled his laughter, smiling down at her and pulling her face close to press his own kiss to her forehead.

“You really are something else,” he murmured against her forehead, and Y/N rolled her eyes affectionately, “Thank you.”

Y/N hummed, pulling away, their noses a hair’s breadth away from one another, “For what?”

“I don’t know,” Zuko admitted after a small pause, eliciting a snort out of Y/N, “For everything. I think you’re the only person in the world who’s believed in me. Aside from my uncle.”

“I promised you could lean on me, didn’t I?”

With a shake of his head, Zuko continued, “Even before that. When we were barely friends, you still had so much faith in me. Thank you for that.”

“What can I say, I am a great judge of character,” Y/N said, unsure of what else could be said in that moment, “Thank you for being there for me too. I really needed that. I- I appreciate you for everything you’ve done for me. And for knowing the right thing to say in the worst of times.”

They fell into silence after that, a short lived one as they remained pressed close to one another, hands seemingly unable to stay off the other as they breathed each other in. Tranquility settled over them in that short moment, and Y/N relished in the safety his touch provided. Her eyes fell shut and her thumbs moved of their accord, tracing patterns on Zuko’s wrists as he held her, brought her face closer to his with every second that passed. Y/N could feel his breath against her lips, and her heart stuttered in her chest, thrumming against her ribcage with anticipation.

“Can I kiss you?” he finally asked after a moment of hesitation, and Y/N swallowed her heart down as it threatened to burst out of her and engulf them both.

A small nod of her head was all Zuko needed before he was closing the already short distance between them, his lips gentle against hers. It was a tender kiss, hesitant even, but his lips were softer than they had been during their first encounter all those months ago, and more confident too. Y/N pressed back against him, her hands drifting from his wrists to the nape of his neck, holding him firmly against her. Zuko’s own hands wandered, moving from her face to her waist and pulling her closer, inhaling sharply through his nose as their chests together. Y/N smiled into the kiss at the sound, deepening it as her hands tangled in his hair, the soft ends tickling her fingertips.

She pulled away after a moment, delighted when he chased after her lips and pouted at the cold her lips left behind. A giggle snuck past her, and Y/N leaned in once more to kiss him fleetingly, but passionately, resting her forehead against his when she pulled away again.

The two were quiet again in the next few minutes, basking in the glow that had overtaken them and relishing in the constant reassurance the other provided. And for the first time since Y/N got involved in this godawful war, since she had dove head first in it and pledged her loyalty to the Avatar and his cause, she wasn’t scared anymore. The uncertainty of their future didn’t feel so daunting anymore; she had lived, and she had felt a love that had consumed her despite her grievances and how much she had fought against it.

For this small instant, what happened next didn’t feel so important anymore. She sighed happily as she lay her head on his shoulder, smiling and kissing his jaw lightly as her hands fell to his chest, lulled by the steady beat of his heart. He was here now, and he was alive and healthy and happy. And in that moment, nothing else mattered; they were real and they were absolute in what could be their final days, and Y/N couldn’t have asked for anything more.

* * *

Y/N was going to have a mental breakdown. Either that, or she was going to spontaneously combust, taking Aang and the entirety of Ember Island with her as she did so. Not a very heroic way to go out, she would admit, but it definitely seemed like a better option as she watched Aang pace back and forth, rubbing at his temples and babbling to himself like a madman.

It was a pitiful sight, really.

That morning, Aang had let Momo loose in Zuko and Y/N’s shared room, prompting the lemur to wake the two of them up and demand Y/N exit the comfort of the bed and resume her training with Aang, per the aforementioned’s request. Needless to say, Y/N had not been happy, following Momo’s orders despite Zuko’s iron grip on her and despite how much she shivered as she slipped out of bed. With a grumble in her throat, either from having just woken up or her annoyance, she coaxed the evidently exhausted prince back to sleep and joined Aang out in the courtyard. The only thing that had kept her from grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking some sense into him was the cup of tea he had given her as a peace offering, one she had taken without a complain, but with a scowl on her face. Damn that kid, and damn her for being such a bitch for tea first thing in the morning.

“Enough!” she hollered once she finished her cup, putting it aside and standing to her feet, effectively interrupting Aang’s rambling in her outburst. He paused, turning to her slowly, mouth still half open, “Enough, Aang. You’re exuding too much stress.”

“I am?”

“It’s so potent I could eat it,” Y/N deadpanned, striding over to him and placing her hands on his shoulders, “Stop freaking out. We’ll figure something out, I promise.”

He frowned at that, staring up at the certainty in her eyes skeptically, “How can you be so sure of that? I spent _all_ night convening with the past Avatars. They all told me the same thing: I need to kill Ozai… But, I don’t know if I can do it.”

“You might not have to,” Y/N said hesitantly, sighing out when Aang looked up at her curiously, but expectantly, “I wasn’t planning on ever teaching you this, honestly. But, there may be a way for you to defeat Ozai without _actually_ killing him. You’d just be incapacitating him. I don’t know which one is better, in all honesty.”

“You’re not-“ Aang started, interrupting himself as he swallowed heavily, “What happened in Ba Sing Se? Is that what you’re suggesting?”

Lips tight, Y/N nodded solemnly, “You wouldn’t be killing him.”

But they both knew that, at that point, killing Ozai would be more merciful. To take his life force and leave him as a shell of what he once was… It felt even less ethical than killing. Just as they had no place to choose who lived or died, who were they to determine how long someone had left to live? And to live the rest of your life in such a state? It didn’t sit well with Y/N, and she had no doubt that Aang had similar grievances; the tension written across his face was telltale enough of that.

“It’s up to you Aang,” Y/N told him softly. The last thing she wanted to do was put more pressure on the kid, “I won’t force you to do something that goes against what you believe in.”

“Teach me,” Aang said suddenly, stupefying Y/N momentarily, “It’s better than nothing. And worst case, I don’t have to use it when the time comes.”

It made sense, but Y/N’s lips pursed. She had certain qualms with passing this down, but she supposed it wasn’t dissimilar to Katara learning blood bending. The story had sent shivers down Y/N’s spine the first time she heard, finding sympathy and kinship in Katara. Blood bending was the closest thing to whatever the hell had happened in Ba Sing Se, and it had opened her eyes to the harsh reality that any kind of bending could be dangerous: it just depended on how the bender chose to use it.

“You’re sure?”

Aang nodded, and Y/N let out a resigned sigh. If this was what he wanted, who was she to try and stop him? She beckoned him to sit down, following quickly to sit cross-legged across from him, their knees touching. Reaching out with a heavy swallow, she lifted her two hands up, placing one on his chest and the other on his forehead.

“When you do this, you’ll place one hand on their heart and the other on their head,” Y/N explained, shrugging when Aang gave her a confused look, “You’re not only extracting their life, but their memories too. The head and the heart are the central points for those.”

“And then what?” Aang prodded, moving his hands to put them against Y/N too.

Frowning, Y/N smacked his hands away, shaking her head as she pulled her own hands back to rest on her knees, “Like hell am I giving you a demonstration. You’re not going to test it on me either, idiot. I’d rather the others didn’t wake up to find _both_ of us crippled.”

Bashful, Aang scratched the back of his head, nodding in understanding, “Right… What do I do next then?”

“You focus on them. On their energy, their aura, their life-force. Anything about them that isn’t tangible,” Y/N said, moving her hands palm up and focusing on the energy there. Her hand started glowing, and she willed a few flecks of her aura out of her, wiggling her fingers as the flecks floated right above her palm, “It’s like focusing on your own aura, but harder. You have to map their entire self out. And once you have, you rip it all away.”

“And how do I do that?”

Y/N paused, bringing the aura back into her hand and closing it in a fist, “You have to truly want them dead. I don’t doubt it’ll be hard with Ozai; you’ll see all his memories once you invade his head, so you’ll see all the terrible things he’s done. But Aang…”

She hesitated, looking at the Avatar who’s eyes were bright and shining despite the nature of their lesson. The world expected him to put down an entire nation’s leader, when Y/N doubted he’d be able to stop a thief without comforting him. Anyone who met knew him who he was deep down. And Y/N had to wonder: would he be able to go through with it? To truly wish Ozai dead and cripple him?

“You have to picture him dying. You have to want it so bad it consumes you,” Y/N whispered, scratching her knees as she bit her lip, “And most importantly, you can’t let _him_ overwhelm you. He’ll have access to everything you’re feeling and your memories too. It’s a ‘give and take’ power, to bend someone’s spirit, and you can’t let his nature affect you.”

“I won’t,” Aang said firmly, his set brows softening as he continued, “But I don’t want him to die… Not really. Is that the only way?”

Smiling apologetically, Y/N shrugged, “It’s the only one I know of.”

There wasn’t much else Y/N could do after that but stay silent as Aang sat on his thoughts, giving him the time he needed to figure himself and his goals out. She wouldn’t push him unless he was ready, and she most definitely would not be the person to force him into doing something he didn’t want. And yet, the fate of the world did still depend on his final decision. His internal conflict was evident as Y/N watched him, and she had no doubt that he was well aware of the importance of his decision. Taking pity on the kid, Y/N reached out to place a gentle hand on his knee, her brows furrowed in her concern and her eyes shining with something akin to sadness.

“Are you sure this is something you want to do Aang?”

He shook his head, “I don’t know Y/N. I just don’t want to fail everyone. _Again_.”

The statement sent a pain through her chest, and Y/N squeezed his knee lightly, “You won’t. I know that when the time comes, you’ll know what to do.”

The smile that graced his face brought a semblance of comfort, but she was still unable to quell her worry for the kid and his mental state, “Let’s continue. We don’t have much time as it is.”

“Alright,” Y/N agreed, pulling back and straightening her spine. Aang mirrored her, “Even though I won’t let you practice the technique on me, I still want you to try and map _my_ aura out, read it as you would your own. The practice will help you when the time comes and you need to face Ozai. Just… don’t kill me.”


	25. neutrality II

### xxiv - neutrality (pt.2)

The others woke up to a blinding light and an overwhelming surge of power coming from the courtyard that morning. It was with bleary eyes and winces that they all convened outside, sitting on the steps with small plates of food to watch Aang and Y/N train with curious eyes. None of them had ever really seen spirit bending, having only ever heard stories from Y/N and her few experiences, and to watch the two of them sat face to face with glowing hands was nothing short of strange.

“What do you think they’re doing?” Suki whispered to no one in particular, brows furrowed at the flecks of light leaving Aang’s hands and floating towards Y/N.

“Doesn’t it look like Aang’s attacking Y/N?” Katara replied, scratching the back of her neck in slight confusion, “Look at the little balls floating towards her. That’s got to be some kind of attack, right?”

“No, I doubt Aang would want to do that,” Sokka hummed, shaking his head, “She’s probably teaching him how to control someone else’s spirit, or something like that.”

“What the fuck are you guys talking about?”

The crude language earned Toph a glare from Katara and a snort from Suki. And while the latter pat Toph on the head fondly, the former turned her attention back to the duo who had started glowing more intensely, Aang especially. They watched, save for Toph, as Aang’s glowing light encompassed them both, wrapping Y/N in his slightly lighter purple and snuffing out her own royal aura. As he did so, Y/N’s brows furrowed, her lips pulling into a tight frown as she tried to fight back, before a chuckle left her and she bowed her head. The Avatar was quick to mirror her, his aura retreating back to his body as they both opened their eyes.

Still unaware of the audience they had garnered, Y/N grinned widely as Aang beamed back at her, patting his head in praise, “You did well, kid.”

“What the hell were you two even doing?” Toph called, startling the other two.

Y/N blinked, chuckling as her eyes flittered between Toph and the others. “Well, this is awkward. How long have you guys just been sitting there and watching us?”

“Not long,” Katara assured, standing up and helping the other two to their feet, “You guys were exuding a lot of power. It woke some of us up, so we came out to watch.”

“It woke _all_ of us up,” Toph corrected with a huff, “I can’t even see and your glows woke me up. It was so warm, I was sweating in my sleep”

Y/N had the decency to blush, scratching her head lightly, “Sorry about that.”

“How long have you guys been training for?” Zuko asked, coming to Y/N’s side and placing a peck on her forehead. Y/N smiled, wrapping her arm around his elbow and holding him close.

“You were literally woken up at the same time as me, doofus.”

“Nope, don’t recall.”

“I woke Y/N up pretty earlier,” Aang told them sheepishly, rubbing his head with a shrug, “Didn’t want to waste time, what with the comet coming tomorrow.”

The reminder sent everyone into a sour mood almost instantly, the once light air tensing and weighing down on them. Y/N felt a shiver run down her spine at the thought despite the sun being at its peak and at its warmest, shuffling even closer to Zuko than she already was. The boy himself had gone terribly tense, swallowing heavily at the thought of having to confront his family once again. Only the light motion of Y/N’s thumb against his arm soothed him, though only marginally so.

“What’s our game plan for now?” Y/N asked, her gaze immediately shifting to Sokka.

He blinked at the number of eyes that had turned to him, shifting from one foot to another as he racked his brain for an answer, “We should probably find allies.”

“Like who?” Katara grumbled, crossing her arms with a scowl, “I can’t think of anyone.”

“There’s no way we’re the only ones who are planning on fighting back tomorrow,” Suki pointed out, brows furrowed and lips pursed, “There has to be others out there who know about Sozin’s Comet and are preparing to defend themselves against the Fire Nation.”

“What about Iroh?” Toph suggested after a moment’s pause, and Y/N felt herself stand a little straighter at the mention of the tea master, “I bet he’s got something planned.”

Zuko nodded his agreement, “He has a whole boyband of friends who play Pai Sho. They’ve probably all gathered for tomorrow. But we don’t even know where to start looking…”

All eyes turned to Y/N, who stared back before frowning, “The fuck you looking at me for?”

“Well, you managed to find me,” Aang replied, and Y/N’s frown deepened at the implication, “If anyone could find Iroh, I'd bet it’d be you.”  


“I only found you through the Spirit World, which we _both_ have a connection to. I doubt Iroh has that,” Y/N muttered, heart sinking as a feeling of uselessness overcame her. The sight of all their faces dropping sent a knife to her chest, and she sighed quietly before smiling shakily, “But I suppose it’s worth a shot… Just don’t get mad if I don’t succeed.”

“Just do your best,” Suki encouraged, coming up to Y/N’s side and nudging her lightly, “We believe in you.”

The encouragement was appreciated, but didn’t do much for Y/N’s morale. She smiled tightly, nodding to the others as they voiced their agreement with Toph. Pulling herself away from Zuko, heart fluttering when he almost instantly tried to pull her back, she saluted the others and headed back inside the vacation home. Her mind was scattered enough as it was, her energy even more so from training that morning, and being around the others’ energies would do nothing but throw her off. Quiet and solitude was what she needed if she wanted any chance of spotting Iroh’s aura.

Letting out a loud groan that spoke volumes of her frustration, Y/N didn’t need to look at the door to know that Toph and Zuko had peered into the room in their worry for her. Though her steps were quiet, Y/N heard Toph walk into the room while Zuko walked away, his steps slow and hesitant while Toph’s were determined.

“You okay?” Toph asked her quietly, not wanting to aggravate her.

Y/N grumbled in response, turning her head to turn to Toph with dejected eyes, “I think I exhausted myself earlier. I can’t focus on _anything_. I feel so useless. It fuc- fricking sucks.”

“Are you seriously watching your language around me?” Toph chuckled, laying down beside her and facing the ceiling with a smirk, “And is that really what’s wrong? I can’t feel your heart, but I don’t need to to know there’s something else.”

“I don’t think there is,” Y/N frowned, and she really didn’t. Her brain felt fried after the long morning, and she was sure she’d shut down if she thought too hard.

“Are you sure? Because I know how worried you are about tomorrow,” Toph mused, her smirk falling for a frown to take place. There was a beat of silence, before Toph continued, voice surprisingly gentle, like she was worried about scaring Y/N away, “You’re worried about Zuko, I’m sure of it.”

A small snort left Y/N, and she turned to Toph with a raised brow, “I’m always worried about that kid. He’s a whole mess and a half.”

“Sure,” Toph agreed, not even bothering trying to argue with the statement, "But you still don't want him to get hurt…”

“Do you really need me to answer that?” Y/N replied in a hushed whisper, voice quickly turning shaky as she continued, “He’s such a selfless piece of shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if he got himself killed trying to save one of us tomorrow.”

The mental image Y/N had created was enough to cause her entire body to tense up, and she was sure Toph could feel it too. A lump formed in her throat that she simply couldn’t seem to swallow, and she brought her arms up to wrap them around herself in a semblance of comfort. Beside her, Toph turned her face to where Y/N lay, frowning deeply and hesitantly reaching out to hold onto Y/N’s arm. The older girl didn’t push her touch away, placing her hand over Toph’s, keeping it there and using it to ground herself.

“Do you think that fear could be keeping you from finding Iroh? Because the sooner we find him the more serious our reality will seem?”

Taking pause, Y/N chuckled humorlessly, “You know, you’re more perceptive than you seem.”

Toph grinned at that, squeezing Y/N’s arm lightly, “Talk to him. Because with or without you, we’re going to find a way to get to Iroh and his allies. And when we do, it’ll be much better for you if you’ve talked things out with Zuko. The last thing any of us need is for us to go into battle tomorrow with anything but a clear mind.”

“I know,” Y/N sighed, sitting up on one of her elbows to smile down at Toph, “You’re right.”

“When am I not.”

The statement got a chuckle from Y/N, and she leaned down to place an affectionate kiss on Toph’s forehead, “Thanks, kid. I appreciate it.”

“Now you’re just making it weird,” Toph complained, though the grin on her face said otherwise, “Just remember, you can come to me if you ever need anyone to knock some sense into you. I’ll set you straight in no time.”

And with that, Toph rolled out of the bed, her feet landing heavily as she made her way out of the room with a loud call of Zuko’s name, beckoning him into the room. The bossiness in her tone had Y/N’s chest warming with a motherly affection, and she kept her eyes trained on the door as Toph exited and Zuko walked in, hands in his pockets and his worry written clearly across his face. Y/N smiled tightly, patting the spot beside her which he quickly occupied. His presence alone was enough to quell some her nerves, and suddenly Y/N wasn’t so worried anymore.

* * *

Y/N didn’t end up talking to Zuko. Maurice, who had been “sleeping” in the room the whole time had given her an earful for it, and Y/N was glad he couldn’t communicate with anyone else; lord knows he would have tattled, and Toph wouldn’t have hesitated to pummel her into the ground.

But, strangely enough, having Zuko simply lay beside her was enough for Y/N to get a trail on Iroh. It was faint, sure, but it was enough, and they reached the campsite outside of Ba Sing Se by nightfall. The man himself was nowhere to be found, hidden away in his tent where Zuko was now standing outside of, unable to muster up the courage to go into the tent. Y/N had watched from afar as Katara came to kneel beside him, hand on his back and a gentle smile on her face as she encouraged him to go inside. Something akin to gratitude overcame Y/N when Zuko finally entered the tent, and she conveyed that to the water bender well enough with a smile and a short nod of her head.

“Let’s go join the others,” Katara suggested, tugging on Y/N’s shirt when the girl seemed unable to peel her eyes from Iroh’s tent, “He’ll be fine, don’t worry about him. They just need time to talk, is all.”

“I know,” Y/N replied quietly, smile tight as she followed Katara, “I just hope he isn’t beating himself up over what happened in Ba Sing Se.”

The others were already gathered around a small campfire, conversation hushed, but tension high as they discussed the many different outcomes of tomorrow. Y/N took a seat beside Toph, hand coming up to rub the girl’s back where she could feel stress and concern bundled up into a knot in her muscles.

“Iroh should take the throne once we overthrow Ozai,” was the first thing Y/N heard, Sokka’s face serious as he spoke, “He’s the most qualified to put out good reforms and fix all the shit the past three Fire Lords have sent out into the world.”

“He’d never agree to that,” Y/N frowned, shaking her head. The mere idea of Iroh sitting on the throne didn’t seem right, and she was sure the old man would agree, “I don’t think he even wants to sit on the throne. He’s a man of simple needs, and knowing him, he’ll probably have Zuko take the crown. The Fire Nation needs a fresh start, a new leader who’s been a witness _and_ a victim to the cruelty the rest of the world has faced. Not an ex-warlord.”

“Is that really something Zuko can handle though?” one of the White Lotus members chimed in, Piandao,, eyebrow raised, “He’s so young. It’s no secret he’s been ruthless himself.”

“Zuko can handle it,” Katara said firmly, nodding her certainty as the rest of the gang was quick to back her up, “He’ll know what’s best for the nation.”

“He’ll be hesitant, but he’ll pull through in the end. He always does,” Y/N added on, staring Piandao down as though daring him to badmouth Zuko, “At the very least, he’s more fit to lead the Fire Nation to prosperity than his successors were.”

Piandao met her gaze, a wry smile forming on his face, “You’re the spirit bender, aren’t you?”

Y/N raised an eyebrow at that, confusion in her eyes as Pakku continued for Piandao, “Rumors have been swirling that a bender no one’s heard of has been tagging along with the Avatar. After Ba Sing Se, people have been talking. And word travels fast at times like these.”

“Not to mention, Aang hasn’t stopped talking about his training with you since you all arrived,” Bumi added on, cackling as Aang glared at him.

“So much for the element of surprise,” Y/N grumbled, whining when Toph elbowed her.

“Don’t act like you were going to fight either way,” Toph teased, and Y/N smiled with a shake of her head, “Little Miss Neutrality.”

A frown settled on Piandao’s face at that, his head tilting in confusion at the revelation, “You won’t be fighting by our side?”

“I will if I have to,” Y/N clarified, lips pursing as all eyes fell to her, “But I want to avoid it. If we win this war, I want to spread the Spirit Coven’s values. It’d be hypocritical of me if I didn’t stick to some of those values myself, even now, no?”

The members of the White Lotus respected her wishes easily, and Y/N released a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding in when they didn’t question her. Because while this was something she’d discussed with her friends before, she was in no mood to argue with a bunch of elders, preferring to focus on the problems at hand rather than the ones that would arise later. That is to say, if she survived long enough to worry about said problems.

“I think it’s safe to assume Ozai’s going to be on the front lines tomorrow,” Sokka interjected, bringing the conversation back to tomorrow’s fight, “He’ll be attacking the Earth Kingdom in hopes of finally ending the war by obliterating them. But I also doubt he’ll leave the Fire Nation defenseless.”

“He’ll leave Azula behind to protect the Capital,” Y/N concluded, alert as two footsteps made their way towards the small group.

“Correction, he’ll have Azula coronated as Fire Lady,” Iroh said as he and Zuko joined their circle, shooting Y/N a smile, “It’s good to see you again Y/N. Still perceptive as ever, I see.”

Y/N nodded her greeting, smiling softly at Iroh, “Good to see you too.”

“Then, if Azula is going to be Fire Lady, what is Ozai going to do?” Katara pointed out, frown set deep in her face as Y/N’s heart dropped at Zuko’s next words.

“He’ll want to make himself ruler of the whole world,” he said bitterly, shaking his head.

“And he probably won’t be alone when attacking the Earth Kingdom,” Sokka murmured, swearing quietly, “We’re going to need a group of people to go with Aang to fend off the rest of the Fire Nation soldiers while Aang focuses on Ozai.”

“And one group will need to go to the Capital to stop Azula’s coronation,” Iroh continued, his eyes uncharacteristically serious. Y/N had only ever seen him in a lighthearted state, at ease and joyful, and to see him now was a reminder that he had once been a great and even ruthless general, “We’ll stay here and take back Ba Sing Se. It’ll be the first step to eradicating the Fire Nation’s rule. Zuko, you will need to stop your sister and take the crown for yourself.”

“Told you so,” Y/N muttered, a quip only Toph caught and snickered at.

“Me? What about you? Aren’t you more fit for the throne?”

“My time to be Fire Lord has passed. It needs to be you,” Iroh shook his head, and Y/N sent Sokka a pointed look. Zuko, though hesitant, nodded, swallowing heavily at the idea of becoming the new ruler of the Fire Nation. His eyes met Y/N’s and she sent him a small, encouraging smile, providing little reassure to the evidently nervous fire bender.

“Zuko, I know she’s your sister,” Sokka started, a reluctance to his tone that had Y/N narrowing her eyes at him, “But Azula is dangerous. If worse comes to worse, you know what you need to do…”

“I know,” Zuko murmured, acceptance in his tone. Y/N blinked, eyes snapping between the two as the implications of their words dawned on her, a scowl finding its way on her face.

“What?” Y/N scoffed, aghast that Sokka would even suggest something like that, “No, you can’t just decide something like that. We should try to save her.”

“There is no saving her Y/N,” Zuko shook his head, solemn, “My uncle said it himself: she’s crazy and she needs to burn.”

Y/N snapped, her eyes alight with a fire that had everyone flinching back, “Azula isn’t crazy, she’s _alone_. She has been abandoned and neglected. And while that doesn’t excuse what she’s done, it does earn her some basic sympathy, so please... don’t. Just don’t. She deserves to be saved too.”

“Y/N…” Suki started, evidently ready to take Sokka’s side but unable to as Y/N raised a hand in silence. 

“You forget that she and Zuko were raised the same way. It could have been him in her shoes.”

“Except Zuko turned out good,” Aang pointed out, eyebrow raised.

“And my father actually loved Azula,” Zuko added, confused by Y/N’s sudden outburst and need to defend his sister. Iroh was ready to interject, but Y/N beat him to it with a scoff.

“Your father didn’t love Azula,” Y/N laughed, no real humor to her tone, “He doesn’t love her. He sees her as a means to win the war, just like he did you. The only difference is that you had Iroh to guide you. Azula had no one to save her from Ozai.”

“That doesn’t excuse the things she’s done!” Zuko argued, just as fired up now, “She’s hurt people, she’s hurt _me_.”

The tension was palpable as the two of them glared at one another, their eyes moving between the two and wondering who would break the tension first. But the hurt and glassiness in Zuko’s eyes softened Y/N the slightest bit, and she brought a hand up to rub at her temple.

Sighing, Y/N toned down, tentatively reaching out to the boy and grabbing his hand, “No, it doesn’t excuse her actions. But it does explain why she is the way she is. She hasn’t been shown the same love that you have been exposed to, the same acceptance. I’m the last person who wants to defend her, trust me, but it’s important to recognize what she’s been through to know her as an opponent. She’s unstable, and that is what makes her dangerous.“

“She’s still a psycho bitch,” Toph muttered, and Y/N’s grip on Zuko’s hand tightened.

“She’s a child who’s been forced to fill out shoes too big for her,” Y/N murmured thickly, “We all are. None of us, not even Azula, should have been forced to grow up as fast as we did.”

The scoff she let out cut the air between everyone like glass, and Y/N rolled her eyes before pushing herself to her feet, bitterly muttering out that she was going to bed.

* * *

Y/N’s defense of Azula gave everyone some food for thought as they retreated for the evening, heading to bed early(ish) to rest up for the next day. Though she knew her friends didn’t want to see Azula as anything more than an enemy, like she said, it was still important to understand her. Writing Azula off as a ‘psycho bitch,’ in Toph’s kind words, was nothing more than a mean to make defeating her a little easier on the conscience. If they didn’t choose to acknowledge Azula’s human side, defeating her would feel more like an accomplishment and less like a tragedy; and if you asked Y/N, it was a coward’s coping mechanism. 

She undressed in her tent with those thoughts in mind, a heavy sigh leaving her lips as her mind drifted to Zuko. She fully understood how much his relationship with his sister had been traumatizing, and the smallest part of her felt guilty for defending her so vehemently. Scratch that, a huge part of her did. Y/N didn’t want Zuko to think she was brushing off his experiences with his sister, and she bit at her thumb as her mind raced with all the thoughts that could possibly be going through her love’s mind right now. 

“You’re going to bite your thumb clean off one of these days, you know.”

Y/N turned to find Zuko entering the tent, a teasing smile on his lips. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, which were heavy with exhaustion, and Y/N turned to face him fully, hand outstretched for him to take. A sigh of relief left her when he accepted it and she was able to pull him to her, wrapping her arms around him tightly. 

“You only bite your thumb when you’re stressed,” he murmured into her hair, kissing her head softly, “Talk to me.”

“I’m sorry if I offended you earlier,” she whispered into his chest, burrowing her face in it as she refused to meet his eyes, “I didn’t mean to undermine your experiences.”

Zuko’s grip tightened around her and he let out a tired sigh, “You don’t need to apologize. I understand your whole ‘no prejudice’ policy, even if it does mean I need to face the reality of what my sister’s been through.”

“It’s not just about sticking to the coven’s values, Zuko,” Y/N corrected, pulling away to cup his face in her hands, “I’ve already strayed from that, as much as it pains me to admit it, by teaching Aang my people’s ways. But this whole thing with Azula? I’m keeping an open-mind because I know that that could have been you, if Iroh hadn’t been there for you.”

“But Iroh was there for me. There’s no point in beating ourselves up over for something that’s already done, much less something that isn’t exactly our fault,” Zuko tried to soothe, bringing his hands up to hold her wrists gently, “And, at this point, I don’t know if we _can_ save my sister.”

“I know that too, I do,” Y/N groaned, frustrated, “I just wish there was something we could do.”

Releasing her wrists, Zuko brought Y/N back into his chest and held her even tighter, “I wish I could ease your mind.”

Y/N snorted, sighing happily into his chest, “Well, you could kiss me…”

And he did, smiling through the kiss as they both all but melted against one another. Zuko was the first to pull away, and Y/N wondered if the frustration she currently felt was the same he did whenever she pulled away prematurely. He reached up to pat her head lightly, his hands drifting down to her nape and massaging it. A small sigh left Y/N as she leaned into the touch, eyes falling shut as she moved to rest her head against his shoulder.

“What are you plans, once all this is over?”

A small hum left Y/N, and she shrugged, “As much as it pains me to say it, dancing might have to take a backseat for a few years. If not for the rest of my life. Spreading the Coven’s values isn’t exactly going to be easy, and I doubt there are many spirit benders already out there.”

“Don’t you have a plan?” he asked, and Y/N lifted her head to watch his expression.

“I was thinking of asking Aang for help. But no, I don’t really have a plan,” Y/N admitted through tight lips, shrugging, “Why?”

There was hesitance as Zuko bit his lip, seemingly trying to figure out how to word what he was planning on saying, and Y/N felt her anxiety spike. She swears, if this is how this boy plans on breaking up with her, she was going to scream.

“Well, being Fire Lord isn’t going to be easy. No one really knows what’s going to happen to the Fire Nation after the war, and I have no idea where I’d even start to fix all this _shit_ my forefathers have ruined in this world,” he started, and Y/N found that she did not like the direction this conversation was headed in, “There’s going to be a lot of change, and I’ll probably have a hard time gaining the public’s trust and influence in the capital, and-”

“Zuko,” Y/N interrupted, voice shaky as her nerves continued to rise, “Spit it out.”

“Let me stay by your side,” he blurted out, and Y/N gaped at him. Definitely not where she expected this conversation to go, “Stay with me. In the capital. I’ll help you with your mission as best as I can, but please don’t leave me behind. _Please_.”

“Zuko,” Y/N whispered, voice softer now but no less shaky, “If this has something to do with the whole ‘being in love in a past life’ thing…”

“No, this has nothing to do with our past lives,” Zuko frowned, his lips curling at the accusation, “I don’t give rat’s ass about destiny and fate and all that bullshit. Not- not when it comes to you. Whatever happened all those centuries has nothing to do with you and me, _nothing_. We exist as we are now, and I would pull the heavens out of the sky if you asked me to. Not Amirah. You.”

“Zuko,” Y/N murmured tenderly, her hands moving to gently cup his face.

He looked so beautiful, yet so vulnerable, with nothing but the dimming flames of the candles in their tent to light his face up. And the longer Y/N stared at him, the more she marveled at how someone like her could catch the attention of someone as captivating as him.

“Y/N, please don’t leave me,” he begged, his voice barely above a whisper and so shaky it broke as he uttered her name, “I don’t know if I can do this without you.”

Y/N continued gaping at him, her brain unable to function, unable to grasp the reality of the situation at hand. Her name had fallen so prettily out of his lips as he pleaded her, and Y/N found that she had never loved the sound of her name so much before. She wanted to him to say it again, wanted to hear Zuko’s pleas for her for the rest of her life, wanted to see him on his knees and praying to her like she was his salvation. Every part of her craved to feel his lips against her skin as he uttered her name over and over again like a mantra, craved to shiver at his breath on her neck.

And yet all she could do was stare at him and swallow thickly, a devotion in her eyes that had never been there before as she memorized the lines of his face.

Her silence dragged on for too long and she felt his aura dampen and turn forlorn, his hands slipping from her neck as he prepared himself to be turned down. But Y/N, coming to herself, brought his overthinking to an abrupt halt as she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down to her, her teeth clacking against his lips as she found herself unable to contain her smile. He was quick to kiss her back, relief flooding him from the passion she was trying so hard to spill into his mouth. No part of Y/N wanted to pull away in that moment, wishing they could stay like this until the war was over, wishing she could always be this close to him and always feel his body against hers. It was with reluctance that she pulled away, though she stayed close nonetheless, lips brushing against his as she gave him her answer.

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Yes,” Y/N repeated with a laugh, throwing her arms around his neck and placing another peck on his lips for good measure, “I’ll stay by your side for as long as you’ll have me. I’d go with you to the edge of the earth and I’ll follow you if you jump off. I’ll never leave you behind, so long as you’ll still need me. ”

The glee on Zuko’s face was nothing short of heartwarming and endearing, and he wrapped his own arms around Y/N’s waist to pull her in for a crushing hug. And just as she was getting ready to fall limp in his arms, to allow herself to melt into him completely, he lifted her off her feet and spun them around, barely able to contain his delight. Y/N was sure that her surprised squeals had echoed throughout the otherwise despondent camp, but, too caught up in this euphoria, she couldn’t bring herself to care. Let them know of her elation. Let them know that the war could do nothing to dim the fire that Zuko had lit in her. He set her down when dizziness started to overcome them both, his grin so wide it split his face and Y/N felt her heart stutter at the sheer happiness glossing over his eyes.

If he died tomorrow, she was going to find a way to bring him back to her, rip him a new one, and send him right back to the spirit world. But she’ll be damned if she let him come even _close_ to crossing over; she’ll be damned if she lets anyone get ripped from her ever again.


	26. neutrality III

### xxv - neutrality (pt.3)

The day of Sozin’s Comet, Y/N’s entire mouth tasted like vomit. It stuck to her tongue as she ate her breakfast in an unsettling silence, the comrades sat around her just as out of it, and Y/N wondered if she should start memorizing their features, their voices, their _everything_ before it was too late. It hung heavy in her mouth as she went through the motions of preparing for what would be their final battle in this war, whether that be for better or for worse. The putrid flavor didn’t leave the back of her throat as they gathered to discuss their plans one last time, and her chest heaved as she had to fight the urge to spill her breakfast out at her feet.

Her hands shook at her side as she listened to her orders, fighting back the urge to argue when Sokka told her she’d be with him, Toph, and Suki. On their own accord, her eyes found Zuko’s and he nodded to her with a smile, a small reassurance that did nothing to quell how sick she felt. It took all the strength in her legs to keep her knees from buckling, and she took a deep breath in a futile attempt to reign her fear in, Maurice’s weight on her shoulder the only thing keeping her from begging the ground to swallow her now.

How different her feelings were to the unbridled happiness she had felt last night. She wanted to scoff at the cruelty of blessing her with such a joyous moment in the wake of what could be her last. But she’d learned long ago that fate was a cruel mistress, and Y/N was her favorite to mess with more often than not.

“Hey, you alright?” Maurice murmured into her ear, acutely aware of how she trembled.

Shooting a tight smile his way, Y/N took a moment to reply, bringing a hand up to scratch him under his chin, “I will be.”

The words did little to soothe the chimp’s worry, and he fiddled with his tail as Y/N told him quietly that he’d have to stay at the campsite until the battle was over. And while he understood where she was coming from, her need to minimize the number of people she could lose today, the idea of standing by, useless, made Maurice want to argue with her. And he would have too, had she been in any other state, had she had more control over her emotions.

Morning had passed before Y/N realized the anxiety she felt was not only her own, but a result of that of everyone around her. Not for the first time, she cursed the gift that was her spirit bending, wishing she could switch it and her emotions off for the time being, if only to keep a level head and clear mind. She was blinded by her emotions and those of others, and it would do nothing but hinder her today. It would be a nuisance more than anything, and the thought had her scowling as she tapper her head, like she could physically force the worries away.

It was with those doubts chained to her that she approached Katara with slow steps, feet dragging as she smiled tightly at the water bender for what might be the last time. The girl apparently had similar thoughts as she opened her arms for Y/N to fall into, which she did so readily, hugging the younger tightly, reveling in how cool her aura felt and how easy going it made her feel. It was a short solace, and it was one Y/N milked for as long as her friend would allow her to.

“Good luck out there,” Katara whispered into the hug, her arms tightening around Y/N as the girl breathed out heavily, “I’ll see you on the other side, alright?”

“You better,” Y/N growled playfully, hiding her worries behind empty threats, “I’ll kill you if you die out there, you hear me?”

Katara laughed despite herself, shaking her head fondly, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

The two of them stayed like that for a long moment, and Y/N spotted the rest of their friends watching them out of the corner of her eyes. Her worry for them, _all_ of them far surpassed her worry for herself, and it was with a heavy heart that she accepted the fact that she wouldn’t be able to protect everyone out there. She tightened the embrace she held Katara in, impossibly so, and she had to fight back tears at the fear she could feel traveling from her friend’s aura into her own. She’d carry all their worries and anxiety if she could, but, alas, her mental state and abilities would not allow that; Y/N had yet to decide if that was a good or bad thing.

“I’ll protect Zuko,” Katara said lowly, and Y/N’s body suddenly failed her as its entirety seized up, “I promise I’ll bring him back to you.”

And where Y/N was sure Katara’s words had meant to comfort her, they sent a burst of pain through her chest. And not the figurative kind. A very real, very prominent jolt ran through her chest and spread throughout her entire body, lighting every single one of her nerves on fire as it turned into red hot agony. Gasping for a breath that her lungs would not allow her, Y/N’s legs buckled under her and Katara could do nothing as she slipped out of her arms and collapsed onto her knees.

Her hands shook as she clutched her breast, still trying to get air into her body and failing miserably. The pain that had started in her chest only increased tenfold, and Y/N had to clamp a hand over her mouth to keep a scream from filling the air around her. Every part of her was shaking so violently, Y/N truly thought her body was finally giving up on her, and she closed her eyes as she willed the pain to just _go away_.

Behind her closed eyelids, images flashed by, too fast for her to make them out, before they suddenly came to a stop. And it was like watching a play unfold behind her eyes, except in slow motion and Y/N was helpless to do anything but watch strikes of blue and red clash, sizzling and singeing the air as they met in a terrifyingly beautiful dance. The fizzle of electricity had her hairs standing straight and only made the pain in her chest that much more excruciating, and she wondered if her hand had started bleeding yet with how hard she had started biting it.

And as fast as those flashes had appeared before her, they faded away, and Y/N found herself staring into the empty eyes of Zuko. They stared back at her, open yet unseeing, but unlike Toph’s who’s eyes were always alight with mischief, the amber hue had lost its glow and left behind a void so dull, Y/N felt it pierce her soul.

The scream that she’d been holding back was suddenly caught in her throat and the agony that had consumed her tripled, her hands shaking as she tried to reach out to him. A scar, fresher than the one on his face and still steaming scorched his chest, small crackles of lighting dancing around the tender skin. Just as suddenly as the pain in her chest had hit her, it disappeared, and she was left staring in horror at the mark that felt like it should have been left on _her_ , and at the sudden realization that she was too weak to protect him.

Her eyes snapped open and the tears she had tried to so hard to hold back when hugging Katara broke loose, streaming down her face faster than she could register. The younger girl had been calling her name, demanding she tell her what’s wrong, but Y/N’s mind was on one track as she shakily pushed herself to her feet, head snapping left and right as she searched for a familiar mop of dark hair.

She stumbled as she started running through the campsite, eyes wide and frenzied as they tried to pick Zuko out. Every second that went by and he wasn’t in her sight, she felt the panic that had started to fester grow and spread uncontrollably, like a virus. And even when she caught him in her sight, that fear did not cease, and it was with wobbly legs that she made her way towards him, hands outstretched towards him as she prayed he wouldn’t slip away.

“Zuko,” Y/N called out quietly, her barely masked despair startling the fire bender who was quick to turn with wide eyes, having heard the pained whisper despite the distance between them. He had felt it throughout his body, and the agony in it was enough to have him shiver.

Those eyes, which were so bright now and full of life, made her chest seize, and all she could see was how _lifeless_ they had been in her mind mere moments ago. Y/N felt her stomach lurch as blue flashed across her eyes, and it took a great deal of self-control to stop the sob that threatened to wrack her body.

Y/N practically flew towards him, crashing into him as she failed to keep her legs from slowing down, breath heavy and sweat pooling at her neck. Before he could process the fear that overcome Y/N, her arms were around his neck and he was being yanked down, acutely aware of the way her shoulders shook as she held on to him like he was the only thing keeping her from falling apart. Immediately, he returned the tight embrace, one hand coming up to pet the back of her head soothingly as he tried his best to calm her down. The gesture only made her shaking intensify, and Zuko elected to not point out how wet his shoulder had gotten.

“Take me with you,” she whimpered despite herself, and a small part of Zuko’s heart shattered at how frail she sounded, “ _Please._ ”

“But Y/N, Aang-“

“I don’t care about that right now,” she shook her head, pulling away to grasp his face in her hands, tears streaming down her face and her lower lip trembling, “Aang knows enough about spirit bending, he’ll be fine, he doesn’t _need_ me there with him. I- I can’t- I need… Just, let me go with you. I can’t afford to lose you.”

“Y/N,” Zuko sighed, grabbing the back of her neck and pulling her back into his chest. He placed a small kiss on the top of her head, whispering into her hair with a fond smile on his lips, “You’re not going to lose me. I promise you, I’ll come back to you. Al-”

“No!” Y/N cut off, wrenching herself away from him to stare at him, her eyes turning hard despite the pain masked behind her expression, “Do _not_ make a promise you can’t keep. This is a _war_ , Zuko, and Avatar on our side or not, you cannot promise that you will survive. You cannot promise me that you will comeback to me because I don’t know if you can keep it.”

Her voice was cold, almost cruel as she spoke, and a hiccup slipped past her lips despite herself, hands shaking as she pulled them away from Zuko to hold them close to her chest, a futile attempt at hiding the fear they spoke of, “And it’ll kill me if you don’t.“

“Hey,” he placated, rushing to pull her back to him, now his turn to cup her face, “Please don’t think like that. What is it you used to say? That you believe in me? Believe in me now.”

Y/N saw through his sad attempt to lighten the situation and get her to smile, but she couldn’t bring herself to smile, much less laugh, her lips lips pulled in a thin line and eyes void, “This has nothing to do with that, and you know it.”

“I know,” Zuko nodded, wiping at the tears that were finally starting to slow down, but wouldn’t cease, “I know. But I’m trying to make you feel better here.”

“I’ll feel better if I’m not on the other side of the war, waiting to find out whether you’re still alive or not,” Y/N replied through gritted teeth, holding onto his wrists and keeping his hands on her face. She needed to feel his touch, to be reminded that he was alive _right now_ and that those flashes of blue had only been in her head, “Let me go with you. If anything does happen, I want to be with you. I want to be there if-”

She was quick to cut herself off, and Zuko didn’t need to hear the rest of that sentence. Shooting a glance to Sokka, who was watching them with furrowed brows from afar, the other boy nodded his consent, and Zuko sent a grateful smile his way before returning his attention to Y/N, “Alright. But if you get anywhere _close_ to Azula-“

“I won’t,” Y/N swore, and finally, the breath returned to her lungs. She pressed her forehead against Zuko’s, exhaling shakily, “I probably sound like a psycho. Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Zuko shook his head, pressing a kiss to her nose as he met the haunted look in her eyes with concern, “Did you- did you see something?”

Wincing slightly, Y/N nodded after a moment’s hesitation, “I don’t know what it was, honestly. But one minute I was hugging Katara, and the next you were… Oh god, Zuko, you-“

He didn’t let her finish as his hands moved from her face to pull her back into his chest, cursing himself and shushing her as the shaking returned full force. While Zuko had no idea what she saw, it had been enough to shake her up to the point of hysteria. And in such a state, she would be close to powerless anywhere else. As much as he didn’t like the idea of Y/N being anywhere near Azula, he understood well enough the danger she’d be in if she tried to fight with that terror weighing her down. Not only that, but it would do nothing but put the others in danger too; Y/N recognized that fact well enough, and she’d rather they think she was loosing it than put them in a situation where her mind would do nothing but hinder them.

The steady beat of Zuko’s heart against hers worked wonders in lessening some of that fear, but it was still potent when she pulled away, her eyes finally drying and the tremors that had wracked her body ceasing. With one more smile, Zuko kissed her gently, and Y/N all but let him consume her.

“Alright love birds, I love a sweet moment as much as the next person, but time’s ticking,” Sokka called, his teasing tone masking how his eyes had started glistening at the interaction, “Up and at ‘em, people!”

* * *

Despite having never been to the palace before, Y/N knew something was _very_ off the minute they flew into the capital. There was a solemn silence that seemed to have draped over the city, and it had a shiver running down her spine as she got her first glimpse of Azula.

The sight was nothing short of bone-chilling. Though she may not have seen much of Azula in the past, the few encounters they had had were enough to tell Y/N that her current disheveled state was nothing short of out of the norm. The mania in her crooked grin, her hair, her stance… they were all telling of her current mental state, and Y/N felt herself swallow as she turned to cast a worried glance at Zuko. Crazy or not, she was still his sister. Y/N didn’t want to think about the effects seeing his sister so would have on him.

“Let’s settle this, just you and me, _brother_ ,” Azula spat out the term, and Y/N flinched as Katara cast Zuko a wary glance, fully aware of how big his pride could get, “The showdown that was always meant to be: Agni Kai.”

Zuko’s eyes hardened at the challenge, and Y/N didn’t need to hear his answer to know he would accept. She held her arm out as Katara tried to stop him, a silent warning of how futile it would be.

“She’s trying to separate us from him,” Katara hissed, and Y/N nodded, “She knows she can’t take all of us on.”

“Look at her Katara and tell me something isn’t wrong,” Y/N murmured, and she watched as Katara’s eyes filled with a sudden realization, “She’s having a mental break. I doubt she’s thinking clearly, and Zuko knows he can use that to his advantage.”

Katara scowled knowing she couldn’t do anything, but nodded reluctantly, watching Y/N, who’d been so concerned for Zuko’s well being not even two hours ago, warily. Perceptive as she may have been, Katara had no doubt that Y/N was just as worried and doubtful of how this duel would turn out, if not more so. But Y/N didn’t look at her, her eyes fixated on Azula.

She didn’t miss the way Azula’s eyes stayed glued to her since they’d hopped off Appa’s saddle, nor did she miss the knowing and wicked glint in them. It had Y/N’s heart shaking, and she reluctantly allowed Katara pull her away to give the two siblings room to fight. She could feel the water bender’s nerves, and though it wasn’t the best time, she couldn’t help but feel proud of how far the two’s relationship had progressed.

But then the blue flames came, and any pride Y/N started feeling was extinguished.

“Y/N?” Katara called as she stared at Azula with wide eyes, hands clutched together and pressed to her chest, “Are you okay?”

“Have her flames always been blue?” Y/N whispered back, unable to tear her eyes away.

Katara frowned, looking to Azula with a thoughtful frown on her face, “Yeah, I think so… She can bend lightning, it’s probably got something to do with that. Why? Why are you looking at her like that?”

“Lightning,” Y/N echoed, chuckling softly, “Fuck.”

Everything suddenly clicked, and any questions she may have had about her earlier vision were answered. Dread filled her at the realization, and she found herself helpless to do anything but watch the raging battle, heart clenching as her eyes stayed trained on Zuko. His face was pulled taught in concentration, eyes hard as he kept his focus on his opponent and his opponent only. She stared intently at his expression, wondering if it would be the last time she ever got to see his face again, searching for any signs of that concentration breaking. The idea of her last memory of his face being this one sent her into a whirl of panic, but even that wasn’t enough to make her step in; she was familiar enough with the Fire Nation’s customs to know interrupting would be a dishonor to Zuko.

For now, she’d just need to hold on to the smallest flicker of hope that stayed alight within her.

Beside her, Katara was silently cheering their friend on, her aura bright with hope and the faith she had in his success. Y/N wasn’t going to be the one to squish that out, but she had to ignore the part of her that wanted to reach out and seek out comfort from the girl. But she had to stay strong and have that same faith in Zuko, if not for herself, then for the rest of the group. Their movement and goals relied on _all_ of them staying strong, and Y/N didn’t want to be any more of a weak link than she already felt like.

Azula stumbled and fell, and that hope in Y/N flared brighter. She looked to Zuko with expectant eyes, who stood his ground as he spoke, “No lightning today? What’s the matter? Afraid I’ll redirect it?”

_Idiot_ , Y/N thought with a hiss, her hopeful gaze turning to a glare directed at Zuko. She was down, why was he goading her? Did he _want_ to end up dead?

The manic tune in Azula’s voice and her almost animalistic, yet controlled, movements did not bode well for the situation, and Y/N felt time still as she watched her gather up the energy around them, harnessing it into lightning. Her feet stayed planted where she stood despite her need to run and help Zuko, her entire body freezing up as Azula’s gaze flitted between her and Katara as a grin curled onto her lips. Y/N was too slow to realize what was happening, and her eyes widened as suddenly a flare of lightning was headed right towards her.

Her eyes hardened and she made to jump out of the way, but Zuko was faster. The view she’d had of what could have been her death was blocked as his body protected her, and Y/N could do nothing but scream out his name as his body convulsed before dropping to the ground. 

Before she could stop them, her legs were pushing her forward, and Y/N only narrowly managed to dodge an attack Azula sent her way. Snapping her eyes up to the girl, they hardened and a snarl left her lips. What she could do to fight against a fire bender who’s mind had gone off the rails, Y/N didn’t know. She barely knew Azula, had no connection with her, thus her spirit bending would only be so effective. But she wouldn’t let those uncertainties deter her.

Focusing on Azula’s aura as well as her own, Y/N slapped at the the image in her mind and watched with satisfaction as the girl went flying to the side. Though she didn’t go as far as Y/N had hoped, she was momentarily distracted enough to allow her to reach Zuko, collapsing beside Katara who had already started working on healing him.

“Katara, what-“

She was cut off as Katara pushed her out of the way, only barely dodging the lightning that had been aimed at her head. Once more, she glared at Azula who’s cackles seemed to encompass them, Katara’s hand on her arm the only thing keeping Y/N from charging at the girl.

“Stay with him,” Katara murmured, standing up to face Azula with hard eyes, “I’ll deal with her.”

“There’s no water around us, Katara,” Y/N hissed, worry seeping into her tone, “Focus on healing him. I can deal with her.”

“Y/N, don’t-“

But Y/N didn’t listen, hands outstretched as she reached to the girl’s aura, faint as it was, working on moving Azula’s body to her will. A grin stretched across her face as she flung her across the courtyard, her body slamming into one of the pillars with a groan. Sickening as the sound was, it please Y/N, and she made to walk closer to her, to place her hands on her forehead and chest and stop her from hurting more people than she already had. 

A hand gripping her ankles stopped her, however, and she looked down to see Zuko staring up at her with pleading eyes.

“Don’t,” was all he said, all he could muster through his pain, and Y/N’s grin melted away.

“Why?” she asked him, genuine confusion in her tone, “Someone has to stop her…”

“I told you, I can deal with her,” Katara piped in, standing to meet Y/N’s eyes, “You should stay with him. You said it yourself, last night: don’t be a hypocrite.”

“How are you going to beat her without your bending?” Y/N demanded, barely hiding how peeved she was at Katara and Zuko for stopping her.

“I’ll figure something out.”

The assurance had no real effect, but Y/N couldn’t stop Katara as she ran off, keeping Azula’s attention on her and allowing Y/N to turn back to Zuko. His face was tight with pain, eyes clenched shut, she felt her breath hitch as her vision from earlier forced its way to the forefront of her mind.

“Hey,” she called softly, prompting Zuko to open his eyes as her hand cupped his cheek, “Stay awake, yeah? Don’t close your eyes.”

He nodded with a wince and kept his eyes on Y/N’s, breathing heavily as he worked through the pain. Y/N just needed his eyes to stay open. All she needed to see was the light there, and she’d be fine knowing _he_ was fine. Keeping him conscious and making sure he didn’t die was the best she could do until Katara finished up with Azula and made herself available to heal him.

_We could take life and give small amounts of it back._

Amirah’s words rang clearly in her head, and Y/N swallowed. Worse came to worse, she’d give him her own life force. The world needed a new Fire Lord more than it needed her, and she’d be damned if she let anything happen to him now. But for now, she’d have to put her trust in Katara and her abilities. Giving her own life was a last resort, but she wouldn’t hesitate if it came down to that: she couldn’t, even if the logical side of her brain screamed at her and urged her to put herself first.

“Don’t look so worried,” Zuko wheezed out, his breath ragged as he spoke, “You’re not going to get ride of me this easily, you know.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt you’ll continue to bother me for the rest of my life,” Y/N chuckled despite the fear gripping her, her voice shaky as she forced a reassuring smile onto her face, “Just make sure you live long enough to do that, yeah?”

The battle continued raging on as Y/N continued talking to Zuko, keeping his attention and his eyes on her, even when they started drooping slightly. Azula’s cackles and the roaring of her bending were nothing but background noise as Y/N kept her palms on Zuko’s face, thumb tracing circles and smacking him every time his eyes started slipping closed. Was it the most ethical thing to hit someone already injured? Perhaps not. But Y/N refused to take any risks, especially not now. His gaze was unfocused as he stared at her and listened attentively to her mindless rambling, but they weren’t empty. And that was more than Y/N could ask for.

And just like that, silence. Startled, Y/N turned around and stared, flabbergasted, as Katara maneuvered in ice of her own creation, restraining Azula before allowing the ice to melt completely. Y/N watched her with amazement shining in her features as the girl ran from Azula and kept her eyes on Zuko, evidently eager to heal him before any of the damage got worse.

“You amaze me every time,” Y/N muttered as Katara worked on Zuko’s wound.

The blush on Katara’s face had a small smile forming on Y/N’s face, and she shook her head, “I only worked with what I had. Anyone would have been able to figure it out.”

“It might have taken me a minute,” Y/N admitted with a grin, patting Katara’s shoulder, “You did good kid.”

They fell back into silence as Katara worked Zuko’s wounds, Y/N hands having moved from his face to his hands. She squeezed back every time his grip tightened in pain, a silent reassurance that she was still there and that he was still breathing.

The lines of pain on his face finally eased and Katara brought her healing to a stop, and Y/N felt a breath leave her when Zuko’s eyes softened and he managed a small smile in her direction. A hiccup left Y/N as she all but threw her arms around him, forcing him to sit up as she held him tightly to her chest. Despite the urge to pull away from the lingering pain of being struck by lightning, Zuko returned the hug with gusto, holding Y/N just as tightly.

“I told you so.”

“Shut up, idiot,” Y/N grumbled into his shoulder, relief flooding her. The battle was over. She didn’t need to worry about him dying on her anymore, “You have a lot to make up for, going out and almost getting yourself killed.”

The laugh that left him was refreshing, and Y/N pulled away to punch his arm gently, scowling at him for being so reckless. It was nothing he couldn’t handle, despite having just been injured, and Zuko met her scowl with soft eyes and a happy grin.

“I did the best I could, but it’s going to leave a scar,” Katara said softly, reluctant to interrupt the moment between the two of them, “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Zuko assured, tearing his eyes from Y/N to smile at Katara, “Thank you.”

“I should be thanking you,” Katara countered, smiling just as widely at him, “Who knows what would have happened if you hadn’t jumped in front of us.”

The small moment of peace they had been reveling in was soon interrupted by heart wrenching wails, and Y/N felt her shoulders droop and her brows furrow as she turned around to watch Azula. In her current state, she was nothing short of a pitiful sight, and Y/N’s chest clenched at her display of insanity. It couldn’t have been helped, Y/N knew enough of hers and Zuko’s childhood to figure as much, but that didn’t dampen her need to take care of and comfort the girl. Watching her now, crying and breathing out blinding blue flames, Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to see Zuko in such a state. The mere notion sent a knife running through her chest, and she frowned at the girl.

Legs still shaky from her earlier fear and from the adrenaline that had left her body as the battle came to a close, Y/N slowly started walking towards Azula. She raised a hand in silence when Katara and Zuko tried to call her back and keep her from getting too close, taking the long way around to stay out of range of the fire. As she made her way closer, she focused her aura into her hands, picturing Azula with a peaceful smile on her lips and kindness in her eyes.

Coming up behind the girl, she placed her hands on her temples before Azula could lash out and attack her, holding her head still as her eyes fell shut. Up close, her cries were even more terrifying, and Y/N’s eyes squeezed shut tighter as though that would block the sounds out.

Focusing on calming the girl down, she took deep inhales and exhaled out all the negativity Azula was emitting. Her hands glowed brightly as she worked, Azula’s memories and emotions rushing through her. With every picture that flashed behind her closed eyelids, Y/N felt her pity for the girl grow, slowly turning to anger towards her upbringing. Wherever Aang was, she hoped he was pummeling Ozai. Fucker deserved that much, and so much more, if the memories Y/N was witnessing were anything to go by.

Only when Azula relaxed between her hands did Y/N open her eyes, staring down sadly at her now slumped form. The amount of comfort and tranquility Y/N had sent to her was enough to knock an elephant out, but it had been the amount Azula needed. The fact that nothing else would have calmed her down made Y/N frown, and she fought the urge to stroke her fingers soothingly through the younger girl’s hair.

“Thank you for that,” Zuko said gently as he crouched down beside Y/N, placing a hand on her shoulder as he stared down at his sister.

“She deserves better than this,” Y/N murmured, bringing her hand up to rest it on his.

With a sad smile, Zuko nodded, “She does. But all we can do is try to help her now.”

“The war is over,” Katara breathed, an elated smile on her lips, “Things will be better now.”

“War’s not over until Aang beats my father,” Zuko pointed out, and Katara’s smile quickly fell at the reminder, “For now, all we know is that I can take over as Fire Lord. We just have to wait now for them to return, and hopefully with good news.”

“The comet’s passed,” Katara pointed out, and Y/N looked up to confirm her statement, “If Aang didn’t beat him…”

“He’s alright,” Y/N promised, a confident smile on her face as she focused on her memories with Aang, elated when the trail that could lead them to him manifested itself. At the very least, he was alive, “I can feel him. Everything’s going to end up okay.”


	27. epilogue - she chose well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaah, can't believe i'm already posting the epilogue! writing this fic has been a roller coaster and a half, and finally posting the last part feels kind of bittersweet. i've worked on this since the start of quarantine, and seeing it come to an end makes my heart warm. thank you so much to everyone who supported this story and who continues to read it! i'm working on more material already, and i hope you can love it just as much as you've loved this story <3
> 
> ps: the poem at the end is the poem that inspired the title! hope you all enjoy it as much as i do :3

### epilogue - she chose well

The Fire Nation palace was far more grand than Y/N had ever expected, and the wealth and elegance it spoke of was nothing short of daunting. Even in the gown that had been provided for her, she felt out of place, her steps unsure as she roamed the halls, wracking her brain to remember the quickest route to Zuko’s chambers.

The doors were heavy as she swung them open, letting out a heavy breath as she peaked her head through, eyes searching the obnoxiously large room for the newly coronated Fire Lord. Her gaze landed on him soon enough, staring out at the Capital and facing away from her, and a grin broke out on her face at the opportunity that had been presented to her. Light on her feet, she snuck up behind him and pinched his sides, laughing gleefully at the yelp that left him and the playful scowl that had found its way on his face when he turned around.

“You startled me,” he said, like Y/N hadn’t figured as much.

“Sorry, should I bow next time?” she hummed, bringing her hands up to pinch his cheeks, cooing at the furrow of his brow and how pouty his lips turned, “Royalty suits you.”

“I’ve always been a prince, you brat.”

“Yeah, except now you _look_ like one instead of a ragtag delinquent,” Y/N teased, giggling as his scowl deepened and he squeezed her sides gently.

With a soft smile, she leaned up to peck his lips, smile widening when he chased after her touch as she pulled away. 

“You really do look good.”

And he did. He looked nothing short of ethereal, despite how nervous he was. Y/N couldn’t relate, her own aura reaching out to soothe his as the hour of his coronation drew closer. Excitement was too simple of a word to describe how she felt, her whole body vibrating in anticipation for the ceremony.

“You’re going to be an amazing Fire Lord, I know it,” she said, relenting her pinch on his cheeks to push some stray strands out of Zuko’s face, “You’re going to make all of us so proud.”

“Thank you,” he murmured, a slow smile forming on his lips as he leaned into her touch, “I still can’t believe we won.”

“I still can’t believe that brat managed to use my techniques to take away Ozai’s fire bending,” Y/N huffed, a proud smile on her face despite how she rolled her eyes, “I never even thought of something like that.”

“He’s a smart kid,” Zuko shrugged, and Y/N nodded in agreement.

“I know. I knew he’d surpass me, I just didn’t think it’d be so soon.”

Zuko rose an eyebrow at that, his smile turning teasing as he held her sides a little tighter, “Is that jealousy I’m hearing?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Y/N huffed, pulling away to slap at his chest lightly, “I’m proud, idiot.”

She paused, smiling dopily as her thoughts drifted to the rest of the group. It wasn’t just Aang she was proud of, but all of them. They’d all done so well in that final battle, had pulled through and played their part beautifully. She only wished she could have been in multiple places at once, if only to witness their grand moments with her own eyes. She had no doubt in her mind that it had been a glorious moment for everyone.

“Come on, can’t be late for your own coronation,” she sighed, patting his face gently and nodding towards the door.

But Zuko only gripped her wrist, pulling her back to him and placing a fleeting kiss on her lips. It did nothing but startle her, and she humphed into the kiss, having no time to return it before Zuko was pulling away with a grin, “For good luck.”

She rolled her eyes, “You’re ridiculous.”

Leading Zuko down the hall, her hand in his, Y/N walked with a small skip to her step as her excitement refused to go down, despite how nervous Zuko was beside her. In a small attempt to soothe him, she tried to send him her own vibrations through their conjoined hands, rubbing her thumb against the back of his hand as it glowed quietly. He shot her a small smile, squeezing her hand and reveling in the warmth her touch emitted.

They caught sight of Aang at the end of the hall, and Y/N grinned, releasing Zuko’s hand to approach Aang and wrap him up in her arms. He returned to embrace without hesitance, and Y/N had to keep from cooing as she pat his head tenderly.

“How you feeling, kid?” she checked in, pulling away to smile down at him, “Nervous?”

“Never,” he smiled, shaking his head before turning to smile at Zuko.

Y/N followed, letting Aang go to skip over to Zuko and place a small peck on his cheek, “Don’t be nervous, idiot. You’re gonna do great. I’ll cheer you on from the crowd.”

And with that, she was leaving to two behind and finding her way through the labyrinth of the palace, eventually reaching the courtyard where the rest of her friends were already waiting for the ceremony to start with anticipation.

She was quick to find Toph and grinned at the girl, waving exuberantly at her as she approached her with quick steps. Maurice, who had been latched to the girl in Y/N’s absence, brightened up at the site of her and reached out to her once she was within range, wrapping his arms around her neck and nuzzling her cheek with coo. Smiling, Y/N brought a hand up to scratch behind his ear. With her free hand, she held onto Toph, her arm wrapping around her shoulder and pulling her close to her side.

“You ready to become the next Fire Lady?” Toph teased, and Y/N frowned despite how warm her cheeks were getting,  “Don’t be ridiculous,” she huffed, releasing the girl momentarily to smack her upside the head.

“You can’t deny it,” Toph sang, grabbing Y/N’s hand to bring it back around her shoulder. The gesture made Y/N smile, and she tightened her hold around the girl, “We all know Zuko basically proposed to you the day before the comet. Not that any of us are surprised.”

Y/N’s face only grew warmer at the teasing, and she scowled down at the younger girl, “Don’t make me take away your earth bending privileges.”

“That’s not something you can take away.”

“According to Aang, I can,” Y/N pointed out, grinning as Toph’s smug expression dropped almost instantaneously.

She huffed, crossing her arms and pouting as Y/N started laughing at her reaction. It was nothing short of wholesome to see, and Y/N felt her heart swell as the overwhelming urge to hug Toph overcame her. And she did so, holding her close despite how Toph tensed up before returning the embrace. She held Y/N just as tightly, and Y/N wondered if her heart could implode from sheer affection.

“You alright?” Y/N asked, feeling slightly concerned by Toph’s unwillingness to let her go.

Toph hummed in response, nodding her head against Y/N’s chest, “This feels nice though.”

The whispered compliment brought a smile to Y/N’s face, and she pat Toph’s head once before pulling away from her, “C’mon, you’re going to miss the ceremony.”

And boy would it have been a shame to do so.

It was a beautiful moment, watching Zuko be introduced and walk out, greeted by the cheers of the crowd. Y/N had wanted her own cheers for him to trump the others’, but everyone had been so enthusiastic that she couldn’t bring herself to care for not being the loudest one.

Pride bloomed within her as he spoke with an easy smile on his face, seeming so comfortable and _powerful_ standing above them all. It hit Y/N, suddenly, that this was where Zuko belonged, somewhere he could inspire and lead others, and she felt small tears prick her eyes as she marveled at how amazing of a ruler he would be. 

The tears that had gathered in her ducts left her eyes shiny, and Zuko didn’t fail to notice them when the ceremony ended and he walked down the stairs to join Y/N and their friends.

“What happened? Are you alright?” he immediately rushed out, brows furrowed as he held her shoulders and searched for any signs of injury.

Y/N shook her head, brushing his hands away to kiss his knuckles gently, “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just so proud of you.”

He smiled at that, face warm from the feeling of Y/N’s lips against his hands. He stared at her with such adoration she couldn’t help but smile, kissing his hands a few more times, just for good measure.

But the sweet moment was interrupted by their friends, to whom turned to, smile intact.

“Well aren’t you two just the cutest?” Sokka cooed, to which Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, eyes searching for the boy’s own better half.

“Where’s Suki?”

“Reuniting with the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors, now that they’re all out of prison,” Sokka told her, and almost as if on cue, the girl in question wrapped an arm around her with a grin on her face, her group of girls not far behind her.

Y/N turned to the newcomers, bowing respectfully as a familiar head of brown braids and pink aura caught her eyes. They instantly brightened up, and she broke out into a grin with a wave.

“You!” the girl called, rushing to her and wrapping her up in a hug, “I’m so happy I got to see you again!”

“It’s good to meet you again too,” Y/N said, trailing off as she waited to finally get her name.

“Ty Lee,” she introduced, and Y/N grinned and nodded, “And you’re Y/N, right? Suki mentioned you earlier. I see you were _more_ than successful in finding Zuko?”

“You could say that,” Y/N blushed, shaking her head slightly, “And what about things between you and Mai?”

“Mai?” Zuko repeated, confusion lacing his tone as Ty Lee looked askance.

“Well, we finally got to talk things out in prison,” a new girl suddenly piped in, and Y/N raised an eyebrow at the intrusion of _such_ a pretty person, “Let’s just say we got our shit figured out. Finally.”

The news forced a squeal of joy out of Y/N, and she clapped her hands happily, “That’s so exciting! I’m happy for you both.”

“Y/N?” Mai called, and Y/N found her attention wholly turned to the girl, “You’re the new girlfriend, aren’t you?”

“And you’re the ex, Mai,” Y/N replied, humming as she looked her up and down.

She was gorgeous, there was no denying it, and Y/N felt a roughness to her that was nothing short of alluring. Maurice was pulling on the hem of Y/N’s skirt as the two stared one another down, his nerves increasing the longer the silence dragged on and the longer neither showed any sort of reaction. And Maurice wasn’t the only one feeling apprehensive about this meeting. Beside her, she could feel Zuko tense as he watched the two of them, and Y/N giggled softly at how different she and Mai were at first glance.

Though, they did have one thing in common.

“We have terrible taste in men,” Y/N huffed, pulling a grin out of Mai as she nudged Zuko.

He didn’t even try to hide his offense with a scoff, Mai chuckling as she nodded her head in agreement, “Clearly.”

“Those two are going to be a menace together,” Ty Lee whispered to Zuko, the two of them watching Mai and Y/N talk with wary eyes, disturbed by how well the two were already getting on.

Zuko only nodded solemnly, sighing out quietly. He had no doubt they would make his life hell together. But as Y/N moved away from Mai to latch onto his arm, he found that perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad if he got to see her look up at him like that every day. Holding onto her hand, he pressed a small kiss to her forehead, which Y/N willingly leaned into with her eyes closed in contentment.

Yes, he could definitely deal with them together if it meant he got to keep Y/N by his side.

* * *

Ba Sing Se held such a different energy, now that the war was over. There was lightness to the air that told of the ease people lived with now, a vibrance to their auras as they went about their lives without worry. And Y/N found this change to be… refreshing.

Y/N walked the streets with happy steps, waving at people who’d just seen her perform and were staring at her with awed expressions. Maurice on her shoulder was nothing short of smug, saluting the adults and making faces at the kids, and Y/N found pleasure in watching the happiness in their faces and auras spike up from the small interactions. Seeing everyone so free was nothing but freeing, and she suddenly found herself beyond glad to have come with her friends on this short getaway.

Coin pouch dangling heavily at her side, she pat Appa’s fur as she stepped into the Jasmine Dragon, holding up the bag of goods she’d brought with a triumphant smile.

“I brought more tea leaves!” she informed, and Iroh was on her in a millisecond with questions pouring out of him a mile a minute, “I saw them on my way home, and they just smelled so good. I couldn’t ignore them, and I figured you might be able to do something magical with them.”

“Your consideration is much appreciated,” Iroh nodded, gingerly taking the leaves and smelling them for himself.

A fond smile came across her face as she took in his excitement, her eyes roaming over the tea shop to take in the rest of her friends and the comfort in which they found themselves perpetually living in now. It made her chest warm, to see everyone without the lines of stress that had marred their faces when they first met. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to see them without the war weighing them down…

The face she’d especially come to love without the stress came into view, a warm cup of tea in hand and a kind smile on his face. Y/N returned it, freeing his hands as she took the cup with a small nod of thanks and let the steam flow through her nose, breathing in the heavenly scent.

“It’s a new brew I came up with,” Zuko told her as she took a sip, her eyes widening as she stared down at the tea with shining eyes, “Do you like it?”

“Holy shit, this is amazing,” she whispered, looking up at him with sparkling eyes, “Since when do you know how to brew tea this good?”

“Hey! I’ve always been good!”

“Hmm, that’s not what Iroh’s told me,” Y/N frowned, turning to the older man who nodded his head in confirmation, “See?”

Rolling his eyes, Zuko flicked her forehead as she took another sip, eliciting a small whine, “Brat.”

Sticking her tongue out at him, Y/N moved away from him with her tea pressed tightly to her chest, sauntering over to Sokka and ruffling Toph’s hair as she walked by the girl. The boy barely gave her the time of day as she peered over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow at the caricatures he was drawing.

“Is that… us?”

Startled, Sokka turned to her before brandishing his piece with a grin, “Yep! I’m trying to capture the moment. What do you think?”

“I think it’s rather crappy,” Maurice frowned from her shoulder, and Y/N had to keep from tugging on his tail, “I look more like a cat than I do a monkey. Perhaps it’s a style choice?”

“Oh, hush."

“Why do I have Momo ears?” Katara piped in before Y/N could give Sokka her answer, staring at the picture in confusion.

“At least you don’t look like a porcupine,” Zuko added, coming beside Y/N to rest his chin on the shoulder not occupied by Maurice and get a good look at Sokka’s piece, “My hair isn’t _that_ spiky.”

“No, I think he was pretty spot on,” Y/N murmured, unable to tear her eyes away from the art as Maurice cackled out his amusement.

And as the others came and gave their two cents, much to Sokka’s dismay, Y/N still couldn’t look away, enraptured by the care Sokka had put into his drawing. She could see the love and affection he held for each of them in the strokes of the piece, their rather ghastly figures dancing on the page as her smile turned a little watery.

She grabbed the piece from Sokka’s hands, taking a closer look at it as the artist looked at her with furrowed brows, “Y/N? You okay?”

“Hmm?” she replied, snapped out of her daze with her small smile, “Yeah. I just really like it.”

Sokka stared at her for a short moment, taking in the tenderness she looked at the drawing with, a fond smile forming on his face, “If you like it that much, you can have it?”

“What?” Y/N snapped, surprise clear in her tone as she blinked quickly at him, “Really?”

“Yeah,” Sokka assured, smile turning to a scowl as he looked at the others, “You’re the only one who seems to really appreciate it.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, holding the drawing a little tighter now, but with care as to not crumple it, “No one’s ever given me anything before. Much less made me something.”

Maurice smiled, tugging at her ear affectionately while Zuko placed a small kiss behind her other ear. Sighing, Y/N leaned her head against Zuko’s, body warm as he wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed lightly. She put the drawing down to cradle Maurice in her arms, scratching the top of his head as she basked in Zuko’s touch.

“This is nice,” she hummed, her statement met with silence as Zuko waited for her to elaborate, “How mundane everything is. I feel so… normal.”

“And everyday can be like this from now on,” Zuko informed her, the mere notion making her giddy, “We can feel mundane and normal all the time, now that the war is over.”

Y/N let out another sigh, “Our lives are going to be so boring now.”

“Maybe. But I’m sure we’ll find ways to make it exciting,” Zuko smiled, turning her around to stare at her with a radiant gaze that didn’t fail to make her heart skip a beat, “And even if it is boring, we’ll be happy. Right?”

“Happy,” Y/N echoed, voice dazed as her smile turned dopey, “Yeah. That sounds nice. That sounds _really_ nice, actually.”

And as Zuko placed a gentle kiss on her lips, with Maurice squawking his discontent with being caught in the middle of their moment, Y/N couldn’t help but think that fate wasn’t as cruel as she once believed. Perhaps fate could be kind, could be smiling down on her as she finally gave Y/N the peace she had searched for for so long.

Because fate had let her chose to finally be happy.

* * *

_She Chose_

_She realized she had this one._

_This big, bold,_

_and beautiful life._

_And she realized she didn’t want to live it_

_chasing and crying and apologizing._

_Starving and fearing and regretting._

_She realized_

_She wanted to live it_

_Proudly and freely and creatively._

_Lovingly and fully and sweetly._

_She realized_

_She could choose._

_And so, she chose._

_\- Stripped by Cara Alwill Leyba_


End file.
